Category: Blog-Psychology

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Modeling without a Runway

I was at the hair salon (wearing my mask) and noticed the Victoria Secret fashion show playing on the flat screen.

I watched the show and looked at the salon crowd. Teens to seniors, mostly female, I couldn’t find anyone who looked like those models. Granted, it was not a fair comparison, as no one in the salon was in high heels and underwear.

Why were we watching this program?

I thought of my chats with hundreds of teenage girls, many of whom compared themselves to the models, youtubers, and performers they knew. Guess what? They couldn’t see the similarity either.

Here’s the problem: these wonderful young women all concluded the same thing. They were coming up short.

There was no consideration for a cultural norm of beauty that does not represent the population.Or that there are makeup artists, hair stylists, professional photographers, personal trainers, and air brushing involved.

The difficulty in our culture is that so many role models in the media are limited to their visual persona.

This just doesn’t translate to the lives of ordinary folks. The truth is, none of the ladies I’ve spoken with could have possibly come up short. They all broadcast beauty, kindness, intelligence, and talent. It often takes another person to see the loveliness of others. And humans are really good at dismissing another’s perspective – especially if it doesn’t match the cultural image of the time.

So, how do we create sturdy children who are able to own and celebrate their unique beauty, strengths, intelligence, and talents?

Especially with the influence of social media woven throughout every aspect of our culture? I think it is time for parents, grandparents, older siblings, teachers, coaches, and neighbors to hit the runway. Now before you get nervous about the idea of high heels, make up, and underwear, take a breath.

Ask yourself, “What am I modeling for young people?”

The author Robert Fulghum drops some wisdom with his famous statement: “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” What are you identifying as important and living as a “professional model?” Remember, children learn what they live.

Modeling without a runway certainly doesn’t include airbrushing. It’s real, raw, and imperfect.

Actions speak louder than words. This invites you to lay down the teaching and preaching, and get really clear about who you are and how you live in the world. What are you really “saying” about personal attributes, love and respect, environmental awareness, approach to education, social attitudes, physical health, or playtime?

Conscious modeling involves increasing awareness of Who you Are and How you Live in the world.

 

And it isn’t only the young ones who are watching you.

Everyone may adjust a view of self based on the models who show up. Of course, this goes beyond visual representation. You get inspired by demonstrations of brilliance, kindness, courage, and creativity. Growing older, you may become more conscious of who and what you are letting inform you. However, most learning continues to be influenced by early modeling and creation of ideas of how the world works and your place in it.

It takes work to notice yourself as both as an influential model and a consumer of what’s offered on the “runway.”

I’m a big fan of beautiful questions which may expand your awareness, if you let them. Seeking to yourself and move toward the higher ideal of how you ‘be’ in the world. If you are serious about your role as a model for the generations that come after you, ask yourself these questions.

Or create your own.

Write it down in a journal, on your calendar or screen saver, or post it on your bathroom mirror. Contemplate this question and see what gems of insight and opportunity arise.

Self-awareness is a beautiful art to cultivate.

How are you helping to cultivate a spirit of generosity, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in yourself? What are you doing to grow new neural pathways? Translation – how are you learning something new, encouraging your curiosity, and expressing your creativity?

What practical action are you taking to support the environment, help others move toward sustainable living, or beautify the life of another who is suffering? How are you demonstrating acceptance of your own fallibility and the making of mistakes with humility, humor, and the desire to make another go at it?
Where are you modeling respect for others whether they be similar or different, older or younger, pleasant or obnoxious? How are you demonstrating practical tools to manage the stress of daily living in good times and bad?

I did mention I’m a fan of Beautiful Questions as a path to greater self awareness. I’m on a roll.

How are you growing your connection to a Divine Source or the idea of something larger than yourself? What are you doing to enrich your enjoyment of your relationships with yourself and others? When are you trying on the perspective of another in order to deeply understand rather than judge, condemn, or dismiss?
How are you questioning authority, even your own, in order to adopt beliefs, values, and ideas that you choose as your guiding light?

How are questions of meaning, actions of purpose, and movement toward healing replacing addictive routines and habits that limit growth?

When are you holding honest conversations, even when they hurt, and seeking to live authentically, even in the privacy of your own mind and heart? When are you allowing yourself to rest or cry when you need to? How are you liking yourself and enjoying how you look and live?

Forget the runway, high heels, and underwear.

And remember that you are a model during your waking moments to the child within all of us. This may be the most important work you do on this planet. Get clear about who you choose to be. That will inform the kind of modeling you live.

Lights. Camera. Action. We’re all watching.

 

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

During COVID, remember this.  Research speaks of the importance of human  connection for health, well being, and longevity.  The most important indicators of longevity are a few close relationships and touching lots of people (eg, shopkeeper, neighbor, barista).  In these times, let’s expand how we “touch” another.  Reach out more than you’re used to – a letter, a phone call, a video call. Humans benefit from hearing voices and seeing faces.  Even if you are watching a recorded program or are a passive witness on a ZOOM class, it’s helpful.  Adapt this idea to your circumstances.  It’s worth reaching out, even past your comfort zone.

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Blunders and (future) Burdens


Yesterday taught me something valuable.

After an enjoyable and long day of working, I tuned into the highlights of the inaugural ceremonies and celebration. I’m aware of the potential of any significant change, such as a transfer of leadership, to raise or lower the human capacity to live well.

Curious about the prevailing message of the day, I surfed the highlights.

Grateful for freedom to choose what I watched on youtube, granting me the ability to avoid the “noise” of commentary. I saw evidence of a transfer of leadership – peaceful, solemn, joyous, determined. Historic for many reasons, including welcoming a woman of color as vice president. I watched the live evening events focused upon new opportunities, the need for repair, the goodness of people, and the benefit of serving one another.

Promoting the capacity to live and work well, together as a human family sharing a country.

To honor one another and those who have suffered. To reach for one another so that they may know to reach back. To commit to finding a way to tend, mend, and grow. To step up and sing together. To begin to continue to complex work of bridging instead of dividing people.

Words, actions, and songs reflecting the need for love, caring, and respect.

And sure, we need lots of intelligence, fortitude, courage, and faith in our capacity to rise to every challenge. All of this may be familiar as rhetoric so often heard in political speeches and well orchestrated programs designed to inspire unity within a county. And to call forth the agreement that some grit is required if true transformation is to occur.

I also wondered about those too angry or disheartened to tune in.

I thought of those I know who think very differently than me. About people who resist the new ideas, with these leaders’ underlying and far reaching ideals. Who feel threatened by what is to come and are disheartened by this new direction. I felt the potential for more division, more derision, and more misunderstanding.

And then a young woman poetically reminded us that our blunders are the next generations’ burdens.

Oh. A realization emerged. I speak of bridging while I remain divided. I’m okay with having a stance. I express my disagreement or condemnation of those ideas, ideals, actions, and rhetoric which I believe dehumanize people and divide us. With clarity, it leads me to action which aligns with my beliefs. And I’m okay with you having a stance.

I’m doing the same as everyone else here, regardless of “side.”

Today I was grateful to have some conversations with people on both sides. Some were happy. Some were wounded. Insulted. Disheartened. I sought to understand and learned that flames had been fanned by a deep insult. Grouping everyone together on one side and labeling them in a certain way. A group is not an individual. For her, it simply wasn’t true. 

“I want peace.” was the plaintive cry. I heard her pain.

My actions align with my beliefs. Or do they? If I speak with derision of someone’s lack of respect in how they conduct themselves, am I not disrespectful? If I make fun of another whom I disagree with, even on core fundamental beliefs, aren’t I diminishing their personhood? And on and on these questions arose.

Revealing my blunders. Contributing to the future ….. burdens that I scatter about mindlessly by my actions.

I’m mostly surrounded by people who think similarly to me. People interested in personal transformation. Spiritual seekers and yogis. Humanitarians. Those committed to bringing light, harmony, and improved conditions for humanity and the planet.

So, it’s easy to miss the obvious.

Disrespect is disrespect.


There is a way to express a difference of opinion or belief with consideration for the other.

To condone an action and take a different route in response without demonizing those you oppose. A 16 year old told me recently that she stopped going on Tik Tok so frequently. What used to be clever, entertaining, and funny had turned mean. She was so over the meanness of social media. That wasn’t fun nor funny.

Mean humor is deprecating.

Disparaging another human, even when their behavior is abhorrent to you, disparages all humans. You know this. So do I. I’m not trying to preach to the choir of good people wanting to be better people and improve the world. I want that. I know you do also. And I enjoy a good laugh at the expense of myself and my fellow, fallible humans like the rest of us.

But, a new dawn can’t bloom without me (and you).

I heard a call to action last night. To be a better human. To start in the mirror and within my deeply seeded conditioned beliefs. To notice how easy it is to disrespect another without consciously intending that result. And to see how it is okay to do so in those circles who think like me.

Hmmmmn. Maybe I’m not so different than those I judge.

And maybe my first bridge to be built is within.

(Blunders and burdens inspired by Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem. Let the young wisely lead us forward.)

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Good News, Wise Strategies, and Reasons to Be Cheerful. When you are in need of restoration, solutions, and a general pick me up, seek those sources which uplift. And point the way to inspired solutions. There is plenty of good in the world. Plenty of people using heart, innovation, and compassion to improve things. Here are two of my favorite places to be inspired, celebrate the good, and seek positive strategies. The Greater Good Science Center at Cal Berkley offers the Greater Good Magazine. David Byrne of Talking Heads fame sends out a Reasons to be Cheerful Blog. There’s just so much good in this amazing world. Seek it!

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Bridging the Divide: 3 Strategies

Outrage.

As I listened to people react to the Trump supporters storming the Capitol in Washington, I witnessed outrage. In their tone of voice, in their facial expressions, and in the question-statements they made. Can you believe this happened? Can you believe this president? Can you believe these people?

I can. I can believe it.

The invitation to revolt against the idea of a rigged election has been promoted across the internet, within the extremist groups, and by the president himself. It has been demonstrated in the great divide within our country for years now. Promoted by a sophisticated system of disseminating information that speaks to the insecurity, anger, and elitism of many groups.

Creating an enemy in plain sight.

It’s just that the enemy is a complex, shifting target. It may be the Democrats. Or people of color. Or immigrants. Or liberals. Or police. Or policies. Or Republicans. Or anyone who doesn’t agree with me. And on it goes. Outrage. Judgment. Seething anger. Violent action.

As I listened to people ardently against governmental control of freedoms, I heard the outrage.

About systems creating restrictions on their ability to keep a business open, to earn a living, and to make their own choice for health treatment. Can you believe these policies? These people? This manipulation? I can. I can believe it.

It’s not new.

This “us vs. them” divide has been impacting lives throughout human history. It’s complicated and built on systems of thought, social structure, racial inequity, economic policies, tribalism, and more. There’s so much more to it than the common person can understand. Yet, the common person already has a strong opinion and is easily placed within one side or another.

What side are you on?

That’s a serious question. And one that’s probably not to hard to answer. Take the insurrection at the Capitol for example. What side are you on? I’m sure you know. Looking at your reaction will let others know as well. When I looked at the images from the Capitol, I noticed something.

Outrage.

Within the crowd contagion effect, I witnessed righteous outrage. Splashed across the media, it was apparent in voices, on faces, and through body movement. Outrage fueled this disruption to the orderly democratic process. And alongside the outrage is fear which arose when witnessing chaos, violence, and the overwhelm of protective systems.

It is deeply disturbing.

I mean this at a very basic level. It is deeply disturbing to the human nervous system. As I listened to people express their outrage to me, I heard and felt an escalating disruption in their nervous systems. The heart beating fast as intense emotions were expressed. The breath shortening as the words tumbled out upon one another. Faster and more upset with every sentence. I witnessed (and felt) the same response when watching videos of the event.

I breathed deeply. Seeking my own regulation so that I might stay open.


Open to whomever was speaking. To the information that was flowing.

To a solution that was arising in the moment. I’m not at my best when I’m disturbed. If my physiology launches me into a fight or flight mode, then my survival function will guide my reactivity. I’ll launch into outrage or ostrich (a fear response of withdrawal or avoidance). I’ll express it or suppress it. Either way, I’m disturbed.

You can’t bridge the divide when you’re disturbed.

You won’t even consider this as an option. Yet, if you don’t go beyond outrage or ostrich, you’ll only polarize your position and prolong the war with the “enemy.” I don’t have any answers for the complicated mess we’re in as a country. I only ask what I may do in this moment to bridge the divide that is playing out in the world.

Here’s 3 things I’m doing to bridge the divide between “us and them.”

1. Soothe my system whenever I’m disturbed.

If my nervous system is dysregulated, I’ll react from my unconscious programming. I’ll fall into the divide rather than reach across the chasm. I’d rather respond with an open heart and let my higher wisdom guide my thoughts and actions. I believe that mastering self-soothing is an essential skill for living. My go to is the Self Soothe Strategy which is available on my home page. Download the booklet and guided practice (mp3) here.

2. Meet the “other” as an individual rather than a group or an idea. 


When you seek the commonalities with another, you’ll find them. Personalizing the other helps you see how you share so many aspects of living. The Greater Good Science Center offers the Shared Identity practice so you may find common ground rather than a battle ground. Access it here.

3. Soften my judgment.

I understand when I judge, I am feeling separate or threatened in the moment. I drop into connection with my own being, ground deeply within Pachamama (Earth), and open my heart to whomever or whatever I am judging. Then I seek the place in me that is threatened and I soothe that. This allows me to soften my judgement of another (or myself for being judgmental).

I’d rather be a lover than a judger.

I imagine that it will take a while to attain that position. I’m okay with that. I’m interested in shifting perspectives in order to discover that common ground between the humans who share this country.

How I choose to broadcast on social media (eg, this blog) seeks to enhance potential for perspective shifting rather than taking sides.

Read more about how important that can be in the Heartwarming News below.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Pinker, author of The Better Angels of Our Nature, argues that the printing press may have had an important role in increasing levels of empathy. Making it possible to read stories framed in the perspective of others. He even speculates that some literature written from the perspective of black slaves may have been instrumental to the abolition of slavery. In current time, the use of many social media platforms seem to encourage the taking of sides more than exploring the perspective of others. Learning more about the lives of those who think, act, and live differently from you increases the potential for understanding and a true desire to find common ground.

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Keep Going On

Today, I wanted to send you encouragement. And love.

I didn’t need to add more advice or opinion to your inbox. There is plenty of helpful guidance out there for managing election stress. And I believe you are wise at your core and know how to care for yourself.

Turn down the outer noise. Tune into your inner wisdom. Okay, that’s done.

I wanted to send you my prayer today. The prayer I sat within all day yesterday. I wondered how to turn that peace into words. How to hold the steady focus on the deepest love while acknowledging the confusion, anxiety, grief, anger, and loss.

I wanted to sing you a song of encouragement. And love.

 

To recognize the shit show we’re living in. And acknowledge how very hard it is. How very brave you are. And how creatively you are managing this time. And how I am with you in it. Deep within it all.

I couldn’t quite find the words. Strange, I know. But, it was so quiet within.

And then words came to me through a source so perfect, so beautiful, so creative, and so joyful, that I had to share this song with you.

It’s not my song. It’s the Bengsons that will guide you forward with their Keep Going Song.

How did they know my prayer for you? How did they sing the thoughts that had not yet surfaced to my lips? I am enamored with their talent. And their hearts.

I hope you listen and feel the encouragement.

And the love with a sprinkle of delight and wonder.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The power of a heartfelt visual message does wonders. Especially during isolation and the separation from the human need to gather with one another. Seeing a smiling face lights up the mirror neurons in your brain. Encouraging the feel good chemicals to jazz up your system. Hearing a friend’s voice or a family member’s concern warms your heart and brings you back into connection.  Human connection is essential for wellbeing. While hugging and hanging out in person isn’t viable, video is a great way to connect when you share your voice, smile, and expression of love.

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The Power of the Pause


Let’s tell the truth. Sometimes life gets you down.

As if the powers that be are conspiring against you. As if the power within you has gone on vacation. As if all your hard earned success at managing life seems out of reach. Those times may arrive with a shock or when the proverbial straw breaks the camel’s back.

Regardless of how the pressure came about, when it’s too much, it’s too much.

Many of you were raised with voices outside of you urging you to keep going. To keep your chin up, dry your tears, and keep trying. Now, that’s not necessarily bad advice, but there’s a time and place for that response.

Everything works better when there’s a rhythm that allows for intense focus and action interspersed with resting and day dreaming. Yet, that’s not the way of the adult world.

It’s the relentless messaging from family, school, work, and society to strive for success that gets internalized.

When you hear something enough, you begin to believe it. And adopt it as your own. Especially if you don’t know any better.

Kids know better.

When they’ve had enough, they cry out loud. They flop to the ground as if their bones are fluid. They let you know in no uncertain times that it’s time for a break. And they get one – a nap, a cuddle, a bath, or a snack.

Somewhere along the way, we adults forgot the benefit of that pause.

And when society forgets it, you’re invited to forge ahead. To work hard in order to prove your worth or earn your keep. Along the way, you get amnesia for the wisdom and pleasure of taking a pause.

The bigger picture has gotten so mixed up that a Time Out is considered a threat or a punishment by many parents (and children) rather than a wise intervention. Here’s the thing …

When it becomes the normative expectation to keep going, no matter what, you’re gonna run into yourself at some point.

That applies pretty much to everyone who has let go the Pause. Which means most of you. Especially you who are high achievers, working parents, nurturers, highly responsible workers, and creative entrepreneurs. Most of you might have a hard time taking a break when you need one.

That’s key: taking a break when you actually need a break.

Not when it’s your lunch hour, bedtime, or the weekend. Not when that project is finished, your boss is happy, or your kid has moved out. It’s best to take a pause and reorganize yourself as soon as you’re feeling the stress building up.

You can recognize the Power of the Pause to keep your breathing smooth, your brain sharp, and your heart open.

 

I hear a lot about stress every week. It’s inevitable since I talk to humans.

I hear less about pausing. When it is explored, I recognize that the adult version of a pause is pretty short lived. As if the bare minimum will be sufficient to lift every straw off your back.

A bath. A nap. A snack. A walk in the woods.

The truth is, if you’ve been raised in the world which tells you to keep going no matter what. And if your inner voice adds to the clamor by diminishing you if you want to take that break.

Well, you’re in a pickle. ‘Cause no little nap or afternoon on the couch will be sufficient to repair years and decades of striving to move forward.

It takes a concerted effort to reorganize a stress response system that has gone out of whack.

You were built to manage stress. To grow and thrive when faced with challenge. To flexibly navigate the steep inclines and curving paths of your day to day existence. When you’re clear headed and well rested, you’ve got options.

When you’re frequently feeling overwhelmed or moving through a particularly stressful time in your life, your potential to flexibly and intelligently respond to stress is limited. The more rigid your response to stress, the less capable you are to relate to life. And the more likely you are to be overwhelmed.

That’s why I created the Self Soothe Strategy PlayBook and guided meditation.

To remind you of something you may have forgotten. You have an intelligent stress response system which offers much more than a Fight or Flight response. When you balance movement with pausing and are aware of both the benefit and detriment of stress, you increase the tendency to utilize the appropriate response to each stressful situation.

You’re smarter when your stress response is free to guide you. Less ready to break and more ready to relate effectively.

Stress is a biological state designed to flexibly guide you into action and help you learn from experience. And you have choices in how to respond: the Challenge Response, the Tend and Befriend Response, or the Fight or Flight Response. You’ve got options. Overwhelm or a lack of understanding of how you work limits these options.

Understanding more about your Stress Habit, your Stress Response System, and your Stress Mindset opens the way to change.

Allowing you to integrate the benefit of Pausing throughout the day as a regular part of your routine. And as a response to a build up of tension. The Self Soothe Strategy offers a quick read so you get the basics needed to both understand how you’re primed to manage stress and how to consciously activate a more intelligent, beneficial response to the inevitable challenges of life.

I hope you take a moment to download this PlayBook. And pause to read it.

I hope you enjoy the guided meditation. and pause to listen. There’s some great practices in there. All designed to integrate the Pause. But, I’d recommend you take it further. Get serious about taking those breaks. Plan them as a regular part of your weekly routine and drop into the pause whenever you feel the tension rising.

When you need a break, take a break.

I’ll bet the sun still rises and the stars still shine. And you, too, will shine a little brighter without carrying the weight of the world.s

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Paying it forward. Tiny actions of kindness gather momentum. You may think of the benefit for the person receiving the kindness, but what about those who witness it? Research has found that witnessing kindness offers a feel good boost of chemicals. And makes it more likely you’ll pass it on. Subtle acts of kindness litter your day.  Watch for them. Create them without caring if anyone sees you. The result? Check out the Give a Little Love video on youtube by Noah and the Whale. Kindness paid forward. There’s no limit on that potential!

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Time Travel

I witnessed a big brown dog out for a stroll with a small boy on the end of his leash.

Laughing at the incongruity of the pair, I wondered who was walking whom.  I thought how easily it would be for this large dog to hijack this tiny boy to walk along the pet’s preferred path.  After a moment of chuckling, I returned to my previous worry about some future thingamajig.    As I reentered this worry pattern, the image of the big dog and the little boy popped into my mind. 

Who was walking whom?

My worry thoughts were like the big dog, pulling my attention away from the present moment.  Like a small child, my attention was yanked out of present time, dragged forward by this current of worry about a future that had not yet come. 

I realized I had been time traveling.

I snapped back to the present, breathed consciously, and noticed my surroundings.  “Be here now.” I checked in with my body and my emotions and found I was just fine. Everything in this moment was fine. 

I focused upon the beauty of the sky and the budding greenery of spring. 

I felt contentment, reflecting on my many blessings.  I was quickly back in the present moment – jerked back to real time by the simple appearance of a big brown dog and a small boy.  I had to smile as I imagined the young boy going home to announce to his parents that he had rescued a woman from the unnecessary throes of worry. 

My tiny hero and his furry sidekick. 

I reflected upon this epidemic of time travel.  How frequently your regret catapults you to past transgressions. This type of runaway time travel is distinctly different from a conscious review of past choices or making amends.  Practices of forgiveness, clarifying feelings, and righting wrongs are actions taken to achieve resolution, clear past bindings, and make peace with self and others. 

Allowing a return to the present moment rather than keeping you trapped in the past. 

Equally ineffective is a fearful leap forward, imagining future scenarios of how things could go very wrong.  While creative solution generation makes good sense, it’s different from fruitless worry or complaining. These are simply an inefficient use of energy, focus, and intelligence. 

Such fearful or critical thoughts pull your attention from what’s happening and placing it on what’s not.

Without the ability to notice and then sit with what is happening right now, you lose the option to consciously choose how to “be” and what “do.”  Calm contemplation, even in challenging times, helps you access greater wisdom so you may engage in inspired action. 

If you’re addicted to “time travel” (most of us are), you need to shift your mode of travel (worry thoughts) and destination (future problem).

 

Indigenous shamans, wise leaders, and conscious parents dream the future for themselves, their communities, and their great, great grandchildren.  They travel within their imagination, in partnership with their guidance, to witness a positive future.  But you’re no shaman, so how’re you going to dream the future?

Here’s the good news.  You’ve been in training for a lifetime.

All that time spent projecting your thoughts and imagination forward and backward in time makes you a genius time traveler.  That’s where the shift  comes in. Replacing worry with daydreaming a positive outcome.  Strengthening the vision with feel good emotions, encouraging self talk, and beautiful images. 

If you’re not great in the positive imagination department just yet, start by writing, drawing, or creating a vision board of a future outcome.

Time travel can be mindless (ruminating while driving) or mindful (noticing our surroundings, silent contemplation). You are already primed for this type of dreaming.  Exploring a lovely future sure beats being dragged along by worry. As a bonus, you’ll begin to create new neural pathways. Building new skills and increasing the potential for positive dreaming.

Observe yourself to notice how often you speed forward and backward in time.

Make a choice to stay present.  Plan some quiet time to consciously and creatively travel through time. Shaman style. Dream a new, bright future into being.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

A lot of people are EXCITED about the chance to vote in this presidential election. That’s new for many. Excitement. Passion. Commitment. Wanting to have a voice. Regardless of why they feel strongly or which candidate they are choosing, there is interest and commitment this year. This seems to be one thing we have in common with our fellow citizens. I enjoyed this encouragement to VOTE from the Hamilton cast. Here’s the link: Hamilton X When We All Vote. Spread the word. If you need help getting registered, call me!  I’ll help you.

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Creating my Website: 8 Lessons Learned

I value hindsight. It allows me to notice what I’ve learned.

When I complete a project, let’s use my beautiful new website as an example, I find myself naturally settling into a reflective period. I’ve learned the hard way that if I jump in to the next thing too quickly, I’ll miss all the juicy nuggets of things learned. I want to integrate these hard won insights, lessons, and discoveries. So I may practice and improve upon them as I grow.

I’ve learned to leave judgment out of the process.

It just isn’t helpful to judge yourself or others. That’s a diversion and is just covering up something that wants to also be seen. So, if you find yourself judging, dive deeper to see what is within you that needs to be heard, held, and helped. Then you’re free to meander through the project’s creation. Celebrating the sweet spots, taking note of what is yet to be learned, and gently acknowledging things could have been done differently.

Here’s 8 (really valuable) lessons I’ve learned during the creation of my website.

There’s more, but 8 is enough. Here goes. Life is creative. You are creative. It doesn’t matter if you are making your art, developing a business, raising a child, planting a garden, or transforming your life. The act of living is an act of creation. I hope my insights inspire you to keep going and create something beautiful for the world.

1. It’s okay not to know how to do it.

When you are leaping (or crawling) to a new level of creating, it seems obvious that you won’t know “how to do it.” After all, it’s a new level. Ask any high school student at the beginning of the school year if they understand algebra, chemistry, or physics. First time in? Not so much. Ask again at the end of the year. This expectation that you “should” be able to do something which requires learning, new knowledge, and perhaps skills you’ll never get around to learning, is kinda silly really. Funny that it’s such a common expectation. I hope you let that idea go.

2. You can’t do it alone. No one ever does.

No one does it alone. Not ever. Especially when creating and growing requires knowledge, skill, and experience that you don’t have. Kinda obvious, huh? Everything builds on everything. And so many people help along the way. I’m so grateful for Rodrigo who built my first beautiful website when I opened my private practice and started offering workshops in 2005. And for Emma who midwifed me through a lengthy process of clarifying and translating my Soul’s intent into a work of HeArt.

I’m truly grateful for Rich who has supported every need online and found every solution throughout the years. Who is still figuring out how to make things work so I can do my work. For dear friends and colleagues who have encouraged and taught me along the way. For the depth of this Cosmic guidance appearing in so many ways. And for you. All of you who show up, share, and live the inspired ideas that flow through my work. Who inspire me to dive deeper. You do nothing on your own. That much I know for sure. (Which is why I value sending Love Letters expressing my gratitude).

3. Be true to your Soul (and not marketing advice).

I had to let go so much expert advice on “how to” create my brand, voice, website, and offerings. In the midst of confusion and overwhelm during the process, I recognized something. I had to be true to myself and what wanted to flow through me. I had to choose these inner promptings over outer advice. So, I quit trying to be concise (not my strong suit) and just let my words flow. I stopped searching for the catchy phrases or the best way to create a webpage.

I wanted to create a work of HeArt that would serve you. So I did. Unapologetically, I decided to show up true to myself. While I hope that truly serves you, I’m clear about following the voice of my Soul rather than marketing advice. With that said, I’ve learned a lot from the expertise of those in the marketing and business development fields. I’ll keep on learning from them and only take what aligns with my Soul.

4. Let your ideas be seeds not end products.

Your creative process is a process. And it’s influenced by unseen forces which are wildly creative and supremely intelligent. I’ve learned that my little pea brain and the tiny ideas I hold there are nothing compared to what wants to be created through me. Plant your seed: be curious about your ideas and nurture them. Remembering that nourishing an idea does not mean demanding it appear in a way that pleases you. Then go seek genius, beauty, and delight in the world. When you’re inspired by those who let their seeds grow wildly, you open to the possibility of what may be.

Your creative process is a process. And it’s influenced by unseen forces which are wildly creatively and supremely intelligent.

 

5. Transparency helps you stay real.

Tell the truth. Sometimes creating some new version of yourself or a project is exhilarating and enjoyable. Sometimes it’s a shit show. And often it pulls you down into your patterns of limitation. So you can see them, break through them, and rise up higher.  It’s human nature to excel, to fail, to show up, and to hide. So, get real and tell the truth.

Not everyone needs to know everything of course. This isn’t a suggestion for a lack of boundaries or forgoing self awareness. Save the private work for the sanctity of your trusted Soul, true friends and helpers, and supportive colleagues. Just give up the presentation that everything is bright and shiny. Social media does enough harm that way

6. Creativity meanders. Give up the straight path.

You were raised in a world that teaches the linear, hierarchical path. Yet, you meander. We all do. Take a look at nature. Listen to anyone’s life story. Explore how innovators, artists, and rule breakers came into their ideas and their current way of being. You’ll find the meandering path in all of these places. Meandering is the way of the Soul and the movement of life.

The societal message that you have to start here, do this, and get there is a work of fiction. Well accepted fiction, but it’s just not the way of life. When you practice the art of meandering and see each diversion as an indication of your path’s wise direction, you cease to bang your head against the brick wall. This takes practice. We’ve all been trained as head bangers who come up short. It’s not our fault. Meandering wasn’t in the curriculum. Put it back in.

7. Don’t quit. Do go outside and play a bit.

It’s okay to lay down a project. Sometimes you need a break for a bit. Sometimes COVID happens and everything turns upside down. Life is wise. So are you. When inner or outer disruptions interfere with your project, take notice. Breathe deep, take a break, and ask your inner wisdom for guidance. Maybe that answer shows up immediately upon asking, but most the time it takes a while to arrive. It’s a good idea to head out to play a bit. Let what’s happening behind the scenes happen. You aren’t doing this alone, remember?

You may have to let go a hidden belief so you can grow into a bigger potential. Or somebody or something else has to come into place. It may be time to make peace with making mistakes or not knowing how to proceed.  Who knows? Worry less about where you are in the project timeline and enjoy the meandering art of creation. Coming back into alignment with everyone and everything that is conspiring to create something wonderful and beneficial.

And when you’re done playing, get back to work. Tiny actions and persistent effort, when executed wisely, yield very cool results.

8. Let go of perfection as you strive for excellence.

I like things to show up the way I want them. I’m meticulous about beauty and accurate representation. I had to learn to let go and let Emma create beauty. To enter the design with Rich so I could tweak and bedazzle it to my liking. And then just let it be even when parts didn’t work. To make the decision to launch a site that isn’t perfect and may never be.

Again and again, to face the inevitable brick wall that isn’t brick at all. Just a reminder that not everything can be figured out quite yet. That mistakes are made and eventually will be fixed. And to hold the commitment to the Soulful intent with positivity, love, and gratitude. Again and again. Witnessing what unfolds. Accepting what is less than perfect.

At the end of the day, it’s a Love Letter. To you and your Beautiful Soul.

And that’s what matters. You. Loving your Beautiful Soul. We, together, all of us. Loving all Beautiful Souls.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Daily creativity can help you flourish. Research suggests that everyday creativity leads to greater well-being. A study tracked time young adults spent in daily creative endeavors, reports of positive and negative emotions, and “flourishing” (an overall sense of meaning, purpose, engagement, and social connection). Results revealed that being engaged in more creative activities than usual led to positive emotion and flourishing the next day. Negative emotions didn’t change. Since the reverse wasn’t seen (positive emotions and flourishing didn’t increase creativity), findings suggest that everyday creativity is an important to wellbeing.

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My New Website: A Work of HeArt

I feel like I birthed a baby, nurtured her as she grew, and sent her off to college.

Okay, it may seem a bit much to compare the creation of my new website with the miracle of parenting. Forgive me. I’m still a little sleep deprived. But I’ve learned that both experiences lead you on a wild ride. I do know my heart is so full of gratitude, love, and a sense of wonder about possibilities I can not quite see. 

This was my fourth attempt at creating a new website. 

The first three ended in the proverbial brick wall. After banging my head against that damn wall for a while, I admitted I couldn’t do it. And I laid the project down. Disappointed again in my lack of ability to see through the seed of an idea and the nudging of my Soul. Too busy with life and too stymied by my own limitations, I let the project go. 

Over time, I felt a cringe each time I went on my website. 

So I avoided it as much as possible. I orphaned my own creation rather than seek the source of my perceived limitation. Now again, I’ll skip the drama. Truth be told, I didn’t suffer that much. After all, when you avoid a pain point, you can effectively dodge the discomfort. You know this, I’m sure. And you also know that regardless of your avoidance, when your Soul has an idea for your life it will persistently return your focus to that idea. Until you follow it in your own time. In your own way. 

Apparently, I’ve grown up a bit. So I could partner with my Soul instead of hide.

Through all these years of Soulful exploration, meaningful work, and personal transformation, I’ve followed the path that lights up before me. Sometimes I skipped or ran forward. Other times, I walked slowly and took a lot of breaks. Many times, I stepped off the path entirely only to learn that wasn’t actually a thing. Well, it is a “mind thing.” Another dramatic idea of how well or not so well you are living. And it seems to be amplified for the spiritual seeker (but, you already know that mind game). Laying down this mind thing, I realized something.

Your whole life is the Path. So is every acceptance or avoidance. 

 

Through the years, I’ve been clear on what I wanted to offer you. My work reflects that intent, regardless of the state of my website. My heart reflects that intent. When I remembered this truth, the brick wall disappeared. I knew what I wanted to create, just not how to translate it on the web. And I was ready to find those capable of translating my Soul’s guidance and heartfelt intent into a new form. 

When I’m ready to partner with my Soul, I’m all in. No matter what.

You’ll see what I mean when you read some of my stories on my site. And understand that I created a website that is true to my Soul’s intent to create beauty, empower women to awaken their potential, offer rich resources to enhance your life, and serve from my WholeHeart. I hope you feel that when you visit.

I hope you feel the Love that flows through this intent to your heart.

I’ve created some rich resources for you.  Free. Empowering. Practical. In fact, my whole site is full of embedded insights in my pages and blogs.  The free offerings are intended to empower you to develop skills so you may navigate life effectively and with greater ease.  

Download my free Self Soothe Strategy. 

This 60+ page PlayBook helps you understand how to transform Stress to Calm.  The accompanying meditation guides you in a daily practice so you may optimize your body, mind, and energy. I’m kinda in love with that PlayBook. You’ll see why.

Download my free Light Globe meditation.

Creating a coherent energy field is essential to wellbeing. This daily practice will teach you how to harmonize your energy and align with the light of your Soul. Use it anytime you seek to strengthen your field and gain greater clarity in your day.

Angelic Reminders have a new look, too.

These lovely little nuggets arrive weekly via email.  Offering you some Angelic suggestions about how to connect, play, and live the intuitive path.  

You may have to seek and find these offerings. 

That’s the fun of it.  Be curious. Follow through. I’d be interested in hearing how these practices enhance your life. Try them out and let me know. Deep thanks for being with me on this Journey. My heart is full.

Next week, I’ll share 8 (really valuable) lessons I learned along this lengthy creative endeavor. 

You won’t have to create a new website to benefit from these insights. Just apply them to whatever you’re doing these dayst

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Ready to boost your confidence before that meeting? Grab your art supplies (or borrow them from your kid) and let your creativity flow. A study at Drexel University explored how a variety of creative activities would effect self-confidence in adults. Working with collage, modeling clay, and markers, participants were encouraged to create art. Free style. 73% reported an increase in feelings of self-efficacy after only 45 minutes. Just imagine the potential benefits if businesses included art breaks for employees. Why not implement your own 45 minute creative experiment at work or home?

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Angelic Radiance. Human Luminosity.

The Angelic Presence, as an aspect of the Divine Presence, surrounds you now. 

This energy of Love, radiant and peaceful, surrounds you always.  You move within this energy of Divine Love in all moments, for you are made of this Love energy, as are the Angels.  You may relax deeper into this peaceful Presence any time you choose without understanding an exact science for accessing Angelic energy and without concern for whether you are worthy of such attention.  You are worthy – holy and completely worthy. 

The Angelic Presence surrounds you right now and invites you to breathe in this peace as you read these words.  

Without exception, as I sit in groups who wish to explore their partnerships with the Angelic realm, this experience of peace and sense of delight is present. Whether we simply discuss Angels and their deep desire to support humanity or allow the words of the Angels to flow to and through us, group members speak of feeling peace, comfort, contentment, and deep love when immersed within Angelic energy.

In meditative stillness and gentle receptivity to these benevolent helpers, a soothing of the mind and body occurs much like a child’s tranquil response to a lullaby sung by her nurturing mother.

This peace is most often attributed to the Presence and Grace of the Angels. This is true, yet not a complete understanding.

As I witness the peace upon each person’s face and the love flowing through their words as experiences are shared within these Angelic groups, I am moved by their beauty. I witness the expanding radiance of their Light as each individual communicates a unique experience, sharing delights and even doubts.

Love Itself flows through the words, the spaces between the words, and the vibrational highways of dancing energy fields.

As the energy of Love’s Presence is received by each person in their unique fashion, insights are received, woes are released, smiles are shared, and hearts are opened. Again, I witness the expanding radiance of Light of the individual and the group.

Such expanding radiance is most often attributed to the Presence and Grace of the Angels. This is true, yet not a complete understanding.

Immersed within the radiant Presence of a group of shining humans, I witness the peace, delight and love of the Angelic Realm. I am moved by their beauty as I observe an expansion of Love energy and an amplification of Angelic radiance. A most curious effect, this pulsating luminosity that expands as group members speak of their experiences or bask within the soothing Angelic energy.

My attention shifts between the flaring light around the group and the bursting light around the Angels. A pattern emerges as amplified Light takes turns dancing in a phenomenal choreographic exchange.

Such amplified radiance is most often attributed to the Presence and Grace of these Humans. This is true, yet not a complete understanding.

In beautiful symmetry, Light reveals itself as perfectly peaceful, gloriously radiant, and wholly holy. Is it the Angelic Presence that reflects the perfection of Human Luminosity? Or is it the Human expression of Love that reflects the perfection of Angelic generosity?

Within the continuous, interdependent reflection of grandeur, Angel to Luminous Human and Human to Radiant Angel, wholeness dances as Truth is revealed.

Love Itself rests peacefully within the knowledge that Human and Angel alike contribute to the radiant reflection of the indwelling Presence of Love and Grace.

This Divine Presence surrounds you now, flows to you now, and flows from you now.

You are immersed within this radiant Love as sure as you are broadcasting this beautiful Peace from the holiest space of your Sacred Self. There is beauty within your Presence. You are invited to claim the beauty of your radiance and cast your light upon all beings so that they may receive this reflection of their own beautiful Presence.

You are invited to reflect the purest energy of Love to the Angelic realm so that they may receive, amplify, and reflect your luminosity to the dark places that have momentarily forgotten that they, too, are the radiant Presence of the Divine. As peace descends, the dimmer light awakens to its radiance as gently as the Divine Mother soothes her children into remembrance of their absolute worthiness.

And the dance continues in perfect symmetry and perfect peace.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Open Air Schools replace tourists in Kashmir. Here’s a creative solution to education during COVID. With the grandeur of the snow capped Himalayan in the background, children sit 6 feet apart with workbooks or listen to teachers with portable posters instead of blackboards. Within the rural regions, often impoverished, many schools and children are not equipped for online learning. Closing the divide between those with devices and those without, this fresh air alternative is creatively meeting the needs of children and bringing relief to parents. 

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Filling my Pockets

Everywhere I look, there’s worthwhile work to be done. 

Our oceans are filled with oil spills and plastic garbage.  Our atmosphere is polluted and forests are disappearing at an alarming rate.  Worldwide,  we’re grappling with a pandemic.  Adults are losing jobs and unable to care for their families.  People of all ages are sick, lonely, dying, and afraid. Our country is divided on so many issues. 

People everywhere are filled with rage, despair, insecurity, sadness, hunger, and fear.

Everywhere I look, I see opportunities for worthwhile work. Important activism. Creative solutions. Helping hands. Witnessing our world leads me to speculate:  What to do?  What to do?  What skills are required?  What is the focus of my worthwhile work?

Overwhelmed by the magnitude of the questions and the need, I choose to sit still. 

Really still.  I wondered about the work I already do. And the worthwhile work that may be calling to me across the noise of my busy life.  “I thinked and thinked” as Winnie the Pooh would say.  And then, I didn’t think any more.  I guess you could say that I just “be-ed.”  In this state of beingness, a thought emerged: 

“If I could fill my pockets with only two things, I would carry Love in my right pocket and Kindness in my left.”  

I realized how these qualities help Life flow more easily for myself and others.  So, I pulled on my favorite jeans, stuffed Love and Kindness in my front pockets and headed out the door. 

Actions guided by Love and Kindness worked with people of every age, ethnicity and gender, across all walks of life.  They even worked on me. They worked in nature – pristine and damaged.  They worked across the internet and within the inner net.  These tools worked.  Although sometimes, I forgot to stuff my pockets. 

On those days, I walked under a cloud. Miserly in my misery until I ran across some kind, loving soul with pockets overflowing.

And I was helped to remember the power of love and kindness, applied flexibly and consistently throughout the day. Over time, I stuffed my pockets with Clarity and Wisdom, Fearlessness and Ingenuity, Humility and Grace, and the ability to Laugh and Cry with friends and strangers.  Along the way, I forgot the original question. I just chose to be Love and Kindness or whatever quality was called forth from me in the moment. 

It’s not an exact science, but it seems to work for me. 

Until I forget to fill my pockets. That’s where you come in. Your love, kindness, courage, and ingenuity helps me a lot. Thanks for that. And keep it flowing.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Being kind toward others is associated with stronger mental and physical health, relationships, life satisfaction, communities, and even economies. Some researchers encourage you to cultivate kindness as a practice for wellbeing. For you. For the world. So think in terms of circles.  Start offering kindness to family, close friends, office mates. Smallish is fine. Smiling, holding doors, saying thank you, picking up a piece of trash on your neighbor’s yard. Then expand your circle. Tiny acts of kindness for strangers. Concentric circles of kindness. Could they change the world?