The other day, I noticed I was stuck in a reoccurring pattern.  It was not my favorite.

So I spent some time in my “underworld” to discover what belief was active and how it was playing out.  I looked to see where it began, how it showed up in my life over the years, and how it served me.  I saw the protective intent in its formation and the limiting hold it had over me in its current form.

By the time I was done looking, I felt kind of muddy and tired.  Like I had grappled with a sea monster who lived hidden beneath the waters. 

I plan to venture into those waters again and again in order to witness what hidden creatures within my psyche have a hold on me so that I can break free.  The practice of going within and under to the murky spaces within may not be so much fun.  It can be downright frightening, disheartening, and sobering.  Yet it is essential if you wish to live in and as the light – as you and I so often claim. 

You want to cultivate an unwavering commitment to explore the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and how life should be.  

A lifetime of conditioning has created an underground “rule set” which is running your day to day existence.  You have to visit this in order to change it.  As you do, it is vital to remember that you did nothing wrong in creating these influential beliefs.  This is simply the result of growing up human.  And if you are reading these words, then I will assume you are one … a human being.

You have a brilliant capacity for learning, deduction, and creative problem solving.  Simply brilliant.

When you are blind to the fact that much of your subconscious “rule set” was created (brilliantly) by your tiny child mind, you are bound by the limits of a child’s lack of perspective, experience, and understanding.  When you recognize that you have a vast collection of mistaken ideas, habits, and perspectives, you have a choice.  You can hide, blame, or judge yourself (or project this onto others).  Or you become eager to explore the depths in order to “weed” out these younger deductions about your identify, how to navigate life, or understand the complexity of interpersonal relationships. 

You become brave enough to dive into the shadow world of your being.  You become your own hero. 

Cultivating a fearless practice of examining your dark, dusty, and at times at times frightening underworld reveals a vast network of misperception.  Revealing these false ideas formed by your tiny mind is freeing.  Rather than protect by holding them tighter, you risk everything by releasing them with love. And you discover that your beautiful adult self can live more freely without these tiny ideas restricting your every move.

“I had a near death experience in yoga today.” 

This was the text I sent my daughter after my first experience in the Heated Flow Yoga class at my new gym. I had no idea what I was getting into when I ventured into a large, dimly lit yoga studio that was already uncomfortably warm and full of people of all ages. 

By full, I mean really well attended by lots of well toned people. 

This is a good sign, I mused, thinking that it must be a good class. So, I tuned into myself and began to stretch as more bodies poured into room bringing their energy (and heat) with them. This was certainly a different experience than being at Live in Joy Yoga in Audubon which is my favorite yoga studio.

The class began in a familiar fashion and I felt a sense of comfort as we began moving with some gentle poses. 

The differences in this type of class were noticeable but understandable.  I was in a gym after all, not a yoga studio. The music was modern, like you might hear on the radio, instead of the familiar yogic chants or ambient music. The language was commonplace rather than yogic, yet it still referred to the wisdom within and a higher influence. I closed my eyes and followed the flow.  It felt good.  “Do your own flow now at your own pace,” invited the instructor.

Wait, what?! The music turned way up. My body heated way up. And the roomful of yogis began engaging the poses like they all knew the drill (turns out they did). 

Now this was interesting and a bit distracting. Yet, when I tuned into my breath, the movements, and the pulsing music that sounded like something my kid listened to, I actually discovered a really cool flow. Kind of like a mix between a yoga class and a rave.  It was fun. I was good again. Just as I was getting into the experience, the music was turned down and my mind returned to assess the situation.

I was hot. Really hot. I realized I hadn’t sweated like this since I was in a sweat lodge ceremony many years ago. 

My tiny towel was defenseless against my wet limbs. My sense of well being diminished. Just in time for the next flow series. A new flow series. New loud music. Lots more sweat and a bit of slip and slide.

This was way more challenging and I felt like a novice. Everyone else looked like they were filming a power yoga video. 

Okay, then. This was good. Listening to the instructor as a strategy to distract myself from my overheating body, over beating heart, and straining limbs, I recognized a familiar universal message in her words. I felt my energy flow and my being relax. The body didn’t exactly follow, however it became easier. 

I began to feel like I was on a spiritual retreat as I followed her pointing toward my inner wisdom, a universal source of good, and the unity of the group. 

That was a much better focus than on my mind’s suggestion that I might actually expire and travel heavenward during the class.  As I began to breathe in the heat, I enjoyed the idea of all these people sharing in this message while detoxing and getting fit. I decided I like the gym a bit better because of this yoga program. 

I learned a lot in that yoga class/rave/sweat lodge/spiritual retreat experience.