The other day, I noticed I was stuck in a reoccurring pattern. It was not my favorite.
So I spent some time in my “underworld” to discover what belief was active and how it was playing out. I looked to see where it began, how it showed up in my life over the years, and how it served me. I saw the protective intent in its formation and the limiting hold it had over me in its current form.
By the time I was done looking, I felt kind of muddy and tired. Like I had grappled with a sea monster who lived hidden beneath the waters.
I plan to venture into those waters again and again in order to witness what hidden creatures within my psyche have a hold on me so that I can break free. The practice of going within and under to the murky spaces within may not be so much fun. It can be downright frightening, disheartening, and sobering. Yet it is essential if you wish to live in and as the light – as you and I so often claim.
You want to cultivate an unwavering commitment to explore the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and how life should be.
A lifetime of conditioning has created an underground “rule set” which is running your day to day existence. You have to visit this in order to change it. As you do, it is vital to remember that you did nothing wrong in creating these influential beliefs. This is simply the result of growing up human. And if you are reading these words, then I will assume you are one … a human being.
You have a brilliant capacity for learning, deduction, and creative problem solving. Simply brilliant.
When you are blind to the fact that much of your subconscious “rule set” was created (brilliantly) by your tiny child mind, you are bound by the limits of a child’s lack of perspective, experience, and understanding. When you recognize that you have a vast collection of mistaken ideas, habits, and perspectives, you have a choice. You can hide, blame, or judge yourself (or project this onto others). Or you become eager to explore the depths in order to “weed” out these younger deductions about your identify, how to navigate life, or understand the complexity of interpersonal relationships.
You become brave enough to dive into the shadow world of your being. You become your own hero.
Cultivating a fearless practice of examining your dark, dusty, and at times at times frightening underworld reveals a vast network of misperception. Revealing these false ideas formed by your tiny mind is freeing. Rather than protect by holding them tighter, you risk everything by releasing them with love. And you discover that your beautiful adult self can live more freely without these tiny ideas restricting your every move.
While this idea is ludicrous, it is a powerful metaphor for what is happening. The decision to become aware and do the work may “disturb” you into sadness, disgust, fear, or disillusionment at times. In these moments, you can consciously engage your intellect which is wiser, more experienced, and knows better than the child mind. It is then that you must remember (and acknowledge) that your assumptions were never accurate.
Just like a child’s belief of the monster hiding under the bed was never real.
Life is a Wonder when you can respond in real time rather than from the conditioned habits of your life. This takes a personal commitment to look deeply at those things which bind you. To recognize that they did not start out that way. The ideas you formed when you were young, inexperienced, and often overwhelmed were meant to help you. Be clear now – they are no longer helping you.
Having the eyes to see this allows you to become a fearless explorer who often is frightened during the process of diving within the murky waters.
Learning how to “drive your own car” as a conscious, loving, and tremendously compassionate adult is a skill worth cultivating. This process calls for you to be truly kind with yourself and to reach for assistance when the waters are especially choppy. That assistance may be another person, the Divine in any form, or your own Soul which knows the Truth of your precious nature.
Letting go the monsters that haunted you then will open you to discover the helpers who want to enjoy you now.
Peace be with you and with all. No exceptions.
When life is hard or problems seem insurmountable, it’s a good time to play, dance, or just get your body pumping. Giving your brain space to organize and seek a solution. Reducing stress hormones, boosting endorphins, sharpening memory, and jumpstarting creativity. Especially in the midst of personal, social, and global disruption, play is more important than ever. Grab your hoola hoop, take a jog with the dog, or dance in your kitchen. Play will boost your mood and build resilience.
Learn the one essential skill that allows you to face any challenge with confidence, sturdiness, and inner calm.
More than a technique. It’s a game changer.
Three months ago, I unexpectedly entered into a relationship with a horse.
I met Zor during a visit to Liberty Stables in Florida, where I had gone to spend time with a friend’s horses. I had no particular expectations. I have no background with horses, no training, and no experience in equine-assisted therapy. I simply met this magnificent Friesian, and something quietly familiar unfolded between us.
I fell in love.
The women who arrive in my classes, retreats, and therapy sessions are sincerely looking for healing, expansion, clarity, or sometimes just a little room to breathe.
They are thoughtful women, deeply engaged with the people and work they love. Rarely do they arrive because they want another spiritual philosophy. Most are carrying something much more ordinary.
A life that has become full. Beautiful in many ways, but crowded.
About twenty-five years ago, I was driving with a colleague to a local conference. As we approached the hotel entrance, I noticed an open parking spot near the front door.
“There’s a spot,” I said, pointing to the right. He drove past it.
A few seconds later, another one appeared. He drove past that one, too. Then I pointed to a third. “There’s a spot.” Without the slightest hesitation, Dan replied, “I’ll leave that for someone else.” And he calmly parked much farther away. As we walked to the entrance, I asked about that statement.
During the Seeding the Light Gathering, I had the privilege of hosting Pascual and Jose Tomas in our home.
They feel like family as this was their second visit to New Jersey. We’ve also spent a week together in Damanhur and the Temples of Humankind in Italy. I’ve sat in many ceremonies with Pascual in Peru’s Sacred Valley. His flute playing often carried me up mountain trails in the thin air and hot sun.
I planned to work a bit, complete some projects, and enjoy slow days with plenty of relaxation.
All of that certainly occurred, but beneath it all, something else began quietly inviting my attention.
The plane had begun its slow fall toward the earth when a sharp ache pierced my ears. Half-dozing, half-aware, I surfaced into the moment just as the toddler in front of me woke with a scream that broke her open. The sound wasn’t defiance or misbehavior. It was pain.
I felt her small body struggling to make sense of something she couldn’t name.
Her mother bent over her with the tenderness of someone trying very hard to be a good parent. But her soothing came dressed in urgency, in the quiet pressure to behave, to use words, to be okay, to not disturb those seated around her. Her voice shook with the effort of managing her child’s distress and her own rising shame.
