Category: Blog

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Balancing Loss and Gain

 

I’ve been contemplating loss.

It seems to be a shared experience within this worldly crisis.  You know that loss is a natural part of the ebb and flow of life, yet it seems to be starring in a show of its own these days. Perhaps because your attention upon what you have lost (or may lose) is heightened as so many areas of life are altered. 

I’ve been made aware of so many deaths this past week: worldwide and personal from the virus and from illness. 

Too young, mid life, and quite old.  The sudden death of a beloved pet. The inability to be with loved ones in the hospital or mourn together at a funeral. I’ve learned of loss of income, of businesses and careers, and access to health care. The loss of freedom of movement, in person connection, and physical touch. The absence of creature comforts like entertainment, hair salons, and public parks. The challenge of obtaining basics like food, especially for vulnerable populations. The loss of innocence or a sense of stability.

It feels heavy – this processing of so much loss.  Sitting with so much grief, distress, fear, and uncertainty. 

And yet it feels perfectly natural given my experience as a psychologist and as a human.  The gratitude to “be with” another as they share their losses warms my heart, even while sorrow arises. This is what it means to be human. To come together to share in the sadness that life inevitably brings. To open the space for grief and celebration.  To allow an uncertain future and doubt in one’s capacity to navigate new terrain. This is a privilege – a grace that I am to share in this moment of someone’s life. 

If dealing with loss is so familiar, what’s the difference now?

Sheer quantity and variety.  Worldwide shared tragedy.  Entering a time of true uncertainty.  Most of you haven’t been lived through wartime, famine, or plague. I haven’t. So it’s hard to grasp the magnitude of this worldwide crisis. And if you try, by exploring every news story, you ultimately escalate your stress and thus diminish your capacity to process the layers of loss that you will inevitably face.

It may help to view this unprecedented crisis as a rite of passage.

 

Rites of passage are part of life in the normal developmental process of growing up. They also occur when life shocks you by its unexpected twists and turns. They involve moving from one state of being to the next. They happen when the ground beneath you seems to dissolve or radically shift.  When you are left asking “What happened to my life?”  And this question propels you forward, often without your knowing it.

The first stage of this transformative experience is a focus is upon what you have lost. 

How you have been separated from the life that which was your normal experience.  In our now time, as the world trembles together, you may discover something new each day, each week, where you are facing yet again the absence of something you may have taken for granted.  The losses are obvious and subtle.  Sometimes not considered until you reach for something that is no longer available. 

This is a good time to stop and breathe.  To be still with the noticing of this loss.  

To not rush forward.  To just “be with” yourself for a moment.  Allowing any response to arise.  And if that feels too difficult and there is someone to reach for, then lean into that other who can share this space with you.  Sometimes this other is not a person – it may be a pet, the comfort of a cup of tea in your favorite room, or a Divine being who brings you solace.  

The next stage within a rite of passage is the liminal time, where you dwell within a place of uncertainty.  

Alone and together, you face what’s lost and the “not knowing how” to traverse a future that is no longer predictable. To be with what arises as purely as you can.  To tell the truth about how you are shaking and how the world doesn’t make sense like it used to.  In a time like this, you travel back and forth between these stages as new areas of loss reveal themselves.  As questions arise that can’t be answered. 

Most humans need others to travel these paths of loss, grief, uncertainty, and fear.

Rites of passage naturally involve others.  Those that may guide you.  Those with whom you are traveling. Those who hold space and witness your movement. Looking for these partners at this time is essential.  Reaching out to those who help guide, encourage, and steady you as you point to the next place of being.  Falling into a sense of belonging, even peripherally, to a community that resonates with you.    

Be open with this definition of community. 

It does not have to be a tight knit group.  You can feel a part of a community when you, and thousands of others, join over the internet with a teacher or leader.  It can be provided by a book and the teachings within it – tuning into wisdom within the written page and within yourself.  It may be a ZOOM class, church service, or a chat with family and friends.  

When you recognize that you share this experience with all of humanity, you may have found the largest community of all. 

In all things, life seeks balance.

When you recognize loss in this time, you may also recognize gain.  These are two sides of the coin in human experience.  The buddhist tradition speaks of 8 worldly winds or 8 worldly concerns, represented by two contrasting experiences:  pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and insignificance. 

The middle way of dealing with stressful events is to recognize both sides of the coin.  

Just as you contemplate loss, you may notice how much is gained in these days. What has been offered to you by way of others: help, kindness, shared material goods, or service.  Noticing time with children home from school or returned from college. Connections with friends, family, and coworkers across various platforms.  A gain of free time, creativity, new ways of working, or projects to help one another.  New skills developed and knowledge gained.  Even the capacity to make peace with boredom, isolation, and life turning upside down.

Discovering places within – some unsteady, some resilient – which want to be known.    

Allowing you to develop further into a better human being.  Laying down some old patterns of behavior and thinking, while learning new ways of relating to yourself and this world. 

Using this time to look deeply within and ask “What is ready to go and what is ready to grow?”

Being open to what is found as you tread gently through the fields of uncertainty and bring kindness into every exchange with yourself.  After all, it is likely that you are doing the best you can given the circumstances.  Just like everyone else.  Don’t get caught in the trap of judging yourself (or others) harshly.  You’ve got enough going on without that additional stress.

I’ve been contemplating what I have gained.  

Not as an intentional exercise.  More like a natural reflection that occurred during these past many weeks.  It is interesting how life brings you naturally into rhythm with balance.  As if quietly offering you a hint about how to live well, even in the midst of calamitous times.  

I’ve gained so much. Witnessed so much of humanity’s goodness.  Been helped and given the opportunity to help.  I’ve connected in new ways to people familiar and new across the world.  And have resurrected the old styles of communication as well. Snail mail and telephone calls.  Backyard visits and dinner over a game of monopoly.  

I’m deeply grateful for all of it.  And for the sheer force of today’s stress to drop me back into my breath.  Into the stillness of my being. 

Here, I remember my essential nature.  Aware. Loving. Wise. Available.

Steadying me from this inner foundational space so that I am present to what comes in this moment. Trusting that life will show me the way through. That every resource, internal and external, will serve me.  Especially when I am centered, still, and open to whatever life brings.

I still prefer gain over loss. Yet, I am willing to be taught how to live in greater balance.   

I am willing to be a student to the great teacher – life in its entirety.  To breathe and bring myself into balance again and again.  I see this in people everywhere and am encouraged.  When I am in a community of humans who are using the current circumstances to grow into better versions of themselves, then I am in a community who will support my own desire to do the same.  Another gain.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Microcredentials influence the Job Hunt during Covid. The pandemic’s negative impact on job hunting college graduates may give a boost to the “stackable credits” approach to earning a degree.  Some universities are offering college credits as industry-recognized certificates. These “microcredentials” are allowing students to enter the job market long before they graduate. This changes the landscape as students aren’t waiting for college graduation to demonstrate skills in exchange for a salary.

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Bumping into Walls

I spent a week bumping into walls.  

Actually I was a’bumpin’ for 11 days to tell the truth.  Trying to fix a glitch that I myself had inadvertently created many years ago.  Coming back to throw a wrench in what I see as my very important plan.  I started out in my typical fashion.

Small tantrum. Own my mistake. Move on to solve it.

Except this time, I couldn’t.  It seemed beyond me.  And the 8 people I spoke to who (kindly) sent me on a wild goose chase. And the 4 hours of being on hold with constant advertisements broadcasting how helpful they were.  Every conversation ended the same way.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.” 

So, I laid it down.  Turned it over.  Willing to let it be unsolved.

I wanted to be teachable.  To explore what it was like to be within this wild goose chase.  To be present as doors close even though this might have ramifications for me in the future.  I wanted to trust the unfolding of the situation as part of Life’s perfection.  I surrendered. I dropped in. I trusted. 

Until 2 days passed and my tension built.  

I’m used to solving the challenging circumstances of my life.  I’m persistent in taking action. I seek creative solutions.  I’m good at asking for help.  I’m pleasant to service providers who reveal to me yet another frustrating dead end. All these ways are how I usually plod through or creatively skip around a challenge.  

Day 10 and nothing working.  So, I laid it down.

And, yes, for those inquiring minds who wondered if I checked in with my soul’s guidance, my Angels and guides, the many celestial resources to guide me.  Yup.  Nada.  Well, not exactly nada.  After a 2 1/2 hours of chasing my tail last week, I actually put my head in my hands as I sat at my desk. 

In this position of giving it up once again, I heard my own voice quietly ask a series of questions. 

The end result of that lovely conversation was that yes, I was perfectly safe and cared for in the moment. And, yes, the only problem that I could find was my own (crazy) thinking and my own (rigid) habit of trying to solve something that wasn’t within my control. (Note to self, adopt this position more often as it helps balance the energy and blood flow in the brain and frontal lobe.) 

I wanted to be teachable.  To explore what it was like to be within this wild goose chase.

 

So I gave up and took a meandering drive with my daughter. 

We’ve been doing this a lot. Taking new roads. Getting lost. Finding familiar landmarks. Telling stories. Relating through music, silence, and conversations.  It’s been lovely and free of tension.  Nothing to solve. 

We ventured upon something out of the ordinary. 

I spotted a colorful hot air balloon flattened out on the ground.  We pulled over and watched the process of blowing up the balloon.  It was thrilling.  I told her a story of chasing the hot air balloon as my parents soared over our neighborhood. And the balloon gradually lifted.

I saw the benefit of hot air. 

The balloon righted itself and the basket floated a bit off the ground.  A mini lift.  Turns out they were out for a photo shoot.  As the flame lit the air, the colors brightened against the darkening background. Even without liftoff, it was magical.  

I woke up the next day with another idea. 

Ready to try it and accept the outcome.  Regardless of which way this thing went, I was done.  So I let go of my hot air and dropped into magic of my moment.

Turns out I got lift off.  

I’m left with a doorway to the next step.  Whether I face a wild goose chase, a closed door, or an open path, I’m in for the ride.  Albeit without so much of my own hot air (aka mental tension).  

I’m left with a sense of deep gratitude for all who helped me over these 11 days.

So much kindness even when they closed the door.  I think we’re in a time where kindness is a hot commodity.  Especially as we bump into walls and wander blindly through this time of unknowing.  I hope you experience plenty of kindness everywhere you turn.  Most especially, I hope you are unfailingly kind to yourself in all of your moments of peace, worldly upsets, and self-created craziness.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Your moods shape your world because they determine whether you think obstacles are surmountable. Or not. Robert Thayer, a sociologist, recategorizes moods (good, bad, meh) into combinations of two states of arousal: tension and energy. Calm energy (high energy, low tension) are the best moods. While Tense Tiredness (low energy, high tension) match up with your worst kind of moods. Increasing awareness of your tension-energy combination may help get you out of a rut or help you maintain your pleasantness.  Thayer’s research also found that a 10 minute walk was the best way to improve your mood.

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Building Cathedrals

How’s your perspective these days? 

When stress increases, your perspective naturally narrows.  It is important for survival and safety.  The velcro brain shrinks the bigger picture so you make sure you’ve got plenty of food, funds, and friends/family.  (Unless you’re ready to toss your family out the window, but that’s another story.  Hang in.) 

Remember the basics: breathe, soothe yourself, and connect to the higher/inner wisdom.   

Whenever you are stressed, your system is disorganized.  So harmonize first and engage your Soul in order to see more and know more.  This is essential.  Not only for you but for all of us in this interconnected family.

When you live from a Soulful perspective, you ask beautiful questions. 

What am I learning?  How may I grow, mature, evolve during this challenging situation?  What do I have in common with people around the world?  What am I to do in this moment? What do I have to offer others in a way that does not compromise my wellbeing?  What needs to be healed within me so I can transcend the small story of my life?

Hint:  This last one is a biggie right now. 

Your personal patterns and vulnerabilities are likely activating.  View this as your Inner Healer trying to catch your attention.  Notice what is creating stress for you.  Once soothed, be curious and ask your inner wisdom, what belief or pattern is creating this stress. 

What is ready to be released now?

Do the work.  Alone if you can.  With a friend, mentor, professional, or a celestial being.  This time – right now – is rich with potential for your Soul’s evolution.  You likely are fine in this moment (reading these words).  Belly full, house providing safety, internet for connection, a book to read.  By letting go of the things that bind you, a new freedom to creatively flow your gifts to the world will emerge.

I was reminded recently of how tiny we are. And how influential when we open our hearts.

I experienced a visual perspective jolt watching tiny Andrea Bocelli standing in front of the massive Duoma Cathedral in Milan.   Singing his heart out. Inspiring and connecting people the world over.  Moving people to tears, hope, prayer, gratitude, and a desire to share beauty.

Humans have been building cathedrals to the Divine and the mythic perspective for eons.

Imagine perceiving a view of a majestic monument to your God. Designing it.  Gathering masons, artists, and funders. Building it over generations. Grandfathers, sons, and grandsons laboring in devotion as they worked lifetimes to honor the larger Divine Idea. 

One person, infused by the Divine creative impulse, sparked a cathedral. 

 There is a majesty that unfurls within us when we open to a new perspective – one that soars and astounds.  When we acknowledge our human vulnerability and the magnificence with which we may (imperfectly) demonstrate this idea.   (You can watch Bocelli’s performance on youtube.)

Allowing the Soul to move you through your day, especially in this time, changes how you look at everything. 

Ready to learn about the potential of imagination to “build cathedrals” from a really wise master?  Here’s a little glimpse:  “… when you explore, you get more imagination than you already had. And, um, when you get more imagination, it makes you want to go deeper in – so you can get more and see beautifuller things.” (yup – she created THAT word.)

Ready to fall in love with life and this moment? 

I listened to the words of the wise child and the childlike adult in Louie Schwartzberg’s short film called Gratitude.  And I was deeply moved and inspired to step more fully into the infinite potential of this Holy Moment.  Witnessing the vision of humans translated into words, music, and ways of being.  Shared through the beauty of film with the freedom of the world wide web.  So amazing, this life.  (Watch Gratitude here.)

What you focus on matters deeply.  Especially now.

I’m inspired to listen to my Soul and my inner angst as a clue to what wants to break free.  I’m open to the wisdom of these inspiring humans and to the beautiful lessons from the natural world. And to the mythic story that wants to birth through me. 

I’m committed to building cathedrals, not walls.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The CEO of Copia, a food distribution company, didn’t set out to solve world hunger. She had lunch with a man begging for food. Listened to him. Did some research. Learned how much food is wasted. Turns out hunger is not a scarcity problem, there’s plenty of food. It’s a logistics problem.  Copia built an algorithm matching nonprofits who need food with businesses that have extra.  A team of inspired business members paired with cafeterias, restaurants, hotels, and hospitals are making a dent in hunger. “Impossible is nothing. Impossible is temporary.” says founder, Komal Ahmad. Kudos.

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Collateral Beauty

“I love the collateral beauty that’s emerging.”

Thanks, Lisa, for that beautiful sentence as we connected Sunday evening on Soul Sanctuary’s Virtual Salon.  The statement resonated strongly with me and I felt a release in my body as I enjoyed breathing it in. 

So much beauty, kindness, and laughter in the midst of uncertain, fearful times. 

What we focus upon truly matters.  I’ve been working hard to watch the stories my mind is telling me.  When I catch myself contracting, I look quickly to what scary tale is broadcasting through my body.  I “interrupt that broadcast” to breathe and change my focus.  I seek the moment first. Where am I and what is actually happening around me? Then I may point my mind in a positive direction [Remember your brain’s velcro and teflon actions from last blog? I’m seeking to strengthen my teflon super powers.]

So, here’s a few things that warmed my heart and made me smile and laugh this weekend. 

Susan, one of our Sacred Immersion retreaters, wanted to cheer up her neighbors.  When the weather is dreary and the future uncertain, what better way to brighten the day than to string a rainbow of balloons across the street!  And employ the local party store – supporting small business.  (Can you spot our very own sunshine, Mary Law, as her family basks in the delight?) Kudos, Susan! May it inspire you to bring some brightness into your neighborhood! Do it your way.

My family has always loved the broadway show, Les Miserable.   

I first saw it when I lived a summer in London during graduate school.  The story, music, drama, British accents, and humor always warmed my heart.  Hearing the music brings back memories of sharing this experience with my family.  And gets me singing along with every song.  So, I was excited when my brother sent me a new recording of an old favorite.

This cast has Broadway beat.  I laughed.  I cried.  I’m a fan.

Bonus is the family squabble before they get started.  Gotta love the authenticity (and the power of pizza as a bribe.)

https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/01/825232156/u-k-familys-lockdown-themed-rendition-of-les-mis-is-a-delight

I enjoyed a ZOOM call with family stretched across the US on Sunday.

We caught up on our lives.  Chatted about how we were all being affected.  College kids home and all schooling online.  Businesses closed. A guitar purchased. Games being played.  A painting created. Walks in nature. A garden tour. A live musical performance of The Gambler.  It was a delight.  

“Where do you find toilet paper?” asked the young college grad.  Unprepared and undaunted, these 5 quarantined roommates had it under control. “We’re rationing.”  That was my first shared ZOOM belly laugh.  

It seems a sign of love these days is not a box of chocolates or bouquet of flowers ... it's toilet paper! 

 

My Dad just turned 85 (he declares himself ageless) and his friends threw him an impromptu party in the driveway.  Three cars, three families, proper social distance, a cake, and a song.  As if that wasn’t enough, the gift of the day was an industrial roll of tp.  I can rest easy knowing my parents won’t have to ration!  

And there’s John Krasinski’s quarantine talk show: Some Good News (SGN)

Check out these heartwarming stories.  Recognizing heroes.  Worldwide participation is welcomed. Another theatrical surprise.  That girl’s face – oh my goodness.  I laughed.  I cried.  I’m a fan.  Can’t wait to see Hamilton when the world opens again! 

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/lin-manuel-miranda-hamilton-john-krasinski-978750/

Collateral beauty.  Generous acts of kindness.  Surprises. Heartfelt actions. Worldwide participation.

One thing for sure, we are all in this together and we need one another. We must deal with the fear, heartbreak, feelings of helplessness, overwhelm, and uncertainty.  Some of us are dealing better than others.  That is to be expected.  And when you are on the side of having something to offer, look what goodness comes of it. 

Why not show the world who you are and what you’re made of.

Go create your own rainbows. And ZOOM theatrical performances.  Gifts of friendship. And random acts of kindness. Tiny actions. Big actions. Whatever you are capable of in the moment.  Including demonstrating the ability to ask for help and receive it freely. 

What you focus on matters deeply. 

Especially to those recipients of your generosity.  Let’s meet this moment with courage, skill, and sturdiness.  And when you shake – hold on to someone (virtually) and let yourself receive.  

If I can help in any way, please reach out.

To me.  To someone.  Don’t go it alone – not this time.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Research at the University of British Columbia explored the effect of noticing and reflecting upon nature during everyday life. Participants were placed in three groups: noticing nature, focusing on man-made objects, or going about daily life as usual. After only two weeks, the noticing nature condition reported feelings of inspiration, awe, transcendence, and greater life satisfaction. They felt more connected to nature, people, and life in general. Nothing changed for the other two groups. Enough said. Go outside and notice nature.

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The Goldilocks Principle

I think it’s a good time to practice the Goldilocks principle.

I first heard about this proposition when I was taking a shower in a hostel at a Pennsylvania state park. In that chilly group bathroom, I was busy questioning my sanity at the onset of a retreat with White Eagle Medicine Woman.

It didn’t start out all warm and fuzzy.  The first night our cars got stuck in the mud.  Hence a massive tow truck extravaganza was added to the schedule.  Followed by a night freezing in my bunk bed (one of 12 in a room).  I woke to check for spiders as the rustic hostel seemed to be held together by webs.

I prefer retreats at a comfy hotel with a luxurious view and not a spider in sight.  

Getting ready for the day, I firmly instructed my petulant mind to look for the good. Just then, my internal pep talk was interrupted by a clear, calm voice.

“Be Goldilocks. Not too big.  Not too small.  Be just right.”

All my resistance seemed to flow down the drain.  I got it.  Just show up as myself without my stories.  I could do that.  And it made all the difference.  I didn’t have to make anything fantastic or awful.  It was just as it was, leaving me free to experience a retreat that was filled with new situations, people, insights, and transformative potential.

When I tend to get lost in storytelling (or absorbing stories from the world at large), I often here this inner whisper.  “Be Goldilocks.” 

Now if you don’t know the fairy tale of Goldilocks and the 3 bears, this principle won’t make much sense.  For those who forgot or never knew Goldilocks, a girl wandered into the home of a mama bear, papa bear, and kid bear.  She explored their chairs (too big, too small, just right) and their porridge (too hot, too cold, just right) until she discovered her “just right” bed and took a nap. [And then they ate her.]  Just kidding.

Now you’re all caught up and ready to use the Goldilocks Principle for yourself.

So why is now a good time? Because you are living in a world with people who are either running around with their hair on fire, going full ostrich, or caring well for themselves and others.

Too big.  Too small.  Just right.

Your quality of life and the impact you are having on the world (near and far) depends on which story line you are living.    

I’m aiming for “just right,” although I find myself acting out a hair on fire or ostrich scenario from time to time. I think that is natural, just not very helpful.  (Well, a little ostrich may be really helpful, but more on that below.)

Your quality of life and the impact you are having on the world (near and far) depends on which story line you are living.

 

Still, I’m getting a little overwhelmed by well intentioned emails, online offerings, and a host of other social media gatherings.   

I appreciate the effort, the heartfelt caring, and the ingenuity I’m witnessing.  Truly I do.  And I’m still a little overwhelmed.  Perhaps because I have a lot going on as I move my practice to telepsych video sessions, forage for toilet paper, care for family, and shift my gym workouts to nature walks and ZOOM yoga. 

However, upon reflection, I don’t think that’s the culprit. 

Up until now, I’ve mastered the “pull not push” approach to data and technology.  

I must make a conscious choice to look at my phone, email, or social media in order to pull or fetch information.  I have no notifications, no special text alerts, and no buzzing at all on my phone.  I avoid group texting whenever possible. Other than those times I actually turn on my ringer, my phone can’t reach me unless I look at it.  Same with my computer and no way am I getting an Apple Watch (even though I’m definitely an Apple person).  

All because I’ve chosen to be “just right” in relation to the socially connected world we live within.    

I’m not knocking anyone else’s choice about technology.  You be you.  I totally respect that.  I just don’t want to be caught in the midst of someone else’s decision to read me a story unless I ask for it. 

Problem is, everywhere I turn, I’m hearing these stories.  It’s not so easy to just fetch data when I choose.  Not if I want to be in touch with other humans, let alone really step into their world.  Their world is now the one world. And the one world has a big ass pandemic story broadcasting loudly over most every other story. 

Recognizing that this was the source of my overwhelm, I made a conscious choice.

I’m going a little ostrich. Laying my tiny little head down in the sand. And it’s helping me be me. 

Showing up in a sturdy, just right, happy to be here fashion.  So I can be here with you no matter what fairy tale, scary tale, or reality show you are living in the moment.  My decision to live the Goldilocks Principle is really good for my sanity.  And if I’m sane, then it benefits you when I show up present, ready to engage, and happy to be with you. 

When my brain, body, heart, and soul are happy to be here with you, I remember how to be just right. To be me, just as I am. To be with this moment, just as it is.     

I’m grateful for that muddy, spider infested, freezing hostel. I might not have been read into this version of Goldilocks if I hadn’t been so uncomfortable. (Nor opened to the transformation I experienced in that powerful retreat).   

By extension, then, I’m grateful for these challenging times where the only thing we seem to talk about is the virus and it’s effect on us.  

And that is as it should be. Still, I wonder what story line you living most of the time these days.  

If you are a hair on fire type, then soothe your system frequently.  No one ever made good choices from that space.  Especially since too much stress takes your frontal lobe off line.  And that is where all your “file cabinets” are – stock full of how to make decisions, creatively solve problems, and remember every time you rose to the occasion (or crawled over the finish line). Point is, you need these higher cognitive functions to manage these times well.

If you are too avoidant, especially if you feel you can’t cope well,  choose your ostrich moments wisely.  Don’t forget to lift your little head up from time to time to eat a good meal, call a friend, go outside, or forage for tp.  [See previous blogs Breathe Through It and Is your Response to the Coronavirus going Viral? I Hope Mine Is for techniques and perspective shifts.]

I think you, along with all of us, are gonna discover how “just right” you can be as part of one human family living this surreal story together. 

That’s a discovery worth seeking with your whole heart and soul.  How you will rise to care for yourself with so much kindness and support that you become the wind beneath your own wings. Then you can fly around helping others discover their own creativity, competence, and potential.  More flying.  More helpful contribution.

Less scary tales where bears eat a little blond curly headed girl just cause she foraged for porridge and needed a nap. 

At the risk of telling you what you already know, turn off the tv.  Stop re-reading the same old emails and insta posts.  Quit having the same conversation with everyone you talk to.  Now, I’m not suggesting you be rude, dismissive, or unhelpful.  I am suggesting you get conscious about how you are relating to this virus …. in your mind, your conversations, your data consumption, your approach to managing changes, etc.  

This week I plan to start a few things ….

Like an epic game of Monopoly.  And setting up the Milano basement gym so I can blast my workout play list (and lure others into working out with me).  I’m gonna clean off my art table so my daughter has her own creative space. And I’m masterminding a really cool surprise that has to remain a surprise, but it is exciting to me (enticing those feel good chemicals to course through my body).    

I’m putting away the phone, computer, and all things virus. ‘Cause playing, laughing, creating, and virtually hanging out with people is a sure fire way to soothe stress and boredom. 

The world needs more Goldilocks and fewer bears. 

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The Goldilocks principle is associated with the children’s story “The Three Bears.”  The concept of “just the right amount” is easily understood and may be referred to in common, everyday situations. Turns out it is also named and applied to a wide range of disciplines. Including medicine, biology, developmental psychology, marketing, astronomy, economics, and engineering.  Apparently Goldilocks was onto something big. 

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Is your Response going Viral? (I hope mine is)

 

How are you doing with the news of the spreading COVID-19 virus?  

Have you checked?  Really checked within yourself to see what is happening in your mind, emotions, body, communications, and behavior?

It’s important to realize that your propensity to deal with stressful events is wired within your beliefs, behavior, and general response style. 

If you are a fearful person, you’re likely to experience greater fear now.  If you are an angry person, you may get riled up about the way the media, government, or your neighbor are handling the outbreak.  If you are a calm person, your response will include sturdiness and the intent to return to a calm center. If you’re avoidant, you may have gone full ostrich by now.

If you’re not looking within yourself, you are missing something vital to your wellbeing.  

“Who am I in relation to this current situation?”  This helpful question, offered by the spiritual teacher Thomas Huebl, points you within yourself.  Within your own style of responding.  It encourages you to own your response at all levels of your experience.

This self-assessment offers you valuable information and a map to a calmer, sturdier way of being. 

Imagine if you checked in with yourself and found you were anxious.  Afraid of where the outbreak would appear next. Nervous about going out.  Worried about your family and friends.  Preoccupied with watching the news and talking about what occurred today.  Spreading the updates about who was impacted and how. 

This response is totally understandable and even social encouraged at this time.  Yet, is it helpful?

Sure, it can be a bit helpful if it has you practicing good hygiene, avoiding crowded places, and eating well.  And it can be a lot harmful if you are preoccupied with this fearful news and speculation while flooding your body with cortisol and other stress hormones.  Not taking action to change this response – or getting help from others to guide you – will leave you in an anxious loop, wreaking havoc on your body-mind (and your immune system).

[Check out last week’s blog, Breathing Through It, to understand the debilitating effects of persistent stress and how to intervene.]

We live in an interconnected, interdependent world.

This has always been the case, but it is now experienced differently with the benefit of airplanes, international business, the internet, and social media. Everything affects everything.  Even if you don’t notice it.   

Everyone has a contribution to make here.  What’s yours?  

Eavesdropping on your own conversations is a powerful way to gather intel on how you are reacting to events.  How often does the topic of the virus come up in conversations and what is the flavor of that dialogue? Don’t miss your internal chatter as that is where the scary stories unfold rather quickly. 

With this knowledge, you can map a plan to navigate your internal response to external events.

You know the basic hygiene.  You know the state of your own health.  

I’m wiping down everything at Soul Sanctuary a lot.  It has never been cleaner.  (Plus I’m working some Light and Energy magic ’cause that clears the fear and negativity.)

I’m washing my hands in hot water and singing Happy Birthday twice as recommended. I’m gonna learn the words to the Macarena soon cause it’ll be more fun and I can wiggle my hips as I wash. 

And I’m supporting those who need to stay away from crowds and make wise choices due to health concerns.  All while encouraging them not to repeat the oft told story of how old folks or sick folks are really at risk.  Your stories have power.  Choose them well and encourage others to do the same.

Turn off the news. Fear and stress are contagious.

Television is hypnotic. Leaving you more susceptible to the type of information that flows to you. The media knows this. 

Ask yourself: Are news stations broadcasting calming, empowering strategies to care well for yourself and your neighbor? Or are they promoting fear, drama, and doom?  Why call this a deadly virus when 98% of people recover?  It scares you, hooks you, and keeps you watching.  

If Mr. Rogers was in charge of the worldwide television response to the outbreak, what would that newscast look like?

 

If you’re anxious and finding it hard to calm your worries, talk with someone who can help.     

The intent is to calm the fires, not set them.  So, choose someone who feels sturdy and ask for specific ways to calm your mind, emotions, and body. 

If you’re calm and sturdy, see where you can be of assistance.  

Compassion.  Generosity.  Kindness.  Presence.  Appreciation.  These attitudes and actions are critically important in the way we treat ourselves and others.  Now is a good time to increase self-awareness and your practice in these areas.

Tend to your own energy body. 

There are lots of helpful ways to boost the immune system and calm the stress response.  Check out this youtube video put out by Donna Eden to support you with energy medicine techniques.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSF8z50nz70

Emotions and people’s opinions are contagious.  

I’m planning on spreading some sturdiness, optimism, and compassionate support to those I meet (and those who read this).   

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

“Be the Change you Wish to See in the World.”

Ghandi understood that every action, large and small,  had an effect on your internal and external worlds.  As Soto Zen master Shunryu Suzuki taught, “There are, strictly speaking, no enlightened people, there is only enlightened activity.” Phew.  There goes the pressure to become enlightened!  Now you can get busy offering the enlightened action. Changing worlds. Yours and ours.

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Got Stress? Breathe Through It

There’s a lot going on in the world.    

By that I mean your personal world and the global world we all share.  Fires. Viruses. Refugee Crisis. Political Mayhem. 

Plus lots of personal stressors. Current and historical.  Including the good kind.  

If we’re taking an honest look about (and within), we may recognize this has always been the case.  Tragedy.  Celebration. Break downs. New Explorations. Scary news. Heartwarming stories. Badness. Goodness. 

Life holds everything. It always will. 

Depending upon how you were raised and what you experienced, times of challenge may be experienced in different ways. 

If you walked on eggshells as a kid, you may be susceptible to walking on them now.

Unless you’ve retrained your system.  If you were helped to manage ups and downs with empowering strategies, positive mindset, and sturdy role models, you’ll likely experience more resilience.  Especially if you’ve taught yourself over time to flow more easily with everyday challenges or big scary world events. 

Everyone has the potential to “soothe their system” in the face of challenge. 

I view this as an essential skill on the path to sturdiness. 

Feeling steady within your being is a definite benefit regardless of whether you are facing a minor disruption to your wellbeing or feel you can’t hold your head above water one more moment. 

So how do you soothe your system?

Simple.  No matter what you are facing, you breathe through it.  The “it” in every case is the challenging experience (or group of triggering experiences) that you are facing when your anxiety, temper, heart rate, helplessness, or story telling escalates.

Breathing through it is a simple and effective technique. 

In fact, it’s so simple that a lot of folks dismiss it in favor of allowing the mind to run willy nilly, dragging the body along for the ride.  I hope you aren’t one of those people. 

Let’s break it down. 

Your stress response system was designed to keep you alive and procreating.  Since you are part of the human race, it looks like that goal is being accomplished.

When faced with a threat, this system uses a multistep process to send forth the first responder hormones adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol.  You know the drill – you have a surge of energy and greater focus so that you can run away or fight the threat. 

Trouble is, most of these tigers and pirates live in our minds – replaying like age old dramas or remakes of age old dramas. 

When a car cuts you off on the highway, the fast flowing adrenaline helps you react swiftly.  And the body allows the stress hormones to process through your system.  You feel the recovery as your heartbeat and breath pattern return to normal and the heat in your body subsides. 

Whew!  Dodged a disaster and off you go, singing show tunes. 

Unless of course, you keep replaying the scene and your upset over in your mind.  In that case, the stress hormones keep pumping and you keep being disturbed. (Who’s the pirate now?)

It is rare that you face an actual threat.  Most stress arrives by way of your fixation on the tigers and pirates who show up as deadlines, bosses, disappointing people, illness, financial stress, and replays of the past hurts of your life.

And when there is worrying and rumination, your body continually releases cortisol. 

This is all too common in the hectic, connected world you live in. Unfortunately, cortisol as a habit can suppress the immune system, increase sugar and blood pressure, contribute to weight gain, disrupt sleep, produce acne, and generally disrupt a felt sense of sturdy wellbeing.

Too much worrying and stressing, without the presence of actual tigers and pirates, keeps you walking on eggshells. 

Here’s the good news.  You have the power to change that. 

Even if your stress response system is hyper alert after years of vigilance (due perhaps to real threat if abuse of any kind was present in your environment).  Understanding the protective intent of a system which has become habitually overactive allows you to release judgement and just breathe.

Here are some (really) simple steps which can, over time create a new bodily response to stress.

 

1.  Notice you are stressed (cue physical symptoms, emotional upset, mental rumination).

2.  Cross your palms and place them in the center of your chest.  (This is called HeartBreathing – a technique in Heart Assisted Energy Psychology.) 

3. Close your eyes, if possible, and focus on your hands, heart, and breath.  

4.  Invite your breathing to slow and your exhale to lengthen. (You can inhale to a count of 4 and exhale to a count of 6.)

5.  Say a positive statement, mantra, or self encouragement to keep you focused on the calming action of HeartBreathing and away from the stress trigger. (“I am safe in this moment. I am taking good care of myself. Breathing calms my body and mind.”)

6. Flip your hands and continue HeartBreathing.  

7. Aim to continue the self-encouraging, positive statements while HeartBreathing (occasionally switching palms) for 4 to 5 minutes. Talk aloud if it helps you maintain your focus.

8.  Notice the way you feel now.  HeartBreathe as you notice the changes in your system.  Claim it:  “I soothed my system.  I did this.  I can calm myself.” 

A (really) simple practice with many immediate and long term benefits. Let’s take a look at what they are.

1. The long exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system.  The calming “brake” on the fight or flight response. 

2.The HeartBreathing enables the heart to return to a coherent rhythm and communicate the desire for regulation of the body (physically, energetically, chemically, electromagnetically). Dysregulation increases stress as you have frequently experienced.

3. A coherent heart rhythm also turns off the production of stress hormones such as cortisol and turns on the feel good, helpful hormones such as DHEA. 

4. The positive, self-soothing statements refocuses the mind away from the impending threat and creates a positive mindset.

5. Staying focused for 4 to 5 minutes allows the cortisol and other stress chemicals to be processed by the liver so they are no longer preparing the body to fight or flee. 

6. As your heart rhythm encourages coherence throughout your body, you have greater access to your frontal lobe with its higher order problem solving capacity.

7. All the while you are creating new neural pathways (allowing the brain to change), creating habits which support sturdiness, and discovering your capacity to alter your response to the challenges of the world.

Soothing your system takes a few minutes.  Creating a new approach to life’s challenges will likely take a lot of practice. 

I’m assuming you are an adult.  So that means you have a lot of years of reactive stress habits.  My suggestion is to not wait until you are in the midst of a self or other induced stress event to see if this works.  Just like lifting weights over time increases muscle mass, this practice can help reset the way your system responds to the good and not so good stressors in your life.  

Everyone walks on eggshells sometimes. 

Or gets lost in a mental rant about something that isn’t happening with someone who isn’t there.  If you are interested in a future that involves fewer Chicken Little responses,  practice this a lot.  

Calmer and smarter, you remember other ways to take care of yourself during challenging times. 

Wash your hands. Send positive prayers to the world. Turn off the constant news. Eat good food. Focus on your wellbeing rather than a possible pirate with a virus. 

Above all, remember that the world needs a calm, sturdy center.  Could that be you?

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

HeartBreathing and Energy Psychology. You know it’s my favorite thing to teach. Let’s just look at the breath. Veterans learned yogic breathing techniques. Why? Respiration is one of the autonomic functions you can control. Slow and deep breathing. Calming the fight or flight response. In one week, symptoms eased. One year later, even without maintenance of breathing techniques, symptoms were significantly decreased. Slow, deep breathing. Can’t say enough about it.

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Talking to Angels

Have you been talking to Angels?

Yeah, me too.  How’s that going? 

(That’s a real question.)

I really wonder what it’s like for you when you chat with the Angels.  I’d love to know the details. The Who, What About, When, How, How often and What happens type of details.  I’d love to know how they respond and how you know it’s them.    

I want to know what doesn’t happen.  Where it doesn’t work, when you doubt (them, you), when you forget them, when they remind you. When they disappoint you.  Or you them.

(Spoiler alert. That last option just isn’t a possibility.  Ever.)  

I want to know all of it.  So, email me.  I’ll read it. I’ll send you a guided meditation as a thank you.  Which one.  Don’t know.  I’m sure “they” will tell me.  

You know how you get so used to your way of doing things, you forget there are other ways?  That’s me.  Hence, my (real) question.

It’s a big world out there.  Lots of humans.  The cosmos is even bigger.  Lots of celestial conversationalists available for a (snap) chat. I wonder if you’re the chatty kind – talking all day to humans and light beings.  Or if you spend most of your time with one group over another.  Maybe you only talk (to humans or angels) when you really need something.  I wonder what it’s like for you.

I don’t read books about how to connect with Angels anymore. 

Not for years.  I read a bunch in the beginning.  They opened a new world to me and I’m deeply grateful for them. I liked having information about the Angels: names, roles, descriptions and ways to translate Angelic guidance.  This initial structure gave me the foundational knowledge and ideas about how I figure it all worked.  

I didn’t realize how these books also kept me bound within limited ideas about the Angelic Presence.  

I do remember the exact moment that door opened.  

I was offering an Angel reading as part of my practicum to become an Angel Healing Practitioner  You can just picture me.  My face and insides all screwed up in concentration as I “tried” to translate something that sounded like Angelic guidance.  Lots of tension. Lots of effort.

Until something akin to a tap on my right shoulder was followed by a question.  

“Do you mind if We take it from here?”

“Have at it!”  My relief was palpable. My knowing clear. My trust complete. 

From that day on, talking to Angels has become as natural as breathing. So has listening to Angels, streaming Angelic Conversations for others, consulting with them on all my life decisions, and helping you find your own way into this ongoing conversation. 

I know you have the skill to do the same.  I have zero doubt on that belief.  

Why so sure? I’ve sat with thousands of people throughout the years.  Heard so many Angel connection stories. Witnessed so many beautiful partnerships, heartfelt wisdom translations, and bodyfelt receptivity to the Angelic Presence.  Too many to count.  So, I know you absolutely have the skill to enter the conversation more fully.  

I just wonder where you’re bound. 

By your limited beliefs. By your doubt in yourself. By your experience (evidence) of not being responded to.  By your disappointments. By your perception that others can do this, but not you.  

I lived all of that.  Fully embodied disempowerment all the while I was having marginal success “talking with Angels.”

Those days are gone. These days I’m clear: the only time I’m not engaged with these lovely messengers is when I’ve left the conversation.  When I’ve narrowed my perception, my thinking, my awareness.  When I’ve gotten lost in one of my countless human stories that lead me to believe I’m separate from this ongoing flowing dialogue. 

These days I know the Angels are always Live Streaming.  

And, unbeknownst to most, you are always engaged in some level at that conversation.   

I wonder what your myths are about how this flowing, streaming beautiful conversation is “suppose to” happen.  

Myths.  Plural.  They are like locked doors – keeping you outside looking in at those who can talk to Angels, easily translate celestial wisdom, access deep Truth. These myths are keeping you separate from someone like me.  Just like my myths kept me in the “I’m not intuitive like you” camp for way too long.

This myth is not true. Just a distorted story which disempowers.  

 

There are lots of myths about how the Angelic conversation is supposed to happen.  If you’ve witnessed me live streaming – which is most typical when I teach, guide a meditation, offer an Angel Healing session, or an Angel Card Reading – you’ve witnessed one way of flow.   

I’d love to also talk about how damn awkward these conversations with Angels can be. 

To help you understand their nonlinear nature. How conversations unfold over time, across various messengers, and skip around topics. How the information is often cryptic, symbolic, and multisensory. How they show up at the most inopportune times.

How they pick up the conversation with abrupt questions, laughter when things aren’t funny, and challenges to act when it makes no sense.

About how to open to their rants about how much you are loved, cherished, and enjoyed. To let yourself feel the feels and experience the otherworldly even when it is physically disorienting or confusing.

I’d love to help you open to this Angelic live stream. 

I’m really invested in the other Angelic Invitation I received those many years ago.  “Teach them what they are already capable of.”  That’s what I’ve been doing for years now.  

Empowering you to discover how you (already) work.

Every workshop, retreat, and service I offer will help you discover more of your innate capacity to communicate with the Angels.  With every higher level of Wisdom regardless of what it is called.  This is what you are capable of. 

I invite you to WholeHeartedly, consciously, and freely enter the conversation. 

If you’re wanting personal instruction, hit me up for an Angelic Healing Journey.  It’s all about you as the Angels and other Wise Guides show up to answer your questions, invite themselves to hang out with you on a daily basis, and give you some hints for elevating your life.

Above all, remember this: You really don’t need me, or anyone, to show you the way.

You already know how to talk and listen.  You’ve already had beautiful and awkward conversations with all kinds of beings. Relax and have at it. If you want a guide, pick up a book, grab an Angel Card Deck, or find a teacher/mentor. 

All lead to the same place: your own Awesomeness.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

More than half of all adults in the US report feeling protected by a Guardian Angels, even those not considered religious.  One survey polled 1,700 respondents of diverse religious faiths: evangelical Protestants, black Protestants, mainline Protestants, Catholics and Jews. The finding that 55% affirmed a belief in guardian angels across religious, educational, and regional lines. Apparently, those angels really get around.

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What’s it Gonna Take?

 

What’s it gonna take for this family to stop bringing home plastic grocery bags?

This was the question running through my mind as I grabbed a bag full of plastic bags to bring to the recycle bin at the food store.   It was a real question and not one of blame. How to instill an unshakable habit of using our recyclable bags. 

Only 1% of single use plastic bags are actually recycled. Sad fact.

I reflected on how this bag of bags got here in my garage.  My husband running to the store for just a few items. My daughter buying something at Target.  Friends and family showing up with things in plastic bags. And me? 

I was feeling kind of proud of myself.  

The puffed up, blind kind of “aren’t I something” proud.  Thinking how I’ve pretty much mastered bringing my own bags everything. Then  I recalled that time in November when I blew my commitment to no plastic bags at the Macy’s shoe counter. 

I apparently couldn’t walk out of Macy’s with a stack of three shoe and boot boxes.  

Ok, but still, not bad.  Til I remembered shopping for SisterHood’s Holiday gift drive. Yup.  I bought hundreds of toys (due to generous donations) and 95% of them came home in plastic bags. All donations came in plastic bags. And all family bags (for 250 kids) travelled to SisterHood in big trash bags.  I’ve got to rethink that one next December.  

What’s it gonna take to run a gift drive without plastic bags? 

Later in the day, I enjoyed my ice tea at Barnes and Noble while I worked in the cafe. I recycled my single use plastic cup and had to throw out the straw.   What’s it gonna take to not use plastic cups when I’m out?  And how will I never, ever use a plastic straw again? (I’m thinking of the saddest photo showing how these straws interact with my favorite ocean creatures).

This question had taken on a life of its own.  It wasn't rhetorical and was waiting for action. 

 

So, I packed 3 reusable straws in my purse and a plastic Starbucks cup in my car.  I reinforced that commitment when I pulled out my straw at lunch over the weekend.  (The trick is to remember to take it home again!)  New habits created when a simple question prompts action. 

What’s it gonna take to not overspend at the food store? 

I wasn’t reaching for that question anymore, but it was reaching for me.  Inside Wegmans, I paused and considered my normal approach. I intend to get a few items and end up throwing twice that in my cart. This leaves me reaching for my credit card.  What’s it gonna take?  I checked my cash and determined I wouldn’t spend more than I had.

Shopping for food became a whole new adventure. And it included math. 

If you know me, you know math is not my strong suit.  Still, I travelled around making wise decisions and figured I was good.  I was good.  Just 18 cents short.  Lucky for me I had a hidden $10 bill in my wallet or something was going back.

What’s it gonna take to send all of the Love O kids to school next year? 

I was talking with Ahaji, founder of We the Village which supports everything for Love Orphanage in Haiti.  We were strategizing about the Be a Difference Maker education fund to send all the kids to school next year. Exploring some options, I wondered about the monthly commitment.

“$21 a month sends one kid to school. How many kids are covered that way?”

“12 kids aren’t funded.”  I was taken aback.  Clearly I had let that ball drop given that I was a Difference Maker committed to helping Love O kids get funded.  The conversation shifted from labor intensive fundraising to a simpler task.

Let’s find 12 people willing to make a $21 monthly donation.

What’s it gonna take?  Not much apparently.  Perhaps we just tell people about it and see where that very simple action takes us.  (If you want to transform a life through education, please check out my Making a Difference page to get the whole story.)

What’s it gonna take?

It’s only been 5 days since that question arose. I’ll spare you the rest of the situations it prompted me to notice. Which led to a tiny action. Which opens the potential for change within me.

Why am I WholeHeartedly engaging the question?

Because it showed up.  I trust Life’s wise invitations when they catch my attention. And because I truly want to be a beneficial contributor to the wellbeing of all of us and this lovely planet. 

What’s it gonna take to finish this story?  “The End.”

Thanks for listening. Hope this question  opens that place within you where it is easy to see options and take action.  Tiny or big. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Inventors, entrepreneurs, social change agents, artists, and scientists view the art of questioning as essential to discovery. Whether to create something original or solve a dilemma, questions invite the mind to open. Often leading creative thinkers to effective solutions, new paradigms, or original ideas. With self awareness, you can often trace an invention, change in habit, or adoption of an entirely new perspective back to a single question. Let your questions breathe.  They do their best work when you don’t rush to answer them!

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Looking for Kindness in all the Right Places

I merged with ease onto the highway, as I’ve done countless times before.

I slowed a bit to let the big white pickup truck with a trailer pass by before I claimed my space.  Gazing forward at the open road, I realized the pick up driver had moved over to make room for me.

I was struck by the kindness of that simple maneuver.   

Seriously struck. My heart warmed as those feel good chemicals zoomed around my brain and body.  In my mind, I was crystal clear that he had offered me a kindness.  It wasn’t just good driving protocol or a desire to save his shiny new truck from a potential run in. How did I know?  I’ve no idea, but I knew. 

So did my open mind, warm heart, and tingling body. 

I basked in that experience as I drove. Then a question arose. 

How many subtle moments of intentional kindness do I miss each day? 

I recognized that question offered me an invitation to play. So, I drove on – alert in my pursuit of kindness. The tiny, easy to miss kind.  Whether it was intentional or habitual didn’t matter.  Noticing what was already happening was.

I took a new route to keep me from going mindless while driving. 

Winding through neighborhoods on a lovely day surprisingly showed kindness everywhere. Drivers let others merge or walkers cross the street. A man picked up random trash. Doors were held in local shops. A lady kissed a neighbor’s dog.

Smiles exchanged. Lots of drivers waving at each other. 

The thank you, go ahead kind of waving. Nary a middle finger in sight.  

I stayed alert while exploring a new grocery store. 

A mom was kind to her frustrated child. Staff helped find stuff.  A young girl smiled as she paused in her stocking for me to roll my cart by. 3 times she paused and smiled. (I was a bit lost).  My cashier was to die for kind and even helped me put the cart away as I grabbed my bags by the front door. 

I went to Trader Joe’s next.  Happy.  Watching lots of nice people manage a crazy crowded parking lot.  

Same story indoors. After a bit of noticing all the help all around, I zoned out and stood in line.  I tuned in and felt the unity within me.  Happy.  Feeling the benefit of witnessing so much kindness.  I brought my attention outward and saw a laughing couple enjoying a really friendly cashier.

I heard ladies laughing behind me. Strangers apparently.  

Mind back on autopilot, I half heard a woman cheerfully mention she just got rid of a house full of tweens after a sleepover.  She had laundry in the washer and dishes in the dishwasher when her husband mentioned they were out of tea.  So here she was on Superbowl Sunday at Trader Joes with the rest of New Jersey. 

I was thinking that was mighty kind. 

I was thinking about how I felt after those sleepover days.  My husband would’ve been lucky to get a cup of tea. No way I would’ve run out for that one item. Let alone do it cheerfully. 

(Note to self - still more growing up to do.)

 

I heard her ask the manager, perched in his official birds nest, if he could ring up her 1 item. He didn’t have a register.

That woke me up. 

“Please, go in front of me.”   “Oh no, I couldn’t.”   “Please”  (really more like “Puleeeaase, it is so not a big deal).  It was a no brainer. 

“That was kind,” said the (really friendly) cashier. 

I hadn’t even thought about the kindness thing.  It just happened.  Habitual kindness.  Noticed and commented on.  I wondered if he might be playing the same game, so I smiled at him knowingly (sounds creepy when I write it).

Asking me to wait a second, he had a word with the floating manager. I packed my groceries and got my change. 

Then he handed me a tiny bouquet of flowers. 

“Thanks for being kind,” said my game playing buddy.  Intentional kindness met habitual kindness.  Really, truly sweet. 

It showed me a new level of the game. 

I could notice acts of kindness happening and I could intentionally create a few of my own.  I walked out and saw a woman struggle to lift her bags out of the cart. And leave the cart precariously poised to drift right into that shiny luxury car parked by the door. Intentionally, I returned the cart. 

Playing the game at this level – noticing and contributing – reminded me of my favorite square dancing move.

It’s been a (really) long time since my High School gym days, but I think it’s called a chain.  All cliques represented as we joined hands, laughed, danced, and wove through each other with great enthusiasm.  Once we all agreed square dancing was hokey and weird, we were free to thoroughly enjoy ourselves.

I remember that feeling of an open mind, warm heart, and tingling body.

It struck me then that Life invites us to play a lot of different games.  It doesn’t seem to matter which one you choose.  Just that it takes you into that warm, sweet experience of being a contributing part of this human family.   

I believe there is a lot of good going on in our world. 

Depends what you are looking for and what you’ve got to add. 

I hope you find your game today.

And discover the joy of playing, the playmates who await you, and that inner tingle. I hope you  inadvertently make someone’s day and cause a chain reaction of goodness. 

p.s.  I also remember playing with those little scooters in gym. Jumping on the trampoline. Routines on a tiny balance beam (8 inches off the floor).  Volley ball and my killer serve. Softball on gorgeous days.  Thinking back on it, gym class was so much fun. 

What about you?  I’m sticking with fun … as long as I block out days running around the track, playing basketball, and wearing that mandatory sleeveless, one piece polyester gym suit.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Kindness: the gift that keeps on giving. University of California researchers found an increase in positive feelings and life satisfaction, and a decrease in negative feelings, when participants performed acts of kindness, recalled acts of kindness, or did both. Next time you feel down or stressed, pull up a memory of when you were kind to someone to improve your own well-being.