Category: Blog-Creativity

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The Power of the Pause


Let’s tell the truth. Sometimes life gets you down.

As if the powers that be are conspiring against you. As if the power within you has gone on vacation. As if all your hard earned success at managing life seems out of reach. Those times may arrive with a shock or when the proverbial straw breaks the camel’s back.

Regardless of how the pressure came about, when it’s too much, it’s too much.

Many of you were raised with voices outside of you urging you to keep going. To keep your chin up, dry your tears, and keep trying. Now, that’s not necessarily bad advice, but there’s a time and place for that response.

Everything works better when there’s a rhythm that allows for intense focus and action interspersed with resting and day dreaming. Yet, that’s not the way of the adult world.

It’s the relentless messaging from family, school, work, and society to strive for success that gets internalized.

When you hear something enough, you begin to believe it. And adopt it as your own. Especially if you don’t know any better.

Kids know better.

When they’ve had enough, they cry out loud. They flop to the ground as if their bones are fluid. They let you know in no uncertain times that it’s time for a break. And they get one – a nap, a cuddle, a bath, or a snack.

Somewhere along the way, we adults forgot the benefit of that pause.

And when society forgets it, you’re invited to forge ahead. To work hard in order to prove your worth or earn your keep. Along the way, you get amnesia for the wisdom and pleasure of taking a pause.

The bigger picture has gotten so mixed up that a Time Out is considered a threat or a punishment by many parents (and children) rather than a wise intervention. Here’s the thing …

When it becomes the normative expectation to keep going, no matter what, you’re gonna run into yourself at some point.

That applies pretty much to everyone who has let go the Pause. Which means most of you. Especially you who are high achievers, working parents, nurturers, highly responsible workers, and creative entrepreneurs. Most of you might have a hard time taking a break when you need one.

That’s key: taking a break when you actually need a break.

Not when it’s your lunch hour, bedtime, or the weekend. Not when that project is finished, your boss is happy, or your kid has moved out. It’s best to take a pause and reorganize yourself as soon as you’re feeling the stress building up.

You can recognize the Power of the Pause to keep your breathing smooth, your brain sharp, and your heart open.

 

I hear a lot about stress every week. It’s inevitable since I talk to humans.

I hear less about pausing. When it is explored, I recognize that the adult version of a pause is pretty short lived. As if the bare minimum will be sufficient to lift every straw off your back.

A bath. A nap. A snack. A walk in the woods.

The truth is, if you’ve been raised in the world which tells you to keep going no matter what. And if your inner voice adds to the clamor by diminishing you if you want to take that break.

Well, you’re in a pickle. ‘Cause no little nap or afternoon on the couch will be sufficient to repair years and decades of striving to move forward.

It takes a concerted effort to reorganize a stress response system that has gone out of whack.

You were built to manage stress. To grow and thrive when faced with challenge. To flexibly navigate the steep inclines and curving paths of your day to day existence. When you’re clear headed and well rested, you’ve got options.

When you’re frequently feeling overwhelmed or moving through a particularly stressful time in your life, your potential to flexibly and intelligently respond to stress is limited. The more rigid your response to stress, the less capable you are to relate to life. And the more likely you are to be overwhelmed.

That’s why I created the Self Soothe Strategy PlayBook and guided meditation.

To remind you of something you may have forgotten. You have an intelligent stress response system which offers much more than a Fight or Flight response. When you balance movement with pausing and are aware of both the benefit and detriment of stress, you increase the tendency to utilize the appropriate response to each stressful situation.

You’re smarter when your stress response is free to guide you. Less ready to break and more ready to relate effectively.

Stress is a biological state designed to flexibly guide you into action and help you learn from experience. And you have choices in how to respond: the Challenge Response, the Tend and Befriend Response, or the Fight or Flight Response. You’ve got options. Overwhelm or a lack of understanding of how you work limits these options.

Understanding more about your Stress Habit, your Stress Response System, and your Stress Mindset opens the way to change.

Allowing you to integrate the benefit of Pausing throughout the day as a regular part of your routine. And as a response to a build up of tension. The Self Soothe Strategy offers a quick read so you get the basics needed to both understand how you’re primed to manage stress and how to consciously activate a more intelligent, beneficial response to the inevitable challenges of life.

I hope you take a moment to download this PlayBook. And pause to read it.

I hope you enjoy the guided meditation. and pause to listen. There’s some great practices in there. All designed to integrate the Pause. But, I’d recommend you take it further. Get serious about taking those breaks. Plan them as a regular part of your weekly routine and drop into the pause whenever you feel the tension rising.

When you need a break, take a break.

I’ll bet the sun still rises and the stars still shine. And you, too, will shine a little brighter without carrying the weight of the world.s

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Paying it forward. Tiny actions of kindness gather momentum. You may think of the benefit for the person receiving the kindness, but what about those who witness it? Research has found that witnessing kindness offers a feel good boost of chemicals. And makes it more likely you’ll pass it on. Subtle acts of kindness litter your day.  Watch for them. Create them without caring if anyone sees you. The result? Check out the Give a Little Love video on youtube by Noah and the Whale. Kindness paid forward. There’s no limit on that potential!

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Time Travel

I witnessed a big brown dog out for a stroll with a small boy on the end of his leash.

Laughing at the incongruity of the pair, I wondered who was walking whom.  I thought how easily it would be for this large dog to hijack this tiny boy to walk along the pet’s preferred path.  After a moment of chuckling, I returned to my previous worry about some future thingamajig.    As I reentered this worry pattern, the image of the big dog and the little boy popped into my mind. 

Who was walking whom?

My worry thoughts were like the big dog, pulling my attention away from the present moment.  Like a small child, my attention was yanked out of present time, dragged forward by this current of worry about a future that had not yet come. 

I realized I had been time traveling.

I snapped back to the present, breathed consciously, and noticed my surroundings.  “Be here now.” I checked in with my body and my emotions and found I was just fine. Everything in this moment was fine. 

I focused upon the beauty of the sky and the budding greenery of spring. 

I felt contentment, reflecting on my many blessings.  I was quickly back in the present moment – jerked back to real time by the simple appearance of a big brown dog and a small boy.  I had to smile as I imagined the young boy going home to announce to his parents that he had rescued a woman from the unnecessary throes of worry. 

My tiny hero and his furry sidekick. 

I reflected upon this epidemic of time travel.  How frequently your regret catapults you to past transgressions. This type of runaway time travel is distinctly different from a conscious review of past choices or making amends.  Practices of forgiveness, clarifying feelings, and righting wrongs are actions taken to achieve resolution, clear past bindings, and make peace with self and others. 

Allowing a return to the present moment rather than keeping you trapped in the past. 

Equally ineffective is a fearful leap forward, imagining future scenarios of how things could go very wrong.  While creative solution generation makes good sense, it’s different from fruitless worry or complaining. These are simply an inefficient use of energy, focus, and intelligence. 

Such fearful or critical thoughts pull your attention from what’s happening and placing it on what’s not.

Without the ability to notice and then sit with what is happening right now, you lose the option to consciously choose how to “be” and what “do.”  Calm contemplation, even in challenging times, helps you access greater wisdom so you may engage in inspired action. 

If you’re addicted to “time travel” (most of us are), you need to shift your mode of travel (worry thoughts) and destination (future problem).

 

Indigenous shamans, wise leaders, and conscious parents dream the future for themselves, their communities, and their great, great grandchildren.  They travel within their imagination, in partnership with their guidance, to witness a positive future.  But you’re no shaman, so how’re you going to dream the future?

Here’s the good news.  You’ve been in training for a lifetime.

All that time spent projecting your thoughts and imagination forward and backward in time makes you a genius time traveler.  That’s where the shift  comes in. Replacing worry with daydreaming a positive outcome.  Strengthening the vision with feel good emotions, encouraging self talk, and beautiful images. 

If you’re not great in the positive imagination department just yet, start by writing, drawing, or creating a vision board of a future outcome.

Time travel can be mindless (ruminating while driving) or mindful (noticing our surroundings, silent contemplation). You are already primed for this type of dreaming.  Exploring a lovely future sure beats being dragged along by worry. As a bonus, you’ll begin to create new neural pathways. Building new skills and increasing the potential for positive dreaming.

Observe yourself to notice how often you speed forward and backward in time.

Make a choice to stay present.  Plan some quiet time to consciously and creatively travel through time. Shaman style. Dream a new, bright future into being.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

A lot of people are EXCITED about the chance to vote in this presidential election. That’s new for many. Excitement. Passion. Commitment. Wanting to have a voice. Regardless of why they feel strongly or which candidate they are choosing, there is interest and commitment this year. This seems to be one thing we have in common with our fellow citizens. I enjoyed this encouragement to VOTE from the Hamilton cast. Here’s the link: Hamilton X When We All Vote. Spread the word. If you need help getting registered, call me!  I’ll help you.

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Creating my Website: 8 Lessons Learned

I value hindsight. It allows me to notice what I’ve learned.

When I complete a project, let’s use my beautiful new website as an example, I find myself naturally settling into a reflective period. I’ve learned the hard way that if I jump in to the next thing too quickly, I’ll miss all the juicy nuggets of things learned. I want to integrate these hard won insights, lessons, and discoveries. So I may practice and improve upon them as I grow.

I’ve learned to leave judgment out of the process.

It just isn’t helpful to judge yourself or others. That’s a diversion and is just covering up something that wants to also be seen. So, if you find yourself judging, dive deeper to see what is within you that needs to be heard, held, and helped. Then you’re free to meander through the project’s creation. Celebrating the sweet spots, taking note of what is yet to be learned, and gently acknowledging things could have been done differently.

Here’s 8 (really valuable) lessons I’ve learned during the creation of my website.

There’s more, but 8 is enough. Here goes. Life is creative. You are creative. It doesn’t matter if you are making your art, developing a business, raising a child, planting a garden, or transforming your life. The act of living is an act of creation. I hope my insights inspire you to keep going and create something beautiful for the world.

1. It’s okay not to know how to do it.

When you are leaping (or crawling) to a new level of creating, it seems obvious that you won’t know “how to do it.” After all, it’s a new level. Ask any high school student at the beginning of the school year if they understand algebra, chemistry, or physics. First time in? Not so much. Ask again at the end of the year. This expectation that you “should” be able to do something which requires learning, new knowledge, and perhaps skills you’ll never get around to learning, is kinda silly really. Funny that it’s such a common expectation. I hope you let that idea go.

2. You can’t do it alone. No one ever does.

No one does it alone. Not ever. Especially when creating and growing requires knowledge, skill, and experience that you don’t have. Kinda obvious, huh? Everything builds on everything. And so many people help along the way. I’m so grateful for Rodrigo who built my first beautiful website when I opened my private practice and started offering workshops in 2005. And for Emma who midwifed me through a lengthy process of clarifying and translating my Soul’s intent into a work of HeArt.

I’m truly grateful for Rich who has supported every need online and found every solution throughout the years. Who is still figuring out how to make things work so I can do my work. For dear friends and colleagues who have encouraged and taught me along the way. For the depth of this Cosmic guidance appearing in so many ways. And for you. All of you who show up, share, and live the inspired ideas that flow through my work. Who inspire me to dive deeper. You do nothing on your own. That much I know for sure. (Which is why I value sending Love Letters expressing my gratitude).

3. Be true to your Soul (and not marketing advice).

I had to let go so much expert advice on “how to” create my brand, voice, website, and offerings. In the midst of confusion and overwhelm during the process, I recognized something. I had to be true to myself and what wanted to flow through me. I had to choose these inner promptings over outer advice. So, I quit trying to be concise (not my strong suit) and just let my words flow. I stopped searching for the catchy phrases or the best way to create a webpage.

I wanted to create a work of HeArt that would serve you. So I did. Unapologetically, I decided to show up true to myself. While I hope that truly serves you, I’m clear about following the voice of my Soul rather than marketing advice. With that said, I’ve learned a lot from the expertise of those in the marketing and business development fields. I’ll keep on learning from them and only take what aligns with my Soul.

4. Let your ideas be seeds not end products.

Your creative process is a process. And it’s influenced by unseen forces which are wildly creative and supremely intelligent. I’ve learned that my little pea brain and the tiny ideas I hold there are nothing compared to what wants to be created through me. Plant your seed: be curious about your ideas and nurture them. Remembering that nourishing an idea does not mean demanding it appear in a way that pleases you. Then go seek genius, beauty, and delight in the world. When you’re inspired by those who let their seeds grow wildly, you open to the possibility of what may be.

Your creative process is a process. And it’s influenced by unseen forces which are wildly creatively and supremely intelligent.

 

5. Transparency helps you stay real.

Tell the truth. Sometimes creating some new version of yourself or a project is exhilarating and enjoyable. Sometimes it’s a shit show. And often it pulls you down into your patterns of limitation. So you can see them, break through them, and rise up higher.  It’s human nature to excel, to fail, to show up, and to hide. So, get real and tell the truth.

Not everyone needs to know everything of course. This isn’t a suggestion for a lack of boundaries or forgoing self awareness. Save the private work for the sanctity of your trusted Soul, true friends and helpers, and supportive colleagues. Just give up the presentation that everything is bright and shiny. Social media does enough harm that way

6. Creativity meanders. Give up the straight path.

You were raised in a world that teaches the linear, hierarchical path. Yet, you meander. We all do. Take a look at nature. Listen to anyone’s life story. Explore how innovators, artists, and rule breakers came into their ideas and their current way of being. You’ll find the meandering path in all of these places. Meandering is the way of the Soul and the movement of life.

The societal message that you have to start here, do this, and get there is a work of fiction. Well accepted fiction, but it’s just not the way of life. When you practice the art of meandering and see each diversion as an indication of your path’s wise direction, you cease to bang your head against the brick wall. This takes practice. We’ve all been trained as head bangers who come up short. It’s not our fault. Meandering wasn’t in the curriculum. Put it back in.

7. Don’t quit. Do go outside and play a bit.

It’s okay to lay down a project. Sometimes you need a break for a bit. Sometimes COVID happens and everything turns upside down. Life is wise. So are you. When inner or outer disruptions interfere with your project, take notice. Breathe deep, take a break, and ask your inner wisdom for guidance. Maybe that answer shows up immediately upon asking, but most the time it takes a while to arrive. It’s a good idea to head out to play a bit. Let what’s happening behind the scenes happen. You aren’t doing this alone, remember?

You may have to let go a hidden belief so you can grow into a bigger potential. Or somebody or something else has to come into place. It may be time to make peace with making mistakes or not knowing how to proceed.  Who knows? Worry less about where you are in the project timeline and enjoy the meandering art of creation. Coming back into alignment with everyone and everything that is conspiring to create something wonderful and beneficial.

And when you’re done playing, get back to work. Tiny actions and persistent effort, when executed wisely, yield very cool results.

8. Let go of perfection as you strive for excellence.

I like things to show up the way I want them. I’m meticulous about beauty and accurate representation. I had to learn to let go and let Emma create beauty. To enter the design with Rich so I could tweak and bedazzle it to my liking. And then just let it be even when parts didn’t work. To make the decision to launch a site that isn’t perfect and may never be.

Again and again, to face the inevitable brick wall that isn’t brick at all. Just a reminder that not everything can be figured out quite yet. That mistakes are made and eventually will be fixed. And to hold the commitment to the Soulful intent with positivity, love, and gratitude. Again and again. Witnessing what unfolds. Accepting what is less than perfect.

At the end of the day, it’s a Love Letter. To you and your Beautiful Soul.

And that’s what matters. You. Loving your Beautiful Soul. We, together, all of us. Loving all Beautiful Souls.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Daily creativity can help you flourish. Research suggests that everyday creativity leads to greater well-being. A study tracked time young adults spent in daily creative endeavors, reports of positive and negative emotions, and “flourishing” (an overall sense of meaning, purpose, engagement, and social connection). Results revealed that being engaged in more creative activities than usual led to positive emotion and flourishing the next day. Negative emotions didn’t change. Since the reverse wasn’t seen (positive emotions and flourishing didn’t increase creativity), findings suggest that everyday creativity is an important to wellbeing.

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My New Website: A Work of HeArt

I feel like I birthed a baby, nurtured her as she grew, and sent her off to college.

Okay, it may seem a bit much to compare the creation of my new website with the miracle of parenting. Forgive me. I’m still a little sleep deprived. But I’ve learned that both experiences lead you on a wild ride. I do know my heart is so full of gratitude, love, and a sense of wonder about possibilities I can not quite see. 

This was my fourth attempt at creating a new website. 

The first three ended in the proverbial brick wall. After banging my head against that damn wall for a while, I admitted I couldn’t do it. And I laid the project down. Disappointed again in my lack of ability to see through the seed of an idea and the nudging of my Soul. Too busy with life and too stymied by my own limitations, I let the project go. 

Over time, I felt a cringe each time I went on my website. 

So I avoided it as much as possible. I orphaned my own creation rather than seek the source of my perceived limitation. Now again, I’ll skip the drama. Truth be told, I didn’t suffer that much. After all, when you avoid a pain point, you can effectively dodge the discomfort. You know this, I’m sure. And you also know that regardless of your avoidance, when your Soul has an idea for your life it will persistently return your focus to that idea. Until you follow it in your own time. In your own way. 

Apparently, I’ve grown up a bit. So I could partner with my Soul instead of hide.

Through all these years of Soulful exploration, meaningful work, and personal transformation, I’ve followed the path that lights up before me. Sometimes I skipped or ran forward. Other times, I walked slowly and took a lot of breaks. Many times, I stepped off the path entirely only to learn that wasn’t actually a thing. Well, it is a “mind thing.” Another dramatic idea of how well or not so well you are living. And it seems to be amplified for the spiritual seeker (but, you already know that mind game). Laying down this mind thing, I realized something.

Your whole life is the Path. So is every acceptance or avoidance. 

 

Through the years, I’ve been clear on what I wanted to offer you. My work reflects that intent, regardless of the state of my website. My heart reflects that intent. When I remembered this truth, the brick wall disappeared. I knew what I wanted to create, just not how to translate it on the web. And I was ready to find those capable of translating my Soul’s guidance and heartfelt intent into a new form. 

When I’m ready to partner with my Soul, I’m all in. No matter what.

You’ll see what I mean when you read some of my stories on my site. And understand that I created a website that is true to my Soul’s intent to create beauty, empower women to awaken their potential, offer rich resources to enhance your life, and serve from my WholeHeart. I hope you feel that when you visit.

I hope you feel the Love that flows through this intent to your heart.

I’ve created some rich resources for you.  Free. Empowering. Practical. In fact, my whole site is full of embedded insights in my pages and blogs.  The free offerings are intended to empower you to develop skills so you may navigate life effectively and with greater ease.  

Download my free Self Soothe Strategy. 

This 60+ page PlayBook helps you understand how to transform Stress to Calm.  The accompanying meditation guides you in a daily practice so you may optimize your body, mind, and energy. I’m kinda in love with that PlayBook. You’ll see why.

Download my free Light Globe meditation.

Creating a coherent energy field is essential to wellbeing. This daily practice will teach you how to harmonize your energy and align with the light of your Soul. Use it anytime you seek to strengthen your field and gain greater clarity in your day.

Angelic Reminders have a new look, too.

These lovely little nuggets arrive weekly via email.  Offering you some Angelic suggestions about how to connect, play, and live the intuitive path.  

You may have to seek and find these offerings. 

That’s the fun of it.  Be curious. Follow through. I’d be interested in hearing how these practices enhance your life. Try them out and let me know. Deep thanks for being with me on this Journey. My heart is full.

Next week, I’ll share 8 (really valuable) lessons I learned along this lengthy creative endeavor. 

You won’t have to create a new website to benefit from these insights. Just apply them to whatever you’re doing these dayst

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Ready to boost your confidence before that meeting? Grab your art supplies (or borrow them from your kid) and let your creativity flow. A study at Drexel University explored how a variety of creative activities would effect self-confidence in adults. Working with collage, modeling clay, and markers, participants were encouraged to create art. Free style. 73% reported an increase in feelings of self-efficacy after only 45 minutes. Just imagine the potential benefits if businesses included art breaks for employees. Why not implement your own 45 minute creative experiment at work or home?

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Back to School. Uncharted Territory.

My fingers typed a different title. Uncharted Terror-tory.

Interesting. True for some. But not helpful. So, I deleted that inspired blip and chose to begin anew. I’ve spent the past month listening deeply. To parents with kids heading back to school. From preschool to graduate school, these parents were wrestling with making difficult decisions for the wellbeing of their children.

Faced with the uncertainty of knowing what the plan would be.

If the school could carry it out, and how it would affect their kids, themselves, and their community. Dealing with their own anxiety, frustration, fear. All the while supporting their children and wondering how to give them some degree of choice.

Every time a decision was reached, something would change.

I’ve been listening a lot this past month to teachers, school administrators, college staff, and private school faculty. It’s been quite a mixed bag of anger, frustration, fear, resentment, blame, positivity, creativity, and professionalism.

It’s basically a shit show in New Jersey.

Every district making decisions. Confusion reigns within schools and throughout the communities.  Tempers flare. Fears are heightened. Divisions between teachers, administrators, unions, and parents widen. Anger seeps out over the great divide between those with means and those without. Unchartered terror-tory seemed to be the culprit behind it all. 

As I see it, everyone is doing the best they can.

There just is no easy answer. And no single playbook. The best laid plans going astray when real kids walked through the school doors. Kids texting parents on the first day. So undone by the distance, the masks, the rules, and the changes. Teachers anxiously trying to teach those in front of them and those on the monitors. While remaining safely distanced and maintaining order. Families at home fiddling with technology. Virtual kids heading out the front door after “early dismissal.” Parents admitting they have to leave their tweens and teens home alone so they can go to work.

Parents scrambling to create work stations for all the kids and themselves.

I’ve been listening. To working parents who are angry, frightened, overwhelmed, and falling behind at work. As tempers flare between partners and between parents and kids. To patient parents who know they aren’t teachers, but are seeking to do the best they can. To parents and teachers who know special needs kids need special teaching. And to everyone experiencing brain and eye fatigue from so much screen time.

As I listened to all the hardships and heightened emotions, I wondered what everyone would learn this year.

Not the academic kind of learning. I wondered if we little and big humans would become more creative, kinder, curious, stronger, and resilient. I think we can. But we adults would have to make some big changes. Right now. Starting with ourselves, no matter what our role is in the education system. Teacher. Parent. Student. Neighbor. Adminstrator. Grandparent. Volunteer. Board Member. All of us together.

Let’s help kids learn.

 

Not just math, science, and history. Let’s model how to be creative, enthusiastic, adaptive, and positive. This is an unprecedented opportunity for adults to model how to meet great challenges in life with grace, understanding, and a best effort to carry out imperfect solutions. To take a deep breath, listen closely to the needs and ideas of others, make mistakes, and try again. It’s a time to stay light – on our feet, in our minds, and mostly, in our hearts. Praise, support, encouragement, and understanding. The kids needs these qualities. And so do the adults.

Let’s lay down all complaints and judgements.

All of them. 95% of what I’ve listened to, across the board, during this past month have been expression of anger, frustration, complaint, blame, and frustration. I get it. I truly do. But, here we are in the midst of a COVID driven world. What are we teaching our kids? Let’s get positive.  Solution focused. Genuinely willing to help. No matter what. There’s always a higher solution. Let’s seek that.

Let’s look for strengths and resources.

Human beings have a great capacity for intelligent problem solving, creative learning, playful engagement, and respectful relating. I wonder what ideas the kids, teens, and college students have about how to best learn. And could the adults, teachers, and parents actively seek ideas from their young charges? And each other. Not only about how to succeed in this strange new educational landscape. Seeking out what’s needed in terms of emotional, relational, and academic support. In all directions. This is about being real, not super human. Some days you’re offering strength and resources. Some days you’re on the receiving end. Both have enormous value for the wellbeing of our human tribe.

Let’s practice radical compassion. With a great dose of love.

For ourselves, our kids, school officials and teachers, parents, and every damn person who is struggling. Face it. We’re all struggling. Sharing with colleagues, other parents, and peers how we are feeling, what we’re doing to care for ourselves, and how we get/don’t get help is empowering. Looking out for adults who lost their jobs or kids whose parents work. This connects us with one another, generates new ideas, activates the desire to care for others, and leaves us feeling less alone or helpless.

Let’s stay open and curious to how it’s all gonna play out.

Maybe schools stay hybrid. Maybe they go all virtual. Maybe we all get to hang out face to face again. Since we truly do not know the future, let’s stay curious. This invites flexibility, adaptability, and humility. No one has the answers. This leaves us vulnerable. Dependent even. Kind of like children. Maybe we’ll appreciate what it’s like to be a vulnerable, dependent kid/teen/young adult again. And be kinder, more willing to listen and understand.

Let’s help one another.

There’s no shortage of need these days. The kids, the parents, the schools, the elderly, the jobless, the frightened, the lonely.  The list goes on. We’re in it together. And you’ve got more to offer than you can even imagine. Who needs your strength, resilience, creativity, compassion, and love? 

Just ask the question. I imagine the answer won’t be far along.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Want to help a student succeed? Focus on what’s most essential: positive emotions. Research has found positive emotions, such as gratitude, love, amusement, and wonder, enhance cognitive flexibility. This boosts the ability to deal with change and be curious about new things. Flexibility, positive emotions, and openness to what’s new are important in the COVID school environment. Helping students seek out positive emotions can enhance emotional well being. And students with higher levels of emotional wellbeing tend to have higher levels of academic achievement and are more engaged in the learning process.

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Filling my Pockets

Everywhere I look, there’s worthwhile work to be done. 

Our oceans are filled with oil spills and plastic garbage.  Our atmosphere is polluted and forests are disappearing at an alarming rate.  Worldwide,  we’re grappling with a pandemic.  Adults are losing jobs and unable to care for their families.  People of all ages are sick, lonely, dying, and afraid. Our country is divided on so many issues. 

People everywhere are filled with rage, despair, insecurity, sadness, hunger, and fear.

Everywhere I look, I see opportunities for worthwhile work. Important activism. Creative solutions. Helping hands. Witnessing our world leads me to speculate:  What to do?  What to do?  What skills are required?  What is the focus of my worthwhile work?

Overwhelmed by the magnitude of the questions and the need, I choose to sit still. 

Really still.  I wondered about the work I already do. And the worthwhile work that may be calling to me across the noise of my busy life.  “I thinked and thinked” as Winnie the Pooh would say.  And then, I didn’t think any more.  I guess you could say that I just “be-ed.”  In this state of beingness, a thought emerged: 

“If I could fill my pockets with only two things, I would carry Love in my right pocket and Kindness in my left.”  

I realized how these qualities help Life flow more easily for myself and others.  So, I pulled on my favorite jeans, stuffed Love and Kindness in my front pockets and headed out the door. 

Actions guided by Love and Kindness worked with people of every age, ethnicity and gender, across all walks of life.  They even worked on me. They worked in nature – pristine and damaged.  They worked across the internet and within the inner net.  These tools worked.  Although sometimes, I forgot to stuff my pockets. 

On those days, I walked under a cloud. Miserly in my misery until I ran across some kind, loving soul with pockets overflowing.

And I was helped to remember the power of love and kindness, applied flexibly and consistently throughout the day. Over time, I stuffed my pockets with Clarity and Wisdom, Fearlessness and Ingenuity, Humility and Grace, and the ability to Laugh and Cry with friends and strangers.  Along the way, I forgot the original question. I just chose to be Love and Kindness or whatever quality was called forth from me in the moment. 

It’s not an exact science, but it seems to work for me. 

Until I forget to fill my pockets. That’s where you come in. Your love, kindness, courage, and ingenuity helps me a lot. Thanks for that. And keep it flowing.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Being kind toward others is associated with stronger mental and physical health, relationships, life satisfaction, communities, and even economies. Some researchers encourage you to cultivate kindness as a practice for wellbeing. For you. For the world. So think in terms of circles.  Start offering kindness to family, close friends, office mates. Smallish is fine. Smiling, holding doors, saying thank you, picking up a piece of trash on your neighbor’s yard. Then expand your circle. Tiny acts of kindness for strangers. Concentric circles of kindness. Could they change the world?

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Something New

I’m ready for something new.
Time to shed a skin or two.
Habits and thought patterns are stale.
Begging me to begin a new tale. 

I am mired in the same old dance,
Convincing myself of its importance.
Yet feeling an invitation in the breeze,
Which tickles me and makes me sneeze.

What grand dreams were just inhaled?
What new walls here to be scaled?
Glimpses of new vistas that I see,
Sent back in time by a future me.

I ask, “What is there?
How do I prepare?”
I answer, “Throw away the map
And climb on my lap.”

Carried away by an unseen dream.
Across uncharted territory.
Upside down and topsy turvy.
No time to rhyme.

Bump, I land back where I began,
Steadied by a Divine hand.
The invitation is crystal clear.
Thus invoking lots of fear.

With child’s mind, I venture out.

 

With child’s mind, I venture out.
To play, to risk, to sometimes pout.
If new is what I’m called to do,
I guess I’ll try a thing or two.

Tickled by this unseen dream,
The path is clear, just can’t be seen.
Who knows where I may land?
Or who will come to hold my hand?

Emboldened by the memory
of a brave kindergardener me.
I venture forth to this new game.
Trusting I will not remain the same.

Hoping for playmates along the way.
I trust you’ll venture out to play.
I’m ready for something new.
Are you?

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

There’s a lot of benefit to writing, reading, and listening to poetry.  Research shows it benefits the brain, developmental learning, creative expression, and opening to new perspectives. I like this quote from Phyllis Klein (Women’s Therapy Services.) “…poetry gives rhythm to silence, light to darkness. In poetry we find the magic of metaphor, compactness of expression, use of the five senses, and simplicity or complexity of meaning in a few lines.” Why not try it out? Let your creative juices flow. Perfection be damned!  Express yourself.

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Gone Fishin’

I hope you’re enjoying midsummer even in the midst of uncertainty in the world. 

I took a month away from social media, including writing this blog, in order to step away from the opinions and happenings of the world. This reprieve allowed me to enjoy the sweetness of my work, watch Hamilton (twice), read, and rest.  I enjoyed a relaxed pace during my days. Spent time with loved ones, watched Netflix, stayed home, and slept longer.

I found the restoration had a surprising impact. 

I wanted more. So did my body and my mind. So, I’m following this inner invitation to do less and engage the world slowly. I’m curious about what is unfolding within and around me. And I’m watching as the creative impulse is waking up.  Wondering what will come of this change of pace. But certainly not rushing it.  

The idea of a “Gone Fishing” sign hung on my door feels deeply appealing. 

And I don’t fish. I do appreciate the natural world and have been basking in long walks in the woods, watching rainstorms, and sitting by a mountain lake. Watching bald eagles fly, ducks dive for food, fawns scamper, and a bear eat our trash. All magnificent, my favorite was the bear climbing into our trash enclosure. He was nimble and enjoyed the early morning for his exploration.

Until we got wise and locked our trash in the garage. I kinda miss that furry gymnast.  

Another hot topic filling my conversations is the approach of the school year.  Big decisions across the board as I listen to administrators, teachers, students, and parents. Every level of education, from preschool through graduate school, is being upended. The choices are varied. The opinions are strong. The reactions are vulnerable. The solutions are creative. The disappointments are endless.

And it could all change tomorrow.  Such is the world we live in.    

More and more, I’m dropping into the precious moment. The Now Moment. Into the report of sweet encounters between people. Into relaxation and my resting body. Into memories of good times.  Into the practice of breathing deeply. Everything seems precious. 

My retreat from the world is reminding me how precious this life really is.

 

While it doesn’t seem like rocket science, it makes a lot of sense.

In one of my quieter moments, I was thinking about SisterHood families.  And those in neighborhoods who have been deeply affected by the loss of jobs and the higher cost of food. Thinking about how Burlington City kids would be returning to school.  Or not.  Exploring what I could do to help.

When the phone rang.

My friend, Rev Hilda, was calling to let me know of the sudden death of a long time SisterHood volunteer.  Nothing COVID related.  Just a precious life ended suddenly.  With the broad reaching impact on loved ones, friends, and community that loss always brings.  I worked a lot with Evelyn.  Saw her live through some troubles and courageously come through them.  She was happy.  Proud of herself.  Connected with her family.  The future looked bright.   

You just never know what this precious life will bring. Nor what it takes away.

I wondered how I could pay my respects to a family who didn’t know me.  And then I realized that I could pay my respect of Evelyn by paying it forward. To take an action that was aligned with her daily volunteer work.  Giving back to the SisterHood community.  Taking care of the vulnerable kids. Something Evelyn did with enthusiasm in a community that welcomed her into their lives.

You don’t have to know Evelyn to help me act like her. 

Worlds apart, I imagine you share something in common with her. The desire to give of yourself. To share. To make the world a little easier for kids and their parents. If you’re interested in supporting the SisterHood School Supply Drive, scroll down for the flyer. Any NEW school supplies for K – 12 will be useful.  It doesn’t make a difference if the kids are heading to school, choosing a hybrid option, or going the virtual option.  As my daughter recently reminded me, kids still need school supplies. 

I’ll be at Soul Sanctuary for the Sidewalk School Supply Drive on Saturday, August 22nd from 9 – 11am.    

Free free to drive by and drop off some supplies. Bring a mask and have a lovely outdoor distance visit.  If you’d rather I shop for you, that works.  Reach out to me via email and let me know what serves you.  If that day doesn’t fit in your schedule, I’ll let you know what day you can drop supplies on my front door step at Soul Sanctuary.  Thanks for your help here or wherever you offer it in the world. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

We can get overwhelmed when thinking about the inequity in homes and schools. The reality that many kids don’t get back to school shopping nor show up with basic supplies, such as a notebook or pencil, is heartbreaking. Yet stories of teachers, neighbors, volunteers, and kind people abound.  Remember to focus on the good!  And the potential to do good.  It not only primes your brain for good health, resilience, and emotional wellbeing. It might lead you to be the one who makes the difference for someone in need!  Win.  Win.  

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What’s your Medicine?

 

A powerful question for these uncertain times.  How would you answer it? 

I’ve been hearing a lot about medicine. 

For allergies, spring colds, headaches, and body aches.  The pharmaceutical kind of medicine that is in most medicine cabinets and advertised relentlessly through every media channel.   Chemotherapy, radiation, anti-anxiety and depression medications.

And natural supplements like Vitamins C and D, zinc, Airborne, and essential oils.  Boosting immune systems and treating symptoms naturally in a time of global illness. I’m listening to people speak about medication most days.  It’s a part of life.

Energy medicine also sprinkles through all my conversations. 

That isn’t so surprising since I’m using Energy Medicine and Energy Psychology techniques in most interactions with people.  Heart Assisted Therapy.  Emotional Freedom Technique.  The Body Code. The Emotion Code.  All the Light work with the Angels and beyond.  Giving you access to your own natural power. 

Awakening your inner healer.  So you can treat yourself.  

Easy to learn. Practical in application. Yet, often forgotten or underutilized. Even though I offer sessions every week, I often forget to use these techniques myself.  Such is human nature and the power of the conditioned mind. Good to remember and drop back into creating the new habit of using these techniques more frequently.

I’ve been hearing a lot about self-medicating these days.

Emotional eating.  Stress eating.  Drinking too much. Laying around binging Netflix series you don’t even like. Overworking.  Letting go normal activities like exercise, chores, or showering.  Too much caretaking at the expense of your own wellness. These are all understandable activities during a pandemic while self-quarantined. 

There’s no judgment here. 

I’m just noticing that I’m eating ice cream again and not working out with weights.  That’s fine here and there, yet ultimately not the best medicine to keep my body vital and strong.  Taking a look at yourself without judgment, you may notice the ways you are attempting to soothe your stress, loneliness, boredom, fear, and loss.  Awareness precedes choice precedes change. 

Compassionate awareness leads to a potential to chose a different medicine.

There’s some yummy, feel good medicine going on here.  Generously helping others. Planting gardens. Walking in nature. Creating art. Reading books. Connecting via phone, email, video, and drive by visits.  Playing games. Praying for those near and far. Learning something new.  Sending Thank You notes. Singing together. Dancing.

Within the indigenous traditions, a shaman or medicine healer may evaluate your dis-ease with four powerful questions.

 

When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

 

Diagnostic in nature. Insightful in contemplation. Prescriptive in action.

I believe these questions speak for themselves. Make use of them with one caveat. Good medicine requires a compassionate view toward yourself and your life. No judgment here. That won’t help you discover the healing which is awaiting you.  Some of you may dive within these questions – grateful for the structure and capacity to explore every crevice.  Others may find it more helpful to touch the edge of a question. To notice what wants to be gently explored or practiced. 

There’s a hint in every question. An answer. A map marker. To guide your way home to yourself. 

I love the potential of diving deep.  Grateful also for the benefit of walking gently into these questions. I’m a fan of “not knowing” what may arise.  And for taking the shortest route to discovery.  So, I’m taking the “hint” to awaken some good medicine to see me through.

I’m sitting in silence.  Dancing a lot to different kinds of music. Singing softly and loudly. Alone and with others (albeit via recording). Enjoying stories. 

Seems we are in this topsy turvy world for the long haul. Together. Every day you may notice yet another thing that is gone, different, or unknown. You are in the midst the great upheaval. We all are. 

Knowing that you are responsible for your own wellbeing, this seems like a good time to become more aware. Asking yourself what is helping you steady your light, boost your immune system, strengthen your mind-body-energy system, awaken your soul connection, and empower your own evolution. 

The Art of Becoming. Evolving into a luminous human during this time of great uncertainty.  

I’m curious. Enchanted by Life’s invitation to evolve. Aware that I’m at choice. Interested in becoming more while doing less. So, I’ll be diving into some beautiful questions and open space. By myself as an investment in my wellbeing and creative ability to serve others.

Choose your medicine wisely. 

Are you noticing who is prescribing your medicine?  Is it the media, western medicine, subconscious habits, or your live streaming inner wisdom? There’s a hint of an answer in that question as well.  Remember that everything is waiting for you as you dance, sing, pray, create, and engage stories.  A cornucopia of natural healing awaits as you commune with nature, stillness, and your own Soul. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When you smile, they smile. At least their brains fire off the neurons as if they were smiling.  A smile comes your way. Your brain fires off neurons ‘as if’ you were smiling. Mirror neurons are thought to be the physiological foundation for empathy. Helping you read people and interpret how they may be feeling. One thing about trauma, shock, chronic helplessness, or depression. It robs you of your natural smile. With the presence of mirror neurons, another person’s smile can activate your neural pathways even when your face doesn’t match up. Smile more. At yourself. At everyone. The world needs your smile.

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Balancing Loss and Gain

 

I’ve been contemplating loss.

It seems to be a shared experience within this worldly crisis.  You know that loss is a natural part of the ebb and flow of life, yet it seems to be starring in a show of its own these days. Perhaps because your attention upon what you have lost (or may lose) is heightened as so many areas of life are altered. 

I’ve been made aware of so many deaths this past week: worldwide and personal from the virus and from illness. 

Too young, mid life, and quite old.  The sudden death of a beloved pet. The inability to be with loved ones in the hospital or mourn together at a funeral. I’ve learned of loss of income, of businesses and careers, and access to health care. The loss of freedom of movement, in person connection, and physical touch. The absence of creature comforts like entertainment, hair salons, and public parks. The challenge of obtaining basics like food, especially for vulnerable populations. The loss of innocence or a sense of stability.

It feels heavy – this processing of so much loss.  Sitting with so much grief, distress, fear, and uncertainty. 

And yet it feels perfectly natural given my experience as a psychologist and as a human.  The gratitude to “be with” another as they share their losses warms my heart, even while sorrow arises. This is what it means to be human. To come together to share in the sadness that life inevitably brings. To open the space for grief and celebration.  To allow an uncertain future and doubt in one’s capacity to navigate new terrain. This is a privilege – a grace that I am to share in this moment of someone’s life. 

If dealing with loss is so familiar, what’s the difference now?

Sheer quantity and variety.  Worldwide shared tragedy.  Entering a time of true uncertainty.  Most of you haven’t been lived through wartime, famine, or plague. I haven’t. So it’s hard to grasp the magnitude of this worldwide crisis. And if you try, by exploring every news story, you ultimately escalate your stress and thus diminish your capacity to process the layers of loss that you will inevitably face.

It may help to view this unprecedented crisis as a rite of passage.

 

Rites of passage are part of life in the normal developmental process of growing up. They also occur when life shocks you by its unexpected twists and turns. They involve moving from one state of being to the next. They happen when the ground beneath you seems to dissolve or radically shift.  When you are left asking “What happened to my life?”  And this question propels you forward, often without your knowing it.

The first stage of this transformative experience is a focus is upon what you have lost. 

How you have been separated from the life that which was your normal experience.  In our now time, as the world trembles together, you may discover something new each day, each week, where you are facing yet again the absence of something you may have taken for granted.  The losses are obvious and subtle.  Sometimes not considered until you reach for something that is no longer available. 

This is a good time to stop and breathe.  To be still with the noticing of this loss.  

To not rush forward.  To just “be with” yourself for a moment.  Allowing any response to arise.  And if that feels too difficult and there is someone to reach for, then lean into that other who can share this space with you.  Sometimes this other is not a person – it may be a pet, the comfort of a cup of tea in your favorite room, or a Divine being who brings you solace.  

The next stage within a rite of passage is the liminal time, where you dwell within a place of uncertainty.  

Alone and together, you face what’s lost and the “not knowing how” to traverse a future that is no longer predictable. To be with what arises as purely as you can.  To tell the truth about how you are shaking and how the world doesn’t make sense like it used to.  In a time like this, you travel back and forth between these stages as new areas of loss reveal themselves.  As questions arise that can’t be answered. 

Most humans need others to travel these paths of loss, grief, uncertainty, and fear.

Rites of passage naturally involve others.  Those that may guide you.  Those with whom you are traveling. Those who hold space and witness your movement. Looking for these partners at this time is essential.  Reaching out to those who help guide, encourage, and steady you as you point to the next place of being.  Falling into a sense of belonging, even peripherally, to a community that resonates with you.    

Be open with this definition of community. 

It does not have to be a tight knit group.  You can feel a part of a community when you, and thousands of others, join over the internet with a teacher or leader.  It can be provided by a book and the teachings within it – tuning into wisdom within the written page and within yourself.  It may be a ZOOM class, church service, or a chat with family and friends.  

When you recognize that you share this experience with all of humanity, you may have found the largest community of all. 

In all things, life seeks balance.

When you recognize loss in this time, you may also recognize gain.  These are two sides of the coin in human experience.  The buddhist tradition speaks of 8 worldly winds or 8 worldly concerns, represented by two contrasting experiences:  pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and insignificance. 

The middle way of dealing with stressful events is to recognize both sides of the coin.  

Just as you contemplate loss, you may notice how much is gained in these days. What has been offered to you by way of others: help, kindness, shared material goods, or service.  Noticing time with children home from school or returned from college. Connections with friends, family, and coworkers across various platforms.  A gain of free time, creativity, new ways of working, or projects to help one another.  New skills developed and knowledge gained.  Even the capacity to make peace with boredom, isolation, and life turning upside down.

Discovering places within – some unsteady, some resilient – which want to be known.    

Allowing you to develop further into a better human being.  Laying down some old patterns of behavior and thinking, while learning new ways of relating to yourself and this world. 

Using this time to look deeply within and ask “What is ready to go and what is ready to grow?”

Being open to what is found as you tread gently through the fields of uncertainty and bring kindness into every exchange with yourself.  After all, it is likely that you are doing the best you can given the circumstances.  Just like everyone else.  Don’t get caught in the trap of judging yourself (or others) harshly.  You’ve got enough going on without that additional stress.

I’ve been contemplating what I have gained.  

Not as an intentional exercise.  More like a natural reflection that occurred during these past many weeks.  It is interesting how life brings you naturally into rhythm with balance.  As if quietly offering you a hint about how to live well, even in the midst of calamitous times.  

I’ve gained so much. Witnessed so much of humanity’s goodness.  Been helped and given the opportunity to help.  I’ve connected in new ways to people familiar and new across the world.  And have resurrected the old styles of communication as well. Snail mail and telephone calls.  Backyard visits and dinner over a game of monopoly.  

I’m deeply grateful for all of it.  And for the sheer force of today’s stress to drop me back into my breath.  Into the stillness of my being. 

Here, I remember my essential nature.  Aware. Loving. Wise. Available.

Steadying me from this inner foundational space so that I am present to what comes in this moment. Trusting that life will show me the way through. That every resource, internal and external, will serve me.  Especially when I am centered, still, and open to whatever life brings.

I still prefer gain over loss. Yet, I am willing to be taught how to live in greater balance.   

I am willing to be a student to the great teacher – life in its entirety.  To breathe and bring myself into balance again and again.  I see this in people everywhere and am encouraged.  When I am in a community of humans who are using the current circumstances to grow into better versions of themselves, then I am in a community who will support my own desire to do the same.  Another gain.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Microcredentials influence the Job Hunt during Covid. The pandemic’s negative impact on job hunting college graduates may give a boost to the “stackable credits” approach to earning a degree.  Some universities are offering college credits as industry-recognized certificates. These “microcredentials” are allowing students to enter the job market long before they graduate. This changes the landscape as students aren’t waiting for college graduation to demonstrate skills in exchange for a salary.