Category: Blog-Psychology

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Pickles and Fudge. A Life Lesson.

I’ve been inundated with pet stories. Vet stories. Happy stories and sad stories.

This led me to flash back through memories of childhood pets. I guess we had a bunch over the years. A dog, a kitten, a guinea pig, snakes, turtles, gerbils, fish, mice, and a chicken (a story for another time).

In my current family, we started out by petsitting the Montessori animals.  Easier that way.

Let’s just say it was interesting. The frog (stunk), the chinchillas (made noise all night), the albino rabbit (ate our curtains), and the dwarf rabbit (made his heavenly exit while in our care). After all that practice, we agreed to take in a house broken rabbit (ate the couch, also departed for greener pastures above). Finally, we were ready for our own pet.  Feeling confident, we brought home two dwarf hamsters and got them settled in their new home.

I still remember my third grader reading a story to Pickles and Fudge to help them adjust to their new home. 

Sweet memory. And the day I came home from work greeted by a worried daughter.  “Something is wrong with Pickles. Can you look at him?”  Pickles was alone now after Fudge departed suddenly without fanfare.  Cradling Pickles in my hand, I witnessed a swollen cheek and slanted eye.  Something was seriously wrong. 

Ghosts of past pets hopped into our minds and our musings.

Memories of Fudge flooded the room and the conversation.  The rabbits (plural). Bubbles, the goldfish won at a school fair, who recently floated to the light. Sensing a theme?. 

“Is Pickles going to die?” 

My daughter went to bed worried and sad.  My husband reminded me of the “facts.”  Dwarf hamsters have a life expectance of only 1 – 2 years.  Logic told him that if one hamster died, it might just be time for the other hamster to go as well. 

I don’t like facts.  They limit my options.

Deeply mired within facts and fearful conditioning about pets dying, we spent the weekend observing a decrease in activity.  Was Pickles eating less?  Was he having difficulty breathing?  Were we getting closer to losing him?  It was a helpless feeling that did nothing to support Pickles, nor my daughter’s ability to process what was occurring. 

Rather than hanging around waiting for this little guy to die, we took some action.

We realizes we were projecting so much worry, sadness, and fear onto this tiny creature.  Flowing healing energy through our hands, hearts, and minds, we held little Pickles.  Pictures of dolphin friends, known for their healing ability, and other positive helpers were placed with near the cage. I felt a bit of relief as if I had ‘done something.’

Until I realized that my daughter’s first question upon waking or returning from school was “Is Pickles dead?”

Enough.  I realized that if this was a larger animal, such as a dog or cat, I would already be at the vet to explore what was wrong.  So, why wasn’t I calling a vet for Pickles?  Was I unwilling to spend the time, money, or attention because he was small and had a predicted short lifespan?   Was I viewing Pickles as expendable simply because he was a hamster?

I realized beneath concern for my daughter’s well-being lurked the real shadow: a disrespect for life.

 

How could I go through my days without exploring what might be done for the benefit of Pickles and, relatedly, my daughter?  I found a vet who specialized in “pocket pets.”   I made an appointment for the same day.  “First name?” asked the kind clerk.  “Kathy,” I replied.  “Name of the hamster?” she kindly prompted me.  Oh.

Two hours later, Pickles Milano and I were off to his appointment. 

I was touched by the kindness of the vet and her assistant who clearly respected little Pickles regardless of his predicted life span.  The verdict?  Pickles had an abscess in his cheek for some unknown reason which could be rectified by surgery. 

Oh my goodness.  Nothing was wrong with his eye after all – it was just squished by the swelling.  With a little anesthesia, sweet Pickles would have this gook drawn out of his cheek and live happily ever after for some time to come thanks to his strong heart.  “How much would all of this cost?” I asked.  Silly question, really.  As if I could walk away. 

As Pickles Milano was led to surgery, I was surprised by the depth of my respect for this tiny speck of life. 

And the welling of emotion as I shed a tear in the waiting room. My heart opened as I considered what it might be like for such a tiny animal, usually protected within his cage, to experience this medical intervention.  I pushed my worry aside and drew forth every positive ray of energy for the benefit of my furry teacher who reminded me of the importance to respect all life, all ways. 

“We have to hurry back to the car,” I said, “Pickles is waiting.” 

Expressions of confusion, fear, and hope flitted across my daughter’s face. Followed by a big smile when she learned that Pickles was sticking around for a while longer.  For the next two weeks, that wiggly fur ball brought the family together morning and night as we attempted to drip the antibiotic into his tiny mouth.  With minimal mess, lots of laughter, and only a few nips, Pickles absorbed the nurturance heaped upon him. We all shared a collective breath of relief.

At the end of this experience, we conducted a cost analysis. 

Examination, anesthesia, surgery, and antibiotic:  $101.  Our daughter sleeping peacefully while a lively Pickles Milano created a ruckus running on his wheel all night: Priceless. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

57% of Americans report that experiences make them happiest, as reported on Happify (a wellbeing website). Especially experiences that connect you with friends and family, provide a memorable story, align with personal values, or are just downright unusual.  Using your money for leisure boosts wellbeing while the thrill is short for purchasing material goods. Good news! A cup of coffee with a friend carries more weight in the wellbeing arena than your mortgage.

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Uprooted. Vulnerable. Willing. Open.

 

Walking with a friend last week on a gorgeous morning, we came upon the most magnificent tree.

It was different than the rest of the sentinels along the path. And so it attracted attention. Not only ours. Lots of people got off their bikes or veered from the path. To look at it.  Touch it.  Marvel at it. Talk about it.  Record it. 

This tree was a conversation starter. It brought us together. It demanded our attention.  

Toppled by the violent wind in the recent storms, this massive tree stretched out prone on the open grassy lawn. Leaving a great hole in the earth. Roots torn asunder – some still deep within the earth and many dangling.  After years of growing to a great height, rooting deeply and owning its place, the tree’s established foundation had broken.

My friend, interestingly enough, was reading a new book: The Hidden Lives of Trees. 

As she shared some insights, I learned about the interdependency of trees. Communicating, supporting, and sometimes harming one another. Providing a home for the lichen growing on the bark and small greenery planting itself by the base.

Such a massive tree required years of growth, dropping roots deep into the earth to sustain its ability to become a giant. Stable and steady, even in the face of great storms. I was reminded that no tree exists alone. That nothing within the ecosystem is independent in and of itself. Everything contributes to everything.

Unearthed, this tree invited a closer look. Forcing a new perspective.

I stood upon the massive horizontal trunk and put my nose into the vertical lawn. I found a spider, an ant, and a bee buzzing on the clover. I examined the lichen and marveled at the trunk.  

This was a wonder to me, all this activity normally left unnoticed.  I wondered why it took such a dramatic movement for me to reflect upon the importance of each aspect of the system.

I stared into the gaping wound in the earth. It was massive and spoke of the force and violence necessary to create it.   

Looking around, I noticed another tree with split earth around its foundation. It would topple in the next wind storm. Prepared to fall. Willing to let go or forced to surrender its dominant position, I didn’t know.  I didn’t ask. Instead I finished my exploration and wandered away into new conversations.

It is easy to veer off in another direction. Dismissing the importance of a structural change in the system.

Yet, something had me coming back to this scene and the perspective shift it offered. I spoke of this tree to others and shared my photos. It touched something within me that needed to be revealed. 

I felt this tree had something to teach me if I was open and willing to be taught.

The symbology hasn’t escaped noticing as I’ve entered deeply into conversation and self-reflection about the recent murders of Ahmaud Abery, George Floyd, and Breonna Taylor. And the powerful reaction across our nation revealing our gaping wound, our divided nature, and the overlooked disparity that infiltrates every aspect of life for people of color. 

The violence and power has broken open the prevailing structure to reveal deep, deep roots and a gaping wound.

Reverberating around our country, our history, and our world. This isn’t a new issue.  Yet, today this invitation is loud, large, and powerful.  For each one of us to examine our own contribution to this interdependent ecosystem of society. To see where we have been blind. To hear where we have been deaf. To act where we have been passive.  To learn when we have been unable or unwilling to explore. 

The inequity of structural racism is wide spread and mutually reinforcing in our society.

We live in a societal ecosystem that promotes ongoing discrimination and disadvantage through inequities in all areas of life.  Creating trauma, a public mental and physical health crisis, economic disparity, and race influenced interactions for people of color. Ordinary people facing extraordinary challenges.  This mostly goes unnoticed by those of us who haven’t grown up with black or brown skin. Who haven’t faced the subtle, overt, small, and large insults, obstacles, and lack of responsiveness by the rest of society. 

I felt this gaping wound had something to teach me if I was open and willing to be taught.

 

I’ve been in conversation about race, inequity, and the need for restorative justice, respect, and systemic change since I was a young woman. It was natural for me given my life experience. Yet, I often veer off into other conversations and the habit of living my life. Forgetting that all parts of the system affect all parts of the system.  Forgoing my responsibility to see, hear, and act in a way that honors my neighbors, supports well being, and contributes to repair of our relations.

Like most of you, I’ve been listening.  Heart and mind open.  Sometimes calm, sometimes turbulent. 

Allowing vulnerability and discomfort to be my companions as I’ve explored the heartbreak, fear, rage, trauma, and hopelessness that is being experienced and expressed. Sitting with the hope, the momentum, and the anguish in the request to not turn away once this storm has passed. Encouraging the call for true inquiry into the issue so that societal change may occur. So that racism in all forms may be uprooted and a healthier system put in place.

I’ve sat within the breaking as people have confronted places within themselves they haven’t been willing to see before. 

I’ve found myself up against strong opinions and deeply rooted foundations of separation and misunderstanding. Like many of you, I’ve read, talked, marched, and listened.  All the while allowing my emotions, thoughts, and conditioned beliefs to freely enter the storm. In all of it, I recognize the intergenerational trauma of a society mired in racism and inequity across its systems. And I ask a simple question, “How may I contribute to the healing …. of an individual, community, country, system, world?”

These conversations have revealed that people are paying attention. They want to learn more and own personal responsibility for the ways they have contributed to the problem.

I don’t know the big answer. I’m not that expert. I do know a place to begin. I believe we must start with the person in the mirror. Recognizing that if we want to change the outer world, we must first shift the inner world. And to do this important inner work – the excavation of the societal conditioning living as our beliefs, values, and biases – we must be able to soothe ourselves. So we can remain open even when vulnerable or wanting to turn away.  So we may allow the possibility to look, listen, accept, process, and release that which harms. So that we may develop a new way of being with our human family.

Society is a living system. When one part of the system is disrupted, it has far reaching consequences. 

Our country has been disrupted since its inception and we must dig deep if we are to explore an alternate path forward. Buckminster Fuller said “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that mades the existing model obsolete.” 

The erupting crisis, rooted in centuries of structural racism, has caught our attention and demanded our personal response. 

Calling us not to fix the old model, but to dream a new future. As painful as this is, it is a wound that has something to teach us. So we can learn how to be present and open during challenging, uncomfortable conversations. So we take responsibility, make amends, and shift behavior. So we don’t walk away from the issue once the national outcry dies down.

So we don’t once again leave people of color to fend for themselves in an unjust society.

The experts know that a systems based, integrative view is essential if we are to create change across all aspects of society. With a focus upon restorative justice, the healing of trauma, the engagement of meaningful conversation across all groups of people, institutions, and policy makers.

It takes more than experts. It takes everyone to build a just world. 

Deep listening. Respectful action. Let’s not walk away. Let’s be that change.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Want to improve your communication skills?  Focus on nonverbal skills, listen for the essence of what is being said, and offer “support responses” that allows more self expression. Brain research reveals that staying open to the possibility you are wrong reduces activity in the amygdala, where you react to perceived threats. Neuroscientists at UCLA found when participants with firm political opinions had their beliefs challenged, their brain activity resembled that of someone being chased by a bear. At this level of arousal, a difference in beliefs may be interpreted as being evicted from the tribe. Threatening survival, belonging, and connection. Knowing this changes things. 

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Emerging Wise Women

 

I’ve been dreaming a lot.  

Receiving instructions about how to live a more beautiful life.  This is new for me – the tenacity in which this information is streaming through my dreaming.  And I’m grateful for the variety of focus.  Seems like it is touching on all areas of my life.

So much room for improvement.  Without concern for having misunderstood so much. 

The more I open, the more I receive. I kinda like dropping into the sleepy state at the end of the day.  With delightful anticipation, I share my gratitude for the day and ask a Beautiful Question.   

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows.  

More like roses with thorns.  I don’t mind the thorns, even when they stir up my vulnerability.  I’m interested in blossoming.  I’m dedicated to living an empowered, meaningful life.  So, I’m pretty much being shown the rocks, weeds, and thorns that have been hidden within me.  And those that have been glaring, but I hadn’t wanted to look at them.  I’m willing now.

I’m not the only one diving into the Shadow Self.  

Seems like this global crisis has stirred up a lot of muck for all of us.  Revealing the places within us that are out of balance.  Revealing those aspects of self that have been disowned and are now wanting shelter from the storm.  

I’ve been helping many women listen to the parts of themselves they’ve abandoned along the path to adulthood.  

It’s never intentional. When you understand it is a complex protective system that sends aspects of your younger self running for the hills in times of overwhelming challenge, things shift.  Potential for reintegration emerges.  Including the potential to listen deeply and finally hear what these abandoned aspects are trying to tell you.

It’s hard to listen when someone is belittling you, punishing you, and reminding you of your inadequacies or unlovability.  

Yet, you listen to these inner voices all the time.  We all have them.  Formed when we were young, often overwhelmed by the circumstances of our lives, and internalizing the critical messages offered when others and society were in tension and imbalanced.  Which was often.

So when you are in tension and out of balance, these voices emerge. All thorns. No rainbows.

Until you listen below the negativity to the pain and longing that is being expressed.  The sadness and isolation.  The fear of never being good enough, wanted, or loved.  The orphaned aspects of yourself lie beneath the judgments toward self and others. They lay beneath the envy or longing to be like another whom you admire.  So many ways these parts of yourself are expressing their desire to come home to rest within you. 

I found security in the ability to enter into another's world without defense.

 

When the world stays at home, there are fewer distractions.  Offering you a delicious opportunity to rejuvenate and reevaluate. To see what emerges in the open space. And to explore what lies beneath these strident inner voices so you can welcome your disowned parts home.

Becoming more. Becoming whole.

I’m grateful for this time to witness the parts of me I have dismissed. To dive below the surface to discover there is so much more waiting for me. And be shown the benefit – practical and magical – for integrating these young parts into my adult self.  I’m grateful to witness the work women are doing to call themselves home.  To offer a trustworthy, nurturing, and compassionate space for their own precious nature. 

In the midst of this, I woke up dreaming a new class.  It was unexpected.  A weaving of different traditions.

Supporting the intent to become more, become whole in the midst of this turmoil. To allow wisdom, creativity, beauty, and vulnerability to awaken. I was intrigued as this class unpacked itself over 2 days.

Exploring the 4 Directions of the Medicine Wheel.   Guided and supported by 4 Goddesses, 4 Spirit Animals, and 4 Rays of Divine Light.

To explore the strong medicine of the Soul which is coaxing forth your recognition of the Wise Woman within.  To bring Her more to forefront, it is also essential to invite home the wondrous and vulnerable aspects of yourself.  To welcome the roses and thorns in the same way you welcome rainbows and unicorns.  This is an essential Journey and you’ll have plenty of help along the way.  Especially when encircled by other women who are keen to participate in their Soul’s evolution. 

The Art of Becoming: Evolving as a Wise Woman in Uncertain Times begins June 2nd (new date!). 

This 4 week class is for women only.  Please join me if you’re interested in a deep inner dive to discover what wants to grow and what wants to go.  To nourish the luminous seeds of your wholeness that are waiting for you. This class will empower you to strengthen your commitment and discover the map markers, wise guides, and beautiful practices which will support and sustain you on your journey.

Do pop over and explore my workshop page if you’re ready to dream with us.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

One secret of happiness? Research says people. 
Large scale surveys at the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center found that people with five or more close friends are 50% more likely to say they are “very happy” than those with smaller circles.  Now, if you don’t have 5 best buds, don’t freak out.  Just know that investing in friendships matters. Even casual social interactions on a regular basis empowers wellbeing.

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What’s your Medicine?

 

A powerful question for these uncertain times.  How would you answer it? 

I’ve been hearing a lot about medicine. 

For allergies, spring colds, headaches, and body aches.  The pharmaceutical kind of medicine that is in most medicine cabinets and advertised relentlessly through every media channel.   Chemotherapy, radiation, anti-anxiety and depression medications.

And natural supplements like Vitamins C and D, zinc, Airborne, and essential oils.  Boosting immune systems and treating symptoms naturally in a time of global illness. I’m listening to people speak about medication most days.  It’s a part of life.

Energy medicine also sprinkles through all my conversations. 

That isn’t so surprising since I’m using Energy Medicine and Energy Psychology techniques in most interactions with people.  Heart Assisted Therapy.  Emotional Freedom Technique.  The Body Code. The Emotion Code.  All the Light work with the Angels and beyond.  Giving you access to your own natural power. 

Awakening your inner healer.  So you can treat yourself.  

Easy to learn. Practical in application. Yet, often forgotten or underutilized. Even though I offer sessions every week, I often forget to use these techniques myself.  Such is human nature and the power of the conditioned mind. Good to remember and drop back into creating the new habit of using these techniques more frequently.

I’ve been hearing a lot about self-medicating these days.

Emotional eating.  Stress eating.  Drinking too much. Laying around binging Netflix series you don’t even like. Overworking.  Letting go normal activities like exercise, chores, or showering.  Too much caretaking at the expense of your own wellness. These are all understandable activities during a pandemic while self-quarantined. 

There’s no judgment here. 

I’m just noticing that I’m eating ice cream again and not working out with weights.  That’s fine here and there, yet ultimately not the best medicine to keep my body vital and strong.  Taking a look at yourself without judgment, you may notice the ways you are attempting to soothe your stress, loneliness, boredom, fear, and loss.  Awareness precedes choice precedes change. 

Compassionate awareness leads to a potential to chose a different medicine.

There’s some yummy, feel good medicine going on here.  Generously helping others. Planting gardens. Walking in nature. Creating art. Reading books. Connecting via phone, email, video, and drive by visits.  Playing games. Praying for those near and far. Learning something new.  Sending Thank You notes. Singing together. Dancing.

Within the indigenous traditions, a shaman or medicine healer may evaluate your dis-ease with four powerful questions.

 

When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

 

Diagnostic in nature. Insightful in contemplation. Prescriptive in action.

I believe these questions speak for themselves. Make use of them with one caveat. Good medicine requires a compassionate view toward yourself and your life. No judgment here. That won’t help you discover the healing which is awaiting you.  Some of you may dive within these questions – grateful for the structure and capacity to explore every crevice.  Others may find it more helpful to touch the edge of a question. To notice what wants to be gently explored or practiced. 

There’s a hint in every question. An answer. A map marker. To guide your way home to yourself. 

I love the potential of diving deep.  Grateful also for the benefit of walking gently into these questions. I’m a fan of “not knowing” what may arise.  And for taking the shortest route to discovery.  So, I’m taking the “hint” to awaken some good medicine to see me through.

I’m sitting in silence.  Dancing a lot to different kinds of music. Singing softly and loudly. Alone and with others (albeit via recording). Enjoying stories. 

Seems we are in this topsy turvy world for the long haul. Together. Every day you may notice yet another thing that is gone, different, or unknown. You are in the midst the great upheaval. We all are. 

Knowing that you are responsible for your own wellbeing, this seems like a good time to become more aware. Asking yourself what is helping you steady your light, boost your immune system, strengthen your mind-body-energy system, awaken your soul connection, and empower your own evolution. 

The Art of Becoming. Evolving into a luminous human during this time of great uncertainty.  

I’m curious. Enchanted by Life’s invitation to evolve. Aware that I’m at choice. Interested in becoming more while doing less. So, I’ll be diving into some beautiful questions and open space. By myself as an investment in my wellbeing and creative ability to serve others.

Choose your medicine wisely. 

Are you noticing who is prescribing your medicine?  Is it the media, western medicine, subconscious habits, or your live streaming inner wisdom? There’s a hint of an answer in that question as well.  Remember that everything is waiting for you as you dance, sing, pray, create, and engage stories.  A cornucopia of natural healing awaits as you commune with nature, stillness, and your own Soul. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When you smile, they smile. At least their brains fire off the neurons as if they were smiling.  A smile comes your way. Your brain fires off neurons ‘as if’ you were smiling. Mirror neurons are thought to be the physiological foundation for empathy. Helping you read people and interpret how they may be feeling. One thing about trauma, shock, chronic helplessness, or depression. It robs you of your natural smile. With the presence of mirror neurons, another person’s smile can activate your neural pathways even when your face doesn’t match up. Smile more. At yourself. At everyone. The world needs your smile.

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Building Cathedrals

How’s your perspective these days? 

When stress increases, your perspective naturally narrows.  It is important for survival and safety.  The velcro brain shrinks the bigger picture so you make sure you’ve got plenty of food, funds, and friends/family.  (Unless you’re ready to toss your family out the window, but that’s another story.  Hang in.) 

Remember the basics: breathe, soothe yourself, and connect to the higher/inner wisdom.   

Whenever you are stressed, your system is disorganized.  So harmonize first and engage your Soul in order to see more and know more.  This is essential.  Not only for you but for all of us in this interconnected family.

When you live from a Soulful perspective, you ask beautiful questions. 

What am I learning?  How may I grow, mature, evolve during this challenging situation?  What do I have in common with people around the world?  What am I to do in this moment? What do I have to offer others in a way that does not compromise my wellbeing?  What needs to be healed within me so I can transcend the small story of my life?

Hint:  This last one is a biggie right now. 

Your personal patterns and vulnerabilities are likely activating.  View this as your Inner Healer trying to catch your attention.  Notice what is creating stress for you.  Once soothed, be curious and ask your inner wisdom, what belief or pattern is creating this stress. 

What is ready to be released now?

Do the work.  Alone if you can.  With a friend, mentor, professional, or a celestial being.  This time – right now – is rich with potential for your Soul’s evolution.  You likely are fine in this moment (reading these words).  Belly full, house providing safety, internet for connection, a book to read.  By letting go of the things that bind you, a new freedom to creatively flow your gifts to the world will emerge.

I was reminded recently of how tiny we are. And how influential when we open our hearts.

I experienced a visual perspective jolt watching tiny Andrea Bocelli standing in front of the massive Duoma Cathedral in Milan.   Singing his heart out. Inspiring and connecting people the world over.  Moving people to tears, hope, prayer, gratitude, and a desire to share beauty.

Humans have been building cathedrals to the Divine and the mythic perspective for eons.

Imagine perceiving a view of a majestic monument to your God. Designing it.  Gathering masons, artists, and funders. Building it over generations. Grandfathers, sons, and grandsons laboring in devotion as they worked lifetimes to honor the larger Divine Idea. 

One person, infused by the Divine creative impulse, sparked a cathedral. 

 There is a majesty that unfurls within us when we open to a new perspective – one that soars and astounds.  When we acknowledge our human vulnerability and the magnificence with which we may (imperfectly) demonstrate this idea.   (You can watch Bocelli’s performance on youtube.)

Allowing the Soul to move you through your day, especially in this time, changes how you look at everything. 

Ready to learn about the potential of imagination to “build cathedrals” from a really wise master?  Here’s a little glimpse:  “… when you explore, you get more imagination than you already had. And, um, when you get more imagination, it makes you want to go deeper in – so you can get more and see beautifuller things.” (yup – she created THAT word.)

Ready to fall in love with life and this moment? 

I listened to the words of the wise child and the childlike adult in Louie Schwartzberg’s short film called Gratitude.  And I was deeply moved and inspired to step more fully into the infinite potential of this Holy Moment.  Witnessing the vision of humans translated into words, music, and ways of being.  Shared through the beauty of film with the freedom of the world wide web.  So amazing, this life.  (Watch Gratitude here.)

What you focus on matters deeply.  Especially now.

I’m inspired to listen to my Soul and my inner angst as a clue to what wants to break free.  I’m open to the wisdom of these inspiring humans and to the beautiful lessons from the natural world. And to the mythic story that wants to birth through me. 

I’m committed to building cathedrals, not walls.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The CEO of Copia, a food distribution company, didn’t set out to solve world hunger. She had lunch with a man begging for food. Listened to him. Did some research. Learned how much food is wasted. Turns out hunger is not a scarcity problem, there’s plenty of food. It’s a logistics problem.  Copia built an algorithm matching nonprofits who need food with businesses that have extra.  A team of inspired business members paired with cafeterias, restaurants, hotels, and hospitals are making a dent in hunger. “Impossible is nothing. Impossible is temporary.” says founder, Komal Ahmad. Kudos.

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Collateral Beauty

“I love the collateral beauty that’s emerging.”

Thanks, Lisa, for that beautiful sentence as we connected Sunday evening on Soul Sanctuary’s Virtual Salon.  The statement resonated strongly with me and I felt a release in my body as I enjoyed breathing it in. 

So much beauty, kindness, and laughter in the midst of uncertain, fearful times. 

What we focus upon truly matters.  I’ve been working hard to watch the stories my mind is telling me.  When I catch myself contracting, I look quickly to what scary tale is broadcasting through my body.  I “interrupt that broadcast” to breathe and change my focus.  I seek the moment first. Where am I and what is actually happening around me? Then I may point my mind in a positive direction [Remember your brain’s velcro and teflon actions from last blog? I’m seeking to strengthen my teflon super powers.]

So, here’s a few things that warmed my heart and made me smile and laugh this weekend. 

Susan, one of our Sacred Immersion retreaters, wanted to cheer up her neighbors.  When the weather is dreary and the future uncertain, what better way to brighten the day than to string a rainbow of balloons across the street!  And employ the local party store – supporting small business.  (Can you spot our very own sunshine, Mary Law, as her family basks in the delight?) Kudos, Susan! May it inspire you to bring some brightness into your neighborhood! Do it your way.

My family has always loved the broadway show, Les Miserable.   

I first saw it when I lived a summer in London during graduate school.  The story, music, drama, British accents, and humor always warmed my heart.  Hearing the music brings back memories of sharing this experience with my family.  And gets me singing along with every song.  So, I was excited when my brother sent me a new recording of an old favorite.

This cast has Broadway beat.  I laughed.  I cried.  I’m a fan.

Bonus is the family squabble before they get started.  Gotta love the authenticity (and the power of pizza as a bribe.)

https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/01/825232156/u-k-familys-lockdown-themed-rendition-of-les-mis-is-a-delight

I enjoyed a ZOOM call with family stretched across the US on Sunday.

We caught up on our lives.  Chatted about how we were all being affected.  College kids home and all schooling online.  Businesses closed. A guitar purchased. Games being played.  A painting created. Walks in nature. A garden tour. A live musical performance of The Gambler.  It was a delight.  

“Where do you find toilet paper?” asked the young college grad.  Unprepared and undaunted, these 5 quarantined roommates had it under control. “We’re rationing.”  That was my first shared ZOOM belly laugh.  

It seems a sign of love these days is not a box of chocolates or bouquet of flowers ... it's toilet paper! 

 

My Dad just turned 85 (he declares himself ageless) and his friends threw him an impromptu party in the driveway.  Three cars, three families, proper social distance, a cake, and a song.  As if that wasn’t enough, the gift of the day was an industrial roll of tp.  I can rest easy knowing my parents won’t have to ration!  

And there’s John Krasinski’s quarantine talk show: Some Good News (SGN)

Check out these heartwarming stories.  Recognizing heroes.  Worldwide participation is welcomed. Another theatrical surprise.  That girl’s face – oh my goodness.  I laughed.  I cried.  I’m a fan.  Can’t wait to see Hamilton when the world opens again! 

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/lin-manuel-miranda-hamilton-john-krasinski-978750/

Collateral beauty.  Generous acts of kindness.  Surprises. Heartfelt actions. Worldwide participation.

One thing for sure, we are all in this together and we need one another. We must deal with the fear, heartbreak, feelings of helplessness, overwhelm, and uncertainty.  Some of us are dealing better than others.  That is to be expected.  And when you are on the side of having something to offer, look what goodness comes of it. 

Why not show the world who you are and what you’re made of.

Go create your own rainbows. And ZOOM theatrical performances.  Gifts of friendship. And random acts of kindness. Tiny actions. Big actions. Whatever you are capable of in the moment.  Including demonstrating the ability to ask for help and receive it freely. 

What you focus on matters deeply. 

Especially to those recipients of your generosity.  Let’s meet this moment with courage, skill, and sturdiness.  And when you shake – hold on to someone (virtually) and let yourself receive.  

If I can help in any way, please reach out.

To me.  To someone.  Don’t go it alone – not this time.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Research at the University of British Columbia explored the effect of noticing and reflecting upon nature during everyday life. Participants were placed in three groups: noticing nature, focusing on man-made objects, or going about daily life as usual. After only two weeks, the noticing nature condition reported feelings of inspiration, awe, transcendence, and greater life satisfaction. They felt more connected to nature, people, and life in general. Nothing changed for the other two groups. Enough said. Go outside and notice nature.

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The Goldilocks Principle

I think it’s a good time to practice the Goldilocks principle.

I first heard about this proposition when I was taking a shower in a hostel at a Pennsylvania state park. In that chilly group bathroom, I was busy questioning my sanity at the onset of a retreat with White Eagle Medicine Woman.

It didn’t start out all warm and fuzzy.  The first night our cars got stuck in the mud.  Hence a massive tow truck extravaganza was added to the schedule.  Followed by a night freezing in my bunk bed (one of 12 in a room).  I woke to check for spiders as the rustic hostel seemed to be held together by webs.

I prefer retreats at a comfy hotel with a luxurious view and not a spider in sight.  

Getting ready for the day, I firmly instructed my petulant mind to look for the good. Just then, my internal pep talk was interrupted by a clear, calm voice.

“Be Goldilocks. Not too big.  Not too small.  Be just right.”

All my resistance seemed to flow down the drain.  I got it.  Just show up as myself without my stories.  I could do that.  And it made all the difference.  I didn’t have to make anything fantastic or awful.  It was just as it was, leaving me free to experience a retreat that was filled with new situations, people, insights, and transformative potential.

When I tend to get lost in storytelling (or absorbing stories from the world at large), I often here this inner whisper.  “Be Goldilocks.” 

Now if you don’t know the fairy tale of Goldilocks and the 3 bears, this principle won’t make much sense.  For those who forgot or never knew Goldilocks, a girl wandered into the home of a mama bear, papa bear, and kid bear.  She explored their chairs (too big, too small, just right) and their porridge (too hot, too cold, just right) until she discovered her “just right” bed and took a nap. [And then they ate her.]  Just kidding.

Now you’re all caught up and ready to use the Goldilocks Principle for yourself.

So why is now a good time? Because you are living in a world with people who are either running around with their hair on fire, going full ostrich, or caring well for themselves and others.

Too big.  Too small.  Just right.

Your quality of life and the impact you are having on the world (near and far) depends on which story line you are living.    

I’m aiming for “just right,” although I find myself acting out a hair on fire or ostrich scenario from time to time. I think that is natural, just not very helpful.  (Well, a little ostrich may be really helpful, but more on that below.)

Your quality of life and the impact you are having on the world (near and far) depends on which story line you are living.

 

Still, I’m getting a little overwhelmed by well intentioned emails, online offerings, and a host of other social media gatherings.   

I appreciate the effort, the heartfelt caring, and the ingenuity I’m witnessing.  Truly I do.  And I’m still a little overwhelmed.  Perhaps because I have a lot going on as I move my practice to telepsych video sessions, forage for toilet paper, care for family, and shift my gym workouts to nature walks and ZOOM yoga. 

However, upon reflection, I don’t think that’s the culprit. 

Up until now, I’ve mastered the “pull not push” approach to data and technology.  

I must make a conscious choice to look at my phone, email, or social media in order to pull or fetch information.  I have no notifications, no special text alerts, and no buzzing at all on my phone.  I avoid group texting whenever possible. Other than those times I actually turn on my ringer, my phone can’t reach me unless I look at it.  Same with my computer and no way am I getting an Apple Watch (even though I’m definitely an Apple person).  

All because I’ve chosen to be “just right” in relation to the socially connected world we live within.    

I’m not knocking anyone else’s choice about technology.  You be you.  I totally respect that.  I just don’t want to be caught in the midst of someone else’s decision to read me a story unless I ask for it. 

Problem is, everywhere I turn, I’m hearing these stories.  It’s not so easy to just fetch data when I choose.  Not if I want to be in touch with other humans, let alone really step into their world.  Their world is now the one world. And the one world has a big ass pandemic story broadcasting loudly over most every other story. 

Recognizing that this was the source of my overwhelm, I made a conscious choice.

I’m going a little ostrich. Laying my tiny little head down in the sand. And it’s helping me be me. 

Showing up in a sturdy, just right, happy to be here fashion.  So I can be here with you no matter what fairy tale, scary tale, or reality show you are living in the moment.  My decision to live the Goldilocks Principle is really good for my sanity.  And if I’m sane, then it benefits you when I show up present, ready to engage, and happy to be with you. 

When my brain, body, heart, and soul are happy to be here with you, I remember how to be just right. To be me, just as I am. To be with this moment, just as it is.     

I’m grateful for that muddy, spider infested, freezing hostel. I might not have been read into this version of Goldilocks if I hadn’t been so uncomfortable. (Nor opened to the transformation I experienced in that powerful retreat).   

By extension, then, I’m grateful for these challenging times where the only thing we seem to talk about is the virus and it’s effect on us.  

And that is as it should be. Still, I wonder what story line you living most of the time these days.  

If you are a hair on fire type, then soothe your system frequently.  No one ever made good choices from that space.  Especially since too much stress takes your frontal lobe off line.  And that is where all your “file cabinets” are – stock full of how to make decisions, creatively solve problems, and remember every time you rose to the occasion (or crawled over the finish line). Point is, you need these higher cognitive functions to manage these times well.

If you are too avoidant, especially if you feel you can’t cope well,  choose your ostrich moments wisely.  Don’t forget to lift your little head up from time to time to eat a good meal, call a friend, go outside, or forage for tp.  [See previous blogs Breathe Through It and Is your Response to the Coronavirus going Viral? I Hope Mine Is for techniques and perspective shifts.]

I think you, along with all of us, are gonna discover how “just right” you can be as part of one human family living this surreal story together. 

That’s a discovery worth seeking with your whole heart and soul.  How you will rise to care for yourself with so much kindness and support that you become the wind beneath your own wings. Then you can fly around helping others discover their own creativity, competence, and potential.  More flying.  More helpful contribution.

Less scary tales where bears eat a little blond curly headed girl just cause she foraged for porridge and needed a nap. 

At the risk of telling you what you already know, turn off the tv.  Stop re-reading the same old emails and insta posts.  Quit having the same conversation with everyone you talk to.  Now, I’m not suggesting you be rude, dismissive, or unhelpful.  I am suggesting you get conscious about how you are relating to this virus …. in your mind, your conversations, your data consumption, your approach to managing changes, etc.  

This week I plan to start a few things ….

Like an epic game of Monopoly.  And setting up the Milano basement gym so I can blast my workout play list (and lure others into working out with me).  I’m gonna clean off my art table so my daughter has her own creative space. And I’m masterminding a really cool surprise that has to remain a surprise, but it is exciting to me (enticing those feel good chemicals to course through my body).    

I’m putting away the phone, computer, and all things virus. ‘Cause playing, laughing, creating, and virtually hanging out with people is a sure fire way to soothe stress and boredom. 

The world needs more Goldilocks and fewer bears. 

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The Goldilocks principle is associated with the children’s story “The Three Bears.”  The concept of “just the right amount” is easily understood and may be referred to in common, everyday situations. Turns out it is also named and applied to a wide range of disciplines. Including medicine, biology, developmental psychology, marketing, astronomy, economics, and engineering.  Apparently Goldilocks was onto something big. 

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Is your Response going Viral? (I hope mine is)

 

How are you doing with the news of the spreading COVID-19 virus?  

Have you checked?  Really checked within yourself to see what is happening in your mind, emotions, body, communications, and behavior?

It’s important to realize that your propensity to deal with stressful events is wired within your beliefs, behavior, and general response style. 

If you are a fearful person, you’re likely to experience greater fear now.  If you are an angry person, you may get riled up about the way the media, government, or your neighbor are handling the outbreak.  If you are a calm person, your response will include sturdiness and the intent to return to a calm center. If you’re avoidant, you may have gone full ostrich by now.

If you’re not looking within yourself, you are missing something vital to your wellbeing.  

“Who am I in relation to this current situation?”  This helpful question, offered by the spiritual teacher Thomas Huebl, points you within yourself.  Within your own style of responding.  It encourages you to own your response at all levels of your experience.

This self-assessment offers you valuable information and a map to a calmer, sturdier way of being. 

Imagine if you checked in with yourself and found you were anxious.  Afraid of where the outbreak would appear next. Nervous about going out.  Worried about your family and friends.  Preoccupied with watching the news and talking about what occurred today.  Spreading the updates about who was impacted and how. 

This response is totally understandable and even social encouraged at this time.  Yet, is it helpful?

Sure, it can be a bit helpful if it has you practicing good hygiene, avoiding crowded places, and eating well.  And it can be a lot harmful if you are preoccupied with this fearful news and speculation while flooding your body with cortisol and other stress hormones.  Not taking action to change this response – or getting help from others to guide you – will leave you in an anxious loop, wreaking havoc on your body-mind (and your immune system).

[Check out last week’s blog, Breathing Through It, to understand the debilitating effects of persistent stress and how to intervene.]

We live in an interconnected, interdependent world.

This has always been the case, but it is now experienced differently with the benefit of airplanes, international business, the internet, and social media. Everything affects everything.  Even if you don’t notice it.   

Everyone has a contribution to make here.  What’s yours?  

Eavesdropping on your own conversations is a powerful way to gather intel on how you are reacting to events.  How often does the topic of the virus come up in conversations and what is the flavor of that dialogue? Don’t miss your internal chatter as that is where the scary stories unfold rather quickly. 

With this knowledge, you can map a plan to navigate your internal response to external events.

You know the basic hygiene.  You know the state of your own health.  

I’m wiping down everything at Soul Sanctuary a lot.  It has never been cleaner.  (Plus I’m working some Light and Energy magic ’cause that clears the fear and negativity.)

I’m washing my hands in hot water and singing Happy Birthday twice as recommended. I’m gonna learn the words to the Macarena soon cause it’ll be more fun and I can wiggle my hips as I wash. 

And I’m supporting those who need to stay away from crowds and make wise choices due to health concerns.  All while encouraging them not to repeat the oft told story of how old folks or sick folks are really at risk.  Your stories have power.  Choose them well and encourage others to do the same.

Turn off the news. Fear and stress are contagious.

Television is hypnotic. Leaving you more susceptible to the type of information that flows to you. The media knows this. 

Ask yourself: Are news stations broadcasting calming, empowering strategies to care well for yourself and your neighbor? Or are they promoting fear, drama, and doom?  Why call this a deadly virus when 98% of people recover?  It scares you, hooks you, and keeps you watching.  

If Mr. Rogers was in charge of the worldwide television response to the outbreak, what would that newscast look like?

 

If you’re anxious and finding it hard to calm your worries, talk with someone who can help.     

The intent is to calm the fires, not set them.  So, choose someone who feels sturdy and ask for specific ways to calm your mind, emotions, and body. 

If you’re calm and sturdy, see where you can be of assistance.  

Compassion.  Generosity.  Kindness.  Presence.  Appreciation.  These attitudes and actions are critically important in the way we treat ourselves and others.  Now is a good time to increase self-awareness and your practice in these areas.

Tend to your own energy body. 

There are lots of helpful ways to boost the immune system and calm the stress response.  Check out this youtube video put out by Donna Eden to support you with energy medicine techniques.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSF8z50nz70

Emotions and people’s opinions are contagious.  

I’m planning on spreading some sturdiness, optimism, and compassionate support to those I meet (and those who read this).   

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

“Be the Change you Wish to See in the World.”

Ghandi understood that every action, large and small,  had an effect on your internal and external worlds.  As Soto Zen master Shunryu Suzuki taught, “There are, strictly speaking, no enlightened people, there is only enlightened activity.” Phew.  There goes the pressure to become enlightened!  Now you can get busy offering the enlightened action. Changing worlds. Yours and ours.

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Got Stress? Breathe Through It

There’s a lot going on in the world.    

By that I mean your personal world and the global world we all share.  Fires. Viruses. Refugee Crisis. Political Mayhem. 

Plus lots of personal stressors. Current and historical.  Including the good kind.  

If we’re taking an honest look about (and within), we may recognize this has always been the case.  Tragedy.  Celebration. Break downs. New Explorations. Scary news. Heartwarming stories. Badness. Goodness. 

Life holds everything. It always will. 

Depending upon how you were raised and what you experienced, times of challenge may be experienced in different ways. 

If you walked on eggshells as a kid, you may be susceptible to walking on them now.

Unless you’ve retrained your system.  If you were helped to manage ups and downs with empowering strategies, positive mindset, and sturdy role models, you’ll likely experience more resilience.  Especially if you’ve taught yourself over time to flow more easily with everyday challenges or big scary world events. 

Everyone has the potential to “soothe their system” in the face of challenge. 

I view this as an essential skill on the path to sturdiness. 

Feeling steady within your being is a definite benefit regardless of whether you are facing a minor disruption to your wellbeing or feel you can’t hold your head above water one more moment. 

So how do you soothe your system?

Simple.  No matter what you are facing, you breathe through it.  The “it” in every case is the challenging experience (or group of triggering experiences) that you are facing when your anxiety, temper, heart rate, helplessness, or story telling escalates.

Breathing through it is a simple and effective technique. 

In fact, it’s so simple that a lot of folks dismiss it in favor of allowing the mind to run willy nilly, dragging the body along for the ride.  I hope you aren’t one of those people. 

Let’s break it down. 

Your stress response system was designed to keep you alive and procreating.  Since you are part of the human race, it looks like that goal is being accomplished.

When faced with a threat, this system uses a multistep process to send forth the first responder hormones adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol.  You know the drill – you have a surge of energy and greater focus so that you can run away or fight the threat. 

Trouble is, most of these tigers and pirates live in our minds – replaying like age old dramas or remakes of age old dramas. 

When a car cuts you off on the highway, the fast flowing adrenaline helps you react swiftly.  And the body allows the stress hormones to process through your system.  You feel the recovery as your heartbeat and breath pattern return to normal and the heat in your body subsides. 

Whew!  Dodged a disaster and off you go, singing show tunes. 

Unless of course, you keep replaying the scene and your upset over in your mind.  In that case, the stress hormones keep pumping and you keep being disturbed. (Who’s the pirate now?)

It is rare that you face an actual threat.  Most stress arrives by way of your fixation on the tigers and pirates who show up as deadlines, bosses, disappointing people, illness, financial stress, and replays of the past hurts of your life.

And when there is worrying and rumination, your body continually releases cortisol. 

This is all too common in the hectic, connected world you live in. Unfortunately, cortisol as a habit can suppress the immune system, increase sugar and blood pressure, contribute to weight gain, disrupt sleep, produce acne, and generally disrupt a felt sense of sturdy wellbeing.

Too much worrying and stressing, without the presence of actual tigers and pirates, keeps you walking on eggshells. 

Here’s the good news.  You have the power to change that. 

Even if your stress response system is hyper alert after years of vigilance (due perhaps to real threat if abuse of any kind was present in your environment).  Understanding the protective intent of a system which has become habitually overactive allows you to release judgement and just breathe.

Here are some (really) simple steps which can, over time create a new bodily response to stress.

 

1.  Notice you are stressed (cue physical symptoms, emotional upset, mental rumination).

2.  Cross your palms and place them in the center of your chest.  (This is called HeartBreathing – a technique in Heart Assisted Energy Psychology.) 

3. Close your eyes, if possible, and focus on your hands, heart, and breath.  

4.  Invite your breathing to slow and your exhale to lengthen. (You can inhale to a count of 4 and exhale to a count of 6.)

5.  Say a positive statement, mantra, or self encouragement to keep you focused on the calming action of HeartBreathing and away from the stress trigger. (“I am safe in this moment. I am taking good care of myself. Breathing calms my body and mind.”)

6. Flip your hands and continue HeartBreathing.  

7. Aim to continue the self-encouraging, positive statements while HeartBreathing (occasionally switching palms) for 4 to 5 minutes. Talk aloud if it helps you maintain your focus.

8.  Notice the way you feel now.  HeartBreathe as you notice the changes in your system.  Claim it:  “I soothed my system.  I did this.  I can calm myself.” 

A (really) simple practice with many immediate and long term benefits. Let’s take a look at what they are.

1. The long exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system.  The calming “brake” on the fight or flight response. 

2.The HeartBreathing enables the heart to return to a coherent rhythm and communicate the desire for regulation of the body (physically, energetically, chemically, electromagnetically). Dysregulation increases stress as you have frequently experienced.

3. A coherent heart rhythm also turns off the production of stress hormones such as cortisol and turns on the feel good, helpful hormones such as DHEA. 

4. The positive, self-soothing statements refocuses the mind away from the impending threat and creates a positive mindset.

5. Staying focused for 4 to 5 minutes allows the cortisol and other stress chemicals to be processed by the liver so they are no longer preparing the body to fight or flee. 

6. As your heart rhythm encourages coherence throughout your body, you have greater access to your frontal lobe with its higher order problem solving capacity.

7. All the while you are creating new neural pathways (allowing the brain to change), creating habits which support sturdiness, and discovering your capacity to alter your response to the challenges of the world.

Soothing your system takes a few minutes.  Creating a new approach to life’s challenges will likely take a lot of practice. 

I’m assuming you are an adult.  So that means you have a lot of years of reactive stress habits.  My suggestion is to not wait until you are in the midst of a self or other induced stress event to see if this works.  Just like lifting weights over time increases muscle mass, this practice can help reset the way your system responds to the good and not so good stressors in your life.  

Everyone walks on eggshells sometimes. 

Or gets lost in a mental rant about something that isn’t happening with someone who isn’t there.  If you are interested in a future that involves fewer Chicken Little responses,  practice this a lot.  

Calmer and smarter, you remember other ways to take care of yourself during challenging times. 

Wash your hands. Send positive prayers to the world. Turn off the constant news. Eat good food. Focus on your wellbeing rather than a possible pirate with a virus. 

Above all, remember that the world needs a calm, sturdy center.  Could that be you?

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

HeartBreathing and Energy Psychology. You know it’s my favorite thing to teach. Let’s just look at the breath. Veterans learned yogic breathing techniques. Why? Respiration is one of the autonomic functions you can control. Slow and deep breathing. Calming the fight or flight response. In one week, symptoms eased. One year later, even without maintenance of breathing techniques, symptoms were significantly decreased. Slow, deep breathing. Can’t say enough about it.

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Looking for Kindness in all the Right Places

I merged with ease onto the highway, as I’ve done countless times before.

I slowed a bit to let the big white pickup truck with a trailer pass by before I claimed my space.  Gazing forward at the open road, I realized the pick up driver had moved over to make room for me.

I was struck by the kindness of that simple maneuver.   

Seriously struck. My heart warmed as those feel good chemicals zoomed around my brain and body.  In my mind, I was crystal clear that he had offered me a kindness.  It wasn’t just good driving protocol or a desire to save his shiny new truck from a potential run in. How did I know?  I’ve no idea, but I knew. 

So did my open mind, warm heart, and tingling body. 

I basked in that experience as I drove. Then a question arose. 

How many subtle moments of intentional kindness do I miss each day? 

I recognized that question offered me an invitation to play. So, I drove on – alert in my pursuit of kindness. The tiny, easy to miss kind.  Whether it was intentional or habitual didn’t matter.  Noticing what was already happening was.

I took a new route to keep me from going mindless while driving. 

Winding through neighborhoods on a lovely day surprisingly showed kindness everywhere. Drivers let others merge or walkers cross the street. A man picked up random trash. Doors were held in local shops. A lady kissed a neighbor’s dog.

Smiles exchanged. Lots of drivers waving at each other. 

The thank you, go ahead kind of waving. Nary a middle finger in sight.  

I stayed alert while exploring a new grocery store. 

A mom was kind to her frustrated child. Staff helped find stuff.  A young girl smiled as she paused in her stocking for me to roll my cart by. 3 times she paused and smiled. (I was a bit lost).  My cashier was to die for kind and even helped me put the cart away as I grabbed my bags by the front door. 

I went to Trader Joe’s next.  Happy.  Watching lots of nice people manage a crazy crowded parking lot.  

Same story indoors. After a bit of noticing all the help all around, I zoned out and stood in line.  I tuned in and felt the unity within me.  Happy.  Feeling the benefit of witnessing so much kindness.  I brought my attention outward and saw a laughing couple enjoying a really friendly cashier.

I heard ladies laughing behind me. Strangers apparently.  

Mind back on autopilot, I half heard a woman cheerfully mention she just got rid of a house full of tweens after a sleepover.  She had laundry in the washer and dishes in the dishwasher when her husband mentioned they were out of tea.  So here she was on Superbowl Sunday at Trader Joes with the rest of New Jersey. 

I was thinking that was mighty kind. 

I was thinking about how I felt after those sleepover days.  My husband would’ve been lucky to get a cup of tea. No way I would’ve run out for that one item. Let alone do it cheerfully. 

(Note to self - still more growing up to do.)

 

I heard her ask the manager, perched in his official birds nest, if he could ring up her 1 item. He didn’t have a register.

That woke me up. 

“Please, go in front of me.”   “Oh no, I couldn’t.”   “Please”  (really more like “Puleeeaase, it is so not a big deal).  It was a no brainer. 

“That was kind,” said the (really friendly) cashier. 

I hadn’t even thought about the kindness thing.  It just happened.  Habitual kindness.  Noticed and commented on.  I wondered if he might be playing the same game, so I smiled at him knowingly (sounds creepy when I write it).

Asking me to wait a second, he had a word with the floating manager. I packed my groceries and got my change. 

Then he handed me a tiny bouquet of flowers. 

“Thanks for being kind,” said my game playing buddy.  Intentional kindness met habitual kindness.  Really, truly sweet. 

It showed me a new level of the game. 

I could notice acts of kindness happening and I could intentionally create a few of my own.  I walked out and saw a woman struggle to lift her bags out of the cart. And leave the cart precariously poised to drift right into that shiny luxury car parked by the door. Intentionally, I returned the cart. 

Playing the game at this level – noticing and contributing – reminded me of my favorite square dancing move.

It’s been a (really) long time since my High School gym days, but I think it’s called a chain.  All cliques represented as we joined hands, laughed, danced, and wove through each other with great enthusiasm.  Once we all agreed square dancing was hokey and weird, we were free to thoroughly enjoy ourselves.

I remember that feeling of an open mind, warm heart, and tingling body.

It struck me then that Life invites us to play a lot of different games.  It doesn’t seem to matter which one you choose.  Just that it takes you into that warm, sweet experience of being a contributing part of this human family.   

I believe there is a lot of good going on in our world. 

Depends what you are looking for and what you’ve got to add. 

I hope you find your game today.

And discover the joy of playing, the playmates who await you, and that inner tingle. I hope you  inadvertently make someone’s day and cause a chain reaction of goodness. 

p.s.  I also remember playing with those little scooters in gym. Jumping on the trampoline. Routines on a tiny balance beam (8 inches off the floor).  Volley ball and my killer serve. Softball on gorgeous days.  Thinking back on it, gym class was so much fun. 

What about you?  I’m sticking with fun … as long as I block out days running around the track, playing basketball, and wearing that mandatory sleeveless, one piece polyester gym suit.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Kindness: the gift that keeps on giving. University of California researchers found an increase in positive feelings and life satisfaction, and a decrease in negative feelings, when participants performed acts of kindness, recalled acts of kindness, or did both. Next time you feel down or stressed, pull up a memory of when you were kind to someone to improve your own well-being.