Category: Blog-Psychology

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The Power of the Pause


Let’s tell the truth. Sometimes life gets you down.

As if the powers that be are conspiring against you. As if the power within you has gone on vacation. As if all your hard earned success at managing life seems out of reach. Those times may arrive with a shock or when the proverbial straw breaks the camel’s back.

Regardless of how the pressure came about, when it’s too much, it’s too much.

Many of you were raised with voices outside of you urging you to keep going. To keep your chin up, dry your tears, and keep trying. Now, that’s not necessarily bad advice, but there’s a time and place for that response.

Everything works better when there’s a rhythm that allows for intense focus and action interspersed with resting and day dreaming. Yet, that’s not the way of the adult world.

It’s the relentless messaging from family, school, work, and society to strive for success that gets internalized.

When you hear something enough, you begin to believe it. And adopt it as your own. Especially if you don’t know any better.

Kids know better.

When they’ve had enough, they cry out loud. They flop to the ground as if their bones are fluid. They let you know in no uncertain times that it’s time for a break. And they get one – a nap, a cuddle, a bath, or a snack.

Somewhere along the way, we adults forgot the benefit of that pause.

And when society forgets it, you’re invited to forge ahead. To work hard in order to prove your worth or earn your keep. Along the way, you get amnesia for the wisdom and pleasure of taking a pause.

The bigger picture has gotten so mixed up that a Time Out is considered a threat or a punishment by many parents (and children) rather than a wise intervention. Here’s the thing …

When it becomes the normative expectation to keep going, no matter what, you’re gonna run into yourself at some point.

That applies pretty much to everyone who has let go the Pause. Which means most of you. Especially you who are high achievers, working parents, nurturers, highly responsible workers, and creative entrepreneurs. Most of you might have a hard time taking a break when you need one.

That’s key: taking a break when you actually need a break.

Not when it’s your lunch hour, bedtime, or the weekend. Not when that project is finished, your boss is happy, or your kid has moved out. It’s best to take a pause and reorganize yourself as soon as you’re feeling the stress building up.

You can recognize the Power of the Pause to keep your breathing smooth, your brain sharp, and your heart open.

 

I hear a lot about stress every week. It’s inevitable since I talk to humans.

I hear less about pausing. When it is explored, I recognize that the adult version of a pause is pretty short lived. As if the bare minimum will be sufficient to lift every straw off your back.

A bath. A nap. A snack. A walk in the woods.

The truth is, if you’ve been raised in the world which tells you to keep going no matter what. And if your inner voice adds to the clamor by diminishing you if you want to take that break.

Well, you’re in a pickle. ‘Cause no little nap or afternoon on the couch will be sufficient to repair years and decades of striving to move forward.

It takes a concerted effort to reorganize a stress response system that has gone out of whack.

You were built to manage stress. To grow and thrive when faced with challenge. To flexibly navigate the steep inclines and curving paths of your day to day existence. When you’re clear headed and well rested, you’ve got options.

When you’re frequently feeling overwhelmed or moving through a particularly stressful time in your life, your potential to flexibly and intelligently respond to stress is limited. The more rigid your response to stress, the less capable you are to relate to life. And the more likely you are to be overwhelmed.

That’s why I created the Self Soothe Strategy PlayBook and guided meditation.

To remind you of something you may have forgotten. You have an intelligent stress response system which offers much more than a Fight or Flight response. When you balance movement with pausing and are aware of both the benefit and detriment of stress, you increase the tendency to utilize the appropriate response to each stressful situation.

You’re smarter when your stress response is free to guide you. Less ready to break and more ready to relate effectively.

Stress is a biological state designed to flexibly guide you into action and help you learn from experience. And you have choices in how to respond: the Challenge Response, the Tend and Befriend Response, or the Fight or Flight Response. You’ve got options. Overwhelm or a lack of understanding of how you work limits these options.

Understanding more about your Stress Habit, your Stress Response System, and your Stress Mindset opens the way to change.

Allowing you to integrate the benefit of Pausing throughout the day as a regular part of your routine. And as a response to a build up of tension. The Self Soothe Strategy offers a quick read so you get the basics needed to both understand how you’re primed to manage stress and how to consciously activate a more intelligent, beneficial response to the inevitable challenges of life.

I hope you take a moment to download this PlayBook. And pause to read it.

I hope you enjoy the guided meditation. and pause to listen. There’s some great practices in there. All designed to integrate the Pause. But, I’d recommend you take it further. Get serious about taking those breaks. Plan them as a regular part of your weekly routine and drop into the pause whenever you feel the tension rising.

When you need a break, take a break.

I’ll bet the sun still rises and the stars still shine. And you, too, will shine a little brighter without carrying the weight of the world.s

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Paying it forward. Tiny actions of kindness gather momentum. You may think of the benefit for the person receiving the kindness, but what about those who witness it? Research has found that witnessing kindness offers a feel good boost of chemicals. And makes it more likely you’ll pass it on. Subtle acts of kindness litter your day.  Watch for them. Create them without caring if anyone sees you. The result? Check out the Give a Little Love video on youtube by Noah and the Whale. Kindness paid forward. There’s no limit on that potential!

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Time Travel

I witnessed a big brown dog out for a stroll with a small boy on the end of his leash.

Laughing at the incongruity of the pair, I wondered who was walking whom.  I thought how easily it would be for this large dog to hijack this tiny boy to walk along the pet’s preferred path.  After a moment of chuckling, I returned to my previous worry about some future thingamajig.    As I reentered this worry pattern, the image of the big dog and the little boy popped into my mind. 

Who was walking whom?

My worry thoughts were like the big dog, pulling my attention away from the present moment.  Like a small child, my attention was yanked out of present time, dragged forward by this current of worry about a future that had not yet come. 

I realized I had been time traveling.

I snapped back to the present, breathed consciously, and noticed my surroundings.  “Be here now.” I checked in with my body and my emotions and found I was just fine. Everything in this moment was fine. 

I focused upon the beauty of the sky and the budding greenery of spring. 

I felt contentment, reflecting on my many blessings.  I was quickly back in the present moment – jerked back to real time by the simple appearance of a big brown dog and a small boy.  I had to smile as I imagined the young boy going home to announce to his parents that he had rescued a woman from the unnecessary throes of worry. 

My tiny hero and his furry sidekick. 

I reflected upon this epidemic of time travel.  How frequently your regret catapults you to past transgressions. This type of runaway time travel is distinctly different from a conscious review of past choices or making amends.  Practices of forgiveness, clarifying feelings, and righting wrongs are actions taken to achieve resolution, clear past bindings, and make peace with self and others. 

Allowing a return to the present moment rather than keeping you trapped in the past. 

Equally ineffective is a fearful leap forward, imagining future scenarios of how things could go very wrong.  While creative solution generation makes good sense, it’s different from fruitless worry or complaining. These are simply an inefficient use of energy, focus, and intelligence. 

Such fearful or critical thoughts pull your attention from what’s happening and placing it on what’s not.

Without the ability to notice and then sit with what is happening right now, you lose the option to consciously choose how to “be” and what “do.”  Calm contemplation, even in challenging times, helps you access greater wisdom so you may engage in inspired action. 

If you’re addicted to “time travel” (most of us are), you need to shift your mode of travel (worry thoughts) and destination (future problem).

 

Indigenous shamans, wise leaders, and conscious parents dream the future for themselves, their communities, and their great, great grandchildren.  They travel within their imagination, in partnership with their guidance, to witness a positive future.  But you’re no shaman, so how’re you going to dream the future?

Here’s the good news.  You’ve been in training for a lifetime.

All that time spent projecting your thoughts and imagination forward and backward in time makes you a genius time traveler.  That’s where the shift  comes in. Replacing worry with daydreaming a positive outcome.  Strengthening the vision with feel good emotions, encouraging self talk, and beautiful images. 

If you’re not great in the positive imagination department just yet, start by writing, drawing, or creating a vision board of a future outcome.

Time travel can be mindless (ruminating while driving) or mindful (noticing our surroundings, silent contemplation). You are already primed for this type of dreaming.  Exploring a lovely future sure beats being dragged along by worry. As a bonus, you’ll begin to create new neural pathways. Building new skills and increasing the potential for positive dreaming.

Observe yourself to notice how often you speed forward and backward in time.

Make a choice to stay present.  Plan some quiet time to consciously and creatively travel through time. Shaman style. Dream a new, bright future into being.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

A lot of people are EXCITED about the chance to vote in this presidential election. That’s new for many. Excitement. Passion. Commitment. Wanting to have a voice. Regardless of why they feel strongly or which candidate they are choosing, there is interest and commitment this year. This seems to be one thing we have in common with our fellow citizens. I enjoyed this encouragement to VOTE from the Hamilton cast. Here’s the link: Hamilton X When We All Vote. Spread the word. If you need help getting registered, call me!  I’ll help you.

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Creating my Website: 8 Lessons Learned

I value hindsight. It allows me to notice what I’ve learned.

When I complete a project, let’s use my beautiful new website as an example, I find myself naturally settling into a reflective period. I’ve learned the hard way that if I jump in to the next thing too quickly, I’ll miss all the juicy nuggets of things learned. I want to integrate these hard won insights, lessons, and discoveries. So I may practice and improve upon them as I grow.

I’ve learned to leave judgment out of the process.

It just isn’t helpful to judge yourself or others. That’s a diversion and is just covering up something that wants to also be seen. So, if you find yourself judging, dive deeper to see what is within you that needs to be heard, held, and helped. Then you’re free to meander through the project’s creation. Celebrating the sweet spots, taking note of what is yet to be learned, and gently acknowledging things could have been done differently.

Here’s 8 (really valuable) lessons I’ve learned during the creation of my website.

There’s more, but 8 is enough. Here goes. Life is creative. You are creative. It doesn’t matter if you are making your art, developing a business, raising a child, planting a garden, or transforming your life. The act of living is an act of creation. I hope my insights inspire you to keep going and create something beautiful for the world.

1. It’s okay not to know how to do it.

When you are leaping (or crawling) to a new level of creating, it seems obvious that you won’t know “how to do it.” After all, it’s a new level. Ask any high school student at the beginning of the school year if they understand algebra, chemistry, or physics. First time in? Not so much. Ask again at the end of the year. This expectation that you “should” be able to do something which requires learning, new knowledge, and perhaps skills you’ll never get around to learning, is kinda silly really. Funny that it’s such a common expectation. I hope you let that idea go.

2. You can’t do it alone. No one ever does.

No one does it alone. Not ever. Especially when creating and growing requires knowledge, skill, and experience that you don’t have. Kinda obvious, huh? Everything builds on everything. And so many people help along the way. I’m so grateful for Rodrigo who built my first beautiful website when I opened my private practice and started offering workshops in 2005. And for Emma who midwifed me through a lengthy process of clarifying and translating my Soul’s intent into a work of HeArt.

I’m truly grateful for Rich who has supported every need online and found every solution throughout the years. Who is still figuring out how to make things work so I can do my work. For dear friends and colleagues who have encouraged and taught me along the way. For the depth of this Cosmic guidance appearing in so many ways. And for you. All of you who show up, share, and live the inspired ideas that flow through my work. Who inspire me to dive deeper. You do nothing on your own. That much I know for sure. (Which is why I value sending Love Letters expressing my gratitude).

3. Be true to your Soul (and not marketing advice).

I had to let go so much expert advice on “how to” create my brand, voice, website, and offerings. In the midst of confusion and overwhelm during the process, I recognized something. I had to be true to myself and what wanted to flow through me. I had to choose these inner promptings over outer advice. So, I quit trying to be concise (not my strong suit) and just let my words flow. I stopped searching for the catchy phrases or the best way to create a webpage.

I wanted to create a work of HeArt that would serve you. So I did. Unapologetically, I decided to show up true to myself. While I hope that truly serves you, I’m clear about following the voice of my Soul rather than marketing advice. With that said, I’ve learned a lot from the expertise of those in the marketing and business development fields. I’ll keep on learning from them and only take what aligns with my Soul.

4. Let your ideas be seeds not end products.

Your creative process is a process. And it’s influenced by unseen forces which are wildly creative and supremely intelligent. I’ve learned that my little pea brain and the tiny ideas I hold there are nothing compared to what wants to be created through me. Plant your seed: be curious about your ideas and nurture them. Remembering that nourishing an idea does not mean demanding it appear in a way that pleases you. Then go seek genius, beauty, and delight in the world. When you’re inspired by those who let their seeds grow wildly, you open to the possibility of what may be.

Your creative process is a process. And it’s influenced by unseen forces which are wildly creatively and supremely intelligent.

 

5. Transparency helps you stay real.

Tell the truth. Sometimes creating some new version of yourself or a project is exhilarating and enjoyable. Sometimes it’s a shit show. And often it pulls you down into your patterns of limitation. So you can see them, break through them, and rise up higher.  It’s human nature to excel, to fail, to show up, and to hide. So, get real and tell the truth.

Not everyone needs to know everything of course. This isn’t a suggestion for a lack of boundaries or forgoing self awareness. Save the private work for the sanctity of your trusted Soul, true friends and helpers, and supportive colleagues. Just give up the presentation that everything is bright and shiny. Social media does enough harm that way

6. Creativity meanders. Give up the straight path.

You were raised in a world that teaches the linear, hierarchical path. Yet, you meander. We all do. Take a look at nature. Listen to anyone’s life story. Explore how innovators, artists, and rule breakers came into their ideas and their current way of being. You’ll find the meandering path in all of these places. Meandering is the way of the Soul and the movement of life.

The societal message that you have to start here, do this, and get there is a work of fiction. Well accepted fiction, but it’s just not the way of life. When you practice the art of meandering and see each diversion as an indication of your path’s wise direction, you cease to bang your head against the brick wall. This takes practice. We’ve all been trained as head bangers who come up short. It’s not our fault. Meandering wasn’t in the curriculum. Put it back in.

7. Don’t quit. Do go outside and play a bit.

It’s okay to lay down a project. Sometimes you need a break for a bit. Sometimes COVID happens and everything turns upside down. Life is wise. So are you. When inner or outer disruptions interfere with your project, take notice. Breathe deep, take a break, and ask your inner wisdom for guidance. Maybe that answer shows up immediately upon asking, but most the time it takes a while to arrive. It’s a good idea to head out to play a bit. Let what’s happening behind the scenes happen. You aren’t doing this alone, remember?

You may have to let go a hidden belief so you can grow into a bigger potential. Or somebody or something else has to come into place. It may be time to make peace with making mistakes or not knowing how to proceed.  Who knows? Worry less about where you are in the project timeline and enjoy the meandering art of creation. Coming back into alignment with everyone and everything that is conspiring to create something wonderful and beneficial.

And when you’re done playing, get back to work. Tiny actions and persistent effort, when executed wisely, yield very cool results.

8. Let go of perfection as you strive for excellence.

I like things to show up the way I want them. I’m meticulous about beauty and accurate representation. I had to learn to let go and let Emma create beauty. To enter the design with Rich so I could tweak and bedazzle it to my liking. And then just let it be even when parts didn’t work. To make the decision to launch a site that isn’t perfect and may never be.

Again and again, to face the inevitable brick wall that isn’t brick at all. Just a reminder that not everything can be figured out quite yet. That mistakes are made and eventually will be fixed. And to hold the commitment to the Soulful intent with positivity, love, and gratitude. Again and again. Witnessing what unfolds. Accepting what is less than perfect.

At the end of the day, it’s a Love Letter. To you and your Beautiful Soul.

And that’s what matters. You. Loving your Beautiful Soul. We, together, all of us. Loving all Beautiful Souls.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Daily creativity can help you flourish. Research suggests that everyday creativity leads to greater well-being. A study tracked time young adults spent in daily creative endeavors, reports of positive and negative emotions, and “flourishing” (an overall sense of meaning, purpose, engagement, and social connection). Results revealed that being engaged in more creative activities than usual led to positive emotion and flourishing the next day. Negative emotions didn’t change. Since the reverse wasn’t seen (positive emotions and flourishing didn’t increase creativity), findings suggest that everyday creativity is an important to wellbeing.

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My New Website: A Work of HeArt

I feel like I birthed a baby, nurtured her as she grew, and sent her off to college.

Okay, it may seem a bit much to compare the creation of my new website with the miracle of parenting. Forgive me. I’m still a little sleep deprived. But I’ve learned that both experiences lead you on a wild ride. I do know my heart is so full of gratitude, love, and a sense of wonder about possibilities I can not quite see. 

This was my fourth attempt at creating a new website. 

The first three ended in the proverbial brick wall. After banging my head against that damn wall for a while, I admitted I couldn’t do it. And I laid the project down. Disappointed again in my lack of ability to see through the seed of an idea and the nudging of my Soul. Too busy with life and too stymied by my own limitations, I let the project go. 

Over time, I felt a cringe each time I went on my website. 

So I avoided it as much as possible. I orphaned my own creation rather than seek the source of my perceived limitation. Now again, I’ll skip the drama. Truth be told, I didn’t suffer that much. After all, when you avoid a pain point, you can effectively dodge the discomfort. You know this, I’m sure. And you also know that regardless of your avoidance, when your Soul has an idea for your life it will persistently return your focus to that idea. Until you follow it in your own time. In your own way. 

Apparently, I’ve grown up a bit. So I could partner with my Soul instead of hide.

Through all these years of Soulful exploration, meaningful work, and personal transformation, I’ve followed the path that lights up before me. Sometimes I skipped or ran forward. Other times, I walked slowly and took a lot of breaks. Many times, I stepped off the path entirely only to learn that wasn’t actually a thing. Well, it is a “mind thing.” Another dramatic idea of how well or not so well you are living. And it seems to be amplified for the spiritual seeker (but, you already know that mind game). Laying down this mind thing, I realized something.

Your whole life is the Path. So is every acceptance or avoidance. 

 

Through the years, I’ve been clear on what I wanted to offer you. My work reflects that intent, regardless of the state of my website. My heart reflects that intent. When I remembered this truth, the brick wall disappeared. I knew what I wanted to create, just not how to translate it on the web. And I was ready to find those capable of translating my Soul’s guidance and heartfelt intent into a new form. 

When I’m ready to partner with my Soul, I’m all in. No matter what.

You’ll see what I mean when you read some of my stories on my site. And understand that I created a website that is true to my Soul’s intent to create beauty, empower women to awaken their potential, offer rich resources to enhance your life, and serve from my WholeHeart. I hope you feel that when you visit.

I hope you feel the Love that flows through this intent to your heart.

I’ve created some rich resources for you.  Free. Empowering. Practical. In fact, my whole site is full of embedded insights in my pages and blogs.  The free offerings are intended to empower you to develop skills so you may navigate life effectively and with greater ease.  

Download my free Self Soothe Strategy. 

This 60+ page PlayBook helps you understand how to transform Stress to Calm.  The accompanying meditation guides you in a daily practice so you may optimize your body, mind, and energy. I’m kinda in love with that PlayBook. You’ll see why.

Download my free Light Globe meditation.

Creating a coherent energy field is essential to wellbeing. This daily practice will teach you how to harmonize your energy and align with the light of your Soul. Use it anytime you seek to strengthen your field and gain greater clarity in your day.

Angelic Reminders have a new look, too.

These lovely little nuggets arrive weekly via email.  Offering you some Angelic suggestions about how to connect, play, and live the intuitive path.  

You may have to seek and find these offerings. 

That’s the fun of it.  Be curious. Follow through. I’d be interested in hearing how these practices enhance your life. Try them out and let me know. Deep thanks for being with me on this Journey. My heart is full.

Next week, I’ll share 8 (really valuable) lessons I learned along this lengthy creative endeavor. 

You won’t have to create a new website to benefit from these insights. Just apply them to whatever you’re doing these dayst

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Ready to boost your confidence before that meeting? Grab your art supplies (or borrow them from your kid) and let your creativity flow. A study at Drexel University explored how a variety of creative activities would effect self-confidence in adults. Working with collage, modeling clay, and markers, participants were encouraged to create art. Free style. 73% reported an increase in feelings of self-efficacy after only 45 minutes. Just imagine the potential benefits if businesses included art breaks for employees. Why not implement your own 45 minute creative experiment at work or home?

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Angelic Radiance. Human Luminosity.

The Angelic Presence, as an aspect of the Divine Presence, surrounds you now. 

This energy of Love, radiant and peaceful, surrounds you always.  You move within this energy of Divine Love in all moments, for you are made of this Love energy, as are the Angels.  You may relax deeper into this peaceful Presence any time you choose without understanding an exact science for accessing Angelic energy and without concern for whether you are worthy of such attention.  You are worthy – holy and completely worthy. 

The Angelic Presence surrounds you right now and invites you to breathe in this peace as you read these words.  

Without exception, as I sit in groups who wish to explore their partnerships with the Angelic realm, this experience of peace and sense of delight is present. Whether we simply discuss Angels and their deep desire to support humanity or allow the words of the Angels to flow to and through us, group members speak of feeling peace, comfort, contentment, and deep love when immersed within Angelic energy.

In meditative stillness and gentle receptivity to these benevolent helpers, a soothing of the mind and body occurs much like a child’s tranquil response to a lullaby sung by her nurturing mother.

This peace is most often attributed to the Presence and Grace of the Angels. This is true, yet not a complete understanding.

As I witness the peace upon each person’s face and the love flowing through their words as experiences are shared within these Angelic groups, I am moved by their beauty. I witness the expanding radiance of their Light as each individual communicates a unique experience, sharing delights and even doubts.

Love Itself flows through the words, the spaces between the words, and the vibrational highways of dancing energy fields.

As the energy of Love’s Presence is received by each person in their unique fashion, insights are received, woes are released, smiles are shared, and hearts are opened. Again, I witness the expanding radiance of Light of the individual and the group.

Such expanding radiance is most often attributed to the Presence and Grace of the Angels. This is true, yet not a complete understanding.

Immersed within the radiant Presence of a group of shining humans, I witness the peace, delight and love of the Angelic Realm. I am moved by their beauty as I observe an expansion of Love energy and an amplification of Angelic radiance. A most curious effect, this pulsating luminosity that expands as group members speak of their experiences or bask within the soothing Angelic energy.

My attention shifts between the flaring light around the group and the bursting light around the Angels. A pattern emerges as amplified Light takes turns dancing in a phenomenal choreographic exchange.

Such amplified radiance is most often attributed to the Presence and Grace of these Humans. This is true, yet not a complete understanding.

In beautiful symmetry, Light reveals itself as perfectly peaceful, gloriously radiant, and wholly holy. Is it the Angelic Presence that reflects the perfection of Human Luminosity? Or is it the Human expression of Love that reflects the perfection of Angelic generosity?

Within the continuous, interdependent reflection of grandeur, Angel to Luminous Human and Human to Radiant Angel, wholeness dances as Truth is revealed.

Love Itself rests peacefully within the knowledge that Human and Angel alike contribute to the radiant reflection of the indwelling Presence of Love and Grace.

This Divine Presence surrounds you now, flows to you now, and flows from you now.

You are immersed within this radiant Love as sure as you are broadcasting this beautiful Peace from the holiest space of your Sacred Self. There is beauty within your Presence. You are invited to claim the beauty of your radiance and cast your light upon all beings so that they may receive this reflection of their own beautiful Presence.

You are invited to reflect the purest energy of Love to the Angelic realm so that they may receive, amplify, and reflect your luminosity to the dark places that have momentarily forgotten that they, too, are the radiant Presence of the Divine. As peace descends, the dimmer light awakens to its radiance as gently as the Divine Mother soothes her children into remembrance of their absolute worthiness.

And the dance continues in perfect symmetry and perfect peace.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Open Air Schools replace tourists in Kashmir. Here’s a creative solution to education during COVID. With the grandeur of the snow capped Himalayan in the background, children sit 6 feet apart with workbooks or listen to teachers with portable posters instead of blackboards. Within the rural regions, often impoverished, many schools and children are not equipped for online learning. Closing the divide between those with devices and those without, this fresh air alternative is creatively meeting the needs of children and bringing relief to parents. 

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Filling my Pockets

Everywhere I look, there’s worthwhile work to be done. 

Our oceans are filled with oil spills and plastic garbage.  Our atmosphere is polluted and forests are disappearing at an alarming rate.  Worldwide,  we’re grappling with a pandemic.  Adults are losing jobs and unable to care for their families.  People of all ages are sick, lonely, dying, and afraid. Our country is divided on so many issues. 

People everywhere are filled with rage, despair, insecurity, sadness, hunger, and fear.

Everywhere I look, I see opportunities for worthwhile work. Important activism. Creative solutions. Helping hands. Witnessing our world leads me to speculate:  What to do?  What to do?  What skills are required?  What is the focus of my worthwhile work?

Overwhelmed by the magnitude of the questions and the need, I choose to sit still. 

Really still.  I wondered about the work I already do. And the worthwhile work that may be calling to me across the noise of my busy life.  “I thinked and thinked” as Winnie the Pooh would say.  And then, I didn’t think any more.  I guess you could say that I just “be-ed.”  In this state of beingness, a thought emerged: 

“If I could fill my pockets with only two things, I would carry Love in my right pocket and Kindness in my left.”  

I realized how these qualities help Life flow more easily for myself and others.  So, I pulled on my favorite jeans, stuffed Love and Kindness in my front pockets and headed out the door. 

Actions guided by Love and Kindness worked with people of every age, ethnicity and gender, across all walks of life.  They even worked on me. They worked in nature – pristine and damaged.  They worked across the internet and within the inner net.  These tools worked.  Although sometimes, I forgot to stuff my pockets. 

On those days, I walked under a cloud. Miserly in my misery until I ran across some kind, loving soul with pockets overflowing.

And I was helped to remember the power of love and kindness, applied flexibly and consistently throughout the day. Over time, I stuffed my pockets with Clarity and Wisdom, Fearlessness and Ingenuity, Humility and Grace, and the ability to Laugh and Cry with friends and strangers.  Along the way, I forgot the original question. I just chose to be Love and Kindness or whatever quality was called forth from me in the moment. 

It’s not an exact science, but it seems to work for me. 

Until I forget to fill my pockets. That’s where you come in. Your love, kindness, courage, and ingenuity helps me a lot. Thanks for that. And keep it flowing.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Being kind toward others is associated with stronger mental and physical health, relationships, life satisfaction, communities, and even economies. Some researchers encourage you to cultivate kindness as a practice for wellbeing. For you. For the world. So think in terms of circles.  Start offering kindness to family, close friends, office mates. Smallish is fine. Smiling, holding doors, saying thank you, picking up a piece of trash on your neighbor’s yard. Then expand your circle. Tiny acts of kindness for strangers. Concentric circles of kindness. Could they change the world?

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Pickles and Fudge. A Life Lesson.

I’ve been inundated with pet stories. Vet stories. Happy stories and sad stories.

This led me to flash back through memories of childhood pets. I guess we had a bunch over the years. A dog, a kitten, a guinea pig, snakes, turtles, gerbils, fish, mice, and a chicken (a story for another time).

In my current family, we started out by petsitting the Montessori animals.  Easier that way.

Let’s just say it was interesting. The frog (stunk), the chinchillas (made noise all night), the albino rabbit (ate our curtains), and the dwarf rabbit (made his heavenly exit while in our care). After all that practice, we agreed to take in a house broken rabbit (ate the couch, also departed for greener pastures above). Finally, we were ready for our own pet.  Feeling confident, we brought home two dwarf hamsters and got them settled in their new home.

I still remember my third grader reading a story to Pickles and Fudge to help them adjust to their new home. 

Sweet memory. And the day I came home from work greeted by a worried daughter.  “Something is wrong with Pickles. Can you look at him?”  Pickles was alone now after Fudge departed suddenly without fanfare.  Cradling Pickles in my hand, I witnessed a swollen cheek and slanted eye.  Something was seriously wrong. 

Ghosts of past pets hopped into our minds and our musings.

Memories of Fudge flooded the room and the conversation.  The rabbits (plural). Bubbles, the goldfish won at a school fair, who recently floated to the light. Sensing a theme?. 

“Is Pickles going to die?” 

My daughter went to bed worried and sad.  My husband reminded me of the “facts.”  Dwarf hamsters have a life expectance of only 1 – 2 years.  Logic told him that if one hamster died, it might just be time for the other hamster to go as well. 

I don’t like facts.  They limit my options.

Deeply mired within facts and fearful conditioning about pets dying, we spent the weekend observing a decrease in activity.  Was Pickles eating less?  Was he having difficulty breathing?  Were we getting closer to losing him?  It was a helpless feeling that did nothing to support Pickles, nor my daughter’s ability to process what was occurring. 

Rather than hanging around waiting for this little guy to die, we took some action.

We realizes we were projecting so much worry, sadness, and fear onto this tiny creature.  Flowing healing energy through our hands, hearts, and minds, we held little Pickles.  Pictures of dolphin friends, known for their healing ability, and other positive helpers were placed with near the cage. I felt a bit of relief as if I had ‘done something.’

Until I realized that my daughter’s first question upon waking or returning from school was “Is Pickles dead?”

Enough.  I realized that if this was a larger animal, such as a dog or cat, I would already be at the vet to explore what was wrong.  So, why wasn’t I calling a vet for Pickles?  Was I unwilling to spend the time, money, or attention because he was small and had a predicted short lifespan?   Was I viewing Pickles as expendable simply because he was a hamster?

I realized beneath concern for my daughter’s well-being lurked the real shadow: a disrespect for life.

 

How could I go through my days without exploring what might be done for the benefit of Pickles and, relatedly, my daughter?  I found a vet who specialized in “pocket pets.”   I made an appointment for the same day.  “First name?” asked the kind clerk.  “Kathy,” I replied.  “Name of the hamster?” she kindly prompted me.  Oh.

Two hours later, Pickles Milano and I were off to his appointment. 

I was touched by the kindness of the vet and her assistant who clearly respected little Pickles regardless of his predicted life span.  The verdict?  Pickles had an abscess in his cheek for some unknown reason which could be rectified by surgery. 

Oh my goodness.  Nothing was wrong with his eye after all – it was just squished by the swelling.  With a little anesthesia, sweet Pickles would have this gook drawn out of his cheek and live happily ever after for some time to come thanks to his strong heart.  “How much would all of this cost?” I asked.  Silly question, really.  As if I could walk away. 

As Pickles Milano was led to surgery, I was surprised by the depth of my respect for this tiny speck of life. 

And the welling of emotion as I shed a tear in the waiting room. My heart opened as I considered what it might be like for such a tiny animal, usually protected within his cage, to experience this medical intervention.  I pushed my worry aside and drew forth every positive ray of energy for the benefit of my furry teacher who reminded me of the importance to respect all life, all ways. 

“We have to hurry back to the car,” I said, “Pickles is waiting.” 

Expressions of confusion, fear, and hope flitted across my daughter’s face. Followed by a big smile when she learned that Pickles was sticking around for a while longer.  For the next two weeks, that wiggly fur ball brought the family together morning and night as we attempted to drip the antibiotic into his tiny mouth.  With minimal mess, lots of laughter, and only a few nips, Pickles absorbed the nurturance heaped upon him. We all shared a collective breath of relief.

At the end of this experience, we conducted a cost analysis. 

Examination, anesthesia, surgery, and antibiotic:  $101.  Our daughter sleeping peacefully while a lively Pickles Milano created a ruckus running on his wheel all night: Priceless. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

57% of Americans report that experiences make them happiest, as reported on Happify (a wellbeing website). Especially experiences that connect you with friends and family, provide a memorable story, align with personal values, or are just downright unusual.  Using your money for leisure boosts wellbeing while the thrill is short for purchasing material goods. Good news! A cup of coffee with a friend carries more weight in the wellbeing arena than your mortgage.

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Uprooted. Vulnerable. Willing. Open.

 

Walking with a friend last week on a gorgeous morning, we came upon the most magnificent tree.

It was different than the rest of the sentinels along the path. And so it attracted attention. Not only ours. Lots of people got off their bikes or veered from the path. To look at it.  Touch it.  Marvel at it. Talk about it.  Record it. 

This tree was a conversation starter. It brought us together. It demanded our attention.  

Toppled by the violent wind in the recent storms, this massive tree stretched out prone on the open grassy lawn. Leaving a great hole in the earth. Roots torn asunder – some still deep within the earth and many dangling.  After years of growing to a great height, rooting deeply and owning its place, the tree’s established foundation had broken.

My friend, interestingly enough, was reading a new book: The Hidden Lives of Trees. 

As she shared some insights, I learned about the interdependency of trees. Communicating, supporting, and sometimes harming one another. Providing a home for the lichen growing on the bark and small greenery planting itself by the base.

Such a massive tree required years of growth, dropping roots deep into the earth to sustain its ability to become a giant. Stable and steady, even in the face of great storms. I was reminded that no tree exists alone. That nothing within the ecosystem is independent in and of itself. Everything contributes to everything.

Unearthed, this tree invited a closer look. Forcing a new perspective.

I stood upon the massive horizontal trunk and put my nose into the vertical lawn. I found a spider, an ant, and a bee buzzing on the clover. I examined the lichen and marveled at the trunk.  

This was a wonder to me, all this activity normally left unnoticed.  I wondered why it took such a dramatic movement for me to reflect upon the importance of each aspect of the system.

I stared into the gaping wound in the earth. It was massive and spoke of the force and violence necessary to create it.   

Looking around, I noticed another tree with split earth around its foundation. It would topple in the next wind storm. Prepared to fall. Willing to let go or forced to surrender its dominant position, I didn’t know.  I didn’t ask. Instead I finished my exploration and wandered away into new conversations.

It is easy to veer off in another direction. Dismissing the importance of a structural change in the system.

Yet, something had me coming back to this scene and the perspective shift it offered. I spoke of this tree to others and shared my photos. It touched something within me that needed to be revealed. 

I felt this tree had something to teach me if I was open and willing to be taught.

The symbology hasn’t escaped noticing as I’ve entered deeply into conversation and self-reflection about the recent murders of Ahmaud Abery, George Floyd, and Breonna Taylor. And the powerful reaction across our nation revealing our gaping wound, our divided nature, and the overlooked disparity that infiltrates every aspect of life for people of color. 

The violence and power has broken open the prevailing structure to reveal deep, deep roots and a gaping wound.

Reverberating around our country, our history, and our world. This isn’t a new issue.  Yet, today this invitation is loud, large, and powerful.  For each one of us to examine our own contribution to this interdependent ecosystem of society. To see where we have been blind. To hear where we have been deaf. To act where we have been passive.  To learn when we have been unable or unwilling to explore. 

The inequity of structural racism is wide spread and mutually reinforcing in our society.

We live in a societal ecosystem that promotes ongoing discrimination and disadvantage through inequities in all areas of life.  Creating trauma, a public mental and physical health crisis, economic disparity, and race influenced interactions for people of color. Ordinary people facing extraordinary challenges.  This mostly goes unnoticed by those of us who haven’t grown up with black or brown skin. Who haven’t faced the subtle, overt, small, and large insults, obstacles, and lack of responsiveness by the rest of society. 

I felt this gaping wound had something to teach me if I was open and willing to be taught.

 

I’ve been in conversation about race, inequity, and the need for restorative justice, respect, and systemic change since I was a young woman. It was natural for me given my life experience. Yet, I often veer off into other conversations and the habit of living my life. Forgetting that all parts of the system affect all parts of the system.  Forgoing my responsibility to see, hear, and act in a way that honors my neighbors, supports well being, and contributes to repair of our relations.

Like most of you, I’ve been listening.  Heart and mind open.  Sometimes calm, sometimes turbulent. 

Allowing vulnerability and discomfort to be my companions as I’ve explored the heartbreak, fear, rage, trauma, and hopelessness that is being experienced and expressed. Sitting with the hope, the momentum, and the anguish in the request to not turn away once this storm has passed. Encouraging the call for true inquiry into the issue so that societal change may occur. So that racism in all forms may be uprooted and a healthier system put in place.

I’ve sat within the breaking as people have confronted places within themselves they haven’t been willing to see before. 

I’ve found myself up against strong opinions and deeply rooted foundations of separation and misunderstanding. Like many of you, I’ve read, talked, marched, and listened.  All the while allowing my emotions, thoughts, and conditioned beliefs to freely enter the storm. In all of it, I recognize the intergenerational trauma of a society mired in racism and inequity across its systems. And I ask a simple question, “How may I contribute to the healing …. of an individual, community, country, system, world?”

These conversations have revealed that people are paying attention. They want to learn more and own personal responsibility for the ways they have contributed to the problem.

I don’t know the big answer. I’m not that expert. I do know a place to begin. I believe we must start with the person in the mirror. Recognizing that if we want to change the outer world, we must first shift the inner world. And to do this important inner work – the excavation of the societal conditioning living as our beliefs, values, and biases – we must be able to soothe ourselves. So we can remain open even when vulnerable or wanting to turn away.  So we may allow the possibility to look, listen, accept, process, and release that which harms. So that we may develop a new way of being with our human family.

Society is a living system. When one part of the system is disrupted, it has far reaching consequences. 

Our country has been disrupted since its inception and we must dig deep if we are to explore an alternate path forward. Buckminster Fuller said “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that mades the existing model obsolete.” 

The erupting crisis, rooted in centuries of structural racism, has caught our attention and demanded our personal response. 

Calling us not to fix the old model, but to dream a new future. As painful as this is, it is a wound that has something to teach us. So we can learn how to be present and open during challenging, uncomfortable conversations. So we take responsibility, make amends, and shift behavior. So we don’t walk away from the issue once the national outcry dies down.

So we don’t once again leave people of color to fend for themselves in an unjust society.

The experts know that a systems based, integrative view is essential if we are to create change across all aspects of society. With a focus upon restorative justice, the healing of trauma, the engagement of meaningful conversation across all groups of people, institutions, and policy makers.

It takes more than experts. It takes everyone to build a just world. 

Deep listening. Respectful action. Let’s not walk away. Let’s be that change.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Want to improve your communication skills?  Focus on nonverbal skills, listen for the essence of what is being said, and offer “support responses” that allows more self expression. Brain research reveals that staying open to the possibility you are wrong reduces activity in the amygdala, where you react to perceived threats. Neuroscientists at UCLA found when participants with firm political opinions had their beliefs challenged, their brain activity resembled that of someone being chased by a bear. At this level of arousal, a difference in beliefs may be interpreted as being evicted from the tribe. Threatening survival, belonging, and connection. Knowing this changes things. 

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Emerging Wise Women

 

I’ve been dreaming a lot.  

Receiving instructions about how to live a more beautiful life.  This is new for me – the tenacity in which this information is streaming through my dreaming.  And I’m grateful for the variety of focus.  Seems like it is touching on all areas of my life.

So much room for improvement.  Without concern for having misunderstood so much. 

The more I open, the more I receive. I kinda like dropping into the sleepy state at the end of the day.  With delightful anticipation, I share my gratitude for the day and ask a Beautiful Question.   

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows.  

More like roses with thorns.  I don’t mind the thorns, even when they stir up my vulnerability.  I’m interested in blossoming.  I’m dedicated to living an empowered, meaningful life.  So, I’m pretty much being shown the rocks, weeds, and thorns that have been hidden within me.  And those that have been glaring, but I hadn’t wanted to look at them.  I’m willing now.

I’m not the only one diving into the Shadow Self.  

Seems like this global crisis has stirred up a lot of muck for all of us.  Revealing the places within us that are out of balance.  Revealing those aspects of self that have been disowned and are now wanting shelter from the storm.  

I’ve been helping many women listen to the parts of themselves they’ve abandoned along the path to adulthood.  

It’s never intentional. When you understand it is a complex protective system that sends aspects of your younger self running for the hills in times of overwhelming challenge, things shift.  Potential for reintegration emerges.  Including the potential to listen deeply and finally hear what these abandoned aspects are trying to tell you.

It’s hard to listen when someone is belittling you, punishing you, and reminding you of your inadequacies or unlovability.  

Yet, you listen to these inner voices all the time.  We all have them.  Formed when we were young, often overwhelmed by the circumstances of our lives, and internalizing the critical messages offered when others and society were in tension and imbalanced.  Which was often.

So when you are in tension and out of balance, these voices emerge. All thorns. No rainbows.

Until you listen below the negativity to the pain and longing that is being expressed.  The sadness and isolation.  The fear of never being good enough, wanted, or loved.  The orphaned aspects of yourself lie beneath the judgments toward self and others. They lay beneath the envy or longing to be like another whom you admire.  So many ways these parts of yourself are expressing their desire to come home to rest within you. 

I found security in the ability to enter into another's world without defense.

 

When the world stays at home, there are fewer distractions.  Offering you a delicious opportunity to rejuvenate and reevaluate. To see what emerges in the open space. And to explore what lies beneath these strident inner voices so you can welcome your disowned parts home.

Becoming more. Becoming whole.

I’m grateful for this time to witness the parts of me I have dismissed. To dive below the surface to discover there is so much more waiting for me. And be shown the benefit – practical and magical – for integrating these young parts into my adult self.  I’m grateful to witness the work women are doing to call themselves home.  To offer a trustworthy, nurturing, and compassionate space for their own precious nature. 

In the midst of this, I woke up dreaming a new class.  It was unexpected.  A weaving of different traditions.

Supporting the intent to become more, become whole in the midst of this turmoil. To allow wisdom, creativity, beauty, and vulnerability to awaken. I was intrigued as this class unpacked itself over 2 days.

Exploring the 4 Directions of the Medicine Wheel.   Guided and supported by 4 Goddesses, 4 Spirit Animals, and 4 Rays of Divine Light.

To explore the strong medicine of the Soul which is coaxing forth your recognition of the Wise Woman within.  To bring Her more to forefront, it is also essential to invite home the wondrous and vulnerable aspects of yourself.  To welcome the roses and thorns in the same way you welcome rainbows and unicorns.  This is an essential Journey and you’ll have plenty of help along the way.  Especially when encircled by other women who are keen to participate in their Soul’s evolution. 

The Art of Becoming: Evolving as a Wise Woman in Uncertain Times begins June 2nd (new date!). 

This 4 week class is for women only.  Please join me if you’re interested in a deep inner dive to discover what wants to grow and what wants to go.  To nourish the luminous seeds of your wholeness that are waiting for you. This class will empower you to strengthen your commitment and discover the map markers, wise guides, and beautiful practices which will support and sustain you on your journey.

Do pop over and explore my workshop page if you’re ready to dream with us.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

One secret of happiness? Research says people. 
Large scale surveys at the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center found that people with five or more close friends are 50% more likely to say they are “very happy” than those with smaller circles.  Now, if you don’t have 5 best buds, don’t freak out.  Just know that investing in friendships matters. Even casual social interactions on a regular basis empowers wellbeing.

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What’s your Medicine?

 

A powerful question for these uncertain times.  How would you answer it? 

I’ve been hearing a lot about medicine. 

For allergies, spring colds, headaches, and body aches.  The pharmaceutical kind of medicine that is in most medicine cabinets and advertised relentlessly through every media channel.   Chemotherapy, radiation, anti-anxiety and depression medications.

And natural supplements like Vitamins C and D, zinc, Airborne, and essential oils.  Boosting immune systems and treating symptoms naturally in a time of global illness. I’m listening to people speak about medication most days.  It’s a part of life.

Energy medicine also sprinkles through all my conversations. 

That isn’t so surprising since I’m using Energy Medicine and Energy Psychology techniques in most interactions with people.  Heart Assisted Therapy.  Emotional Freedom Technique.  The Body Code. The Emotion Code.  All the Light work with the Angels and beyond.  Giving you access to your own natural power. 

Awakening your inner healer.  So you can treat yourself.  

Easy to learn. Practical in application. Yet, often forgotten or underutilized. Even though I offer sessions every week, I often forget to use these techniques myself.  Such is human nature and the power of the conditioned mind. Good to remember and drop back into creating the new habit of using these techniques more frequently.

I’ve been hearing a lot about self-medicating these days.

Emotional eating.  Stress eating.  Drinking too much. Laying around binging Netflix series you don’t even like. Overworking.  Letting go normal activities like exercise, chores, or showering.  Too much caretaking at the expense of your own wellness. These are all understandable activities during a pandemic while self-quarantined. 

There’s no judgment here. 

I’m just noticing that I’m eating ice cream again and not working out with weights.  That’s fine here and there, yet ultimately not the best medicine to keep my body vital and strong.  Taking a look at yourself without judgment, you may notice the ways you are attempting to soothe your stress, loneliness, boredom, fear, and loss.  Awareness precedes choice precedes change. 

Compassionate awareness leads to a potential to chose a different medicine.

There’s some yummy, feel good medicine going on here.  Generously helping others. Planting gardens. Walking in nature. Creating art. Reading books. Connecting via phone, email, video, and drive by visits.  Playing games. Praying for those near and far. Learning something new.  Sending Thank You notes. Singing together. Dancing.

Within the indigenous traditions, a shaman or medicine healer may evaluate your dis-ease with four powerful questions.

 

When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

 

Diagnostic in nature. Insightful in contemplation. Prescriptive in action.

I believe these questions speak for themselves. Make use of them with one caveat. Good medicine requires a compassionate view toward yourself and your life. No judgment here. That won’t help you discover the healing which is awaiting you.  Some of you may dive within these questions – grateful for the structure and capacity to explore every crevice.  Others may find it more helpful to touch the edge of a question. To notice what wants to be gently explored or practiced. 

There’s a hint in every question. An answer. A map marker. To guide your way home to yourself. 

I love the potential of diving deep.  Grateful also for the benefit of walking gently into these questions. I’m a fan of “not knowing” what may arise.  And for taking the shortest route to discovery.  So, I’m taking the “hint” to awaken some good medicine to see me through.

I’m sitting in silence.  Dancing a lot to different kinds of music. Singing softly and loudly. Alone and with others (albeit via recording). Enjoying stories. 

Seems we are in this topsy turvy world for the long haul. Together. Every day you may notice yet another thing that is gone, different, or unknown. You are in the midst the great upheaval. We all are. 

Knowing that you are responsible for your own wellbeing, this seems like a good time to become more aware. Asking yourself what is helping you steady your light, boost your immune system, strengthen your mind-body-energy system, awaken your soul connection, and empower your own evolution. 

The Art of Becoming. Evolving into a luminous human during this time of great uncertainty.  

I’m curious. Enchanted by Life’s invitation to evolve. Aware that I’m at choice. Interested in becoming more while doing less. So, I’ll be diving into some beautiful questions and open space. By myself as an investment in my wellbeing and creative ability to serve others.

Choose your medicine wisely. 

Are you noticing who is prescribing your medicine?  Is it the media, western medicine, subconscious habits, or your live streaming inner wisdom? There’s a hint of an answer in that question as well.  Remember that everything is waiting for you as you dance, sing, pray, create, and engage stories.  A cornucopia of natural healing awaits as you commune with nature, stillness, and your own Soul. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When you smile, they smile. At least their brains fire off the neurons as if they were smiling.  A smile comes your way. Your brain fires off neurons ‘as if’ you were smiling. Mirror neurons are thought to be the physiological foundation for empathy. Helping you read people and interpret how they may be feeling. One thing about trauma, shock, chronic helplessness, or depression. It robs you of your natural smile. With the presence of mirror neurons, another person’s smile can activate your neural pathways even when your face doesn’t match up. Smile more. At yourself. At everyone. The world needs your smile.