I spent a week bumping into walls.  

Actually I was a’bumpin’ for 11 days to tell the truth.  Trying to fix a glitch that I myself had inadvertently created many years ago.  Coming back to throw a wrench in what I see as my very important plan.  I started out in my typical fashion.

Small tantrum. Own my mistake. Move on to solve it.

Except this time, I couldn’t.  It seemed beyond me.  And the 8 people I spoke to who (kindly) sent me on a wild goose chase. And the 4 hours of being on hold with constant advertisements broadcasting how helpful they were.  Every conversation ended the same way.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.” 

So, I laid it down.  Turned it over.  Willing to let it be unsolved.

I wanted to be teachable.  To explore what it was like to be within this wild goose chase.  To be present as doors close even though this might have ramifications for me in the future.  I wanted to trust the unfolding of the situation as part of Life’s perfection.  I surrendered. I dropped in. I trusted. 

Until 2 days passed and my tension built.  

I’m used to solving the challenging circumstances of my life.  I’m persistent in taking action. I seek creative solutions.  I’m good at asking for help.  I’m pleasant to service providers who reveal to me yet another frustrating dead end. All these ways are how I usually plod through or creatively skip around a challenge.  

Day 10 and nothing working.  So, I laid it down.

And, yes, for those inquiring minds who wondered if I checked in with my soul’s guidance, my Angels and guides, the many celestial resources to guide me.  Yup.  Nada.  Well, not exactly nada.  After a 2 1/2 hours of chasing my tail last week, I actually put my head in my hands as I sat at my desk. 

In this position of giving it up once again, I heard my own voice quietly ask a series of questions. 

The end result of that lovely conversation was that yes, I was perfectly safe and cared for in the moment. And, yes, the only problem that I could find was my own (crazy) thinking and my own (rigid) habit of trying to solve something that wasn’t within my control. (Note to self, adopt this position more often as it helps balance the energy and blood flow in the brain and frontal lobe.)