Author: Kathy Milano

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Lost in the Woods

 

I’ve recently awakened the desire to go hiking and spend more time exploring the trails in New Jersey and other locations. 

So, my husband downloaded a new app with a wide selection of hiking trails in our area and chose our first 5 mile hike. It was rated “moderate” hiking difficulty which was good for me. I enjoy our walks in nature tremendously, but I was hankering for a little elevation and variation. Since a weekend hike in Rocky Mountain National Park was out, we popped in the car to celebrate Labor Day with an enjoyable walk in the woods. 

I love to explore new places by wandering around without a plan, discovering what is around me. My husband, on the other hand, is a map kind of guy. Or in this case, an app kind of guy.

We arrived at a tiny gravel lot, grabbed our bottles of water, and headed down the deserted path. How could we go wrong? There were white painted trail markers on the trees and we enjoyed being in the shaded woods as a respite from a sunny day with temperatures in the 90s.

It was a delight to be immersed within hundreds of trees with a hint of the stream’s gurgle beyond the ferns. The blue sky and white clouds peeked through the trees as if to check on our progress, yet the rays of the sun were only lightly visible. 

We strolled along as if we were the only people in the world on this path.

Apparently we were, as we didn’t see nor hear anyone for over an hour. There was a peace that descended when we were immersed within the natural sights and sounds of the forest. Even my husband relaxed his noticing of the changing color trail markers and we enjoyed quiet conversation interspersed with long periods of silence. The sight of massive roots of a fallen tree, minnows swimming by the edge of the stream, or a surprising tree of burning orange leaves was good for the soul.

Faced with a fork in the road, we simply went left as the absence of trail markers left us to our own devices.

We spied two deer leaping across the path ahead and disappearing into the dense brush.  It was a delight and we decided it was clearly a sign we were headed in the right direction. This was our first indication that perhaps we weren’t reading the signs correctly – trail signs or nature signs – as we ended up stuck in a field of prickly grasses with nowhere to go. So, we turned around. At the next fork, we got serious about looking for trail signs.

How hard could it be? After all, we were walking on a 5 mile loop. A loop is a circle, or so I thought.

Back on the path, we continued our leisurely hike as my husband called out, “Here comes your elevation! All 124 feet!” Peering around him, I saw a tiny hump in the path. Okay, so we weren’t in the Rocky Mountains. We stopped on a bridge and looked for fish while the trees protected us from the driving sun above. Relaxed and at peace, I was content in our meandering. And then we hit another split in the trail and absence of trail markers. This was beginning to become a theme. 

I didn’t object when he pulled out his app with the GPS. Good news: we were halfway through the loop. I felt a deep love for that stinkin’ app.

I was aware that while I wasn’t tired, I was pretty darn hot. The benches that appeared did not seem appealing for a rest stop. They looked like they had been carved in the 1800s and were covered with elaborate webs. Truth be told, I noticed I was a wee bit wilted on my first hike through this hilly terrain (yes, there were very tiny hills now). And then I saw it: a thin tree had fallen across the path. Unlike the others we had climbed over which had moderate to large trunks, this was a slender tree. The remarkable thing was that it was still growing. Its trunk was bent and the leaves were fluttering in the wind.

I felt an affinity for that little tree who just laid down and took a nap, right in the middle of the path.

 

Soon after this wonderful sight and a few more tiny inclines and declines, we came to another fork in the road. It was confusing, so we got out my favorite app. Turns out it was no help at all and the GPS, which had given us such hope, was suddenly suspect. We were back at a previous choice point and had to either go in an unknown direction which logically took us away from our car or backtrack via a path which meant we had miles to go before we could rest.

As we headed back from whence we came, I was no longer a fan of meandering nor of that silly app. I was also aware that the trail markers, which were absent at the choice point, were now abundantly clear – as if some ranger had gotten paint happy.

“We aren’t out of the woods yet!”  Who knew my husband had such a sense of humor?

Hot as all get out, I took stock and began rationing my water.  Very soon, I realized that getting lost in the woods was detrimental to the annoyed or anxious mind. The surrounding landscape was as calming when we were lost as it had been when we were all gung ho and full of vigor. As we walked, my husband and I began to notice places we had seen before and it became a game of sorts. We even ran across another couple which gave us hope that we would rediscover civilization. Back into our confident meandering, we didn’t feel the need to ask how to get out of the woods. We figured we were on the correct path.

How many detours could there be on a loop anyway? [Two more, but who’s counting?]

Spoiler alert: we made it out of the woods and returned to civilization. None the worse for the wear, we were so busy pulling the sticky leaves from our shoes and clothing that we almost missed the sudden appearance of that other couple. They were calmly strolling up the paved road beyond the gate. Apparently, that “unknown direction” not only led back to the parking lot, but did so in an easy and timely fashion. 

When my husband mentioned that the app had an upgraded version for $2.99/month with more trail details and an improved GPS function, I handed him 3 bucks and told him he was in charge of next week’s location.

And then I took a mini nap on the way home – just like my favorite tree.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The Japanese Society of Forest Medicine researches the therapeutic benefits of forests on human health and wellbeing. Forest bathing involves walking slowly, mindfully as you open the senses, notice your response, and enjoy the ecosystem.  Statistics indicate that the average American spends 93 percent of the time indoors and about ten hours a day on social media. That can’t be good for your health. Forest bathing research revealed benefits such as strengthening the immune system, reducing stress, anxiety, and depression, boosting overall sense of well being, and improving cardiovascular and metabolic health.

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Stuck to Soaring

Summers are my happy time being a warm weather creature living in the Northeast United States. 

The comfort of warmer weather, longer days of light, and a slower pace are soothing to my soul.  This combo also invites me to spend as much time outdoors as possible.  And I get the thrill of rediscovering what I call my Sacred Pond in the Pocono mountains.  

I call it mine because I am the only human inhabiting the space. 

To be fair, this summer I shared the pond with a hundred thousand water lilies, a blue heron who was fishing, butterflies and bees gathering nectar, a white duck taking a meticulous bath, birds singing, trees dancing, clouds traveling above offering intermittent shade, a beckoning path, and a blank page.  Even though I was the last to arrive and only visiting, I loved to claim it as my happy place. Settling in on the first of many mornings, I arranged my chair in my typical sunny spot.  

I prepared to gaze upon the wonder of the space, but a damn bush was blocking my view. 

I felt a surge of indignation (at a bush no less) for limiting my capacity to enjoy the natural arena.  Recognizing that bushes have a right to grow, I settled my mind into an appreciative space.  My body naturally released layers of stress as I simply looked around and followed the sounds of the natural world.  All seemed to be in perfect order … until I’d glance through that damn bush to try to see a whole section of the damn pond. I noticed I “glitched” each time my gaze swept in that direction. 

It was like trying to see the play on stage when a (damn) tall person was sitting in front of me.

I solved that one by limiting my range of vision.  Again, I settled into a peaceful place.  No longer bothered by the limit I refused to see. That was a fine solution until the hot sun started cooking me.  No small breeze was offsetting that fire in the sky. So, I moved my chair up the path to the shade of the pine tree. 

Wow!  What a view!  I had my pond back with no obstruction! 

Who would’ve thought that a small elevation in my “view” – a shift in my perspective would reveal the solution to my dilemma of being stuck in the bushes?!  Apparently Life knew it was that simple.   

Shifting perspective. Elevating my point of view.  I got the message. 

Many luscious moments later, my eyes strayed to the sky where a magnificent bald eagle was circling. She flew in circles – coming closer to me with every loop.  I stood to witness the majestic creature and I marveled at how clear her vision was to locate a mouse from such a high elevation. 

It was as if nature was making a point of teaching me the benefit of changing my perspective. 

As I stood to follow her flight pattern, I began to see the radiating energy patterns flowing in all directions from the eagle.  Once I witnessed this, her flight pattern shifted.  I was transported as she demonstrated the expanding interactive potential of energy when in a “flow pattern” – when one was in a coherent relationship with the surrounding environment. I craned my neck to gaze above me through the tree tops to track her movement. 

Nature was making a point of teaching me the benefit of changing my perspective.

 

And then I jumped out of my skin.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you” said a man as he walked past me.  Seriously, where did this stealth walker come from?  My new friend was out on his weekly mushroom foraging trip.  Mushrooms?  I thought I might get another level of the lesson about expanded perception – the psychedelic kind. I was wrong. Turns out he and his group of friends spent their weekends trapping turtles, foraging for berries and mushrooms, and some other “live off the land” activities. 

I was gifted with a glimpse into a way of living that was foreign to me. 

Bald eagle forgotten, I entered a fascinating conversation with this slightly hyperactive mountain man. We examined the berries nearby, looked at the painted turtle tracks, and discussed how to forage mushrooms without wiping out the crop (so selfish).  I learned what it was like to grow up right up the road and how my magical pond was once a pristine swimming and fishing haven until my beloved lily pads invaded the lake. What I learned about beavers was fascinating! 

And then he was gone as quickly as he arrived.  

I settled back into my chair and found my perspective had changed again. I was more spacious. I felt part of the landscape as if I was now in a new conversation with the land, sky, and creatures which made up this pond. In the course of an hour, I was expanded.

I went from stuck in the bush to soaring like an eagle to finding myself a part of this Sacred Pond.

Everything here was part of the whole, including me. Settling in once again, there was nothing left to do but enjoy myself in the flowing conversation all around me. 

And I spent some extra time loving that little trouble making bush that started everything. 

I wonder what teachers are going to show up on your path to demonstrate the practical power of changing your perspective. Hope they come soon and help you soar. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Project Reset, part of New York City’s court system, offers those charged with minor offenses a 3 hours art class instead of court.  The courses vary from hands on creation of art, museum visits, and restorative talking circles. Reset was so successful, cutting low level misdemeanor processing by almost half, that it spread to New York’s other boroughs. Imagine the creative potential of close to 40,000 people given another change to avoid criminal records or jail time. Practical creative solutions. Now that’s a work of art.

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Light Bathing in my PJs

Sunday was a brilliant day as I found myself immersed within a day long practice of “Light Bathing.” 

This wasn’t my plan nor did that term pop into my mind until I was already deep within the process.  With my morning shake in hand, my plans rearranged themselves when I was called to engage my Soul in meditation.

Sitting in my pajamas on my back deck, journal nearby, I closed my eyes and dropped into the moment. 

The birds sang.  My neighbor swept his patio. Planes occasionally flew above me.  The breeze rustled my hair.   I wandered through a visually rich inner landscape.  My Soul Conversation was enlightening.   Amidst all of this movement, Stillness emerged.  

I felt lit from within as I basked in the warmth of the sun. I was light in every sense of the word.

 

Opening my eyes, I noticed my dog resting nearby. He looked regal as he soaked in the sun – totally at rest and seemingly content. I realized that he often sought the light patches in the house or spent time resting in the sun on the back deck. Totally at rest and seemingly content. 

Moving inside, my plans rearranged themselves again when I felt the desire to attend to my plants.  

This again was unexpected. After all, I had a Dead Plant Sale when I lived as a resident advisor in the undergraduate dorms during grad school.  I was clearly missing the ‘green thumb’ gene, yet here I was with a desire to tend to my plants.  I have only one type of plant in my home and office given my seeming inability to keep them alive. Whatever type of plant I have, it is very forgiving and truly resilient. 

I discovered that my plants were thirsty, the leaves wilted, and the vines long overdue for trim.  

So I watered them.  Trimmed them.  Talked to them.  Promised them more care.  Finally I moved them all into the light. 

When my husband came home, I informed him that our plants were “Light Bathing” until tomorrow.  

I was struck by that term.  I actually felt a warm pleasure throughout my body when it was said aloud.  I noticed that I had turned on the lights that day in all of the rooms around me – using light as an accent of the beauty and tranquility of my surroundings.  

Later in the day, while hiking in the woods, I noticed the presence of light everywhere.  
I walked through ribbons of light in the denser forest and in bright sunshine through the field.  When I prepared and ate my dinner, I blessed the food and those who brought it to me with Light.

I recognized that Light Bathing was not a new thing – it was a normal part of life.  My dog already knew this, as did my plants.

Creating a new art piece that evening, I felt the lightness of enthusiasm and enjoyment while translating an inner vision into physical form. I chanted while I worked and consciously poured light into every layer of the mixed media painting. 

My day ended with a practice to Steady the Light. 

I resourced my energy field – physical body with the vital life force arising from the Earth and descending from the Heavens. Grateful for the day, it was no surprise to discover that it ended much as it had begun …

I was light soaked.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

A recent Gallup poll reported about a third of workers in the US are unhappy and disconnected at their jobs. Research at Central Michigan University found that exposure to natural elements seemed to have a positive impact on workers. Sunlight exposure revealed an even stronger influence. Indirect sunlight was associated with a decrease in depressive symptoms while direct sunlight was related to improved satisfaction and sense of loyalty at work. Employers, take note! 

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The Glow of Giving

I grew up with generous giving. 

Not that it was discussed. More like witnessing some folks modeling “how to” giveof their time, money, and talent.

(By folks, I mean mine.)

I didn’t think it was anything special.

More like a way of life.

Like treating my cheerleading squad to burgers at McDonalds (when you could do that without robbing your bank), mentoring young people, sponsoring worthy projects, and volunteering their time.

So, it was a no brainer to share my stuff and volunteer my time.  

It certainly wasn’t required nor a part of building a “college worthy” resume of community service. (Today’s pressure on kids to volunteer as a way to impress does feel a bit off, even though the side effect may be a good one.)  It was just something we did.

When I was young, it was fun, made sense, and I had company.

So, I shared clothes with friends, ran backyard fairs for muscular dystrophy, and volunteered as a candy stripper at the local hospital. 

(Full disclosure:  I did skip on the “feeding the patients” duty as I was more into drinking milkshakes while hiding in the library with my friends. And I wouldn’t have been caught dead in those pink and white striped pinafores outside of the hospital. My adolescent self shudders to think of it to this day).  

My husband and I shared this desire to raise our daughter within this model of “generous giving.”

From the time she entered school, she was involved in projects and discussions about giving.  She was used to volunteering, gathering school supplies, delivering Holiday gifts, and shopping for specific families in need.  We discussed as a family how we might support worthy projects around the world. And how to say no to the countless requests we received over the phone or at the cash register if they didn’t fit into our giving plan (even when they were someone else’s worthy project).

Kids don’t miss much.

She noticed when I quietly picked up the check for the older woman dining alone we had chatted with at dinner. I hadn’t known it at the time. When she pointed out an older man eating alone one evening, she asked if we could pick up his check. In time, I witnessed some of her own acts of generous giving and realized she must’ve witnessed other small anonymous actions.

Fast forward to this week and the surprise appearance of the “Awww” Factor or Awe Factor. 

I knew my Dad wanted to reach out to friends and colleagues to fund next year’s tuition costs for the Love Orphanage kids in Haiti. Great idea. Really worthy AND much needed. We had 19 kids on the road to education with the Be a Difference Maker program my daughter had created. The goal was to create sustainable funding so all Love O kids could receive the education they deserved.

He was proud of my daughter’s intent and signed on as a Difference Maker. I watched my daughter edit her Grandpa’s letter to seek funding for private school tuition. Reverse generational modeling. I enjoyed that immensely.  And then we all moved on. 

Out of the blue, the gifts rolled in. Just like that, lives were transformed.

The impact of strangers. Based on their trust in my Dad, inspiration generated by my daughter, a worthy need, and, most likely, a habit of generous giving. I felt that warmth of happiness spread through my body.

You know, it is a scientific finding, that warmth thing.

Research links prosocial giving and happiness as a universal phenomenon.

 

Even when controlling for individual’s income around the world (across 136 countries), people reported greater satisfaction in their lives when they were giving to others. This is especially true when three things were in play: giving is a personal choice, there is a sense of connection (to strangers or those known to you), and an impact is made. 

As the thank you letters and pictures of the children left our home yesterday, I felt we were batting 3 out of 3:  choice, connection, impact.  

Warm hearted, I realized that being a witness to giving also had its perks.

I was deeply moved. You could say I had a glow from giving – even from the witness seat.

At the end of this story, all 19 Love O kids are funded! Another year of the Change Their Lives type of influence for these future Difference Makers in Haiti.  Check out their sweet Thank You below (from last June’s Culture Camp).

Better than a milkshake any day.

Remember that choice, connection, and impact are important. Feel free to find your own place to make a difference with your time, talent, or moolah. This big wide world has needs are vast, so feel free to warm your heart your way.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Research has identified one way more money can make us happier. Having a lot? Sure. That’s one way as research shows happiness rises with income (but only until $75K). Another biggie: you tend to be happier when you spend it on others. Kids already know this. One study focused on the innate pleasure received by the act of giving. 2 year olds were found to be happier giving away their Goldfish crackers from their own pile than using someone else’s stash. Research apparently is for adults. Kids already have this super power. Share your fish.

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Am I Present?

I was lost in a dream the other day. Caught up in an old story about how to live life – my way. 

I felt the stress of this dream – occurring in the light of day with eyes wide open. This was my clue that I was dreaming. Stress – a friendly reminder that I had my knickers in a knot over something I thought was a problem. I noticed my tension and took a breath. Enjoying another deep breath, I asked one question:

“Am I present?” 

Of course this is a trick question. Each time stress offers the invitation to ask this of myself, the answer is the same: “No, I am not present. I am lost in the story of me and the way life should be.” Yet, the beauty of this undefended awareness is the opening of potential of noticing what is here. What would happen if I took a few minutes to really notice what was happening?

“Noticing” is a simple practice which has the potential to bring you rapidly into contact with what is happening.

It is so simple that this powerful practice is often engaged in a cursory fashion or overlooked altogether. This is especially true in our fast paced, self important culture. Silly really – this wasting of our precious engagement with Life – in order to get one more thing done, to get someplace faster, or to stay lost in our storyline just a wee bit longer.

So, I drop within the moment and notice.

I breathe consciously and tune into my body. The breath moves me in unpredictable patterns if I let it, as if there is a wisdom in the rising and falling code that unlocks tension I did not realize was there. When I notice my body, places of tightness automatically soften as if they were just waiting for my glance in order to relax. My posture shifts. I feel younger, gentler, and more trusting.

It doesn’t matter why my mind is scattered, my body tight, my breathing shallow, or my attention turned inward. 

Without a need to know anything, I just allow the breath and inner awareness to move as it will. Everything breathes, softens, and opens. This happens rapidly when I enter the action of noticing with an open mind and heart, willing to be with whatever I encounter without having to create a story about it.

At some point, without effort, my noticing turns to my environment.

The texture of the fabric of my clothing or furniture, the sounds near and far which harmonize with the movement of the light and my breath, the array of colors and objects patiently waiting to be seen. As my awareness broadens, the perceptions integrate into a living story worth exploring.

I realize that my stress has dissipated – my personal story has dissolved.  

I recognize the awareness of one pulsating, moving presence. There is a conversation occurring – Life is speaking and Life is listening – and I am that. The wisdom flows unimpeded and is easily translated within this relaxed Presencing experience.

I realize that my stress has dissipated. My personal story has dissolved.

 

Ah yes. This Presence. So familiar once noticed.

It seems surprising that I had forgotten this way of being – so real and true. And yet, it is understood that dreaming is a habit. Not only mine, but a habit for most. This makes me even more grateful for the question that arises within me, unbidden now, at times when I am lost in the old stories. I welcome the trickster who lives within the question like I welcome an old friend who knows me well and cares for me deeply.

“Am I present?” always leads me down a rabbit hole worth exploring.

Like one of my favorite mythical heroes, Alice in Wonderland, I may remember more than I expected when I venture down the path of this exploration. Simple enough, this practice of noticing.  Yet powerful enough to boost my intuition so I can tune in more fully to the Divine conversation.

I was lost in a dream yesterday.

Asking myself the question “Am I present?” This automatically interrupted some nonsensical story and dropped me into breathing and noticing. 

And then I woke up.

In my pajamas, in my bed, while it was dark and the birds had yet to sing. I took a breath. I noticed my body, my bed, my room, and beyond within. Grateful for this habit that empowers me even when I sleep.

So dreamy. This sense of wakefulness. 

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Multitasking is touted as the super power which guarantees success. That’s a myth. Rather than helping you accomplish more things faster, it actually interferes with you doing anything well.  The benefits of the well known adage “Be here now” are backed up by science. Slowing your pace and placing attention on what is right in front of you has been shown to increase productivity, happiness, and …wait for it … charisma. When you’re fully present, people feel understood and supported. Increasing potential for positive relationships, which are one of the strongest predictors of happiness and success.  Bust that myth.