A Friday night outdoor wedding with more than a hint of rain. 

This was my thinking as I scanned my schedule last Friday. I had a small time window between work and picking up the “package.” The package being my mother-in-law. I realized I still had to try on my dress, find shoes, get gas in the car, write the card, eat lunch, and run an errand. Kinda wished I had thought this all out earlier in the week. 

I wandered around the house muttering “umbrella” so I wouldn’t forget to bring one. 

I tossed out the suede shoes for another pair that could tolerate wet grass and a heavy downpour. My skirt fit loosely so I packed a big safety pin in case there was wild dancing and it was at risk of falling down. (No one needs to see that.) With amazing efficiency, I was only 15 minutes behind schedule. Which is on time for me.

The package acquired and looking lovely, we hit the open road.

There’s something about heading to the shore that triggers a massive relaxation in my being. I put my bare feet up on the dashboard and enjoyed the ride. Even a threat of rain couldn’t dim my anticipation. I was heading to a big party to celebrate two lovely women who, like many, postponed their wedding a year due to COVID.

I hadn’t seen this extended family in almost a year. Not in person, that is. 

Arriving at a beautiful vineyard, I was transfixed by the lovely gardens and neat rows of vines. The day was warm and the sun was peeking through the clouds. Weather nerds were on their phones predicting the downpour had shifted course. We were not to be blessed by the holy water from the heavens. 

I imagined there were other blessings in store. 

As we claimed three rows together, I delighted in seeing everyone. It warms my heart even now, this pleasure of face to face contact, kisses, and hugs. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed all of them until I was in their presence. I’m moved by weddings, funerals, warmhearted stories, and hallmark commercials. Often to tears. So, I was already primed to flow a drips with the joy of settling in with these lovely people.

Here’s the thing about two brides. 

I knew these lovely ladies. I knew they each would walk down the aisle and profess their love and commitment for each other. I anticipated that wonder. I took that for granted. 

I had not considered, perhaps, how different such a union is from the prevailing societal expectations for weddings and marriage. 

Since high school, my friends, colleagues, and extended circles have always included people who favor same sex relationships. That was normative in my experience. And I’ve had plenty of conversations of their experience in the world, different from mine, which opened my mind and heart more fully.

These conversations weren’t only about sexual preference and the courage to live true to oneself.

As friends, the conversations were about everything.

 I wonder now if perhaps my comfort level actually left me insensitive to how deeply the dominant view of weddings as heterosexual was buried within my psyche. And our societal psyche.

The entrance of the bridal party took my breath away. 

Two by two, beautiful ladies in dresses of their own choosing walked down the grassy aisle. Alternating to reveal themselves as friends of this bride or that bride. There were a lot of bridesmaids and they just kept coming. Two by two.

Making a visual statement that resonated deeply within my body. All ladies with the exception of two brothers. All walking together as women. Together as men. Making a point. Priming us for the entrance of one gorgeous bride. And then another. 

This was a blessed union of two women. 

I saw that. Really saw that. And how different this was from just about every wedding I had witnessed with the expected male and female pairs leading a single bride down the aisle. I recognized that the last wedding of friends, who were a long time couple, had walked in by themselves. Just as I was used to seeing them walk into many gatherings over the years.

It was a welcome shaking of my stored inner photo of what weddings looked like.  

Here, I was greeted by a solidarity that boldly and beautifully stated the truth of the day.