Let’s tell the truth. Sometimes life gets you down.
As if the powers that be are conspiring against you. As if the power within you has gone on vacation. As if all your hard earned success at managing life seems out of reach. Those times may arrive with a shock or when the proverbial straw breaks the camel’s back.
Regardless of how the pressure came about, when it’s too much, it’s too much.
Many of you were raised with voices outside of you urging you to keep going. To keep your chin up, dry your tears, and keep trying. Now, that’s not necessarily bad advice, but there’s a time and place for that response.
Everything works better when there’s a rhythm that allows for intense focus and action interspersed with resting and day dreaming. Yet, that’s not the way of the adult world.
It’s the relentless messaging from family, school, work, and society to strive for success that gets internalized.
When you hear something enough, you begin to believe it. And adopt it as your own. Especially if you don’t know any better.
Kids know better.
When they’ve had enough, they cry out loud. They flop to the ground as if their bones are fluid. They let you know in no uncertain times that it’s time for a break. And they get one – a nap, a cuddle, a bath, or a snack.
Somewhere along the way, we adults forgot the benefit of that pause.
And when society forgets it, you’re invited to forge ahead. To work hard in order to prove your worth or earn your keep. Along the way, you get amnesia for the wisdom and pleasure of taking a pause.
The bigger picture has gotten so mixed up that a Time Out is considered a threat or a punishment by many parents (and children) rather than a wise intervention. Here’s the thing …
When it becomes the normative expectation to keep going, no matter what, you’re gonna run into yourself at some point.
That applies pretty much to everyone who has let go the Pause. Which means most of you. Especially you who are high achievers, working parents, nurturers, highly responsible workers, and creative entrepreneurs. Most of you might have a hard time taking a break when you need one.
That’s key: taking a break when you actually need a break.
Not when it’s your lunch hour, bedtime, or the weekend. Not when that project is finished, your boss is happy, or your kid has moved out. It’s best to take a pause and reorganize yourself as soon as you’re feeling the stress building up.
I hear a lot about stress every week. It’s inevitable since I talk to humans.
I hear less about pausing. When it is explored, I recognize that the adult version of a pause is pretty short lived. As if the bare minimum will be sufficient to lift every straw off your back.
A bath. A nap. A snack. A walk in the woods.
The truth is, if you’ve been raised in the world which tells you to keep going no matter what. And if your inner voice adds to the clamor by diminishing you if you want to take that break.
Well, you’re in a pickle. ‘Cause no little nap or afternoon on the couch will be sufficient to repair years and decades of striving to move forward.
It takes a concerted effort to reorganize a stress response system that has gone out of whack.
You were built to manage stress. To grow and thrive when faced with challenge. To flexibly navigate the steep inclines and curving paths of your day to day existence. When you’re clear headed and well rested, you’ve got options.
When you’re frequently feeling overwhelmed or moving through a particularly stressful time in your life, your potential to flexibly and intelligently respond to stress is limited. The more rigid your response to stress, the less capable you are to relate to life. And the more likely you are to be overwhelmed.
That’s why I created the Self Soothe Strategy PlayBook and guided meditation.
To remind you of something you may have forgotten. You have an intelligent stress response system which offers much more than a Fight or Flight response. When you balance movement with pausing and are aware of both the benefit and detriment of stress, you increase the tendency to utilize the appropriate response to each stressful situation.
You’re smarter when your stress response is free to guide you. Less ready to break and more ready to relate effectively.
Stress is a biological state designed to flexibly guide you into action and help you learn from experience. And you have choices in how to respond: the Challenge Response, the Tend and Befriend Response, or the Fight or Flight Response. You’ve got options. Overwhelm or a lack of understanding of how you work limits these options.
Understanding more about your Stress Habit, your Stress Response System, and your Stress Mindset opens the way to change.
Allowing you to integrate the benefit of Pausing throughout the day as a regular part of your routine. And as a response to a build up of tension. The Self Soothe Strategy offers a quick read so you get the basics needed to both understand how you’re primed to manage stress and how to consciously activate a more intelligent, beneficial response to the inevitable challenges of life.
I hope you take a moment to download this PlayBook. And pause to read it.
I hope you enjoy the guided meditation. and pause to listen. There’s some great practices in there. All designed to integrate the Pause. But, I’d recommend you take it further. Get serious about taking those breaks. Plan them as a regular part of your weekly routine and drop into the pause whenever you feel the tension rising.
When you need a break, take a break.
I’ll bet the sun still rises and the stars still shine. And you, too, will shine a little brighter without carrying the weight of the world.s
Peace be with you and with all. No exceptions.
Paying it forward. Tiny actions of kindness gather momentum. You may think of the benefit for the person receiving the kindness, but what about those who witness it? Research has found that witnessing kindness offers a feel good boost of chemicals. And makes it more likely you’ll pass it on. Subtle acts of kindness litter your day. Watch for them. Create them without caring if anyone sees you. The result? Check out the Give a Little Love video on youtube by Noah and the Whale. Kindness paid forward. There’s no limit on that potential!
Learn the one essential skill that allows you to face any challenge with confidence, sturdiness, and inner calm.
More than a technique. It’s a game changer.
In September, I’m returning to the Temples of Humankind in Damanhur, Italy. It feels like an understatement to claim that this is a place of power, mystery, and majesty. Yet, I’ve found this to be true for myself and those I’ve met who’ve traveled within the extraordinary to the Temples and the community of Damanhur.
One cool Spring morning, I stepped on the treadmill at the gym looking forward to walking a few miles. Recovering from an injury, I had to walk at a moderate pace so I had brought my copy of What Is Enlightenment? magazine to explore. I always found something to inspire me within this publication focused upon consciousness, culture, and cosmos.
Stress is a natural experience in life. It’s often viewed as a doorway to disruption of wellbeing, peace of mind, and a clear navigational path in a challenging situation.
I’m a bit of a news hound these days. As one who hasn’t watched a newscast in years, I’m surprising myself. Ordinarily, I wait for the news to come to me. And it does. When something is important for me to know or respond to, I hear about it. Kind friends, clients, my husband, or a random stranger share a soundbite which cues me to look into a situation further. I’ve been very comfortable with this level of engagement for years now.
In the midst of our country’s woes, I’ve got Lucinda Williams singing in my head.
“You can’t rule me
you wanna go and tell me what’s good for me
you wanna tell me what I’m payin’ for
Well, the game is fixed, it’s plain to see
I ain’t playin’ no more”
I drove through a hail storm today. It began gently, offering a musical accompaniment to my journey. Intensifying, the hail noisily demanded my attention.
