A seemingly long time ago, a pandemic arrived in our towns. We entered quarantine a bit shell shocked but hopeful for a temporary respite. When the date for “normal” was pushed back, we engineered creative solutions to our circumstances.

Outdoor visits, neighborhood singing, zoom game night, food drives, and even old fashion letter writing.

Along the way, as the summer’s warmth faded and quiet holidays passed, the gray cold winter zapped more than our vitamin D. We became less likely to reach out to friends and our social circles shrunk.

We turned further inward. Seeking comfort in the known.

By week’s end, our brains were fried by screen time and colleagues voices in our air pods. The kids were tired and parents’ nerves were frayed. Play dates, travel, dinners out, and de-stressing at the gym became dim memories.

Eventually it became easier to shrink to the confines of our restricted lives.

Perhaps the Scottish writer, Donna Ashworth, captured the zeitgeist of these lonely winter months.

We are spent.
We have nothing left to say.
We are tired of saying “I miss you” and “I cant wait for this to end.”
So we mostly say nothing, put our heads down and get through each day.

And then the light returned. A promise of Spring. A bit of warmth.

Still, so many remain tired. Feeling tumbled about like a seashell in the surf. The grief of personal and shared losses dampens our capacity for optimism. Our social recovery has been slow. We seek to define the unknown. To package it in terminology we can stomach.

As if the “new normal” is in anyway palatable.

We share a longing for contact with our species, yet a pervading discomfort remains. Leaving us hesitant. Tentatively peeking out the proverbial front door, we wave to our neighbors but don’t yet invite them to dinner on the deck.

It’s no longer just a fear of contracting COVID or placing others at risk.

A general malaise with a side of withdrawal is lingering in our population. From mild uneasiness to full blown experiences of depression and anxiety, the withdrawal from social contact becomes self protective.

We’re tired of talking about the pandemic and its effects.

But what is left to say? As the world closed down and our lives grew smaller, our social world contracted. And even while the light returns and outdoors beckon, many are feeling less than interesting or perhaps downright antisocial. Loneliness, insecurity, or a vague sense of dis-ease has taken root within us.

I was at the hair salon (wearing my mask) and noticed the Victoria Secret fashion show playing on the flat screen.

I watched the show and looked at the salon crowd. Teens to seniors, mostly female, I couldn’t find anyone who looked like those models. Granted, it was not a fair comparison, as no one in the salon was in high heels and underwear.

Why were we watching this program?

I thought of my chats with hundreds of teenage girls, many of whom compared themselves to the models, youtubers, and performers they knew. Guess what? They couldn’t see the similarity either.

Here’s the problem: these wonderful young women all concluded the same thing. They were coming up short.

There was no consideration for a cultural norm of beauty that does not represent the population.Or that there are makeup artists, hair stylists, professional photographers, personal trainers, and air brushing involved.

The difficulty in our culture is that so many role models in the media are limited to their visual persona.

This just doesn’t translate to the lives of ordinary folks. The truth is, none of the ladies I’ve spoken with could have possibly come up short. They all broadcast beauty, kindness, intelligence, and talent. It often takes another person to see the loveliness of others. And humans are really good at dismissing another’s perspective – especially if it doesn’t match the cultural image of the time.

So, how do we create sturdy children who are able to own and celebrate their unique beauty, strengths, intelligence, and talents?

Especially with the influence of social media woven throughout every aspect of our culture? I think it is time for parents, grandparents, older siblings, teachers, coaches, and neighbors to hit the runway. Now before you get nervous about the idea of high heels, make up, and underwear, take a breath.

Ask yourself, “What am I modeling for young people?”

The author Robert Fulghum drops some wisdom with his famous statement: “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” What are you identifying as important and living as a “professional model?” Remember, children learn what they live.

Modeling without a runway certainly doesn’t include airbrushing. It’s real, raw, and imperfect.

Actions speak louder than words. This invites you to lay down the teaching and preaching, and get really clear about who you are and how you live in the world. What are you really “saying” about personal attributes, love and respect, environmental awareness, approach to education, social attitudes, physical health, or playtime?

Yesterday taught me something valuable.

After an enjoyable and long day of working, I tuned into the highlights of the inaugural ceremonies and celebration. I’m aware of the potential of any significant change, such as a transfer of leadership, to raise or lower the human capacity to live well.

Curious about the prevailing message of the day, I surfed the highlights.

Grateful for freedom to choose what I watched on youtube, granting me the ability to avoid the “noise” of commentary. I saw evidence of a transfer of leadership – peaceful, solemn, joyous, determined. Historic for many reasons, including welcoming a woman of color as vice president. I watched the live evening events focused upon new opportunities, the need for repair, the goodness of people, and the benefit of serving one another.

Promoting the capacity to live and work well, together as a human family sharing a country.

To honor one another and those who have suffered. To reach for one another so that they may know to reach back. To commit to finding a way to tend, mend, and grow. To step up and sing together. To begin to continue to complex work of bridging instead of dividing people.

Words, actions, and songs reflecting the need for love, caring, and respect.

And sure, we need lots of intelligence, fortitude, courage, and faith in our capacity to rise to every challenge. All of this may be familiar as rhetoric so often heard in political speeches and well orchestrated programs designed to inspire unity within a county. And to call forth the agreement that some grit is required if true transformation is to occur.

I also wondered about those too angry or disheartened to tune in.

I thought of those I know who think very differently than me. About people who resist the new ideas, with these leaders’ underlying and far reaching ideals. Who feel threatened by what is to come and are disheartened by this new direction. I felt the potential for more division, more derision, and more misunderstanding.

And then a young woman poetically reminded us that our blunders are the next generations’ burdens.

Oh. A realization emerged. I speak of bridging while I remain divided. I’m okay with having a stance. I express my disagreement or condemnation of those ideas, ideals, actions, and rhetoric which I believe dehumanize people and divide us. With clarity, it leads me to action which aligns with my beliefs. And I’m okay with you having a stance.

I’m doing the same as everyone else here, regardless of “side.”

Today I was grateful to have some conversations with people on both sides. Some were happy. Some were wounded. Insulted. Disheartened. I sought to understand and learned that flames had been fanned by a deep insult. Grouping everyone together on one side and labeling them in a certain way. A group is not an individual. For her, it simply wasn’t true. 

“I want peace.” was the plaintive cry. I heard her pain.

My actions align with my beliefs. Or do they? If I speak with derision of someone’s lack of respect in how they conduct themselves, am I not disrespectful? If I make fun of another whom I disagree with, even on core fundamental beliefs, aren’t I diminishing their personhood? And on and on these questions arose.

Revealing my blunders. Contributing to the future ….. burdens that I scatter about mindlessly by my actions.

I’m mostly surrounded by people who think similarly to me. People interested in personal transformation. Spiritual seekers and yogis. Humanitarians. Those committed to bringing light, harmony, and improved conditions for humanity and the planet.

So, it’s easy to miss the obvious.

Outrage.

As I listened to people react to the Trump supporters storming the Capitol in Washington, I witnessed outrage. In their tone of voice, in their facial expressions, and in the question-statements they made. Can you believe this happened? Can you believe this president? Can you believe these people?

I can. I can believe it.

The invitation to revolt against the idea of a rigged election has been promoted across the internet, within the extremist groups, and by the president himself. It has been demonstrated in the great divide within our country for years now. Promoted by a sophisticated system of disseminating information that speaks to the insecurity, anger, and elitism of many groups.

Creating an enemy in plain sight.

It’s just that the enemy is a complex, shifting target. It may be the Democrats. Or people of color. Or immigrants. Or liberals. Or police. Or policies. Or Republicans. Or anyone who doesn’t agree with me. And on it goes. Outrage. Judgment. Seething anger. Violent action.

As I listened to people ardently against governmental control of freedoms, I heard the outrage.

About systems creating restrictions on their ability to keep a business open, to earn a living, and to make their own choice for health treatment. Can you believe these policies? These people? This manipulation? I can. I can believe it.

It’s not new.

This “us vs. them” divide has been impacting lives throughout human history. It’s complicated and built on systems of thought, social structure, racial inequity, economic policies, tribalism, and more. There’s so much more to it than the common person can understand. Yet, the common person already has a strong opinion and is easily placed within one side or another.

What side are you on?

That’s a serious question. And one that’s probably not to hard to answer. Take the insurrection at the Capitol for example. What side are you on? I’m sure you know. Looking at your reaction will let others know as well. When I looked at the images from the Capitol, I noticed something.

Outrage.

Within the crowd contagion effect, I witnessed righteous outrage. Splashed across the media, it was apparent in voices, on faces, and through body movement. Outrage fueled this disruption to the orderly democratic process. And alongside the outrage is fear which arose when witnessing chaos, violence, and the overwhelm of protective systems.

It is deeply disturbing.

I mean this at a very basic level. It is deeply disturbing to the human nervous system. As I listened to people express their outrage to me, I heard and felt an escalating disruption in their nervous systems. The heart beating fast as intense emotions were expressed. The breath shortening as the words tumbled out upon one another. Faster and more upset with every sentence. I witnessed (and felt) the same response when watching videos of the event.