Category: Blog-Soulful Living

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Courage at Sea. A Tiny Drama.

When I was invited to join my husband for his business trip to Hawaii, I got busy planning.

We could visit some of our favorite West Coast people, pay our respects at the Pearl Harbor Memorial, explore the natural beauty of the island, and go find us some wild dolphins to play with. While all of these plans were lovely, it was the bucket list wild dolphin swim that made my heart beat faster.

Truth be told, I had visions of dolphins swimming in a circle around me in warm Caribbean water.

Maybe popping in for a little nudge or kiss on the cheek. So when I read the fine print regulations requiring humans to keep their distance from marine life, my fantasy deflated a tiny bit. Yet, my heart swelled with the wisdom of allowing dolphins their space.

I’ve learned second hand through my Marine Scientist offspring how close human interactions and boats don’t bode well for marine mammals.

So, I was cool with the distance rule. Trusting every whale, dolphin, turtle, and surprise marine guest would find their way to our mutual encounter. Arriving in Oahu, I heard snippets of news about the huge waves on the North Shore that were disrupting the international surfing competition. While fascinating, it had nothing to do with me given that I’d never go near a big wave, let alone balance on a surfboard.

My healthy respect (fear) of this vast ocean jazzed my nervous system just watching tv coverage of tiny humans standing on tiny boards on tremendously huge mountains of water.

Breathing deeply, I remembered that I booked us a sweet frolic with the dolphins on the East side of the island, far from the wild North. However, I forgot Oahu was an island, not a large continent. Turns out high winds and waves in one area actually impact other areas. Weather. Go figure. Given my propensity for sea sickness, I prepared well with my pre-adventure dose of Bonine and a night of dreaming about mild waves and dolphin kisses.

That dream crashed when the captain called to cancel our journey due to, get this, high waves.

If the boat couldn’t safely make it out of the harbor and the waves were too high for snorkeling, the trip was cancelled. Okay, bummer, but safety first. Especially ‘cause I’m not a water baby and rough seas are not my jam. Problem was I couldn’t reschedule because other Bonine laced tourists were gonna swim with my dolphins. Flexibly shifting plans, I booked another naturalist tour on our last full day.

Trusting we’d have time for some splashing in the dolphin pool before returning to see Hamilton in Honolulu.

Racing toward the open sea offered a new perspective of beautiful mountains, undeveloped valleys, beaches and cliffs. This was the magnificent Hawaii I had longed for and it was thrilling to witness. My Bonine filled system protected me from feeling sea sick, so I felt free, alive, and enthusiastic. I called out to the dolphins with my grateful heart, letting them know that Kathy Milano and a few friends had come to play.

And here came the pod of spotted dolphins, joyfully answering that call.

Mothers and calves, singles and couples, they swam with us through this vast fluid playground. I’d like to say we were surrounded by 50 dolphins, but I know things get exaggerated in the wonder of the moment. So, most likely, there were 45. No shit. The largest pod I’ve ever had the privilege of zooming around with.

They weren’t paying attention to that 50 yard distance rule and I wasn’t complaining.

Our tiny group of tourists and marine biologist guides were one big body of delight. Even that really sea sick dude who was wearing my acupressure bands was grinning like a maniac.

It seemed like forever that we all played, marveled, and witnessed a few hot shot leaping dolphins.

The captain stopped the boat, and in silent wonder, we surveyed the pod who stayed with us. It was a moving adventure. There was nothing on my mind and plenty of gratitude in my body.

The biologist had an announcement.

“If you want to swim with these dolphins, now is your chance.”

I was about to jump up and shout “Oh Yeah!” like a crazy wild dolphin freak, but she continued her spiel.

“There are two things you need to know. First, we are in a thousand feet of water.” No worries there, ‘cause I had no plans to touch the bottom.

“Second,” she said in a really solemn voice, “in this deep water there is always the danger of sharks.”

Dun dun. Dunn dunn. Dunnnn duuuun. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome that mythical beast of a party pooper: Jaws.

My whole body flooded with cortisol. I immediately flashed back to 1975 and the Jersey shore with friends. We scared ourselves silly with that movie and I’ve been a chicken shit in the ocean ever since. It’s normally not a problem since I’m not a water baby and rarely go in the ocean. Unless I’m in the Caribbean.

You could’ve heard a pin drop amidst that pod of frolicking dolphins.

Not one person moved a muscle. So, I apparently wasn’t alone. I looked at the other gung ho snorkelers and that 6 foot dude was shaking his head no. My stomach sank as if some part of me had made a clear decision that there was no way I was swimming with sharks that day. My dream was mid crash when her solemn voice broke in with a lilt, “But, if it’s on your bucket list, now is your chance.”

I be a brave, brave girl. I stood up and in a teeny tiny voice asked three questions.

“How long before you spot those tourist eating sharks? How long do you think we have to make it back to the boat?” and “Will you come in with me?” With a few directions about how not to flail about in the water, move slowly toward the boat if I heard the captain call “Jaws Approaching!” and confirmation that I’d have a chaperone, I turned to get my mask and snorkel.

Well, look who else was brave. My husband was nodding and ready to go even though he hated to snorkel.

Only two (non)seafaring adventurers prepared for entry. Here’s the thing with getting in the water with 45 spotted dolphins who decided to follow the distance rule while I battled my terror of Jaws. This mythic beast and my active imagination of my demise put a damper on my experience. Can’t lie about that.

I was so busy monitoring the ocean, mastering my dead lady float, breathing like Darth Vader, and listening for a warning, that I almost forgot to check out my dream dates.

I’m good at managing stress and I do be brave, so I spent as much time as I could redirecting my focus to the dozens of small dolphins swimming by us. It was magical with a tiny dose of fear. The bummer about fear dampening down my brain’s frontal lobe function, thus diminishing my higher order critical thinking and problem solving, was that I missed two simple facts.

Jaws was a movie. And I had a one in 5 million chance of being bitten by a shark.

I wish that biologist had used her encouraging, delighted voice while throwing pixie dust and adding these fun facts to her announcement. Still, I swam with lots of wild dolphins and made it out alive. We both did. I learned a lot about bucket lists, flexible dreaming, old fears with big jaws, and that whales spend a lot of time underwater between sightings.

I ended up taking a small nap during Hamilton.

Nothing dramatic, just resetting my system so I could delight in my next, very safe landlocked Hawaiian adventure.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Marine Mammals are swimming in way too much plastic, all of which is placed there by humans. Ouch. That hurts your dolphin loving heart. The good news is that many organizations are committed to improving the health of the ocean by removing plastic, interrupting plastic pollution before it arrives, and raising awareness. A quick swim in Google will reveal eco-friendly gifts or ethical organizations devoted to improving life for our marine friends. You can donate, use less plastic, pick up trash (it flows downstream). volunteer, and educate yourself about the negative human impact on the ocean. And the creative solutions addressing it all. Your tiny actions can make huge waves toward safer marine habitats. All without getting wet. 

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Broken Hearts and Unlikely Friends

The world of sorrow has a tendency to rush into your awareness.

Bombarding your precious heart with news of violence, injustice, scarcity, and fearful stories about the “other” or the stability of “your” future. Shaking your sense of safety and robbing you of peace.

It’s not your fault if you shake, shudder, and fall down.

The media is designed to weaken your foundational awareness that you are lovable and capable. That it is safe to listen to your own wise voice, even if you have to search for it. The world holds so much noise, all the time, that it has you listening outward instead of inward.

Allowing a tiny breeze of news to knock over your redwood nature.

So your heart shrinks a few sizes as you hunker into the shadowy thoughts about how you aren’t enough or there isn’t enough time, money, kindness, or goodness. Or your ferocious heart breaks open as anger rages through your body and grief cries rivers down your face. Because people hurt each other so cruelly and unjustly.

As if they’ve forgotten they are part of the same family even through they look different.

Or live differently. Shit. It’s enough to make you want to head back to bed or stick your head in a fantasy world. But, here’s the thing with toppled redwoods. They make space for the light to shine in and a new breeze to whisper of some other story.

Just when you’re ready to despair about the state of the world and drown your intelligence on Instagram, you spot a reel with a puppy riding on a rooster’s back.

Calmly regal as if he is the regent of the peace parade. Allowing a belly laugh so loud that tears fall out of your eyes and water your stingy heart. You easily imagine how the world would be in a lot better shape if that puppy rooster duo would make the rounds of every war zone, nursing home, inner city, and traffic jam.

Well, why wouldn’t the wisdom of a joyful heart and beauty of unlikely friends cloak itself in every medium?

The world of wonder has a tendency to rush into your awareness.

Seek and you shall find. Everything is available for discovery. Yet, remember this. Don’t spend too much time seeking those posts of wisdom or laugh out loud reels ‘cause the din of the world’s idea of news or entertainment can drown out what is most important.

Your inner voice. Whispering an invitation to shut it all down.

To go within and restore your bruised, broken heart.

Allowing your body to rest and your mind to reorient to your own priorities for living. Not those offered by a well meaning or nefarious world of influence and influencers. Shifting your focus away from your own mind stories that drown you in despair or discomfort to the small, shining treasures of the moment. It is here that you remember something essential.

You, like the world, are filled with good intentions, wonder, and a medicinal dose of kindness.

Recognizing this allows the heart to open and the lungs to breathe. Inviting you to reflect upon those inner values and visions which guide your actions in the outer world. Ah, yes. Here lies your own truth, sturdy in the assault of any fake news or sudden storm.

This is the path inward to the wise heart which knows when to open and when to close.

This inner guide, sturdy as a redwood, seeded and nurtured by your source, knows when to retreat, repair, and regenerate. And when to open, share loving kindness, and sturdy peace no matter what the world is offering.

There are two approaches to this natural opening and closing of the heart. One Wise. One Reckless.

The surprising thing about the heart is that, like the puppy and rooster, it gets along with this disturbing world of wonders. Within you lies the intelligence to witness the balance and goodness in all things bright and dark. The peaceful, sturdy heart witnesses without judgment and waits for the inner whisper which guides inspired action.

There is a time to pop on the rooster’s back and head out for a look see. A time to topple and rest, receiving help as it arrives. And a time to act with an open, compassionate heart, clear in the privilege of being a part of this human dance. Messy that it may be.

I’m a big fan of the sturdy redwood version of your heart system.

I know there are many ways in to that great peace which influences your mind, body, energy, and response to your inner and outer worlds. My absolute favorite way to soothe my heart open involves the practices from Heart Assisted Therapy.

If you haven’t downloaded my Self Soothe Strategy Playbook and Guided Meditation, I wonder why.

That’s available with some other goodies on my Free Resources page.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Here’s a simple heart opening practice. Whenever you feel a contraction of your heart, mood, or thinking, take a breath. And another. And another. Take 3 breaths. If possible, pause while you do this. If you’re driving, you can breathe deeply. If you are in a meeting, or running one, you can pause and breathe. Invite those around you to do the same. You’re not trying to change anything. You are breathing consciously 3 times. Then look around and spot 3 things that represent beauty, appreciation, and creativity. You can do this as you present, drive, and discuss any topic. If your face is in a screen, take a brief break. Finish with 3 breaths and with each one, name your discovery. Beauty. Appreciation. Creativity. Practice this for calming the body-mind and opening the heart. 

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Girl, Stop Complaining!

I came home from a super long day hungry and jet lagged, ready to drop my bags and dig into dinner.

There was only one problem. The kitchen was empty, as was the fridge. Having recently travelled, I only purchased a few things when we returned home and they were long gone. Scanning the freezer and cupboard for something edible, I unenthusiastically settled for pasta puttanesca.

Only to learn I had no artichoke hearts.

I apparently entered a downward slide as I complained about how my husband cooked the capellini, bitched about the runny sauce, and commented on a few other things that weren’t to my liking.

“What’s gotten into you? You’ve done nothing but complain since you came in.”

Ouch. So true. I was complaining up a storm. That observation was enough to take the wind out of those sails. First up, acknowledge and apologize for my behavior. Second, take a mini time out and change into comfy clothes. Third, play a game and listen to music while we ate.

Harmony restored, I realized I’d been complaining more than usual all day.

A slow recovery from a cold and launching into a long vacation with multiple time zones had apparently taken a bit more out of me than I realized. Full of wonderful and mediocre experiences, I had very little downtime to relax or process my journeys before diving back into work, errands, and schedule.

Mystery solved. Yet, I didn’t want that complaining habit to sneak back in next time I was tired, hungry, and over scheduled.

I tracked back over my grumpy day and realized I had been using strategies to offset my complaining. Each was beneficial in the moment, but I missed the need to increase my vigilance about how I was feeling. Like many people, my tendency to complain increases when I am uncomfortable or life has not met my expectations (as if it should).

These 3 Strategies, consciously applied, help me quit my bitchin’ and grow my gratitude.

Engaging The Beauty Way

I overslept that morning, making me late for an early appointment. Rushing to pack my lunch, I knew I was compromising my hair stylist by being late as her first customer. It didn’t feel great. Driving through a drizzle on a grey, chilly New Jersey day, I looked at the dreary woods and my mood dipped again. Yet, I wasn’t willing to be as miserable as the weather appeared, so I launched my Beauty Way practice.

The Beauty Way is both a Path and a Practice in the indigenous energy medicine of the Andes in Peru.

Like many earth based traditions, there is a focus upon creating beauty and harmony with every thought, word, and deed. To see the harmonizing energy that beauty reveals in others and your environment. And to bring beauty to every encounter. I was still driving in the drizzle on my street when I began speaking out loud to anchor my attention into this intent of Beauty.

“May I see the beauty of the rain nourishing the Earth, filling the waters, and feeding the creatures.

May I witness the intelligence of nature as she rests during the Winter season, nourishing her roots and seeds, in preparation for the reemergence of green life in the Spring. May I dwell in gratitude for the ease of driving in my beautiful car, upon these well maintained roads, through this town, passing others who are busy in the action of living. May I see the beauty within every person I meet today as I witness their special gifts, needs, and circumstances. May my presence be a blessing in any way that serves the greater good. May I be reminded throughout this day that harmony is the underlying principle of life and that I can join that harmony anytime I choose.”

The Beauty Way guided me into an appreciative customer who was only 4 minutes late.

I’d like to say it lasted all day, but I forgot the “practice” of the Beauty Way when I reached for my purse. Enter strategy #2.

Shifting Crappy Complaints into Glowing Gratitude

Parking the car, I discovered my water had spilled out from my purse onto my front seat. I bet you can imagine my response, and it wasn’t beautiful. So much for my lovely presence improving the greater good.

Since I was already primed to avoid complaining, I quickly switched strategies.

Again, I spoke aloud so my mind would stay on track as I launched into gratitude. I honestly spewed out my gratitude that my cup was only half filled. And that it was hanging out of my purse so the water landed on my front seat, only soaking the two papers sitting there. My computer was protected (angels singing here) as the case was water resistant. I threw my (very important) papers on the floor with appreciation for those rubber mats. And my husband who put them there.

With a deep breath, a grateful heart, I launched myself into the salon filled with “beauty makers” and settled in to a chair to be waited upon.

That worked until my gal asked how my vacation to Hawaii was. Oh Lordy. Paradise was a bit dicey, so how to respond? My inner tendency was to name what was disappointing or what went wrong. I used a bit of humor to slide over that part. And then launched my next anti-complaint strategy.

Stringing Pearls

During seven days in (very busy, crazy crowded) Waikiki, I experienced so many enjoyable moments. I shifted through the aspects of the trip that were unpleasant, challenging, and disappointing. Diving for pearls, I spoke of the lovely weather and changing landscape as we drove around the island. The courage of surfers in massive waves and the beauty of the mountains seen from a boat. Witnessing dolphins, whales, and turtles in the ocean with a sense of wonder. The friendship and laughter with my husband’s work mates. The generosity of his company and celebration of their success. The somber visit to Pearl Harbor and gratitude we live in peace.

It was a long necklace filled with tiny and big moments.

When you seek the pearl, or beautiful moments, of any experience, you have the opportunity to revisit the good. And realize how good it is. This strategy overrides a cognitive function that often diminishes the positive. This negativity bias is a cognitive bias that results in the adverse experiences having a more significant impact on your psychological state than the positive events you experience. Even when the positive outweighs the negative, the yuck factor has a way of taking center stage.

Since you learn more easily from negative information than positive, the negativity bias serves as a survival strategy.

Inviting you to remember where all the tigers and pirates are so you can stay away from them next time. Trouble is, the negative experience is rarely a threat to survival. Mostly, as in this case, it is a challenge or disappointment that is easily managed.

All said and done, my day of complaining came to an end. It took 3 strategies and lots of refocusing to guide me into gratitude for the beauty of my pearl necklace.

It also helped me refocus on how I choose to be in the world, how to return to balance when I’m off kilter, and how to give people who tilt lots of kindness and space.

Been there, done that. And 1-2-3, I know how to get out of that complaining rut.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Seniors are notorious for complaining. Seniors in college about keeping up with coursework and finding work. Retired seniors complain about illness, loneliness, and being put out to pasture. New initiatives are now building senior living on or near college campuses. Offering the opportunity for retired folk to mentor, tutor, and cheer students on. Encouraging the students to share technological skills, engage in meaningful conversations, and share a class. It’s an innovative idea that isn’t cheap, nor common, but it’s a beginning to invigorate intergenerational resources (and tone down that habit of complaining.) Read more here.

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Wanderlust. A Traveling Dream.

I had a dream. To be clear, it was a personal dream.

It was January, 2020 and as I visioned my new dreams for the year, I felt a longing to travel arise within me. To see this beautiful world. To visit my favorite people and make new friends. It wasn’t just a vacation or two kind of dreaming. It was bigger than that. I was gonna learn how to travel a lot and build my current and new work into my trips. I was excited and raring to go.

Enter the pandemic.

With a nod toward my dreaming, I put it on a shelf and pivoted. I shopped for those who couldn’t go out. I cared for those who were sick. I spent time alone in Soul Sanctuary as I brought my therapy and classes online. I created a new website. I played a lot of board games, took drives with my daughter, and ZOOMed my friends and family.

I did what everyone else did. Grateful to be healthy and happy to be nourished at home.

Somewhere in the midst of 2022, I recalled that dream. And realized how all that pivoting allowed me the freedom now to launch myself and my computer across the friendly skies. Inadvertently I had been taking Tiny Actions toward this dream of expanding my horizons without even realizing it.

Such is the beauty and power of the Reticular Activating System. That google like part of your brain that works 24/7 on your visions and clear goals.

Hallelujah. I grabbed my computer and headed to Florida to see my kid.

In July. That’s funny. I went from one heat wave to another. As any parent knows, if your kid invites you to visit, you jump on the chance. Packing my sunscreen, beach clothes, and computer, I launched my year of exploring how to work while traveling.

I failed miserably at the work part and had a blast on the beach.

I learned it helps if you schedule something before you leave. In my subsequent trips to the Redwoods in California, Christmas in Florida, and a long jaunt to California and Hawaii, I’ve learned a lot about balancing this dream. Writing on long plane rides, mornings of scheduled time with lovely ladies, and on the go managing of business details seems to work for me. 

I think I’ve come up with a new formula.

Work hard while at home and work lightly while traveling.

Leaving time for relaxation, meaningful visits with new and old friends, time in nature, and exploration of new places. Trying to fit in too much just leaves me a bit unbalanced, which defeats the whole point of leaving home.

My most important discovery is how my wanderlust has been fully awakened.

I met a woman on a deserted beach in Northern California. She shared some of her travels through the 23 countries she had visited. I left that conversation with a longing to see this beautiful world and a feeling that I’ve missed that boat.

Talking with my husband, I recounted my worldly journeys through the years and discovered I had visited 17 countries. So maybe I’ve missed nothing even while my longing strengthens.

I’m back to dreaming about traveling again. My eagerness is balanced with a healthy dose of experience about how best to prepare, when to schedule work, my ideal travel pace, where to save or splurge, and how to become really flexible with expectation.

Oh yeah. And my preference for comfort.

Having been bumped up to business class a few times, I had no argument when my husband facilitated his own bump on the long flights to and from California.

I’m practicing my flexibility even now as I paused writing this blog to be served lunch. I just finished my lasagne, salad, and ice cream sundae. Much better than pretzels and water in coach. And space. I love the space offered by fewer people and quieter locales.

Crowded cities, traffic, beaches, and restaurants aren’t my idea of paradise.

Learning what makes the experience worthwhile is essential. I’m taking good notes this year of “practice traveling.” So I know when to work or not work. How to play slow or fast. And how to pack light. Well, that’s a work in progress, one which I hope to master very soon.

I’m ready to dream again this week in my Sacred Intent Visioning Retreat on Saturday.

I feel like my travel dream is launched and that research will continue naturally. My current longing for simplicity seems at odds with the wanderlust on steroids feeling I’ve got. Yet, I know my Soul is speaking to me and I’m looking forward to listening deeply.

My Soul has a dream. It’s a personal dream. And a dream for humanity.

I don’t understand how my little self and my small dreams fit into the larger picture. This much I know for sure: I don’t have to understand anything. Just drop within the stillness of my being and listen deeply. And walk through my moments with relaxed alertness so that I may find the clues which mark the perfect path.

I look forward to being home. Seeing my dog. Returning to Soul Sanctuary. And connecting meaningfully with the people and places in my own backyard.

I haven’t missed anything. And likely won’t miss traveling when I’m experiencing the joy of connection and purpose while at home. That’s another thing I learned. I’m not missing anything, even as I discover the worlds I never knew existed.

Wherever I go, there I am.

That’s a work in progress as well. To let the planning, dreaming, and moving happen organically while staying firmly grounded in the present moment. Full, complete, and at peace.

I’m getting a few hints about this budding dream of simplicity as I write. 

About the nature of living in gratitude for what (who) is here, curious about what else is possible, and being open to a whole new (unknown) adventure. I’m going to read my book now (which means I’ll soon be napping), while I let this seed of a Soul Dream root deeply within my being.

I was just served my water and pretzels.

Seems there is goodness offered wherever I sit. I’ll reexamine my previous dismissal of this gift with an open, appreciative heart. And since I’m so full, I’ll pass them onto my husband.

If I can find him in this roomy cabin in the clouds.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Are you a sensation seeker or an experience seeker? The former love adventure travel, jumping out of airplanes and eating crispy critters considered a delicacy in some cultures. While high risk, adrenaline adventures aren’t for everyone, they offer you a few valuable lessons. Go with the flow is more than a chirpy saying. It’s an entry into a flow state in which you are in sync with your experience, the environment, and others. Experiencing awe is another hallmark of the thrill seeker. These are two components to cultivate if you wish to flourish in life, rather than settle for surviving. You may want to bypass the cliff diving, but still have a strong inner desire to seek new experiences. Being flexible with expectations, going with the flow, and surrendering to awe are guidelines for all adventurers in this journey of life.

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Backwards Gratitude Fuels Forward Expansion

I’m so grateful for you and all the good things in my life. Gobble. Gobble. Let’s eat.

Thanksgiving offers a cornucopia of gratitude. From the heart appreciation for friends, family, colleagues, and the Divine expression of good (by any name you choose. It’s a feel good time. Smiles and hugs. Thankful texts. Maybe even some old fashioned Hallmark cards with handwritten notes.

A few days of heartfelt appreciation gives way to Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Giving Tuesday.

Ugh. The emails. The ads. The holiday music. The cornucopia of consumerism powered by FOMO. Pulling your attention away from that lovely reflection about who and what adds meaning to your life. Pouring it right into what you need to buy for whom and when you’re going to give it to them and how to schedule every holiday activity. Phew. Or the focus reminds you of who or what you are missing, thus dreading the season of cheery ho ho ho. Ouch.

Perhaps you might take a moment and harness the power of appreciation a bit differently this year?

What if you took time to sit and reflect, really reflect, on all the things, people, shitty occurrences, and opportunities you encountered over this past year? And how every last one offers you the chance to be really, truly grateful. Maybe you can only garner a seed of appreciation or perhaps your heart blows open and spews gratitude confetti all over the world.

Either way, I wonder what you’d discover if you gave yourself one concentrated hour of Backwards Gratitude.

“What/who was I grateful for this year and why?” This questions invitees you to float through your memories to discover the riches hidden there. You can make lists in your journal, replay your memory movies, or scroll your photos to get a thorough “look” at this year’s events.

However you do it, I’ll bet you discover something important.

You experienced a lot of grateful moments this past year. So many that they slipped through your fingers (only to be found in a simple hour of reflection). I bet you missed plenty of opportunities to savor and share your appreciation. Because you jumped back into your schedule and focused forward on that next thing.

Upon reflection, I imagined you identified what was really important and brought you comfort, joy, satisfaction, and laughter.

Backwards gratitude may be used to launch you into a New Year of consciously creating a life filled with meaning, deep connection, and heartfelt appreciation for every little thing.

 

It’s an easy thing to do if you keep it simple, put it in front of your face, and get some partners to play the appreciation game in real time.

First, start with simple. What are 3 areas you were really, truly grateful for this past year? Put them in categories like loving relationships, meaningful work, fun adventures, or developing skills. What or who fits in each of the 3 categories? Take a moment to notice if there was a blossom (fully grown gratitude), a seed (needs some work to feel appreciative), or some dirt (missed the appreciation thing cause you were too busy complaining or feeling victimized). Imagine your life if these 3 categories began to blossom.

Make a commitment to grow this Gratitude Garden in the New Year.

Second, put it in front of your face. Research shows that if you write something down or create a visual (art, mantra, goals, vision board, graph) AND put it where you review it on a regular basis, you have a better shot at bringing that desire into your life. Your reticular activating system is the part of your brain that acts like a search engine. When you see your intent daily or review it weekly, your brain seeks every way to bring it into form 24/7.

Make it visual, put it where you’ll see it, and schedule time to review how well you are gardening these desires.

Third, once you’ve done your Backwards Gratitude, share it with someone else. Ask them to take a moment and find some big little people, things, or circumstances they really appreciated last year. Game on.

Gathering your playmates enhances the potential of making this next year something to cheer about.

When you share the 3 areas of your life you want to nourish through gratitude, you’ll find a built in support. Make that commitment to check in with each other in any way that feels helpful. Doing so throughout the year will increase the chance that next year’s Thanksgiving week will be something to celebrate.

I’m feeling grateful just imagining you with your confetti spewing heart at next year’s Thanksgiving feast.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

I have a friend who has researched this simple, in your face, share it with someone approach. Turns out it really works. She’s impressive. On New Year’s Day, she puts a huge blank paper on the wall. Every night before bed, she grabs a colored marker and writes something she is grateful for. Big things. Tiny things. I bet she stays up past her bedtime some nights, just overdosing on all that colorful appreciation. How many times must she just have to text, call, or hug somebody with all that gratitude spilling out of her? On December 31st, she sits down with her 365 memories and reviews her year. My heart just squirts out confetti imagining her New Year’s Eve review. And then she begins the practice again. Wow. So impressive, my friend. I’m so grateful for you in my life.

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I’m a Secret Librarian

True confession. I’m a book nerd. 

Reading is one of the great pleasures of my life. As long as I remember, I’ve devoured books. My home is filled with artistic book piles in most rooms. Set there to lure me onto the couch in order to gain a little knowledge or get lost in an imaginative adventure. 

I’ll trade sleep for a good book and often am running late to an event because “I’m at a good part.”

I never hop on a plane without two books. One to study and one to invite me into a new world. I overpack books on vacations so that I can choose the read of the day from my traveling library. For practicality’s sake, I tried, against my better judgment, to train myself to use a Nook but I missed the paper and ink too much. 

It’s no wonder I view book stores as my playground.   

Some of my best writing and creative projects have occurred in the cafe at my local Barnes and Noble. It’s as if I enter a zone or portal of creativity whenever I settle in to write there. I can work for hours, almost unaware of others around me, only to surface for an enjoyable break perusing the shelves. It doesn’t matter what department I enter, I find the perfect books and read a few pages. It’s a habit, I guess. Gathering a pile of books to “look at” and heading down a rabbit hole while sitting on the floor, engrossed by someone’s research or creative expression of genius.

I think this is where my career as a secret librarian began. In Barnes and Noble.

While my eyes scan the book shelf, I inadvertently notice authors out of alphabetical order or a disorganized display (gasp). Perhaps the books are left haphazardly laying upon the rows, even from other sections, as if someone dropped them there without regard. This desire to neaten and place books where they belong also arises in the public library, but doesn’t seem to cross over to other areas of my life.

I think it’s a love affair with the written word that has me working incognito. 

If I followed my bliss and spent more time at Barnes and Noble, their shelves would probably be in really great shape. It seems like a perfect volunteer position when I decide to retire. The only downside is that I’d probably discover something else to study and head back to work.

I decided to officially become a librarian when I found the perfect little free library in a nearby town.

 

I’ve seen those cute little bird house libraries and even toyed with putting one in front of my home.

That didn’t make much sense as I live on a quiet street where everyone can easily access books of their choosing. Or pop in their lovely vehicles to head to the public library or favorite bookstore. Anyway, I’m not so good with building birdhouses, even if they’re going to be filled with books.

Imagine my surprise when I noticed a little library appear at the playing fields where I sometimes walked.

People head there to walk their pets or themselves. Kids, teens, and adults use the field for personal training. Mostly it’s empty when we venture there for a nature stroll, but sometimes it is filled with the enthusiastic hustle and bustle of kids or teens practicing their favorite sport.

A summer evening may fill the place with kids practicing football, lacrosse, soccer, or cheerleading.

Game days bring the parents, siblings, and grandparents who overflow beyond the small bleachers to lawn chairs. It’s fun to watch and brings back memories of the thrill of little league games and working in the snack bar.

So, I’m already primed for enjoyment walking by that tiny free library. It draws me in.

I saw a bunch of old adult books. The kind you clean out after 20 years of sitting in your study. They sat there for weeks. Nothing coming in and nothing coming out. Plus they weren’t displayed well. Just sayin’. With all these hundreds of kids and teens running around, some old Tom Clancy books weren’t fitting the bill. So, I tried an experiment. I found some young adult fiction I had read in pristine shape.

A week later, the books were missing. Tom Clancy remained.

When I read fiction, which is the only book I’ll pass on, you’d never know it was read. I take off the cover and use a book mark. It’s a book nerd thing. I started to experiment. Dropping off a trilogy with really fat books looking brand new. They disappeared. I rustled through the books my kid never read. Hardbacks. Fiction. Biographies of brave girls. All gone.

I only drop books when no one is around. Hence the secret part of my librarian title.

And I send each book with a wealth of wishes. I talk to the book(s) as I head over to the tiny house. “I hope you find the perfect home and inspire someone to know how creative they are. I hope you help someone discover a love of reading .. create new authors .. encourage innovation .. alleviate loneliness .. open minds. I hope you travel well and enjoy your adventure.”

Of course I cleaned up that dusty box so whomever it serves has a lovely library that respects the books and their readers.  

Not everyone supports the idea of free little libraries. 

Some dissenters feel they take away from services offered by the free public library system. Or are a harbinger of attempts to gentrify urban neighborhoods. Two librarians from Canada described these cute little birdhouse free libraries as “a highly visible form of self-gratification cleverly disguised as book aid.”  Most supported the idea of these as a resource or an enjoyable hobby or just another way to share a love of creative projects, good reads, and generosity.

I guess since I just outed my secret about tending to a little free library in a diverse neighborhood, I’m now engaged in a highly visible project of self-gratification. 

Yup. I’m unapologetic. I love books. I love little cute libraries. I love being a secret librarian. And I love my public library. 

I’ll skip the cute tiny libraries in affluent neighborhoods and stick to the two I’ve found that serve a more diverse economic population. I’ve got no regrets, even as I acknowledge my flagrant self-gratification as a book nerd do gooder. Imagining children, teens, or adults grabbing a good book warms my little librarian heart.

In the end, I don’t really care who takes my books, if they are returned, or where they travel. 

I just trust they will land in the perfect hands to be read at the perfect time. As long as they disappear and I’ve got (good) books to share, I’m hired. I’ll let you decide where you land in this (mild) controversy about cute mini houses with free books. Read all about it here.     

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Excess screen time for teens has detrimental effects. I bet you know that already. Especially with US teens averaging 7-8 hours/day. Ouch. University of Queensland researchers conducted a global study which found some benefits for teen screen time. In the first hour. Detrimental effects snuck in after 75 minutes for girls and 105 minutes for boys. Things like poor diet, obesity, depression, and decreased cognitive and physical abilities. The best combo? An hour of physical activity and no more than 2 hours screen time contributed to teens wellbeing. I bet those kids at the playing field who snag a good book are headed into the wellbeing category. For book nerds like me? Put down the book, get off that couch, and go take a walk!

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Come Home to your Cosmic Self

I know this photo. I recognize it from the inside out.

When I gather with others at Soul Sanctuary to sing the chants from the kundalini yogic tradition, something happens to me. My breathing and heart rate slow, along with my thoughts. My mood brightens as the world within and around me feels complete. Resting within my body, so comfortable within this peaceful sensation, I’ve come home to myself.

I know this photo. I witness this harmony on the faces of those around me.

Opening my eyes while chanting, I see only beauty as some sit in stillness and others sing. Relaxed bodies with beatific expressions translating the harmony of the cosmos. Candlelight softening the outlines in the room as an experience of floating in the heavens captures my attention, inviting my eyes to close. So I may float.

I know this photo. I hear it translated as each person shares their experience.

Another layer of restoration emerges as each participant shares a personal experience. How an insight shifted a view of self, life, situations, or the world. Or the contrast of how they felt before and after chanting. The simple to profound nature of these comments never fails to delight and inform all who are present.

One hour singing prayers of devotion in a candlelit salon activates a stillness so deep that wholeness is rediscovered.

This is a beautiful research study: each participant a subject in their own experimental design. It begins with noticing how you feel, what is on your mind (active in your life), and identifying your intent for the evening. It ends with a very real awareness that something has shifted in your body, emotions, cognitions, and outlook.

This isn’t a formal research project. We’ll leave that to the scientists.

The field of neurotheology studies the relationship between the brain and spiritual practices.

 

There is no requirement to follow a particular religion or spiritual belief system. It’s not that kind of exploration.

As researchers explore the effect of chanting upon the brain and nervous system, they suggest there are benefits to your wellbeing. As this field grows, I expect more findings and wider exploration.

Chanting has been found to effect the brain differently than prayer or meditation.

Some reported benefits include improvements in sleep, mood, blood pressure, and cognitive health. Reductions in symptoms of general stress, anxiety, and depression have been identified.

While it is encouraging that the study of chanting, prayer, or meditation is expanding, you can explore these benefits on your own.

Do your own research. Every brain, body, and life is different. Same for belief systems and preferences about how to connect with that which is meaningful. Yet, across this variety, the research suggests that when you chant, pray, or meditate, your brain, heart, and nervous system are positively affected.

How to proceed, then, with the idea of improvement through chanting or any spiritual/secular practice you choose?

Get curious. Try out different styles of chanting, mantra meditation, yoga, meditation, sound healing, or contemplation in nature. Discover what feels best for your body, mind, and mood. If something feels good, keep exploring. If it leaves you flat, let it go. No monks, fMRIs, or complex statistics required. You are in the N=1 research project with you as the only subject.

If you’re local to Soul Sanctuary and want to Chant in the Light Cathedrals, please join us.

We’ll be celebrating the light by chanting on November 17th and December 15th.

Sharing a practice with a group enhances the experience. It allows you to sink deeply within the activity of chanting until you become the energy of that sacred prayer. As this happens organically, you remember something at all levels of your being.

You belong to this cosmic harmony because you are the song of the universe.

If chanting isn’t for you, I hope you find that sweet spot that leaves you feeling as if that picture above captures your experience perfectly.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Can chanting to contribute to brain health and cognitive decline? Researchers Dharma Singh Kalsa and Andrew Newberg outlined a new concept in medicine called Spiritual Fitness in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease (2021). Suggesting the importance of incorporating practices which address stress reduction, basic wellbeing, and psycho/spiritual wellbeing to prevent Alzheimer’s disease. The authors report that the Kirtan Kriya (Kundalini yoga meditation involving chant and mudra)may have an effect on Alzheimer’s disease prevention as it’s been shown to mitigate effects chronic stress cognition, addresses memory loss, and supports spiritual and psychological wellbeing. Do your own research. Click here for instructions and search for a recording you can sing with.

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The Energy You Carry

In my neck of the woods, the trees are painting the neighborhoods and highways with beautiful hues of orange, yellow, burgundy, and red.

This Fall foliage puts on quite a show. Trees bursting with color as they dance alone or in a group, always in harmony with the breeze. The single leaf which spirals down or dances wildly with others until gathering in picturesque arrangements on the lawns, complemented by colorful mums and pumpkins. 

Yesterday invited me to witness nature’s beauty as I drove long distances, zig zagging across two states, to arrive at my destination. 

My journey unfolded beneath overcast skies, dampening the potential to witness the brilliance of Fall’s beauty. Mapping my route, I chose the scenic path rather than the most efficient. I was at choice and content to take my time.

I travelled with speed along the highway, slowly meandered through country roads, and crept over a bridge barely wide enough for two vehicles. I was unexpectedly rerouted twice due to construction and a washed out bridge, adding time and miles to my journey. I encountered heavy traffic, wide open roads, slow moving drivers, and many traffic signals telling me to stop, go, or slow.

While I chose the destination and mapped my preferred route, the quality of this journey was determined by many unknown factors beyond my control. (Kinda like life).

Traveling home, I delighted in the otherworldly light streaming from the heavens and dispelling the gloom. Brightening everything, including my mood, this light highlighted the interconnected dance of the breeze, leaves, traffic, sparking water, and my breath. All flowing together in perfect harmony. This exquisite beauty was not dimmed by rush hour traffic, inconsistent drivers, or the inefficient route mapped by the computer in my car. 

Within this harmony, momentary frustration vanished in a breath and inner wisdom highlighted a route more efficient and pleasant.

It was not lost on me that my experience mimicked the movement of vital life force through my body. 

Your body’s functioning is informed by a complex network of energetic pathways. 

This energy matrix, which informs your wellbeing or dis-ease, is constructed of light pathways known as meridians and nadis. Intersecting within energy centers known as chakras aligned along your spine, above and below you, and within your hands and feet. 

You may imagine this energetic network of light to have its version of super highways, four lane roads, neighborhood streets, tiny alleys, and bridges galore. 

Growing up human naturally involves countless situations when this energetic system was overwhelmed by your physical, chemical, emotional, and relational experiences. Like that time the teacher embarrassed you in fourth grade or when your favorite pet died. When the family’s pain spilled over with emotion, addiction, physical harm, or absence. Every day that held too much for your system, for whatever reason, interfered with a clear “route” to process the energy associated with these events through your body. 


If energy doesn’t flow through you, it gets stored within you. This is the energy you carry.

 

Old, dense energy that wasn’t able to be processed through no fault of your own. Stored within your meridians and chakras, as well as living within your organs, muscles, and layers of your biofield.

So much old energy, much of it inherited from others, clogging up your roadways, washing out your bridges, and detouring your capacity to live as the bright, colorful being that you are.

With effort, you may arrive at your desired destination with enough time, grit, and effort. At times, you just get lost in the detours, drive aimlessly, or get sidelined by the accidents in your path.

It doesn’t have to be this way. The energy of life is bright, beautiful, and wants to flow freely.

When you understand that most emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual obstacles are the result of disruptions in the flow of your vital life force (chi, ki, qi), you’ve got options. The practices of energy medicine, energy psychology, acupuncture, shamanic healing, and yoga (among others) are designed to release the interference of dense, stored energy which disrupts the creative flow of life. 


You can learn simple techniques to clear your own dense energy. And I mean simple.


Practices that act like that tow truck which clears the disabled vehicle from the city street during rush hour. 



On Saturday, November 12th, I’m offering an Energy Psychology Essentials workshop at Soul Sanctuary.

I’ll be sharing a variety of really helpful energy clearing techniques that are easy to understand, practice, and use in a flexible manner. There’s no end to how you may apply these skills. If you can join me, plan to clear out a whole lotta “traffic jams” as well as go home with immediate practices for everyday use. (If you’re reading this at another time, subscribe to my WholeHearted Living Blog for other tips and event announcements).

If you can’t join me, download The Self Soothe Strategy PlayBook and mp3 recorded practice.

This gets you started “on the road” to learn a more efficient and enjoyable way to travel through life’s ups and downs. You can access that free resource here.

If you’ve experienced a lot of challenge in your life, it may be time to excavate layers of stored energy.

It doesn’t have to be hard, but it may be complex. I’m happy to explore how to address your healing in a private, individualized setting. Let me know if I can help you. 


When you lighten up your energy field, life changes. It is as simple as that.

I hope I can help you discover this for yourself.  I should mention that these self-help energy techniques are free and have one major side effect. They bring you closer to your natural state of peace and wellbeing. That’s a side effect you can celebrate no matter where you are in your journey.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Why focus on the heart in the Self Soothe Strategy? A coherent heart rhythm gives you access to the higher order brain functions of emotional regulation, decision making, and perspective taking. Research has shown that an integrated brain has many benefits, including improvements in well being, immune function, compassion, and resilience. Brain integration increases your capacity for learning when new linkages form across brain regions (neuroplasticity). And strengthens the brain’s ability to regulate emotion, attention, thought, and behavior (self regulation). This enables you to soothe your system and is essential to navigating stressful situations with an intelligent, flexible response. There’s more to it so download The Self Soothe Strategy and do your own “research.”

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Soul Sanctuary Celebrates 11 Years

It has been 11 years since I opened the doors of Soul Sanctuary.

I remember it like yesterday. I was full of enthusiasm. We all were. As the beauty entered via the form of ordinary things: lovely furniture, art, writing on the wall, and many altars, we all knew it was something special. We said “yes”

Our first gathering Anchored in the Light by calling down a Cathedral of Light around the building.

That was a delightful surprise. I had no idea what was in store for me, and for all of us, when the doors to Soul Sanctuary opened. 11 years later, held in the “nested” or multiple Cathedrals of Light that surround this sacred space, I pause to give my heartfelt thanks. While Soul Sanctuary is a beautiful space filled with peace, I know it as something far greater.

I recognize Soul Sanctuary as a Master Healer and Teacher. A living, conscious energy that guides me, partners with me, and serves all who enter.

Celebrating another birthday, I’m awash in remembrance of all that has occurred here.

How Soul Sanctuary has guided every business decision, given me every instruction (invitation), and enhanced every type of work/play that has been undertaken over the years.

This reminds me that we are never alone, always supported, and guided perfectly to that next step.

 

I still don’t have an idea of what is in store for me.

I only know that I trust Soul Sanctuary will let me know when the time is right. That leaves me free to go to a party with you lovely people.

And if you live far away and have never been to Soul Sanctuary, just tune in during meditation. It’s open 24/7 for those who want to meditate in the Cathedrals of Light.

It helps to “see” where you are headed, so head over to the slide show to catch glimpses of the many rooms and little places of big power. Here’s the link.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The Halo Effect is the impact of sacred spaces and spiritual centers on the communities around them. Denomination aside, attending faith based services or activities 4x/month adds 4-14 years to your life expectancy. “People who pay attention to their spiritual side have lower rates of cardiovascular disease, depression, stress, and suicide, and their immune systems seem to work better … To a certain extent, adherence to a religion allows them to relinquish the stresses of everyday life to a higher power,” says Dan Buettner, Blue Zones founder and National Geographic Fellow. More years, better health! Can I get a hallelujah?!

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You CAN Take a Break or a Vacation!

Yesterday was a beautiful day in New Jersey. So lovely that I couldn’t work inside.

With a few precious hours of needing only my notes, I sat in the shade on my back deck and “worked.” As the creativity and sacred energy poured through me onto paper, I thought how much fun I was having. It didn’t seem like work at all. Far different than sitting in my office typing away, even though I enjoy mostly everything about the creation process.

I had to take a break, a breather of sorts, in order to watch the clouds race, the wind and trees dance, and my little jaguar dog patrol the perimeter.

The delight heightened as my breath deepened. I didn’t need an expert to tell me the benefits of taking a break in nature. I felt the relaxation seek the tiny tight muscles and invite them to soften. In the warmth of the sun, the slight breeze sought those pesky thoughts so they could be blown away.

If working outside and taking a breather felt so good, I imagined what days on end of relaxing in the natural world might do for me.

The research is pretty consistent. Whether you’re in nature, having a stay-cation, or exploring a new place on the planet, taking a vacation is beneficial to your overall wellbeing. Improvements in mental health, physical health, improvements in family/friend relationships, increased motivation, decrease potential for burn out, and a lovely boost in your happiness meter are a few of the findings.

So, what’s holding you back?

When you look at all the usual hesitations such as having too much work, too little money, or too much muchness in the family household schedules, you see why people crash the vacation dream before it begins.

Wise people understand that the cost may be too high not to take a vacation.

 

There is one catch. Happiness only increases when the vacation is truly relaxing.

You gotta plan this well to reap the benefits. First things first: no work. Oooops. I may have to rethink my upcoming trip to the mountains. My plan was to relax, immerse in nature, and catch up on my coursework. The idea of no work at all, even the extracurricular kind, feels a bit challenging. I’m going to have to let that plan go.

If you’re heading somewhere fun with lots to do, build in time to hang out, take naps, linger over meals, and get a good night sleep.

This is important for your return so that your boost in happiness and wellbeing continue to linger along with the good memories. I’ve been on whirlwind vacations to other countries where I haven’t wanted to miss a thing. Building in long lunches and late afternoon hang outs on the balcony balanced the exciting stress of discovery in new locations.

Set up your reentry plan before you head out on vacation.

Plan your travel so you aren’t exhausted. Once back to the office, give yourself ample time to check email and messages. Create a light schedule on return so you get into the swing of things. All the strategies that you know about are truly wise as they not only help your return, but they help you stretch the benefits of taking a vacation. Research suggests that not only are you happier, but you are more productive before and after vacation when you follow these parameters.

And while you’re at it, why not build some downtime into your day?

After my silent retreat in January (which was delicious), I created a free hour in the middle of each work day. Its made a world of difference. I’m working on getting outside as much as possible during the summer days of warmth and light. This is medicine for my Soul. I’m happy to work an hour after dinner just to create that open space in my day.

You find what works for you.

If you think life is too busy for you to take a vacation or a breather, you may want to think again.

Research reveals that 30% of men who don’t take vacation have a higher risk for heart attack. For women, this creeps up to 50% and also increases the risk of depression. That’s enough of that bad news. Especially as you have the ability to change those odds for yourself.

On that note, I’m off to take a walk.

Since I value my wellbeing and recognize that no one can do this for me, I’m stepping out.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

There are a few simple ways to combat global warming. First, become educated. A simple Google search and 10 minutes will give you the perfect idea for you. Walk, bike, carpool, or use public transportation. The more often you leave your vehicle at home, or drive an electric vehicle, the greater your contribution. Limit waste heading for landfills. You can share, refurbish or donate goods. Compost or limit waste. Use detergent sheets instead of plastic jugs. Don’t be fooled: plastic recycling is ending up in landfills at an alarming rate. All these small changes lead to large changes. My easy favorites? Plant trees (obviously), cut back on Amazon convenience orders, and radically limit waste across the household. Love your Mama. Your great grandchildren depend on that love.