Category: Blog-Soulful Living

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Help! My Siblings are Fighting!

All around the world, my human family is having a really hard time. 

In the midst of conflict, it’s easy to forget that we the people share something so common and so very precious. We’re all living, breathing human beings. Sharing our lives on this planet which is so rich in resources and also so at risk of deterioration. 

This amnesia is so pervasive that it leaves brothers fighting against brothers. Mothers against mothers. Siblings against siblings. 

It’s enough to make a grown human weep. And many are weeping all over the world. Those in the line of fire, witnessing the destructive nature of humanity, and mourning the loss of people, creatures, landscapes, and ideals such as peace, harmony, and respect. When the world wide news seeps so easily into your home and your psyche, you can’t help but shake a bit. 

I’ve been listening to a lot of people shaking these past weeks. In fear, outrage, and deep sorrow.

A pervading sense of helplessness comes from being so unsettled by what is happening in the world(s) around us. Fear, outrage, and sorrow activate the stress response system. Repeatedly. Flooding your body with cortisol or adrenaline. And linking to all those stored memories of feeling unsafe, unsettled, and unsupported. 

It’s not only the dropping of bombs and horror of witnessing the loss of life, limbs, and neighborhoods as wars rage in the Middle East and Ukraine. 

It’s the relentless awareness of the prevalence of war zones which infiltrate all levels of humanity and spaces on the planet. Domestic violence. Cartel wars. Political infighting. Civil unrest. Human trafficking. Species extinction. Gang violence. Fiscal inequity. Environmental destruction. Sexual abuse. Crimes against people of color, gender fluidity, immigrants, and those unfortunate to live in impoverished neighborhoods. Religious condemnation. Dictators and terror. 

Us vs them. Us vs them. Us vs them.

What’s it gonna take to stop a world gone mad due to the shared insanity of humanity?

And before you say “it’s not me, it’s them making all the trouble,” consider how you just plopped right in the middle of “us vs them.”

Here’s 5 considerations when the world around you is at war and you’re suffering. 


#1. Don’t join the fight. 

It’s a challenge not to take sides. Especially when you feel one side is so right and the other side is so wrong. No one said this step was going to be easy. Rather than jumping into the fray with your fists, your opinion, and your heightened stress producing chemistry, take a pause and a few deep breaths. 

#2.  Soothe your system.

When you are in a fight or flight/flee/freeze response, you’re no good to anyone. Least of all yourself. Whether you are in extreme distress or chronically worried, it’s important to have the skill and practices to regulate your own physiology. Lots of ways to to this, but the hint was in #1. Take a pause and breathe. When you “calm yourself,” as my Grandma used to say, you regulate your physiology and gain access to the wisdom of your higher order thinking and caring heart.

[Get my freebie, The Self Soothe Strategy, or read my Breathe Like a Dolphin blog for some valuable practices.]

#3. Consider your sibling’s position.

In indigenous and wisdom traditions around the world, humanity is viewed as one family sharing the precious resources in one ecosystem. The “us vs them” gives way to the kinship view where all are related. So, once you are soothed and before you jump into action, consider your kin. That “other” individual, group, or country. What is their framework of the world and how may this “fighting” be viewed as protecting what is most valuable or necessary to them?

You step into the other’s world as you ponder and research this question. To increase understanding, perhaps access some compassion, and seek some common ground. After all, “those people” are also mothers, fathers, children, aunties, uncles, siblings, and cousins. Calm and considering, you now open to a new opportunity for peace, caring, and assistance. 

#4.  Ask the question, “What is mine to do?”

Whether you’re in the center of the storm, inflamed by the news, or deeply bothered by one of the countless disturbing situations in the world, ask this question. You may or may not get an immediate answer. This is not a problem to solve or an invitation for your mind figure out the correct answer. It is more of a request to the great intelligence that guides the moon cycles or inhabits all of the natural world. Let the answer come to you. It may surprise you and even seem unrelated, but take heed and follow up with calm, heart centered action. 

#5. Take action guided by a wise, compassionate heart. 

When you don’t feel so wise or compassionate, remember that somebody somewhere has some sage advice. It may come to you in a role model, a random interaction, a book or story, or through your own wise heart. When it’s time to do something, whatever that something is, bring the higher qualities of respect, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, and love into your offering.

Even the tiniest of action, when guided by love, sends a ripple out into the world. 

There are many ways to respond to the unrelenting sorrows of a human race at war with itself. Considering how you contribute to all the ways this world calls for your attention isn’t a one time action. More like a way of being. 

Peacemaking within. Lovemaking within. Harmony making within. 

We all live in our own world of perception which is interconnected with all worlds of perception. So your viewpoint matters and so do your tiny actions. When you realize deep in your bones that the world changes around you as you make adjustments to the world within you, something happens. 

You move away from throwing fuel on the fire of “us vs them” and enter the world of one family. Some of whom you love deeply and some who disturb the hell out of you. You aspire to become a safe space of harmony for others to rest within. You practice living respectfully, compassionately, and lovingly to yourself and others near and far. Imperfectly executing this desire.

All the while humming the Beatles tune “Come together right now over me.” 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

I’ve got some good news for you! There’s a lot of creative, collaborative, innovative solutions happening around the world. So much that I can’t squeeze it into this little pink box. Let me suggest something. If you’re gonna watch or read the news, read across the ‘far, left, middle, right, far’ to get an idea of different perspectives. Check out how other countries see things. Widen your perspective. Then mine the web for good news. I don’t subscribe to anything so that I seek news rather than have it pushed to me. With one exception. Reasons to be Cheerful slides into my inbox and motivates me to make a difference any way I can. I figure that beats me hanging out with ‘us who are bitchin’ about them.’

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We Got Skunked

Decision time.

Do I take my dog out front in my pjs and pink fuzzy slippers to bless “his” fire hydrant or let him roam free in the backyard?

We’ve been a little overprotective of Milo ever since he broke his foot this summer while chasing an intruder. Especially since his tendency is to take off like a bat outta hell if he sees a squirrel or bunny. Yet, his foot had healed nicely and it was early, cold, and damp.

I kept an eye on him as he patrolled and watered the garden beds.

When he disappeared into the overgrown woods, I went to make my smoothie. Trusting he’d bark when it was time to get his portion. Mid-smoothie, I was prompted to look outside as I witnessed him leaping over the greenery and streaking toward the side yard. It was such a full out run that I went out on the deck to investigate.

My mind scrambled and I couldn’t understand why two black and white creatures were nose to nose in my yard.

Within seconds I was screaming “Milo, No!”while watching two snarling creatures locked in a battle. In hindsight, I realize my stress response had diminished my frontal lobe functioning. I was terrified that Milo was going to be bitten in the face by this creature.

Seems I forgot all about a skunk’s secret weapon.

I saw the moment Milo got sprayed in the face and his valiant effort to go in for one more snarl. I’m sure the burning was too much for him as he ran in a panic, rubbing his face in the grass. My extensive vocabulary changed to “Milo, Come!” as I ran along with him.

As he streaked by me on the deck, I saw his look of panic in his blood red eyes.

He’s quick and efficient. I’ll grant him that. In his frenzied state, Milo blessed the carpets in 3 rooms with that skunk’s parting gift before I caught him. Knowing I had to wash out his eyes, I leashed him and dragged the poor beast to grab towels and upstairs to the bathroom. Not even letting him pause for another wipe of his face.

As I ran the water, my entire focus was on protecting his eyes.

We were in sync as he brought his face under the warm water, flushing out his eyes. Quickly laying towels over the bathroom rug, I sought the dog shampoo. Only to find we had none. I grabbed my liquid soap made of plants which was good for sensitive skin. Not so great for de-skunking, but okay if soap got in his eyes.

Keeping up a constant stream of soothing language while lathering Milo allowed me to calm us both down a bit.

As my system reorganized and my higher order thinking came back on line, I realized a few things. He stunk. I stunk. My house stunk. And his eyes were clearing up rapidly. Once he had his roll about on the towels (and my bathroom rug) he was fluffy and a bit less stinky.

Leashed, I took him to the kitchen while I called the vet. “Watch his eyes.” 



I looked up how to get out skunk smell from a dog, my rugs, and my house. Just too complicated for me in that moment to do by myself. When I saw he was still shaking, I sat down and did a Body Code session to clear the trauma. No surprise that first up was the physical-emotional shock, unbalanced adrenals, and other relevant reactions. I treated myself as well while we moved through the protocol to help my system rebalance.

It worked well for both of us.

Too bad The Body Code doesn’t get out skunk oil. 


Next, I found the best rug cleaning service for stinky rugs and arranged for a thorough job three days hence.

With all my tasks done, I made peace with what had rearranged my day and that stink which was well entrenched in my nostrils. 

We took some sniff and strolls. Then sat outside on the deck for hours waiting for my husband to return from a trip.



Welcome home, lol. I quickly headed out to buy skunk shampoo and get my hair triple washed at the salon.

After a second bath that evening, I’d like to say Milo isn’t a skunk pup. But, I’d be lying. Eventually he’ll reject all that oil from his system, but not today. You might be gung ho about coating your dog in a skunk defying mix, leaving it on for 5 minutes, hosing him off, and repeating the process. But, I’m not. 



Our house has very clean rugs, towels on the furniture where skunk pup rests, and a calm dog who continues to keep watch over his domain.



I recognize the power of Energy Medicine techniques such as The Body Code every week in my office. And I saw its potential to help both of us quickly process the trauma of our skunk encounter. We’re all quite calm and tolerant of the subtle, but lingering stink. 



Milo could write a testimonial for The Body Code, but he’s too busy patrolling the yard as the apex predator he believes himself to be.

I won’t disabuse him of this notion. Yet, I will check the back yard before letting him out in the early morning. If I can assist you in processing the challenges of life, old or new, with any of the Energy Psychology or Energy Medicine techniques I know, please reach out.

It’s safe now ‘cause I no longer stink. 


 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Challenging events and bad news can devastate, challenge a shift, or invite something new. The old adage of a silver lining is worth remembering. With so much emphasis is placed on avoiding trouble and decreasing stress, many people don’t even realize there are more types of stress response than just “fight or flight.” The Challenge Stress Response invites creativity in dealing with obstacles and perhaps even looking hard for that silver lining. Like when COVID shut down public places, restaurants and street vendors got creative in the open air. Something that continues to this day. Check out my Self Soothe Strategy PlayBook and Meditation so you may be flexible in the face of your “skunk.”

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The Generous Friendship of Trees

I turned off the car, took one conscious breath, and sat a moment.

Finding a space of peace within as I let my busy mind and active body settle from my morning. Silently, I breathed away those thoughts which competed for my scattered attention. Encouraged by my newfound peace, my eyes focused on what stood before me. 

A beautiful tree of red situated next to a smaller tree of yellow.

Such beauty in these Fall colors! They had not been present last time I parked my car before them. Or had they? I didn’t know.

So often racing from one space to another. I didn’t notice them yesterday, but these delightful colors were definitely present today.

I breathed in appreciation of the artistry dancing in the breeze before me.

My eyes slowly wandered to the left and took a moment to process the mix of colors around me. A beautiful holly tree with glistening green leaves. So vibrantly alive. These sturdy green leaves reflected the light as if diamonds had taken a pause in flight to wink at me.

I couldn’t help but noticing how generously the natural world shared beauty, diversity, and support.

Woven into the green holly leaves were splashes of red. The branches of the neighboring tree had come to visit, rest, and share in the beautification of this tiny patch of nature. I wondered if the red leaves understood the holly’s desire to adorn herself. Or if it was a beautiful friendship where the holly enjoyed both the brilliant red leaves and the stark naked branches in winter of her neighbor.

I don’t know how long I sat there. Creatively exploring the intent and friendship of the trees before me.

Smiling, I realized that this decorative gift of red was to be repaid in time. Day after day the red leaves would flutter in the breeze, leaving branches of brown unadorned. No longer offering a gift of color to the holly, roles would reverse as the receiver became the giver.

Throughout the winter, the vibrant holly tree would cradle the naked branches and adorn them with leaves of green and diamond lights.

I figured then that the sun and breeze conspired to dance this model of reciprocal giving. So its graceful movement and reflecting light might catch the fancy of a distracted driver who parked before it.

Inviting her to take a breath, enjoy a moment of stillness, and feel a deep sense of peace.

Such a generous lesson before me.

One that had been missed over many, many years of parking in that spot. Funny thing. In the days that followed, I found generous weavings of red, orange, brown, and green everywhere I went. When I was distracted by mindless, unimportant thoughts, dancing forests, alive with color, reminded me to breathe deeply. To open my eyes to the gifts of beauty, generosity, and magical light existing everywhere.

Reminding me to share my beautiful light with others.

To dance in harmony with others across all seasons. With all manner of support. Sometimes giving. Sometimes receiving. Always grateful for this generous exchange. 

In the Andean Medicine tradition and Peruvian culture, this generous exchange is called Ayni.

Reciprocity or the mutual exchange of energy, care, and love is the way of life for those in many indigenous cultures. Underlying this core principle is the understanding that all things are connected in the Universe.

This energy of giving and receiving is happening all the time across and between the cosmos, Earth, peoples, nature, and all creatures.

When you recognize this interconnectivity within life, your thoughts, words, and deeds align with Ayni. “What I do for you, I also do for me.” You care for the community in relationship with the wide world as this is essential to your wellbeing.

All of life, apart from we humans, practice Ayni. This generous friendship of trees is only one example.

If you’d like to learn more about the beautiful principles guiding the interconnected life of the cosmos and Earth, you can explore any wisdom tradition that holds this value. By whatever name it is called.

I often teach the Art of Becoming classes for women which explore Ayni, Beauty, Wisdom, and Love.

These classes and retreats journeys into the Andean cosmovision, use the Andean Medicine Wheel as a Map, and wise guardians to provide guidance on your life journey.

You may always learn more by visiting these pages:  Andean Energy Medicine, Workshops, or Classes and Retreats. 

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Vast forests of aspen are all interconnected by roots and, get this, are one genetic individual. Genetically identical, a forest of aspen is really one organism. Dr. Michael Grant at University of Colorado studied an aspen clone in Utah consisting of a calculated 47,000 tree trunks covering 106 acres. Doing the math, it weighed in at 13 million pounds. Just because we look different than frogs, an iceberg, or Marie living in Ireland doesn’t mean we can’t act as if we’re one big organism. Energetically, we are.

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Soul Sanctuary Celebrates 12 Years.

I’m sitting in a silent Soul Sanctuary. Quietly communing with the wonder of this space.

It’s a bit mind blowing to review the journey that got me here. My original plan was to continue as psychologist and executive director of a nonprofit agency serving DYFS adolescents until I retired. Funny how Life has a way of inviting you onto a new path. Even funnier that you say yes. Innocently stepping onto an entirely new trajectory that at first masquerades as something similar to the path you’ve been living.

Not all Journeys have clearly marked paths and signs. I think that’s by design.

I’m not sure I had the vision or the courage back then to head in the direction I’ve been led. Although with hindsight, I must’ve had a huge trust and a fair amount of courage to walk away from the security of a job that allowed me to grow personally, empower others, and create change in the wider community. Thank the Angels who whispered there was another way even though I didn’t know who was talking nor where that “way” would lead me.

That was in 2005 and there were many twists and unexpected turns that landed me here today celebrating Soul Sanctuary’s 12th birthday.

I’m awash in gratitude. Allowing the images of the people who have walked through these doors. Seeking solace, expansion, community, and above all, love. I’m moved deeply by the way everyone has seeded Soul Sanctuary with trust, courage, desire, and movement toward a broader life. And how tears, laughter, and determination have watered these seeds. I’m thinking of all the people who have helped me in so many ways, and those who share the gift of the work we do at Soul Sanctuary with others. It is so very helpful and really generous. I’m awash in this generous spirit in this very moment.

Entering an energetically enriched conscious space such as Soul Sanctuary naturally invites and empowers healing and transformation.

I’ve witnessed a lot of transformation in myself, my offerings, and the way in which transformation occurs within people. It has become easier, more gracefully fluid, and quite astonishing to witness how that which creates suffering may fall away to reveal that which is ready to blossom.

It’s a quiet year without fanfare, this 12th wonder of a birthday for Soul Sanctuary. Yet there are gifts to be given and worthy children to receive them.

Please celebrate with me by providing support for our Love Orphanage family in Haiti

The annual Village Walk is taking place this Saturday, October 7th, in many areas.

I won’t be walking in Moorestown at Strawbridge Lake this year, so Esther Clark is leading the way. If you’re local, join Esther from the Church St entrance. Walk begins at 10 am and is a lovely, easy stroll with friends. Arrive a few minutes early.

I’ll be celebrating young love at a wedding so I’ll dance for Love O kids this year.

They are worth our attention, love, and of course, our monetary contribution. You can register to walk or run at a few locations. Or you can sit on your couch, work in your garden, or play with your grandkids. However you want to spend the day is great. Go ahead and register to walk or make a donation.

It’s a big deal this year ’cause Haiti’s poverty, gang activity, and civil unrest has run up prices and required the Love O family to relocate temporarily for safety reasons.

You can get all of the details at the Love Oprhanage site. Anything you donate will be used for living expenses such as rent, food, and medical treatment. Go here to register or donate.

My heart is full of gratitude for Gabriel who committed his life to care for orphans in Haiti.

He always speaks with astonishment that people around the world would help him raise these children. That many Difference Makers would fund education and travel during the summers to Haiti and create a Culture Camp with the kids. He just can’t believe so many care about children in a forgotten place.

Yet what astonishes all of us is that a man can commit his life to make the impossible possible.

I’ve seen first hand over 3 summers, and years of photos, how love can truly inspire people to make a life saving difference for virtual strangers. I thank you. All of you who have never met Gabriel and the Love O kids but have supported the Be a Difference Maker program because my kid asked you to put them through school. And now, I ask you to help them live.

This dream of a healthy, safe Love O is astounding and totally achievable. And worth celebrating.

It’s an ordinary day turned magical with my focus on 12 years of beauty, love, and transformation. And a heartfelt prayer that children in Haiti and everywhere be supported on their own path of growth.

I wouldn’t feel so completely awash in gratitude without you and all the ways you show up.

May you continue to be blessed as you walk the path your Soul calls you to, with ease or challenge, knowing you are part of a community that loves, transforms, and serves with gratitude.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

A lot has happened since I first “met” the Love O Family. Gabriel and his staff of 2 cared for 19 kids in an overcrowded house. No school. Limited food. Long term effects of trauma and malnourishment. And plenty of love, faith, and hard work. Since then? 9 years of school. New home with solar panels, lights (!), running water. Medical care. New children. 4 summers of Culture Camp. Swims in the ocean. Amazing. They’ve had losses. Normal losses and heartbreaking tragedies. Dangers and moves to safety. The hardships continue in Haiti, yet Love is the prevailing force. It shows itself in healthy, happy children. Gratitude overflows for all who persist in their support of Love O. You truly are a Difference Maker. 

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Pet Love. The Great Equalizer.

It was a gorgeous, bright morning as I sat in the peaceful stillness of my kitchen.

I settled in near the window to watch the well orchestrated routine of the birds flying into the tree. Chattering as they hopped down the branches until it was their turn at the bird feeder. I never witnessed any bullying by the woodpeckers with their long, hard beaks. The doves or cardinals never bumped the tiny pine siskin or goldfinch out of the pecking order.

This merry band of birds, generously cooperative, even let that busy tailed squirrel have his turn.

The morning’s quiet was shattered by a ferocious bark as not everyone was thrilled with that squirrel entering their domain. In another well practiced routine, I opened the sliding door so Milo could police the yard and chase that furry bandit into the neighbor’s trees. As that blur of black and white flew down the steps, I turned my attention to the trees dancing in the wind.

A shrill yelp of pain followed by rapid squeals of pain had me running around the side of the house.

Where I found my dog standing on three legs with eyes wide with panic. Scooping up the shaking fur ball, I carried him in the house. With a history of straining a muscle after a speed burst, I wondered if he’d work it out with a little rest and energy work. After some soothing and a little Body Code energy work, he still stood on 3 legs.

I offered to take the first shift at the local animal hospital’s emergency room and drove off with quiet whimpers from the back seat.

I carried that wounded warrior to the front desk where I worked to keep my stress to a manageable level. I went through an interminable number of questions and a very thorough confirmation of everything in his virtual chart.

I tried to keep my tone pleasant even as the whimpers grew louder and my thirty pound creature grew heavier.

Just when I felt my arm was going to give out, I was told to take a seat. I found a corner bench where I could keep Milo on the seat next to me. Curious by nature and a big fan of the animal hospital, he was already struggling to stand and whine as he saw staff and other animals.

I spent the next two hours draped over this gentle creature to keep him still.

Given that there was plenty of action and a need to remain calm, we spent a lot of time talking. Well, to be accurate, I spent a lot of time talking quietly to my little black and white companion. His responses were more subtle by way of eye contact, ear movement to indicate he heard me, and head turning to identify the next topic of conversation.

I had a lot of time to join Milo in observing our surroundings.

At first, I took on his role of protector of our domain. Hoping no one sat too close as he’d squirm to investigate. Soon, though, I joined him in the stillness of watching who was showing up and what was happening beyond our small bubble. That perspective changed my experience.

We quietly witnessed the arrival of dogs on leases, carried in arms, and rolled in on stretchers.

The cats went by in carriers to sit in their designated waiting area. We were joined by a poodle in a diaper, a bunny in a soft carry case, a bearded dragon in a towel, and a really annoying chihuahua who made Milo and I jerk in tandem with every shrill bark.

Once the animals were catalogued and discussed, we moved onto observing their humans.

Other than the man with the dragon in the towel who was happily chatting with the blue haired mama and her two kids about their own dragon adventures, the rest of the adults sat quietly.

I watched a woman reading a book while waiting for news, only to realize she never turned a page in the whole hour. The young woman with swollen eyes and blotchy skin buried her face from time to time into that diapered poodle for a short cry.

“Milo, I think they need our help,” I whispered. Again, my small healing magi and I changed the game.

Whispering softly, we coordinated our prayers of light for the wellbeing of those creatures and their people in that room of stress and sorrow. A large black fierce breed of a dog arrived on a stretcher with a matching fierce man speaking harshly to staff. Soothing tones wrapped his sentiments as they rolled that man’s best friend off to the surgeon. For the next hour, that fierce man, undone by the danger facing his dog, stood or paced in front of that door. As if gazing down the hallway would hasten good news and peace of mind.

At times, when a dog rolled by, Milo would look at me. “I know, I don’t think he’s coming out. Let’s send him home in peace.”

It was a long few hours, sitting amidst worry and grief. All the while leaning over a small dog who patiently waited his turn, much like those beautiful birds outside our window. We celebrated when the diapered poodle reappeared even though we witnessed the woman’s quiet sobs, knowing they’d only have a wee bit more time to share their special love bond. Relieved by my husband who covered the next few hours of waiting, I recognized something of importance.

That waiting room of wretched stress, whispered prayers, and soothing staff was filled with one thing.

Humans who loved their pets. And pets who loved their humans.

Loving pets seemed to me to be the great equalizer, allowing me to see the sameness of all of us humans, regardless of how we presented. I wouldn’t have wanted to meet that man and his fierce black dog on the street, but I’m sure glad I met them in the emergency room. While I was sorry that Milo broke his little foot and relieved he had no pain, I was grateful for those hours remembering the value of every human life.

I’ve had time to let that lesson sink in deeply in this summer of slowness.

When I carry Milo up and down stairs and watch him stroll ever so gently down the street with his peg leg, I am reminded that life holds suffering. No one is immune. While the reason isn’t always obvious, everyone deserves understanding, compassion, and some soothing words in times of tension.

I’ll remember that the next time some fierce human barks at me in frustration.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

College campuses are allowing dogs on campus during exam week and as emotional support animals. Dogs, like many pets, have been found to reduce stress and anxiety. One study invited participants to engage in public speaking followed by performing difficult calculations with unfriendly observers watching them. Yuck. They were randomly assigned to bring a friend, an unfamiliar dog, or go it alone. Results found that while all participants had higher heart rates and cortisol levels, those paired with a dog had lower levels than the other groups. Having Fido around before, during, and after stressful events is a good idea!

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Let’s Hold Hands When We’re Old

I was leaving Panera one day, hotfooting it back to work with soup in hand, when I witnessed the sweetest thing.

After holding the door for his wife, a man reached over to take her hand. Very slowly, this ancient couple meandered down the sidewalk. Talking and walking as if they had all the time in the world and no one they’d rather spend it with.

Catching myself gawking, I gathered my delighted smile and sauntered to my car.

Making a note to myself to invite my husband to hold hands when we’re old got me to thinking. Perhaps we should start practicing in earnest now, strolling about with no particular place to go, as if our future wellbeing depended on it. Because it does.

Come to think of it, I wondered why I wasn’t holding hands with more people.

I reflected on when and why I stop reaching for the hands of my parents, daughter, and friends. It’s such a sweet practice that society relegates to romantic relationships, parents with young kids, or support for the elderly. While I won’t reach for my big kid’s hand these days, I could tuck my arm in hers. Enjoying the closeness and attending to our conversation more closely.

Here’s the thing about social interaction and touch. It’s essential if you want to live long and prosper.

Just ask the centenarians who live on the Italian island of Sardinia.

Not only do they report having the highest percentage of people who live to 100 or beyond, but more couples make it to the finish line together in Sardinia than elsewhere in the world.

I hear they are paying people to come live in that mountainous island. Imagine that. Paying you to get daily exercise, eat a big lunch of fresh food, followed by a nap. Family in Sardinia is the priority and they’ve nailed the work – life balance. No long work hours or using achievement as a benchmark of worth for those longevity magnets. A few days a week, they don’t even head back to work after that nap. Leaving more time to chat with their neighbors.

Researchers have studied influences on longevity, such as genetic markers, diet, health practices, social connection, and environment.

You might enjoy watching the series Chasing Life on CNN with Sanjay Gupta, MD. In the episode on Sardinia, I was heartened by those spry brothers who met at the coffee shop and the number of ancient couples still hanging out together. Those folks walked everywhere up and down hills, waving to the neighbors sitting in the windows and popping in to shop for an item or have a chat.

Seems that all this socializing is good for you.

Research has revealed that having a 1 – 3 intimate relationships is good for your health. It’s also beneficial to have in 3 – 5 mini contacts with other humans every single day. These casual encounters might include waving to the post man, talking to the neighbor, petting their dog, visiting colleagues at the water cooler, or screen time with your cousins in California. Scrolling social media or hitting the like button doesn’t count, and actually may hurt when it’s excessive, incites envy, or replaces good old face to face contact.

Cultivating intimate relationships and taking a moment to chat with the check out clerk may increase happiness, longevity, good health, and a sense of meaning.

It’s a good idea to eat well, exercise regularly, take naps when you’re pooped, and balance work and play. It might even be a good idea to learn Italian and go live a pleasurable, slow, and long life in Sardinia. If that’s too big of a leap, start walking around your town or neighborhood.

That lovely couple reminded me that human touch adds a bonus to social engagement.

Like sprinkles on your cupcake, touch may be easily added to your focus on social connection, health behavior, mindset, and life style.

You know that touch is a strong component of healthy development in humans, animals, and marine mammals. Yet, appropriate and gentle touching of one another seems to drop off as you age. Not for those lucky enough to have cuddly partners, kids and grandkids, puppies and kittens. All that hugging and holding keeps those feel good chemicals flowing and encourages social connection in a meaningful way.

If you’re living alone, and perhaps working remotely, you can consciously and creatively examine how you may cultivate more intimate friendships and casual social interactions.

It’s really important to consider what’s most comfortable for you regarding the power of appropriate touch. Not everybody enjoys the touchy feely approach. That’s cool. Your best way of connecting considers what makes sense for you. Remember to regularly give your hands or feet a good massage, cuddle with your pet, and connect with others in a way that feels safe to you and them.

If you want to hold hands when you’re old, now is a good time to start practicing your particular way of leaning in and strengthening your social connections.

I’m off to perform my own experiment with lots of hand holding, arm linking, hugging, and leaning in shoulder to shoulder with friends and family. I’ll toss in some good eye contact, deep listening, and expressed enthusiasm for being together. This approach might seem a bit much with random strangers, so I’ll just add in a few more handshakes and smiles as I seek my 3 – 5 social interactions per day.

And I fully I expect that one day, perhaps when we’re a hundred and two, that some young thing outside Panera will be gawking at me holding hands with my fella.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Your mindset about aging is really important. Researchers invited elderly folks to a lecture where they shared a few facts about aging. It wasn’t a scary tale or a fairy tale type of presentation. Just some well known facts about what happens to the body and mind when you head into your senior years. They measured the gait, stride, and speed of these lovely people as they entered and exited the lecture. You guessed it. People walked more slowly and cautiously as they exited the room. Yikes! I imagine we’re adding a decade just listening to all those commercials hawking pharmaceuticals and predicting demise from illness. It’s a wonder we make it off the couch and up the stairs each evening. I wonder what those Sardinian brothers would say about that nonsense?

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Baggage Overload

“I’m packed!”

Amazed that I had gathered everything for my upcoming journey to Peru, and fit it all in my suitcase a full day before my flight. Usually, I’m finishing up at in the wee hours of the morning, so this was cause for celebration. There was one thing left to do.

I called my husband to lift my suitcase and guesstimate the weight.

It’s an old ritual, this guessing game that often leaves a fizzle of anxiety in my belly. Every trip we mean to find that luggage scale that’s hidden in the house somewhere. An idea quickly forgotten in the enjoyment of whatever journey embarked upon. Only to be remembered the evening before, or often in my case, the morning of that next flight with the looming specter of a weight limit for my bag.

Right on cue, after hefting my luggage in the air, he exclaims, “This has gotta be close if not over 50 pounds.”

I’m not sure why I set myself up for this. I’m a great packer and can fit everything into any suitcase. It’s just that I like to have a variety of clothes so I can choose to be comfortable in any kind of weather or activity.

This time, however, I also had a list a mile long of recommended items to ensure a safe journey.

During this 12 day trip, I’d stay in 5 hotels, take multiples planes, buses, and taxis. I’d hike mountains, tour cities, chant in open courtyards, do early morning yoga, and attend (stinky) fire ceremonies. I’d also be far from medical care and needed to be prepared for weather changes, altitude sickness, biting bugs, blisters, strong sun rays, and dehydration.

No wonder I packed a lot of shit. I was intent on being prepared for anything.

That’s not to mention that I was carrying a bunch of rocks in my backpack. No, I wasn’t rucking. That’s a new fad that I have no interest in exploring. Yet, here I was heading off to climb to 12,500 feet with a backpack of rocks, raincoat, fleece, water, snacks, suntan lotion, and bug spray. I don’t mean to make light of those rocks as they are a gift to me and those I serve.

As a medicine woman in the Andean tradition, I carry my mesa with me.

A mesa, or altar, is used in healing and ceremony. Filled with medicine stones that have been transformed through my initiations and used in healing sessions, shamanic journeys, and ceremony. I climbed each mountain to enter a sacred site and engage in ceremony. Activating my mesa and my own body to higher frequencies so that I might better serve humanity and Pachamama, this great planet we inhabit. While heavy, I was grateful to have my mesa as traveling companion and wise guide.

Arriving at Philly’s airport, mostly at peace with my packing choices, I was dropped at the curb to embark upon this journey of my soul.

Truth be told, I had some trouble hefting my bag on that scale. I closed my eyes in a little prayer to the angels of the airport. “Did you plan this?” Startled I opened my eyes to a serious agent pointing to the number on the scale with a long red manicured nail.

50.0

Holy weightless wonder! I nailed it! After taking a photo to send my husband, I felt a little heaviness lift from my heart (and belly). I hadn’t realized I was carrying that bit of anxiety. A flash of a memory from my honeymoon to Italy reminded me of our two suitcases splayed open in front of a long line of annoyed travelers as I transferred shoes from that over the limit bag to the almost at the limit bag.

Oh.

Seems I have a history of carrying too much baggage, seen and unseen. All of it dancing with my stress chemicals.


“Time to let that habit go,” I thought, as I hefted that heavy backpack onto a body that was already resisting the weight.

Before I even arrived in Peru, hints of what I was to learn, release, and transform on this epic journey were arising. Alright then, game on.

Apparently I had some bigger lessons to learn about carrying too much baggage.

I received a disruptive lesson in the Miami airport. A giant awareness in Lima. And a rough start in Cusco. By the time I landed in the Sacred Valley, surrounded by the majesty of the Andean mountains, my lessons became more palatable. I still carried too much every day within my psyche, body, energy field, and backpack. I became adept at recognizing this collection of things I no longer needed to carry, curated by a lifetime of conditioning. And how many of them weren’t even mine to begin with.

I shed that weight with the help of ceremony, medicine teachings and teachers, the natural world, my archetypal companions, and lovely new friends.

I’m traveling more lightly now by intent and with Life’s help as it continues to remove much of what I felt was necessary. I learned that those medicine stones are worth their weight in gold and I’m happy to carry them anywhere. And that journeying throughout time to clear old baggage is a worthwhile endeavor.

Mostly, I discovered, that it is a privilege to live here and now. Knowing I’ve got everything I need within.

I could search for that luggage scale in advance of my next trip. But I won’t. Why mess with the majesty of the mystery and those future lessons just waiting to shake me awake?

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

If you’re carrying a lot of stress, you’re not alone. Robert Epstein, stress researcher, found that the average person’s ability to manage stress is remarkably low. Living in a world of stressed out adults takes its toll on you as it’s hard not to get triggered by someone’s stressed out behavior unless you’re cool as a cucumber. More importantly, it’s been found that a parent’s ability to manage their own stress is the second most powerful predictor of the wellbeing of their children. Yikes. Lots of ways to let that stress go and plenty of motivation. Instead of being a stress magnet, be a conduit of calm. Yup, that’s a thing. I have declared it so.

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Everything I Own Is Temporary

Everything I own is temporary
Brilliant ideas, coveted objects
Valued relationships, my very personhood
Nothing protected from an unseen hand
Wiping clean my slate
Upending familiar ground upon which I tread
Tinkering with a fragile sense of self
While I sleep
Walk
Through days chock full of importance

Despite every grand effort to trick
That which I want and need
So very much
to remain true, steadfastly loyal
Cemented into certainty
Everything flickers and grows feeble
Snuffed out like a flame
Abruptly squeezed by meaty fingers
Or barely noticed, fading like dusk
Soundlessly swallowed whole by night

In stillness I stand
On solid ground amidst shifting sands
Sheltered beneath a canopy so green
Glistening with cascading rain
Softly nourishing gardens and lawns
Quiet companion on a leash
Three smiling men riding a single lawn mower
An amusement park of movement and stillness
Revealing the script behind the play
Written in vanishing ink

Nothing matters  And everything is worth engaging in

Life in every form is meant to be lived
Not there
Far in the future dressed in a different garment
Bright, beautiful and pleasing to the i
But here
Looking as it is right now
Not well put together
Yet perfectly arranged

Shifting awareness emboldened
By a dog unburdened by a broken foot
Gracefully releasing the chase of
Every wiry squirrel 
Content to sniff the winds of change
Black and white fur dancing
With pink petals, water and breeze
Untroubled by the sun’s game of hiding
Vigilantly at rest, no need to seek
Eyes meet in silent acquiescence

Hands splayed open
Grasping not one thing
I treasure that which cleans my slate
And welcome the dusk that robs my light
I pray then and there to the witness within
Let this softening of my body
Sing a gentle lullaby to my mind’s desire
To know, to strive, to do, to become
So I may instead honor this temporary breeze
And perfection of these trees

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Creativity is inherent to human development and essential to discovery of the wonder of the world. Anyone who has every witnessed an infant discover her toes or attended a high school art show has done their research. The question for you is not whether you are creative, rather how are you expressing your creativity. By choosing different ways to express yourself and your view of the world,  you enhance new neural learning, hone observational skill, and let a wee bit of your genius flow out to the world. The more you create, the more you translate the world according to you for the rest of us to enjoy. Forget about being good at anything. Create as an experiment, for the sheer joy of it, or to enhance wellbeing. 

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SisterHood is Heading Back to School


As a kid, I had mixed feelings about heading back to school. 

I loved the freedom of summer days running around the neighborhood, sleeping under the stars, and vacationing at the beach or mountains. I didn’t need any research to convince me of the power of free time to play with friends, enjoy family, and explore the natural world. Those days of warmth, extended light, and freedom from structure restored the body, brain, and spirit.

Kids glow during the summer and not just from a touch of sun.

Too bad we mature, civilized adults didn’t build in an equivalent of an extended seasonal vacation into our work life. In the US, unless you have the financial means and permission from work to take frequent vacations or staycations, you’re grinding through 50 weeks a year at work. This definitely dampens the health and wellbeing of every body, mind, and spirit. But, I digress.

I wasn’t so keen on summer ending even if there were some perks about returning to school. 

Aside from seeing friends and enjoying school, I was always enticed by back to school shopping. I loved the trip to the stationary store with my mom and returning home to organize my notebooks, pencils, and backpack. I realize now that my delight wasn’t just about the “stuff” I carried, rather it was more about what it represented. 

A brand new notebook offered me the promise of building upon old knowledge to reveal doorways into something greater. 

I still love my school supplies and I’m still pursuing my “higher education.” If I could transport my shelves of colorful binders and notebooks along with my computer to a tropical island, I’d have enough course material to keep me busy for 6 months. As I create and consume, I welcome the pleasure of organizing all of this wisdom in colorful binders and matching notebooks. 

I’m not taking these gifts of school supplies, love of learning, and positive experiences in education lightly. 

As a school psychologist and therapist who worked decades in the nonprofit world, I’m well aware that not every child has access to the financial, family, or school support that foster growth. That’s why I’ve been running back to school supply drives for the past 30 years.

Donating school supplies may seem like a token action, allowing the giver to feel good, but making a questionable difference to the tremendous learning difficulties, poverty, or family challenges some kids face.

I know better. I’ve learned of the value of a new notebook or backpack from kids and teens who feel shame, worry, and discomfort when they don’t measure up to their peers. And, unfortunately, when they’ve been shamed by teachers for not being “prepared” with the required supplies.

School supplies matter to these kids. And they bring relief to overstressed parents.

All school supplies donated to Sisterhood serve impoverished families in Burlington City, NJ.

By now you know the drill. Drop off your school supplies at Soul Sanctuary. If it’s easier to let me do the shopping, I’m happy to do that.

Venmo me at Kathleen-Milano-2 or send via Pay Pal @kathymilanophd. Please indicate it is for Sisterhood. Be assured that every cent goes to them. 

Drop off at Soul Sanctuary or donate by August 23rd please.

You can drop off in the lobby or outside if door is locked (I’ll grab it) on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays 9 – 5pm. I’ll deliver everything on the 24th so the kids and teens can pick out what they need. 

You choose whatever you want to give. Donations will fill in the rest.

It’s great to have backpacks (5 Below), 3 subject notebooks, binders, and notebooks. If you’re shopping for the young ones, please buy the smaller packs of markers (12, 24) or crayons (24, 48) for individual use.

Thanks for your ongoing support of SisterHood in Burlington City. Year after year you show up.

I know the good work that Rev Hilda Covington and her volunteers offer the neighborhood. And I know first hand the appreciation of these kids, teens, and parents.  All donations are given anonymously in order to support Sisterhood’s mission and respect the families they serve. 

So, I’ll say thanks to all of you from all of them. Now, let’s get these kids ready to learn.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Dolphins, those #2 on the intelligent creature list, sure know the value of play! With all the stress of deadlines, to do lists, and multitasking of life, humans sometimes forget the value of playing a game with their friends. Scientists off the coast of Kauai and Maui have filmed dolphins and whales playing together. A dolphin swims onto the nose of a whale who then raises themselves slowly out of the water so the dolphin may “slide” down its back. Consciously breathing, playing with friends, and frolicking in the waters of life. Seems like we humans just got schooled.

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Breathe Like a Dolphin

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

It’s not that they are inherently suspicious creatures. Actually, they are quite lovely in their social engagement, curiosity, and self awareness. Considered the second smartest animal in the world (humans being the first), they have the capacity to communicate through language, plan for the future, and solve complex problems.

Unlike humans, for whom breathing is an autonomic (automatic) function, dolphins must consciously decide to breathe.

If dolphins entered fully into unconscious sleep, they would fail to breathe and thus drown. Given this vital need for conscious control of their breathing, dolphins only let one half of their brain sleep at a time.

They enter unihemispheric sleep when closing the left eye as the right half of the brain sleeps.

This allows the left hemisphere to take charge of breathing and be alert for dangers in their environment. While alternating sleep between hemispheres, dolphins swim very slowly or rest motionless on the water’s surface. This way they get the rest they need without ever losing consciousness.

Dolphins are not only bringers of joy and delight, they are expert practitioners of mindful breathing.

If you want to improve your state of mind, health, and potential for wellbeing, start breathing like a dolphin.

Yogic technology, mind-body medicine, and spiritual traditions recognize the value of conscious breathing.

Aside from countless research studies, your own personal experience will reveal the benefits. Engaging a mindful, relaxing breath pattern restores balance at all levels of your being. As you breathe, you’re detoxing the stress chemicals, negative thought patterns, and escalated emotions. Calming the mind, increasing mental focus, organizing your brain-body communication, and clearing energetic channels. Priming you to move into a quiet meditation or move through your day aware and in balance.

You can act like a dolphin any time you consciously observe and control your breath, strengthening your awareness of the mind-body connection.

Whether you engage mindful breathing to decrease stress, enhance your mental focus, or lower your blood pressure, your body will thank you. These simple practices, so easy to master, have tremendous health benefits. Such as rejuvenating the nervous system, improving digestion, easing pain, supporting respiratory functions, and increase immunity.

Perhaps your newfound sense of ease, increase in energy, and surge of pleasure inducing chemicals will be enough to motivate a daily practice.

Emphasis on daily and practice. When you’re in the middle of a crisis and your hair is on fire, that’s not the best time to begin your training in dolphin breathing. A daily practice builds your “breathing muscle” so that you can get to it quickly and with ease when needed.

With enough practice, this beneficial habit of taking a deep breath may even wake you out of your anxious sleepwalking through the day.

The next time you need to interrupt the fight or flight stress response, get conscious and choose a breathing practice. Immediately. Breath techniques are also very beneficial partners for the tend and befriend stress response and the challenge response.

Did you know that there are more stress responses than just fight or flight?

And that if you perceive stress as positive rather than detrimental, it doesn’t have the same debilitating effect on health, mindset, and longevity? Head to my Free Resource page to grab The Self Soothe Strategy. More on all of that in my PlayBook and a nice relaxing HeartBreathing practice to download (and master!).

Here are a few breathing practices designed to invite a state of deep relaxation, mind-body harmony, and enhanced mental focus.

Box breathing or the 4-4-4-4 breath is easy to practice.

Count to 4 with a slow inhale, hold for a count of 4, exhale slowly for 4, and hold for 4. Repeat. Be gentle with the holding of the breath. It isn’t a rigid holding, just a chance for your body to replenish oxygen, giving your organs and tissues a much needed oxygen boost.

The 4-7-8 breathing practice is based upon an ancient yogic practice.

It’s helpful to place the tip of the tongue on the roof of the mouth behind the front teeth throughout this practice. Begin with an exhale through the open mouth, letting the air go out in a “whoosh” sound. Breathe in through the nose for a count of 4. Hold for a count of 7 (relax). Exhale slowly through the mouth, choosing for a count of 8. You may work up to this pattern, so begin with whatever count you need and extend it with practice.

Alternate nostril breathing is another yogic technique that induces relaxation, clarity, and harmony throughout the body.

There are a few varieties with this technique and you may want to explore this with a quick Google search. At first, this may feel a little awkward, but it is definitely worth the practice.

Finally, my go to favorite involves taking 9 Self Regulating HeartBreaths.

Crossing your palms and resting them on your heart, you take 3 breaths. This is a “HeartBreath.” Just noticing how your body breaths you. Switch palms and repeat. Again, switch palms and repeat. 9 HeartBreaths brings your heart rhythm into coherence and the enter body sings with the harmony that change brings.

The similarity between you and a dolphin is that you both have a choice.

You can continue to breathe even when you’re unconsciously stressing through your day. You won’t die. But, you won’t live the fullness of what life has to offer when you allow your body to hold tension, diminish health, and reduce mental capacity. When you don’t breathe mindfully and in a relaxed state, you may move further down that intelligent animal list.

Don’t let the other intelligent species (crows, pigs, and chimps) sneak up on you. Breathe like a dolphin, enhance your intelligent body-mind system, and maybe, just maybe, leap a bit with joy.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Dolphins, those #2 on the intelligent creature list, sure know the value of play! With all the stress of deadlines, to do lists, and multitasking of life, humans sometimes forget the value of playing a game with their friends. Scientists off the coast of Kauai and Maui have filmed dolphins and whales playing together. A dolphin swims onto the nose of a whale who then raises themselves slowly out of the water so the dolphin may “slide” down its back. Consciously breathing, playing with friends, and frolicking in the waters of life. Seems like we humans just got schooled.