Category: Blog-Psychology

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This Decade I’m Gonna Change the World

The music was blaring. My muscles were straining. My mind started protesting.

Laying on my back, lifting my barbell with 40 other fit souls, I wondered if I had the strength for those last 16 press ups.  I was thinking that I was pretty much done.  Glad I hadn’t added that extra weight.  Feeling myself weaken as my mind exercised it’s questioning voice.

“Finish strong!  You can do it!” encouraged the teacher. 

“Damn straight I can!” responded my mind. 

Miraculously, strength poured through my shaking arms as I finished every last one of those stinkin’ reps.   And the positive mind rules again, I thought.  My body popped up as I prepared for the next set.  I started strong as my mind noted how much it liked this song. 

Positive mind + motivating instructor + really good music. 

I recognized the benefit of this equation outside the gym.  I thought about how I used this formula to enhance creativity, personal interactions, teaching, meditation, and business planning.

My mind wandered. My strength and coordination promptly waned.

Bringing my focus back to the moment, I realized how important it was to stay present to the physical experience of the class. Whenever my mind travelled some tangent, I lost my rhythm, couldn’t follow directions, and felt weaker. 

Interesting. 

I watched my mind wander and my body’s energy follow.  I felt my mind focus and my physical energy strengthen.  “Where attention goes, energy flows.”  Got it!  Heading into the next power set, I was clear, in sync, strong, and capable. 

“It’s our first class of 2020!  What are you gonna create this decade?”   

“This is the decade I’m gonna change the world!” declared my mind.   

This statement was so clear, strong, and in sync with my mind, body, motivation, and energy that I thought I had spoken aloud. Which wouldn’t have been a bad thing, I suppose.  I thought about the audacity of that statement, willing to let my concentration and coordination slip a bit.  What the heck does that even mean, I wondered.  And then it hit me. 

Of course I can change the world.  And I am determined to do so.

Back in the groove and loving the club version of the most played song of 2019 (an oldie, but goodie – Uptown Funk), I was strong and clear.  Physics, spirituality, psychology, yogic philosophy, mysticism, and deep inner knowing all point in the same direction. 

We create the world around us through our conditioned projections.

 

Self concept, perception of other people, interactions, situations, events, past memory and the elusive future are all influenced by the projections of our state of mind. Fueled by the conditioned beliefs we formed and absorbed as we grew.  What a woman thinketh, she becomes. 

As within, so without.  As above, so below. 

When we are frightened, the world is a frightening place. When we are hating on ourselves, it is easy to hate on others or expect rejection. When we are on top of the world, it is easy to imagine and attain success, positive experiences, and lots of feel good exchanges.  When we are motivated and committed to health and vitality, we encounter all sorts of support within and around us to become vitally healthy.

When we have a positive mind, encouraging instructor, and great music, we power through barbell class. 

My world – inner and outer – could absolutely change.  This was clear and absolutely attainable.  The formula?  Noticing any time my mind wandered away from what was actually happening as it ventured into my daydream, rumination, or nightmares.  Anytime I argued with Life, I would be reminded that some inner idea of Kathy Milano was declaring that “thing” should be somehow different.

According to whom? The world according to Kathy, that’s who.

As if my little pea brain knew the path for each soul, the perfect way of being for each person, and the simple solution for each complex situation for humanity and the planet.  I had noticed (countless times) how my mind wandered into uncomfortable dark places when I argued with how Life was showing up.  That was a million times worse than losing my focus while lifting weights.  Yet, meandering within my ruminating mind was a well developed habit.  

Waging war on what the moment presented, I was disrupting the peace within me.  Every. Single. Time.  

So, apparently Life speaks loudly during my workouts.  I’m all in.  Knowing I absolutely have the clarity, capability, and desire to dive deep into my own conditioned beliefs in order to release them. 

This is the decade I change the world.  My world. 

Which holds all of you. I’m looking forward to discovering even more of the freedom, peace, and love that (already) inhabit this beautiful life.  And to see you much more clearly once I clear up my distortions.

If you’re a bit stuck in the negative mind, don’t despair. That is the trait all we mere mortals share.  Be gentle with yourself while remaining fiercely focused on uncovering all those beliefs which keep you bound. If you need some help with this, I’m happy to help. 

And if you think that the world is going to hell in a hand basket, check out The Decade in Cheer.   

A friend turned me on to David Byrne’s newsletter “Reasons to be Cheerful.” (Who else loved the Talking Heads?)  In their words: “Reasons to be Cheerful is a non-profit editorial project that is tonic for tumultuous times.  We tell stories that reveal there are, in fact, a surprising number of reasons to feel cheerful.” 

Okay, so maybe me finishing strong that one fitness class isn’t earth shattering news. 

But, I gotta tell you.  I walked out of there with a bit of bounce in my step (and no shaking in my biceps), so I’m cheerfully sharing this story.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Good news about exercise! Over time, regular exercise remodels the brain’s reward system (higher circulating levels of dopamine & more available dopamine receptors). Helping you anticipate pleasure, feel motivated, and maintain hope. Exercise is helpful in relieving depression, repairing neurological damage caused by addiction, and expanding your capacity for joy. Especially important as you age. Compared with inactive peers, older adults who exercised have brain reward systems resembling people who are decades younger.  Decades, people. Get moving!

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You. Kindness. Presence. Love.

I’m all set.

Everything is purchased, wrapped, chopped, and decorated. My home is warm with cheer, twinkling lights on the tree, classic carols cascading through the soundscape, and a sense of childlike wonder in the air. With conscious intent this year, everything was easy and delightful.  

Intent is everything. 

But you already know this. 

As I head into Soul Sanctuary today, I am saturated in the Light and in the Wonder of Living.

I am grateful to be here. On this planet and in this life with every joy and every challenge that is revealing itself at this time. 

I choose this. Choice is everything. 

But you already know this. 

In this Season of Light, I hope you also know that You are Precious.

You came in this way and nothing that ever happened in your life could tarnish this preciousness. It is still shining and I see this in you. 

You have so much potential and it has a natural capacity to emerge.

I hope you let it out – the world needs what you have to share. Life has a way of growing itself if you give it a little attention, love, and belief in your own magical abilities.

You are a creative wonder! This is something worth celebrating.

Everything in your life is evidence of this. If you don’t like what is showing up within and around you, you can choose to change this. You can create even higher good for yourself and others. Adopt a child’s playful, delighted sense of wonder. This is within you somewhere and it can be resurrected – even if it wasn’t part of your own history.

You are lovable simply because you exist. 

 

You need not earn love, only claim it. Start within, start today, and forget your history. You can choose this. I hope the Light awakens within you a desire to fall so in love with yourself that you can’t help but shine like the brightest star (even when you feel like you are underwater).

Your Presence is a blessing to this world. 

Deep within you, this Truth is already known and pulsing. You are the Light of the world. When you acknowledge this, the Light begins to shine of its own accord. You can start by opening a crack in that brilliant protection system that all humans share. Just a crack – let that Light out. The Light knows what to do and this beautiful world can use a bit more Light … flowing uniquely through you. 

It doesn’t take a genius to to know this about you.

However, it is more likely to be seen when you treat yourself with the type of kindness that is unrelenting and all encompassing. No matter what you think, do, have become, or failed to become (yet), you choose to treat yourself with a crazy level of kindness. Crazy, genius strategy.

Your Presence, your Kindness, your Love. This is what the world needs now.

Why not start with yourself? And then your family, friends, strangers, and those lost to their own Light. Find all the generosity buried within you to fully be with every loving person, grumpy troll, jolly elf, and irritating aspect of yourself and others. Giving leads to getting the same (it’s a brain thing).

Whether this is a happy, grief filled, busy, or lonely holiday Season of Light, I wish for you to remember the preciousness of your Being. 

The greatest gift I can offer you is my commitment to grow into a better human being. One who is filled with so much kindness, love, and appreciation for myself. So full that it is easy to spill over and see your preciousness, potential, creativity, lovability, and the wonder of your existence in every moment. I choose this. Join me if you will.

May you Remember your Light and turn it up a bit.

Thank you for Being. You. Beautiful. Worthy. Lovable. Here.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Research at Rutgers, a local NJ university, highlights the benefit of appreciating the little and big things in life. Seven aspects of appreciation were evaluated, included gratitude, awe, and connecting with the present moment. While appreciation and gratitude both seem to be strongly connected to happiness, results suggest that appreciation is twice as significant as gratitude in determining overall satisfaction with life. Twice as significant. You can apply these findings practically by savoring the positive aspects of your life, valuing friends and family, celebrating the good times, and spending time outdoors. One caveat: don’t make appreciate a rote habit. Cultivate a fluid, delightful practice of appreciation.

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Can you Change your Mindset in 1 Day?

Can you change your mindset in 1 day? This woman says YES!

I believe in the power of Tiny Actions sustainably, consciously, and soulfully applied. 

In fact, I’ve witnessed so much more actual transformation with this approach than the deep dives into a HUGE INTENTION.

The HUGE intention starts off with a bang and then kinda fades a way without a peep.  Think how many New Year’s resolutions and big plans you’ve thought up … and then laid down.  Or rather, they laid themselves down for a long winter’s nap when you weren’t even looking. 

The reason most goals or resolutions FAIL is because they are 
S-C-A-T-T-E-R-E-D.

Scattered intentions are easily discarded, especially when they are believed at a subconscious level to be unreachable.  As if the mind whispers (in a really creepy voice), “You know, you’ve already tried this a bunch of times and it hasn’t worked out.  Maybe it’s best to forget about this dream.  It’s probably out of your league or too much to accomplish this time around. Not to worry, you’re good.” 

The insidious voice is tricky. It has a gravitational pull which maintains your set point (your habitual way of living) rather than your goals. 

When you lay down that goal (again), the voice changes then. Still creepy, it whispers of things better left undone because of some inherent less than capable aspect of your nature.  Such rubbish, this sneaky, creepy influential inner voice 

So, I was pleased to receive an email from someone who was S-H-0-C-K-E-D by the rapid changes in her mindset after just a single day.  

“Kathy! I set my sights on the wealth of knowledge from the Sacred Intent Retreat being life altering.” [Side note …. great intention.  Feel free to steal it!] It certainly was!  My reprogramming of old mindsets through Tiny Actions and Heart Assisted Therapy techniques made a profound difference. I’m grateful, yet shocked, to see how quickly my mindset changed!!”

One sweet benefit of these Tiny Soulful Actions is the stealthy way they operate under the radar of the egoic mind.

Now, you may be wondering just how long these Tiny Tweaks have stayed around.  Given human nature and the tendency to resort back to the zone of comfort called “habit.” 

With the application of a number of new habits, techniques, AND tweaky mindsets, the tiny grew into huge transformation for that woman.  

While the specifics aren’t mine to share, lets just say they covered just about every area of life.  And, no, the tiny in Tiny Action wasn’t really medium size, nor extra large.  It was so teeny that it gave me pause. 

I recall thinking “Now, THAT is one TINY action.” 

Yup.  My “mindset habit” wondered if that teeny movement in perspective and action would make any difference.  I learned something from that lady.  A lot actually. 

In fact, I am now a super fan of the Tiny Action sustainably and soulfully executed.  

I’ve applied tiny movements in all areas of my life over the past 10 months since the first Sacred Intent Retreat was offered.  All I can say is that I am rocking the tiny into an art form. And, I am directly experiencing massive shifts in all areas of my life.  

You can join the experiment next time I offer the Sacred Intent Retreat. We’ll explore the intersection of spiritual, energetic, and success principles in a practical way .. applied YOUR way to YOUR life. 

Don’t take my, or her, word for it.  Explore these principles on your own.  Imagine a day where you explore the area(s) of your Life that are calling you.  And create a meaningful plan that you can successfully execute … with the help of the PlayBook you go home with.  This “tiny” taste is just the tip of the iceberg.


Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When you’re setting a goal, you activate the competitive nature of your willpower.  Health psychologist, Kelly McGonigal, describes willpower as a competition between the part of you wanting immediate gratification. And that part focused on long term results. Four interventions can tip the scales in the direction of long-term goal achievement. Get enough sleep.  Meditate 10 minutes a day. Get some exercise. Eat a plant based and low glycemic diet. All support the brain’s optimal functioning which are critical for staying on track with goals aligned with your core values. Keeping your energy efficient and enhancing your decision making.

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If the Sky is not the Limit, What Is?

The other day, I noticed I was stuck in a reoccurring pattern.  It was not my favorite.

So I spent some time in my “underworld” to discover what belief was active and how it was playing out.  I looked to see where it began, how it showed up in my life over the years, and how it served me.  I saw the protective intent in its formation and the limiting hold it had over me in its current form.

By the time I was done looking, I felt kind of muddy and tired.  Like I had grappled with a sea monster who lived hidden beneath the waters. 

I plan to venture into those waters again and again in order to witness what hidden creatures within my psyche have a hold on me so that I can break free.  The practice of going within and under to the murky spaces within may not be so much fun.  It can be downright frightening, disheartening, and sobering.  Yet it is essential if you wish to live in and as the light – as you and I so often claim. 

You want to cultivate an unwavering commitment to explore the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and how life should be.  

A lifetime of conditioning has created an underground “rule set” which is running your day to day existence.  You have to visit this in order to change it.  As you do, it is vital to remember that you did nothing wrong in creating these influential beliefs.  This is simply the result of growing up human.  And if you are reading these words, then I will assume you are one … a human being.

You have a brilliant capacity for learning, deduction, and creative problem solving.  Simply brilliant.

When you are blind to the fact that much of your subconscious “rule set” was created (brilliantly) by your tiny child mind, you are bound by the limits of a child’s lack of perspective, experience, and understanding.  When you recognize that you have a vast collection of mistaken ideas, habits, and perspectives, you have a choice.  You can hide, blame, or judge yourself (or project this onto others).  Or you become eager to explore the depths in order to “weed” out these younger deductions about your identify, how to navigate life, or understand the complexity of interpersonal relationships. 

You become brave enough to dive into the shadow world of your being.  You become your own hero. 

Cultivating a fearless practice of examining your dark, dusty, and at times at times frightening underworld reveals a vast network of misperception.  Revealing these false ideas formed by your tiny mind is freeing.  Rather than protect by holding them tighter, you risk everything by releasing them with love. And you discover that your beautiful adult self can live more freely without these tiny ideas restricting your every move.

After all, would you let your 6 years old child chauffeur you around town in your car every day? 

 

While this idea is ludicrous, it is a powerful metaphor for what is happening.  The decision to become aware and do the work may “disturb” you into sadness, disgust, fear, or disillusionment at times.  In these moments, you can consciously engage your intellect which is wiser, more experienced, and knows better than the child mind.  It is then that you must remember (and acknowledge) that your assumptions were never accurate. 

Just like a child’s belief of the monster hiding under the bed was never real. 

Life is a Wonder when you can respond in real time rather than from the conditioned habits of your life. This takes a personal commitment to look deeply at those things which bind you.  To recognize that they did not start out that way.  The ideas you formed when you were young, inexperienced, and often overwhelmed were meant to help you. Be clear now – they are no longer helping you. 

Having the eyes to see this allows you to become a fearless explorer who often is frightened during the process of diving within the murky waters. 

Learning how to “drive your own car” as a conscious, loving, and tremendously compassionate adult is a skill worth cultivating. This process calls for you to be truly kind with yourself and to reach for assistance when the waters are especially choppy.  That assistance may be another person, the Divine in any form, or your own Soul which knows the Truth of your precious nature. 

Letting go the monsters that haunted you then will open you to discover the helpers who want to enjoy you now. 

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When life is hard or problems seem insurmountable, it’s a good time to play, dance, or just get your body pumping.  Giving your brain space to organize and seek a solution. Reducing stress hormones, boosting endorphins, sharpening memory, and jumpstarting creativity.  Especially in the midst of personal, social, and global disruption, play is more important than ever.  Grab your hoola hoop, take a jog with the dog, or dance in your kitchen.  Play will boost your mood and build resilience.

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Hot Yoga Mess

“I had a near death experience in yoga today.” 

This was the text I sent my daughter after my first experience in the Heated Flow Yoga class at my new gym. I had no idea what I was getting into when I ventured into a large, dimly lit yoga studio that was already uncomfortably warm and full of people of all ages. 

By full, I mean really well attended by lots of well toned people. 

This is a good sign, I mused, thinking that it must be a good class. So, I tuned into myself and began to stretch as more bodies poured into room bringing their energy (and heat) with them. This was certainly a different experience than being at Live in Joy Yoga in Audubon which is my favorite yoga studio.

The class began in a familiar fashion and I felt a sense of comfort as we began moving with some gentle poses. 

The differences in this type of class were noticeable but understandable.  I was in a gym after all, not a yoga studio. The music was modern, like you might hear on the radio, instead of the familiar yogic chants or ambient music. The language was commonplace rather than yogic, yet it still referred to the wisdom within and a higher influence. I closed my eyes and followed the flow.  It felt good.  “Do your own flow now at your own pace,” invited the instructor.

Wait, what?! The music turned way up. My body heated way up. And the roomful of yogis began engaging the poses like they all knew the drill (turns out they did). 

Now this was interesting and a bit distracting. Yet, when I tuned into my breath, the movements, and the pulsing music that sounded like something my kid listened to, I actually discovered a really cool flow. Kind of like a mix between a yoga class and a rave.  It was fun. I was good again. Just as I was getting into the experience, the music was turned down and my mind returned to assess the situation.

I was hot. Really hot. I realized I hadn’t sweated like this since I was in a sweat lodge ceremony many years ago. 

My tiny towel was defenseless against my wet limbs. My sense of well being diminished. Just in time for the next flow series. A new flow series. New loud music. Lots more sweat and a bit of slip and slide.

This was way more challenging and I felt like a novice. Everyone else looked like they were filming a power yoga video. 

Okay, then. This was good. Listening to the instructor as a strategy to distract myself from my overheating body, over beating heart, and straining limbs, I recognized a familiar universal message in her words. I felt my energy flow and my being relax. The body didn’t exactly follow, however it became easier. 

I began to feel like I was on a spiritual retreat as I followed her pointing toward my inner wisdom, a universal source of good, and the unity of the group. 

That was a much better focus than on my mind’s suggestion that I might actually expire and travel heavenward during the class.  As I began to breathe in the heat, I enjoyed the idea of all these people sharing in this message while detoxing and getting fit. I decided I like the gym a bit better because of this yoga program. 

I learned a lot in that yoga class/rave/sweat lodge/spiritual retreat experience. 

I realized I didn't like hot yoga. And so I will return to it in order to discover what my discomfort and the challenge will reveal to me.

 

 I learned I have a lot more strength to build in my body as evidenced by my yogi friends leaping on their mats and flowing with strength and grace. I would like to experience that strength in flow, so I will return to that practice. I loved the loud music as I flowed my body, so perhaps I need to get out and dance more. 

I left a hot mess: breathless, shaky, and unable to do much more than walk slowly on a treadmill in the air conditioning to reorganize my body. “Next time,” I thought, “I’m bringing a bigger towel.” 

I hope you find experiences which take you out of your comfort zone into a space where your heart beats a bit too quickly and your footing is unsteady. And when you notice this, I hope you can stay and lean into the fullness of the experience for it has the potential to teach you something important.

Leaning into discomfort goes against our ancient stress response system which prepares us to fight or flee when the tigers or pirates appear. Or in my case, a challenging hot yoga flow class.

Being aware that life holds discomfort and the possibility for change helps you prepare for the inevitable so you may lean in and discover something.  Train yourself to breathe deeply and remain centered while you become curious, find your edge, and gently travel beyond it. When you stretch into the unfamiliarity of a new, challenging experience, you may unearth how your habitual way of living has kept you tethered, most often without your conscious awareness.

Freeing yourself from inner restrictions reveals the potential for magnificent life.

Invite your inner curious child scientist to explore life beyond the known way of being – beyond your comfort zone. When you lean into the situation at hand, your innate skill, desire, and enthusiasm arise. You discover you are capable of living an extraordinary life and that the world, with its many needs, is waiting for your gifts.   

So, grab a towel and sweat a bit as you allow your higher potential to descend.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

If yoga isn’t your thing, you can still benefit from a single pose. Known as the corpse pose, Shavasana, typically comes at the end of your yoga practice.  Allowing you to deeply rest as you lie flat on your back.  Arms relaxed on either side of the body with palms facing up.  Your legs sprawled outward with feet apart. Keeping your head and neck aligned. And if you’ve just finished a walk, yoga class, workout, or a day at work, this pose will help you integrate the changes made in your energy, mind, emotions, and body.  Just a few moments in shavasana, paired with conscious, slow breathing, can do wonders to slow the mind and soften the tension in the body. If you fall asleep? That’s okay! You clearly needed a nap.

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Taming Trauma

I brought dessert to the deck where my family and friends were gathered under the night sky in the mountains.

Back indoors, something prodded me to check my email. I had been unplugged most of the weekend but I listened to this inner urging.I had only one email which mentioned prayers for El Paso. So, I googled it and read a report or two about the shooting there.

My heart broke. Water spilled out of my eyes. My breath shortened.

I recognized what was happening. I was “catching trauma.” I knew what to do in this situation. I deepened my breath, closed my eyes and let the tears fall freely. I let my heart keep breaking. I focused on my breath. This was the sanest thing I could muster in the midst of insanity and tragedy in El Paso.

I was present, engaged in the heartache and the devastation, as I allowed my emotions to process without engaging my mind’s commentary.

I recognized what was happening...

I was "Catching Trauma"

I didn’t “leave the room” or defend against this saddest of news. I stayed with the initial shock and the depth of unrest within me. I focused on my breathing until I felt the tears slow and the cortisol process through me. As I maintained my intense focus on being present and “soothing my system,” my body calmed. I opened my eyes. Relaxing my focus on the breath, I felt the thoughts intrude.

I felt the urge to share this dramatic news with my family and friends.

There was a definite desire to share my upset and discuss the horror of it all. I watched this urge and explored it’s purpose (there were a number of layers here) and the potential benefit (were more layers here). I breathed and watched the impulse to be… impulsive. And then I heard it….

Laughter exploded from the deck. Rich in harmony, delight, and companionship.

This broke my urge to report and brought me to what was actually happening around me. Love. Friendship. Enjoyment. Sharing. Delight. All in a natural environment. I listened carefully.

Some were laughing together while others were venturing a guess about what planets were visible.

The kids were lighting a fire below. The music was playing. We were safe, happy, and engaged. There was love, support, and interest across many different ages. I realized how healthy this was. How beneficial for the wellbeing of each person.

So I made a choice to engage in this love of life, family, friends, and the natural world. 

Aware that I could not positively make a difference in El Paso in the moment, I made the choice that made the most sense. I joined the community I was with while allowing my heart to stay open and the sadness to move through me at will. I entered into delightful, meaningful conversations. I listened carefully. I laughed a lot. I laid on the dock in the dark and (inaccurately) identified the constellations and planets above. I kicked ass in a rowdy game of spoons.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Resilience can be developed at any age. And personality isn’t as big a factor as you think. That’s great news. Neuroscientists believe the pathway from the prefrontal cortex (decision making, planning) to the amygdala (emotional response to threat) is especially important. The better this connection, the faster your prefrontal cortex can “sssshhhh” the amygdala.  Read it a bedtime story. Sing a lullaby.  Calm down the emotional reaction of fight or flight. Having a strong social network, facing the thing that scares you, and having an ethical code to guide daily decisions help build resilience.