Category: Blog-Psychology

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Blessed are the Cracked and the Frail

Myths and legends across cultures reveal a shared desire among humankind to aspire to the exalted condition of the immortal Gods and Goddesses.

These myths influence aspirations of the human family. Some people extoll living in accordance with religious traditions, a committed spiritual path, or humanitarian ideals of changing the world for good. Others may seek to be the best in business, achieve great wealth, or claim mythic status in athletics or entertainment. Many simply strive to be good, do good, and feel good as they live their days.

One way or another, we’re all on the path of the Hero’s Journey.

The mythologist Joseph Campbell, who built on the work of Carl Jung, proposed that myth serves an important sociological function. Inviting people of all cultures, ages, and life circumstances to explore the human story, where they fit within it, and how things are intrinsically connected.


Epic myths, by design, evoke a sense of awe, support a religious cosmology, empower the social order, and introduce individuals to the spiritual path of enlightenment.


In our global society, myth is a universal language. 


Campbell’s work influenced George Lucas who created the successful Star Wars saga as a “myth for modern man.” As people turn away from traditional religions, mythical stories and movies embody the truths that religion had traditionally conveyed. 



People who would never enter a church love the movies.


Far from frivolous, this entertainment function serves to replace the wisdom keepers and story tellers around the fires of old. Enhanced by technological advances, people worldwide stream these myths into their homes.


The epic movies, like Lord of the Rings and the Marvel movies, offer a map of the Hero’s Journey.


Viewers, and especially diehard fans, share vicariously in the hero’s quest and experience their own subconscious cathartic transformation. The “hero within” follows the hero on the screen or the page as he/she/they make moral choices. Allowing the viewer or reader to decide, often unconsciously, that they too live in a moral and good universe.



Within all myths, we find a striving for perfection so that the human shines bright, beautiful, and powerful.


This perfection also enlists a hidden function of protection, as if such shiny magnificence would protect us from the frailty or miscalculations of our human nature.

Yet, even mythic beings make mistakes or miss the details.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson points out in his Essays (first series, 1941), Aurora asked for immortality for her lover, Tithonus, yet she forgot to mention that essential detail of “youth.” Thus, while he was granted immorality, Tithonus is perpetually old. And when Thetis sought to make Achilles invulnerable, he erred by holding his proverbial heel when dipping him in the sacred water.

Perhaps the grand intelligence behind all intention, action, and form favors some representation of vulnerability.

Or as Emerson put it, “There is a crack in everything God has made.”

This is part of the Hero’s Journey. To face the vulnerability inherent within our very nature. To fall in the face of overwhelming challenge and to require assistance from others or the unseen mystery to rise again. In every wisdom teaching and every great story, an undeniable truth emerges.

A human being is a vulnerable thing.

Worn down by life and the insecurities of a doubting mind. Housed within a body that may exude great strength and be unexpectedly brought down by its own frailty. Regardless of the aspiration to be great, shine bright, and do good, failure is inevitable along the path.

And so is the capacity to rise from the ashes.

Yet, every Hero’s Journey requires entry to the shadowy nether regions of the psyche. This human frailty is especially encountered when we are laid low by overwhelming circumstance, illness, betrayal, ignorance, or failure. Societal conditioning and a strong desire for self protection suggests seeking a rapid fix to the extreme discomfort of the wounded world of shadow.

Yet, as Rumi reminds us, “the wound is where the light enters.”

Life doesn’t wrap up the Hero’s Journey in one movie or book. Nor does Life require a wildly successful, franchised epic. It allows this journey to be lived. One day at a time. One choice at a time. One breath at a time. That is the way of the human.

To aspire to live according to the highest ideals. And to fail on a regular basis.

Perhaps here is where we need to highlight the qualities of self-compassion, understanding, and recognition that it’s okay to be frail. And it’s okay to fail. Where we exalt the need for rest and contemplation before rising too quickly to battle the inevitable challenge.

The best Hero Journey recognizes the power of trust in the larger mystery, a willingness to be led, and a wicked sense of humor.

We tend to get serious very quickly. And in honor of a desire to be transparent or authentic, we share our wound quite publicly and at length. This tendency to perseverate on our failures and get lost in worry leaves us with a small story. A story of the shadow with only a mention of the light. Imagine if we focused more heroically on the light which has the capacity to shine through the shadow.

Or as the wise cracker Groucho Marx once said, “Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Tolkien, author of The Hobbit, was fascinated by the influential power of myth. He intended to create Lord of the Rings trilogy as a myth for the English people to update the Arthurian legend. Yet, myth is a universal phenomenon and thus transcends culture to speak to the heart of every human. Tolkien also expounded on the influence of discovery of plot and meaning in a story. How this allows one to discover a plot and meaning in the cosmos. And in the creator of the cosmos. The ultimate knower of meaning because “He” is the ultimate meaning.

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Two Brides. One Love. New Eyes.

A Friday night outdoor wedding with more than a hint of rain. 

This was my thinking as I scanned my schedule last Friday. I had a small time window between work and picking up the “package.” The package being my mother-in-law. I realized I still had to try on my dress, find shoes, get gas in the car, write the card, eat lunch, and run an errand. Kinda wished I had thought this all out earlier in the week. 

I wandered around the house muttering “umbrella” so I wouldn’t forget to bring one. 

I tossed out the suede shoes for another pair that could tolerate wet grass and a heavy downpour. My skirt fit loosely so I packed a big safety pin in case there was wild dancing and it was at risk of falling down. (No one needs to see that.) With amazing efficiency, I was only 15 minutes behind schedule. Which is on time for me.

The package acquired and looking lovely, we hit the open road.

There’s something about heading to the shore that triggers a massive relaxation in my being. I put my bare feet up on the dashboard and enjoyed the ride. Even a threat of rain couldn’t dim my anticipation. I was heading to a big party to celebrate two lovely women who, like many, postponed their wedding a year due to COVID.

I hadn’t seen this extended family in almost a year. Not in person, that is. 

Arriving at a beautiful vineyard, I was transfixed by the lovely gardens and neat rows of vines. The day was warm and the sun was peeking through the clouds. Weather nerds were on their phones predicting the downpour had shifted course. We were not to be blessed by the holy water from the heavens. 

I imagined there were other blessings in store. 

As we claimed three rows together, I delighted in seeing everyone. It warms my heart even now, this pleasure of face to face contact, kisses, and hugs. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed all of them until I was in their presence. I’m moved by weddings, funerals, warmhearted stories, and hallmark commercials. Often to tears. So, I was already primed to flow a drips with the joy of settling in with these lovely people.

Here’s the thing about two brides. 

I knew these lovely ladies. I knew they each would walk down the aisle and profess their love and commitment for each other. I anticipated that wonder. I took that for granted. 

I had not considered, perhaps, how different such a union is from the prevailing societal expectations for weddings and marriage. 

Since high school, my friends, colleagues, and extended circles have always included people who favor same sex relationships. That was normative in my experience. And I’ve had plenty of conversations of their experience in the world, different from mine, which opened my mind and heart more fully.

These conversations weren’t only about sexual preference and the courage to live true to oneself.

As friends, the conversations were about everything.

 I wonder now if perhaps my comfort level actually left me insensitive to how deeply the dominant view of weddings as heterosexual was buried within my psyche. And our societal psyche.

The entrance of the bridal party took my breath away. 

Two by two, beautiful ladies in dresses of their own choosing walked down the grassy aisle. Alternating to reveal themselves as friends of this bride or that bride. There were a lot of bridesmaids and they just kept coming. Two by two.

Making a visual statement that resonated deeply within my body. All ladies with the exception of two brothers. All walking together as women. Together as men. Making a point. Priming us for the entrance of one gorgeous bride. And then another. 

This was a blessed union of two women. 

I saw that. Really saw that. And how different this was from just about every wedding I had witnessed with the expected male and female pairs leading a single bride down the aisle. I recognized that the last wedding of friends, who were a long time couple, had walked in by themselves. Just as I was used to seeing them walk into many gatherings over the years.

It was a welcome shaking of my stored inner photo of what weddings looked like.  

Here, I was greeted by a solidarity that boldly and beautifully stated the truth of the day.

This is what our love looks like.


The ceremony was precious, as would be expected. The brides glowed. Also expected.

The celebration was enthusiastic. Made more so because of the long separation we had all shared. The love for the couple was free and boisterous. The toasts were heart bursting and tear inducing all around. Leaving a glow around every body – however they identified. Looking around, at times, I felt my heart grow a few sizes.

What a wonder it is, to be free enough to celebrate love in all of its forms.

How very lucky we are to be free enough in our country, in our families and social groups, and in our inner world to experience such joy. So we danced. In celebration of what love looks like. For me, I was grateful that my visual wedding image, held deep within my memory, was dashed to the ground.

Priming me for my cousin’s bridal shower the next day. 

Two brides. Beautifully unique. At a small outdoor gathering in a relative’s home. I met my cousin’s bride to be. Not on FaceTime or via telephone updates about their lives. In real time with a real hug. I connected with more family that I had not seen in a long time. I met the future in-laws and family. All ladies of course. After all, it was a bridal shower. 

Oh, yes. And the Man of Honor. 

He did a great job, the bride’s brother. First, he burst my heart a bit more as he gamely handed over presents and managed the gift opening. Sitting at the feet of his sister and her bride-to-be.

Busting another myth about that role for me.

Enthusiastic, but inexperienced, he laughed with the group when the paper plate was handed to him. Confused, he looked for some rational reason a paper plate was part of this traditionally female ritual, so foreign to him. His mother rescued the Man of Honor, taking over the creation of a hat of ribbons for the bride to be.  (This is a strange ritual. Gotta acknowledge that.) 

My cousin hated that hat. She would’ve rather worn a top hat, I imagine. 

I look forward to that wedding. To celebrating this love in its form with more family I haven’t seen in forever. To shed some tears of happiness, dance in celebration, and share the warm glow. As for the details, I’m not sure how this wedding will look. I’m not asking. I’m open for anything.


I figure I have more to learn about the nature of love.

I’m all for breaking down more societal myths and melting some hearts. I imagine I’ll enter my third wedding of the summer, traditional in many ways, with new eyes. I expect to discover something more about the beauty of sharing one heart with another. More glowing on the horizon.

After all, Love is a great teacher.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Even as the world changes and LGBTQ rights gain recognition, there are plenty who believe same sex marriage is unacceptable. I’m not trying to change your mind. In fact, research suggests it’s hard to shift deeply entrenched beliefs for a few reasons. The brain has a tendency to “stay the course,” especially on matters deemed important. Letting go of preexisting beliefs, which serve to form identity and connect us with our tribe, may signal danger. The fear of exclusion or judgement of the group is primal, influential. Downplaying inner discomfort may seem safer than accommodate a new point of view. Exploring inner beliefs with curiosity, respect, and understanding opens the conversation. And that’s a start.

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The Reemergence. Stepping into the Light.

A seemingly long time ago, a pandemic arrived in our towns. We entered quarantine a bit shell shocked but hopeful for a temporary respite. When the date for “normal” was pushed back, we engineered creative solutions to our circumstances.

Outdoor visits, neighborhood singing, zoom game night, food drives, and even old fashion letter writing.

Along the way, as the summer’s warmth faded and quiet holidays passed, the gray cold winter zapped more than our vitamin D. We became less likely to reach out to friends and our social circles shrunk.

We turned further inward. Seeking comfort in the known.

By week’s end, our brains were fried by screen time and colleagues voices in our air pods. The kids were tired and parents’ nerves were frayed. Play dates, travel, dinners out, and de-stressing at the gym became dim memories.

Eventually it became easier to shrink to the confines of our restricted lives.

Perhaps the Scottish writer, Donna Ashworth, captured the zeitgeist of these lonely winter months.

We are spent.
We have nothing left to say.
We are tired of saying “I miss you” and “I cant wait for this to end.”
So we mostly say nothing, put our heads down and get through each day.

And then the light returned. A promise of Spring. A bit of warmth.

Still, so many remain tired. Feeling tumbled about like a seashell in the surf. The grief of personal and shared losses dampens our capacity for optimism. Our social recovery has been slow. We seek to define the unknown. To package it in terminology we can stomach.

As if the “new normal” is in anyway palatable.

We share a longing for contact with our species, yet a pervading discomfort remains. Leaving us hesitant. Tentatively peeking out the proverbial front door, we wave to our neighbors but don’t yet invite them to dinner on the deck.

It’s no longer just a fear of contracting COVID or placing others at risk.

A general malaise with a side of withdrawal is lingering in our population. From mild uneasiness to full blown experiences of depression and anxiety, the withdrawal from social contact becomes self protective.

We’re tired of talking about the pandemic and its effects.

But what is left to say? As the world closed down and our lives grew smaller, our social world contracted. And even while the light returns and outdoors beckon, many are feeling less than interesting or perhaps downright antisocial. Loneliness, insecurity, or a vague sense of dis-ease has taken root within us.

We have pandemic fatigue. Some worse than others.

 

Let’s not judge ourselves or our neighbors.

Like the lingering aftermath of an illness, a grief or a shock, we are in recovery. That makes sense. We long to feel the ground solid beneath our feet, the wind in our hair, and our face warmed by the light. We seek a future that promises to be bright.

Hopeful for the reemergence that we can’t quite name. Or trust.

For now, we rest when we are tired. We whisper kind words to the hesitant one who lives within us. We seek to understand how to decrease loneliness without compromising our need for solitude. We take our time coming back to life. Back to each other.

Letting the natural world model how it’s done.

Slowly. Each blossom beckoning gently to our wounded psyche. Offering hope and the potential of healing to all those inner places affected by the layers of upheaval – personal and global. We watch the Earth around us bloom and brighten. Slowly, yet persistently. And if we look closely, while we move gently, we notice something profound is happening.

Life is softly beckoning. Revealing the process of reemergence.

We respond to this invitation. Strolling beyond closed doors and boundaried yards to seek our playmates and awaken the interest in living. We venture into the wider world, boldly or with great hesitation. It is not the way we step back in, but the intent to do so.

Turning our faces to the light. Willing to consider a future that is bright.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Finding Awe in the Ordinary.  You know the power of nature to restore your wellbeing. And surprise you with its creative presence. Cultivating a sense of awe in the wonder around you (or viewed on screen) gives a boost to your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Here’s one guy’s little video about seeking awe.  Nature is waiting for you. Get off the couch if you can. Or find a nature documentary and watch it on your biggest screen if you can’t. 

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Clear the Cobwebs. Seek the Light.

Today the wind blows cold as the sun shines in a sky showing off a brilliant hue of blue.

This hasn’t been the norm for the dreary skies of New Jersey. The cloud cover, wind, rain, and vacillating temperature seems to mimic the fluctuations in mood during this lengthy influence of the pandemic. A peek of sunshine occasionally reveals the dust motes, the webs, and the forgotten places in our homes and our lives.

This year there are more cobwebs than ever. And they are the sticky kind.

When you experience higher amounts of stress for a long period, the vulnerable spaces within you are activated. The impact of large scale stressors, such as chronic illness, tragedy, loss, or unemployment, packs a double whammy.

Bringing to the surface past insecurity and the layers of protection formed to manage challenge.

The worldwide shared experience of a pandemic layered the normal challenges of living with extreme loss across the board. You know the cost of this year for you individually, a cost shared by your worldwide human family. The challenges were personal, social, economic, spiritual, physical, and cultural.

Sure, there were gains and opportunities, gifts and unearthed treasures.

This you acknowledge. Offering praise and devotion to that Source in which you believe and gratitude to those who helped you – known and unknown. Strangers helping strangers, gathering together to lift one another out of fear and insecurity. This continues out of necessity and as one of the beautiful benefits of an overwhelming shared experience.

Yet vulnerability travels with you now. Like a pebble in your shoe. Or a cloud upon the horizon.

When experiences and emotions are not processed fully, your intelligence creates protective barriers, complex stories, and clever defensive structures. All in the interest of helping you manage that which feels unmanageable and with the aim of protecting you in the future.

This past year has raised these fault lines of past insecurities, challenges, and traumas closer to the surface.

The energy of Spring brings a promise of rebirth with blossoming trees, warmer temperatures, and more hours of light. Igniting the potential for optimism and growth even after the darkest winter. The natural rhythm, even when disrupted by global warming or worldwide hardship, remind you of the potential to clear out those proverbial “sticks and stones” from your past challenges.

“Weeding the garden” is a metaphor for deep cleaning of your layered body system.

When Spring as a season or an idea arrives on your doorstep, you have a choice. You may join this innate potential to clear the tangles in your energy, emotions, mind, and body. While Spring only comes once a year, the invitation to clear the cobwebs and shine more light into your life is a perennial process.

Here are 4 simple ways to seek the light and weed the garden.


1. Head into Nature. 

The natural world holds its own healing magic. Stepping outside to sit in the sunshine, wander through the forest, or dig in the garden, you enter a healing space. Set an intent for healing your trapped emotions and stuck beliefs as you spend time in nature.

Leave the phone and music at home and let the natural harmony of the outdoors soothe your system into resonance with the healing frequency of the planet. 

If the wind blows, open your arms and let it “blow” blow through you – intending your very own Spring cleaning. When the sun shines, let the alchemical fire gently dissolve those calcified spaced within, allowing the light to move gently once again. You may invite the natural world to partner with your healing in any way you choose. Be creative and enjoy the process.

2. The Practice of Stilling

This simple practice counteracts the tendency of “doing” at a hectic pace. It helps to “undo” the machinations of the busy mind and soften the guard of the stress response system. Choosing a quiet space where you are comfortable and won’t be disturbed, you keep your eyes open and breathe. Noticing your environment – inner and outer – as you breathe.  When your mind wanders into list making or the body wants to get up and explore or “do something,” you breathe deeply.  And return to noticing. Letting your gaze move around the room or the natural setting.  

Breathing. Sitting quietly.  All of this signaling the stress response system to down regulate into quiet.

It helps to do this daily and increasing time whenever you feel it is beneficial. There are no hard and fast rules here other than breathe and notice. Letting go and sitting still is not an easy thing to do. When you do, your own healing system gets the message to clear the cobwebs and let the light in.

3. Energy medicine and Energy Psychology

Many modalities assist you in clearing all layers of your body: energetic, mental, emotional, and physical.  When you understand that healing and growth occurs within the interconnected layers of your body system, you may seek techniques that address all part of you.  There are plenty of modalities available. You may explore your favorite or try something new.  

I offer two free energy practices on my website in recorded format so that you may learn basic techniques to soothe your stress response system and keep your light field clear.  

Listen to these recordings daily or whenever you feel you are ready for a tune up. Eventually, you will discover that you have learned these techniques on your own.  You may find the Self Soothe Strategy on my Home Page and the Light Globe Meditation on the Angelic Immersion Retreat page. 

Spring Cleaning: April Specials  

These are no longer available as April has moved on. You can take a look at these lovely and powerful processes and explore the modalities you like best anytime. Choose one or I’ll intuitively guide you into a path of clearing that is most beneficial at this time.  Choose single sessions or the Soul Guide bundle on my Spiritual Mentoring page.

Angel Healing Journey

Your Journey is a unique experience offering a combination of energy healing and loving guidance showered upon you from your Angels and Wise Guides. Every Journey is unique and speaks to your mind and heart in response to your questions. The Angels also clarify your energy so you may open to new information and vibrate at a higher level, supporting the changes that are perfect for your life at this time. Sessions may be held via telephone or remotely with recording sent following the session. 

InnerSpeak™ Session

Developed by Jean Adrienne, InnerSpeak™ is a system for clearing energetic, karmic and ancestral blocks, and limiting beliefs which may be impacting life situations. Guided by Archangel Michael in the creation of InnerSpeak™, Jean has trained people around the world in this energy modality. I witness the benefit for clients as current patterns and blocks are understood from a multidimensional viewpoint and practical internal and external shifts are experienced. Sessions may be held via video.

The Body Code and the Emotion Code 

Developed by Bradley Nelson, DC, these sessions provide a map to follow as we work with your inner wisdom.  Working on all levels (physical, emotional, mental, energetic, and relational), your inner wisdom guides the clearing and rebalancing of the factors which underlie and contribute to current symptoms and issues which interfere with your wellbeing. Body Code session include the Emotion Code.  

The bonus Emotion Code session (* available with purchase of 3 session Bundle) will focus upon a specific issue or address clearing of the Heart wall which is the energetic field storing trapped emotions which interfere with an open hearted approach to life. Sessions will be held remotely with notes emailed after completion.

AngelicEnergetics™ Session

I created this restorative method of healing in partnership with the Archangels of the Seven Rays. Surrendering your intent for healing at all levels allows the Archangels and your personal Angels to offer Divine Light transmissions to restore the harmonious flow of Life Force energy (qi, chi, prana) throughout your being. Each unique Divine Light transmission generates a release of energetic interference within your subtle energy system. Each session is unique as the Angels work with your higher wisdom to guide the release of old energy patterns, balancing of your energy, and attuning you to new levels of functioning. Sessions may be held via video or telephone.   

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Thinking outside of the box (or the ER)! A Columbus, Ohio hospital spent $80 million to build and repair homes in its neighborhood to create healthier places to live. Recognizing that lower income families have less access to health care, they have greater health issues (kids included). When they improved housing, there were less respiratory symptoms, reduced risk of lead poisoning, and fewer ER visits and hospitalizations. On top of the health benefits, improved housing also led to higher rates of high school graduation, reduced crime, and increase in jobs. 

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Life is Easy

“Life is easy.” This isn’t a statement I hear very often. Do you?

Not in my mind nor in conversations with friends, clients, or strangers. Certainly not in blogs, podcasts, books, or snatches of conversation I encounter in the world. More frequently, I hear the following.

“Life is hard and let me tell you how ….”

I’m not challenging this premise. Certainly not this year of all years. Not with everything you are encountering in your life, influenced by your history of struggle and triumph, and spiced up by the pandemic. Life IS hard.

Personally, I had no intention of challenging this premise.

I’ve been immersed in hard. So has everyone. And yet, something grabbed hold of my attention and then infiltrated my perception this week. Challenging this premise with gusto. I went along for the ride and discovered something quite amazing.

Life is easy. So damn easy.

Before you stop reading, hear me out. There is a benefit to “rethinking” a position. It allows not only for cognitive flexibility and emotional agility, both of which influence your life and relationships in positive ways, it allows you to discover something new.

Turns out there is no end to new ways of “rethinking” your position.

This is what leads innovators, scientists, children, and mavericks in all professions to discover what is new and possible. For me, this shift in premise began with a drive into Philadelphia to visit someone in the hospital. I’m not a city person and don’t particularly enjoy driving in traffic on tiny streets seeking unfamiliar, overpriced parking garages. I’m happy to brave the city given the purpose of my visit, but it activated my bias that traveling to this destination involved hardship. (Sounds dramatic, but the word ‘hardship’ may be applied to minor and major experiences).

As I approached the Philadelphia Convention Center, I noticed lines of people outside.

Really long lines. I was stopped at the light, so I took a good look. There were blocks of people in the cold standing together in their masks. I realized this was the line for vaccination. I drove slowly past cars dropping off elderly passengers with their walkers and wheelchairs. And hundreds of people standing outside in line. Hundreds. There wasn’t enough room for social distancing. It was quite the crowd.

I was struck then and there by the contrast with my experience.

In my neck of the woods, people drove to the local mall, parked their vehicle and were immediately ushered into a vaccination setting housed in the now defunct Lord and Taylor. For some suburbanites, getting vaccinated was simple, efficient, and pleasant. Dare I say, it was easy.

In the space of two city blocks, I received a “mindset” intervention.

Mindset research indicates that single brief interventions are sufficient to make changes in perception and physicality with long lasting results. Such interventions may involve a simple reframing of an idea or a 3 minute video highlighting a specific mindset. That’s exciting because a small tweak in your perspective may have a large positive impact on your life.

In my case, in a few short minutes, I was shown the ease of living made possible by the availability of a plentitude of resources.

I recognized how very easy it was to journey into the city. I was comfortable in my car, listening to my music, eating my store bought breakfast, driving on paved roads, following map quest, certain of my safe arrival. I was protected from the elements, the exhaust of so many vehicles, and the crowds. I pulled into a parking garage, credit card in my wallet, sipping my spring water, while safely transporting my laptop.

The ease of my journey, and the wider ease of living, was shown first in comparison to those around me.

Simple comparisons like seeing people waiting for public transportation, lugging multiple shopping bags, bundled up in the chilly weather, or maneuvering with canes on crowded sidewalks. Driving in traffic, behind buses that couldn’t maneuver due to double parked cars, I went around the block a few times navigating one way streets.

This seemed harder than suburban living (to me), yet perhaps that wasn’t the case.

I watched people, used to living the city life, who strolled, walked fast, biked with confidence, ran for the bus, or meandered with their dog. Carrying coffee cups or water bottles, eating fast food, or cueing up at the food truck. Alone, busy on the phone, or talking and laughing with others, they flowed with the red and green lights without incident.

Life is easy when so many resources are available.


Like a slideshow, I was shown places that had few resources.

Like poorly developed roads, limited transportation, food they must harvest, unstable communication, and scarcity of money. I saw primitive health care, unstable living structures, limited commerce, an absence of trash collection, harsh work conditions, and difficulty accessing clean water.

The hospital I was circling took up many city blocks. A city within a city of healing, science, and care.

I entered this haven across a conveniently covered walkway where I was greeted, secured, dispatched to my location, and kindly guided when I was lost (twice). I passed the brightly lit cafe, the well stocked gift shop, an abundance of staffers in scrubs, and unit after unit dedicated to healing. The structure was enormous. The science was in evidence. And the sheer volume of dedicated staff, who were educated, employed, and seemingly enjoying their work caught my attention.

Illness is hard. On everyone. 



Health care is expensive or out of reach for many. The anxiety, grief, and pain is hard to bear no matter where you are in this complex city. Passing room after room, visitor after visitor, I witnessed hardship as I steadily walked upright within my healthy body.

I walked through so much real estate filled with monitors, medicine, medical expertise, and compassionate care.

The layers continued to reveal themselves as I walked past units dedicated to healing cancer, neurological disorders, surgery recovery, psychiatric illness, intensive care, and more.

By the time I reached my destination, I was no longer focused upon hardship. I was not brought down by suffering. Instead, I was focused upon the availability of a wealth of resources that create ease in living and healing.

Even in the hardest of times and the most difficult places.

As I drove home, my mind was fully focused on the ease of living. My mindset tweak afforded me the opportunity to “rethink” not only my journey to the city, but my journey through my life. I could return to the normative thought bias that life is hard and succumb to this societal broadcast and conversational currency. Or I could venture into a new idea.

The benefit of a mindset tweak or the art of “rethinking” is that it removes blinders that led to your original bias.

Once removed, it takes effort to replace them. That sounds like hard work. It’s easier to go with the gratitude that spills over when I reach for my spring water, use my turn signal to safely change lanes, and sing off key loudly in the privacy of my lovely vehicle.

“Life is easy” does not diminish hardship nor invite the denial of magical thinking.

Rather, it invites gratitude and honest recognition of these amazing resources of modern society along for the ride. I’m listening to my thoughts, words, and approach to my day more carefully now. Ready to catch the old habit of “hardship” so I may look about me to notice the “ease” that is everywhere apparent.

I’m surrounded by luxurious ease. So you are you. For this, I feel a deep, heartfelt gratitude.

PS   If you’re interested in a Mind Set tweak about stress, download my Self Soothe Strategy. This 60 page PlayBook and guided meditation will naturally help you adjust your approach to the stress of living. “Stress is life enhancing.”  Imagine that. Scroll down on my Home Page to access this free resource. It’s a game changer.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Psychological research has revealed how bias drives our behavior, decision making, and manner of relating in the world. Adam Grant, author of Think Again, explores the benefit of reconsidering your beliefs about the world and your place in it. Turns out that the smarter you are, based on intelligence tests, the more you may struggle to update your beliefs. To put it another way, being good at thinking can make you not so great at “rethinking.”  Written like a curious child scientist, Grant started his research with questions. The art of “not knowing” is powerful indeed.

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At Home in the Midst

This warm winter morning beckoned me for a walk, surrounded by woods, fields, and nature’s creatures.

I noticed a thick mist ahead and felt the pull of my desire to be within the white. Lost in thought, headed into the milkiness, I approached my destination only to discover that my sight was clear. The experience I expected did not manifest.

In momentary confusion, I looked back to see that the road upon which I travelled was now obscured. 



The mist touched every place but the circle in which I stood. I paused for a moment to breathe in the moist, still air. I engaged the present moment and the clarity it offered. Blind to what was behind or in front of me, I realized the benefit of clear sight when I was present, aware, and engaged with my body and my environment.

When I consciously joined the moment I was standing in, clarity arrived.

I’ve heard that sage advice many times: “be here now.” Yet, how often have I traipsed through my days trailing behind my mind which was peering into a murky future? Or getting lost in the mental mist of memory reconsolidated?

I took the opportunity to look into the forest, alive with a melodic stream, busy birds, and scampering squirrels.

Apparently, while I was cocooning indoors, the natural world had been actively preparing for Her perfectly timed reemergence. I don’t know why I was surprised that tiny seedlings had grown into small pine trees. Or by the evidence of greenery, flowing water, and new life everywhere. Perhaps the snow and persistent gray February skies in New Jersey had dulled my senses and distorted my memory.

Nature has always demonstrated how capable She partners with the evolutionary impulse.

Years of sitting, playing, and meandering in Nature have revealed so many wisdom lessons. I never had to look far to witness the emergence of Her latest work of art. Throughout cycles of seeding, nourishing, emerging, blossoming, and deteriorating, the natural world’s creative unfoldment has always been trustworthy. Laying down a Map of Wisdom for those with eyes to see and senses to clearly perceive the harmonious movement of Life.

Yet, Nature doesn’t need an audience to do Her thing.

She seeds, grows, dies, and rests to a rhythm so persistently harmonious. Nature’s emergence isn’t dependent upon social media “likes” nor does it require those seeking fresh air to stop and smell the roses. That’s why Nature’s wisdom is easy to miss. Especially when closed away in our homes, busy schedules, and distracted lifestyles.

As I walked, I pondered Life’s innate potential for perennial growth and the creation of beautiful spaces.

My sight was clear, as was my mind. Walking with my body, rather than racing ahead or lagging behind, a revelation emerged. It seemed new, like a seedling breaking through the soil, rather than an old intellectual understanding.

I, too, was a natural phenomenon.

 

Imbued with an innate ability to grow effortlessly and create beautifully in every cycle and season. 

Alert and aware, I recognized that I could walk blindly through the obscurification of a distracted life. Or choose to pause within any moment and breathe myself back into my body and the space it inhabited. I felt a subtle shift with that awareness.

As if my quantum substructure rearranged into new flowing patterns of harmonious light.

Honoring my innate trustworthy nature would allow me step out of my murky mind mist and show up within the midst of this Holy Moment. With Nature’s gentle reminder, I became more aware of myself as a trustworthy participant within this evolutionary process.

Relaxed and aware, I walked slowly within these natural, magical surroundings.

Gazing at the milky whiteness before me, I stayed present to the crisp clarity all around me. With ears to hear, I enjoyed the rustle of the wind and the crunch of tiny feet upon the leaves. I imagined tiny shoots of green just below the surface, biding their time and gathering their energy, before sneaking up toward the light. And I remembered what I have known all along.

I was at home in the midst. 


Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Nearly all of Ethiopia’s old growth forest has disappeared. This film tells the story of Ethiopia’s church forests.  They are pockets of lush biodiversity that surround hundreds of churches. Consciously created with people working to protect them. This short film tells the story of The Church Forests of Ethiopia. Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fGe-CPWZlE&feature=youtu.be

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Modeling without a Runway

I was at the hair salon (wearing my mask) and noticed the Victoria Secret fashion show playing on the flat screen.

I watched the show and looked at the salon crowd. Teens to seniors, mostly female, I couldn’t find anyone who looked like those models. Granted, it was not a fair comparison, as no one in the salon was in high heels and underwear.

Why were we watching this program?

I thought of my chats with hundreds of teenage girls, many of whom compared themselves to the models, youtubers, and performers they knew. Guess what? They couldn’t see the similarity either.

Here’s the problem: these wonderful young women all concluded the same thing. They were coming up short.

There was no consideration for a cultural norm of beauty that does not represent the population.Or that there are makeup artists, hair stylists, professional photographers, personal trainers, and air brushing involved.

The difficulty in our culture is that so many role models in the media are limited to their visual persona.

This just doesn’t translate to the lives of ordinary folks. The truth is, none of the ladies I’ve spoken with could have possibly come up short. They all broadcast beauty, kindness, intelligence, and talent. It often takes another person to see the loveliness of others. And humans are really good at dismissing another’s perspective – especially if it doesn’t match the cultural image of the time.

So, how do we create sturdy children who are able to own and celebrate their unique beauty, strengths, intelligence, and talents?

Especially with the influence of social media woven throughout every aspect of our culture? I think it is time for parents, grandparents, older siblings, teachers, coaches, and neighbors to hit the runway. Now before you get nervous about the idea of high heels, make up, and underwear, take a breath.

Ask yourself, “What am I modeling for young people?”

The author Robert Fulghum drops some wisdom with his famous statement: “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” What are you identifying as important and living as a “professional model?” Remember, children learn what they live.

Modeling without a runway certainly doesn’t include airbrushing. It’s real, raw, and imperfect.

Actions speak louder than words. This invites you to lay down the teaching and preaching, and get really clear about who you are and how you live in the world. What are you really “saying” about personal attributes, love and respect, environmental awareness, approach to education, social attitudes, physical health, or playtime?

Conscious modeling involves increasing awareness of Who you Are and How you Live in the world.

 

And it isn’t only the young ones who are watching you.

Everyone may adjust a view of self based on the models who show up. Of course, this goes beyond visual representation. You get inspired by demonstrations of brilliance, kindness, courage, and creativity. Growing older, you may become more conscious of who and what you are letting inform you. However, most learning continues to be influenced by early modeling and creation of ideas of how the world works and your place in it.

It takes work to notice yourself as both as an influential model and a consumer of what’s offered on the “runway.”

I’m a big fan of beautiful questions which may expand your awareness, if you let them. Seeking to yourself and move toward the higher ideal of how you ‘be’ in the world. If you are serious about your role as a model for the generations that come after you, ask yourself these questions.

Or create your own.

Write it down in a journal, on your calendar or screen saver, or post it on your bathroom mirror. Contemplate this question and see what gems of insight and opportunity arise.

Self-awareness is a beautiful art to cultivate.

How are you helping to cultivate a spirit of generosity, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in yourself? What are you doing to grow new neural pathways? Translation – how are you learning something new, encouraging your curiosity, and expressing your creativity?

What practical action are you taking to support the environment, help others move toward sustainable living, or beautify the life of another who is suffering? How are you demonstrating acceptance of your own fallibility and the making of mistakes with humility, humor, and the desire to make another go at it?
Where are you modeling respect for others whether they be similar or different, older or younger, pleasant or obnoxious? How are you demonstrating practical tools to manage the stress of daily living in good times and bad?

I did mention I’m a fan of Beautiful Questions as a path to greater self awareness. I’m on a roll.

How are you growing your connection to a Divine Source or the idea of something larger than yourself? What are you doing to enrich your enjoyment of your relationships with yourself and others? When are you trying on the perspective of another in order to deeply understand rather than judge, condemn, or dismiss?
How are you questioning authority, even your own, in order to adopt beliefs, values, and ideas that you choose as your guiding light?

How are questions of meaning, actions of purpose, and movement toward healing replacing addictive routines and habits that limit growth?

When are you holding honest conversations, even when they hurt, and seeking to live authentically, even in the privacy of your own mind and heart? When are you allowing yourself to rest or cry when you need to? How are you liking yourself and enjoying how you look and live?

Forget the runway, high heels, and underwear.

And remember that you are a model during your waking moments to the child within all of us. This may be the most important work you do on this planet. Get clear about who you choose to be. That will inform the kind of modeling you live.

Lights. Camera. Action. We’re all watching.

 

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

During COVID, remember this.  Research speaks of the importance of human  connection for health, well being, and longevity.  The most important indicators of longevity are a few close relationships and touching lots of people (eg, shopkeeper, neighbor, barista).  In these times, let’s expand how we “touch” another.  Reach out more than you’re used to – a letter, a phone call, a video call. Humans benefit from hearing voices and seeing faces.  Even if you are watching a recorded program or are a passive witness on a ZOOM class, it’s helpful.  Adapt this idea to your circumstances.  It’s worth reaching out, even past your comfort zone.

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Blunders and (future) Burdens


Yesterday taught me something valuable.

After an enjoyable and long day of working, I tuned into the highlights of the inaugural ceremonies and celebration. I’m aware of the potential of any significant change, such as a transfer of leadership, to raise or lower the human capacity to live well.

Curious about the prevailing message of the day, I surfed the highlights.

Grateful for freedom to choose what I watched on youtube, granting me the ability to avoid the “noise” of commentary. I saw evidence of a transfer of leadership – peaceful, solemn, joyous, determined. Historic for many reasons, including welcoming a woman of color as vice president. I watched the live evening events focused upon new opportunities, the need for repair, the goodness of people, and the benefit of serving one another.

Promoting the capacity to live and work well, together as a human family sharing a country.

To honor one another and those who have suffered. To reach for one another so that they may know to reach back. To commit to finding a way to tend, mend, and grow. To step up and sing together. To begin to continue to complex work of bridging instead of dividing people.

Words, actions, and songs reflecting the need for love, caring, and respect.

And sure, we need lots of intelligence, fortitude, courage, and faith in our capacity to rise to every challenge. All of this may be familiar as rhetoric so often heard in political speeches and well orchestrated programs designed to inspire unity within a county. And to call forth the agreement that some grit is required if true transformation is to occur.

I also wondered about those too angry or disheartened to tune in.

I thought of those I know who think very differently than me. About people who resist the new ideas, with these leaders’ underlying and far reaching ideals. Who feel threatened by what is to come and are disheartened by this new direction. I felt the potential for more division, more derision, and more misunderstanding.

And then a young woman poetically reminded us that our blunders are the next generations’ burdens.

Oh. A realization emerged. I speak of bridging while I remain divided. I’m okay with having a stance. I express my disagreement or condemnation of those ideas, ideals, actions, and rhetoric which I believe dehumanize people and divide us. With clarity, it leads me to action which aligns with my beliefs. And I’m okay with you having a stance.

I’m doing the same as everyone else here, regardless of “side.”

Today I was grateful to have some conversations with people on both sides. Some were happy. Some were wounded. Insulted. Disheartened. I sought to understand and learned that flames had been fanned by a deep insult. Grouping everyone together on one side and labeling them in a certain way. A group is not an individual. For her, it simply wasn’t true. 

“I want peace.” was the plaintive cry. I heard her pain.

My actions align with my beliefs. Or do they? If I speak with derision of someone’s lack of respect in how they conduct themselves, am I not disrespectful? If I make fun of another whom I disagree with, even on core fundamental beliefs, aren’t I diminishing their personhood? And on and on these questions arose.

Revealing my blunders. Contributing to the future ….. burdens that I scatter about mindlessly by my actions.

I’m mostly surrounded by people who think similarly to me. People interested in personal transformation. Spiritual seekers and yogis. Humanitarians. Those committed to bringing light, harmony, and improved conditions for humanity and the planet.

So, it’s easy to miss the obvious.

Disrespect is disrespect.


There is a way to express a difference of opinion or belief with consideration for the other.

To condone an action and take a different route in response without demonizing those you oppose. A 16 year old told me recently that she stopped going on Tik Tok so frequently. What used to be clever, entertaining, and funny had turned mean. She was so over the meanness of social media. That wasn’t fun nor funny.

Mean humor is deprecating.

Disparaging another human, even when their behavior is abhorrent to you, disparages all humans. You know this. So do I. I’m not trying to preach to the choir of good people wanting to be better people and improve the world. I want that. I know you do also. And I enjoy a good laugh at the expense of myself and my fellow, fallible humans like the rest of us.

But, a new dawn can’t bloom without me (and you).

I heard a call to action last night. To be a better human. To start in the mirror and within my deeply seeded conditioned beliefs. To notice how easy it is to disrespect another without consciously intending that result. And to see how it is okay to do so in those circles who think like me.

Hmmmmn. Maybe I’m not so different than those I judge.

And maybe my first bridge to be built is within.

(Blunders and burdens inspired by Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem. Let the young wisely lead us forward.)

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Good News, Wise Strategies, and Reasons to Be Cheerful. When you are in need of restoration, solutions, and a general pick me up, seek those sources which uplift. And point the way to inspired solutions. There is plenty of good in the world. Plenty of people using heart, innovation, and compassion to improve things. Here are two of my favorite places to be inspired, celebrate the good, and seek positive strategies. The Greater Good Science Center at Cal Berkley offers the Greater Good Magazine. David Byrne of Talking Heads fame sends out a Reasons to be Cheerful Blog. There’s just so much good in this amazing world. Seek it!

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Bridging the Divide: 3 Strategies

Outrage.

As I listened to people react to the Trump supporters storming the Capitol in Washington, I witnessed outrage. In their tone of voice, in their facial expressions, and in the question-statements they made. Can you believe this happened? Can you believe this president? Can you believe these people?

I can. I can believe it.

The invitation to revolt against the idea of a rigged election has been promoted across the internet, within the extremist groups, and by the president himself. It has been demonstrated in the great divide within our country for years now. Promoted by a sophisticated system of disseminating information that speaks to the insecurity, anger, and elitism of many groups.

Creating an enemy in plain sight.

It’s just that the enemy is a complex, shifting target. It may be the Democrats. Or people of color. Or immigrants. Or liberals. Or police. Or policies. Or Republicans. Or anyone who doesn’t agree with me. And on it goes. Outrage. Judgment. Seething anger. Violent action.

As I listened to people ardently against governmental control of freedoms, I heard the outrage.

About systems creating restrictions on their ability to keep a business open, to earn a living, and to make their own choice for health treatment. Can you believe these policies? These people? This manipulation? I can. I can believe it.

It’s not new.

This “us vs. them” divide has been impacting lives throughout human history. It’s complicated and built on systems of thought, social structure, racial inequity, economic policies, tribalism, and more. There’s so much more to it than the common person can understand. Yet, the common person already has a strong opinion and is easily placed within one side or another.

What side are you on?

That’s a serious question. And one that’s probably not to hard to answer. Take the insurrection at the Capitol for example. What side are you on? I’m sure you know. Looking at your reaction will let others know as well. When I looked at the images from the Capitol, I noticed something.

Outrage.

Within the crowd contagion effect, I witnessed righteous outrage. Splashed across the media, it was apparent in voices, on faces, and through body movement. Outrage fueled this disruption to the orderly democratic process. And alongside the outrage is fear which arose when witnessing chaos, violence, and the overwhelm of protective systems.

It is deeply disturbing.

I mean this at a very basic level. It is deeply disturbing to the human nervous system. As I listened to people express their outrage to me, I heard and felt an escalating disruption in their nervous systems. The heart beating fast as intense emotions were expressed. The breath shortening as the words tumbled out upon one another. Faster and more upset with every sentence. I witnessed (and felt) the same response when watching videos of the event.

I breathed deeply. Seeking my own regulation so that I might stay open.


Open to whomever was speaking. To the information that was flowing.

To a solution that was arising in the moment. I’m not at my best when I’m disturbed. If my physiology launches me into a fight or flight mode, then my survival function will guide my reactivity. I’ll launch into outrage or ostrich (a fear response of withdrawal or avoidance). I’ll express it or suppress it. Either way, I’m disturbed.

You can’t bridge the divide when you’re disturbed.

You won’t even consider this as an option. Yet, if you don’t go beyond outrage or ostrich, you’ll only polarize your position and prolong the war with the “enemy.” I don’t have any answers for the complicated mess we’re in as a country. I only ask what I may do in this moment to bridge the divide that is playing out in the world.

Here’s 3 things I’m doing to bridge the divide between “us and them.”

1. Soothe my system whenever I’m disturbed.

If my nervous system is dysregulated, I’ll react from my unconscious programming. I’ll fall into the divide rather than reach across the chasm. I’d rather respond with an open heart and let my higher wisdom guide my thoughts and actions. I believe that mastering self-soothing is an essential skill for living. My go to is the Self Soothe Strategy which is available on my home page. Download the booklet and guided practice (mp3) here.

2. Meet the “other” as an individual rather than a group or an idea. 


When you seek the commonalities with another, you’ll find them. Personalizing the other helps you see how you share so many aspects of living. The Greater Good Science Center offers the Shared Identity practice so you may find common ground rather than a battle ground. Access it here.

3. Soften my judgment.

I understand when I judge, I am feeling separate or threatened in the moment. I drop into connection with my own being, ground deeply within Pachamama (Earth), and open my heart to whomever or whatever I am judging. Then I seek the place in me that is threatened and I soothe that. This allows me to soften my judgement of another (or myself for being judgmental).

I’d rather be a lover than a judger.

I imagine that it will take a while to attain that position. I’m okay with that. I’m interested in shifting perspectives in order to discover that common ground between the humans who share this country.

How I choose to broadcast on social media (eg, this blog) seeks to enhance potential for perspective shifting rather than taking sides.

Read more about how important that can be in the Heartwarming News below.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Pinker, author of The Better Angels of Our Nature, argues that the printing press may have had an important role in increasing levels of empathy. Making it possible to read stories framed in the perspective of others. He even speculates that some literature written from the perspective of black slaves may have been instrumental to the abolition of slavery. In current time, the use of many social media platforms seem to encourage the taking of sides more than exploring the perspective of others. Learning more about the lives of those who think, act, and live differently from you increases the potential for understanding and a true desire to find common ground.

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Keep Going On

Today, I wanted to send you encouragement. And love.

I didn’t need to add more advice or opinion to your inbox. There is plenty of helpful guidance out there for managing election stress. And I believe you are wise at your core and know how to care for yourself.

Turn down the outer noise. Tune into your inner wisdom. Okay, that’s done.

I wanted to send you my prayer today. The prayer I sat within all day yesterday. I wondered how to turn that peace into words. How to hold the steady focus on the deepest love while acknowledging the confusion, anxiety, grief, anger, and loss.

I wanted to sing you a song of encouragement. And love.

 

To recognize the shit show we’re living in. And acknowledge how very hard it is. How very brave you are. And how creatively you are managing this time. And how I am with you in it. Deep within it all.

I couldn’t quite find the words. Strange, I know. But, it was so quiet within.

And then words came to me through a source so perfect, so beautiful, so creative, and so joyful, that I had to share this song with you.

It’s not my song. It’s the Bengsons that will guide you forward with their Keep Going Song.

How did they know my prayer for you? How did they sing the thoughts that had not yet surfaced to my lips? I am enamored with their talent. And their hearts.

I hope you listen and feel the encouragement.

And the love with a sprinkle of delight and wonder.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

The power of a heartfelt visual message does wonders. Especially during isolation and the separation from the human need to gather with one another. Seeing a smiling face lights up the mirror neurons in your brain. Encouraging the feel good chemicals to jazz up your system. Hearing a friend’s voice or a family member’s concern warms your heart and brings you back into connection.  Human connection is essential for wellbeing. While hugging and hanging out in person isn’t viable, video is a great way to connect when you share your voice, smile, and expression of love.