Category: Blog-Psychology

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Ilionor is Graduating! Celebrating Love O

My heart is full as I contemplate the wonder of the oldest Love Orphanage child graduating high school.   

Going to school in Haiti is for the privileged few who can afford the yearly tuition. Without a public education system funded by the government, Haitians are left to their own to access education.

The tuition of $250/year is out of reach for the majority of Haitians who live on under $2/day.

Prior to the creation of the Be a Difference Maker program, none of the Love O children had ever been to school. With the daily challenge of survival of 19 children, Gabriel knew that education was out of reach. His focus was upon healing the physical and emotional traumas of the children abandoned or orphaned by the 2010 earthquake.

Ilionor is 21 and graduating high school which goes through grade 13 in Haiti. 

As the oldest young man at Love O, he supports Gabriel and has been considered staff after turning 18. This is necessary for him to remain at Love O and continue his education. (He is standing on far left of photo.)

Ilionor’s success poses a new challenge for Love O.

What are the next educational opportunities for Ilionor and the girls who will graduate next year? Identifying options, cost, and logistical details is the next step. What technical school will provide a livelihood and match their interests and gifts?

So how do we, the extended Love O family around the world, celebrate and how do we fund the future? Let’s do both!

We are celebrating and looking to funding future education with the Love O Coffee House!

 

We’ll gather at Studio 67 in Medford on Thursday, June 9th to celebrate with music, friends, and dessert.

We are graced by the musical talents of Sharis Swartley and Norm Taylor. They bring such passion to their performance and have both been long term supporters of the kids at Love O.  Studio 67 is an artsy setting in the old feed mill. You’ll be surrounded by beautiful art, yummy sweets and the chance to celebrate Ilionor’s success. 

We’ll share the photos and some video from the evening with Gabriel so the Love O family will feel our love and support. 

My heart is especially full as my daughter created the Be a Difference Maker program when she was in 8th grade and entering high school.  She visited Love O with us for three summers during high school and was able to watch the children grow. And now, as Ilioner represents the fruit of that first seed, she graduates from college. It is a sweet time filled with tremendous gratitude.

I’d invite you to join us in opening the way for further education for the Love O kids.

If you’re local, please come to the Be a Difference Maker Coffee House and join us in the live celebration. For those who can’t join us for any reason, you are welcome to make a donation to support this educational dream.

Here’s the link for tickets which will take you to the Event Bee site. 

If you’re purchasing a ticket but not attending, please add that in the comments. (100% of donations to We the Village are applied to the Be Difference Maker program. I have no access to information about financial contributions.)

We look forward to celebrating Ilionor and receiving the musical gifts from Norm and Sharis.

Thanks so much for your support. It really does take a Village.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

I call Gabriel Fedulus an angel. A humble man, he answered the call to help the orphaned children after the 2010 earthquake. What did he do? Gave up his job as a translator and home in Miami and returned to Haiti to gather up some kids. And raise them. He kept gathering until he had 19. He is still raising them. Even as some leave and other little ones arrive. He manages to find food, fill their hearts with love, create safety, and solve the multitude of challenges that Haitians face every day. Especially in these turbulent times on that little island. I call him the Angel Gabriel. He dismisses that name, but I think it fits and I’m keeping it. 

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Reviving the Thank You Note


I received a thank you note from a young woman as her assignment for a college psychology class.

This unexpected delight had a bonus: it was delivered in person and read aloud to me. The shared sentiment was beautiful and felt lovely to receive, yet the best was yet to come.

In the midst of reading through tears and smiles, she stopped to exclaim “I am just so proud of myself!”

We both overflowed with happiness in that moment. It was thrilling to witness her realization that she was the one who had orchestrated her own transformation. Happy dance. Hug. Tissues.

This made me write a global thank you note to all psychology teachers.

“Thank you for teaching the students the positive benefits of gratitude via writing thank you notes. I’ve received a few of these in my life and they meant the world to me. I’ve felt such appreciation for the writer, been inspired by their courage and kindness, and was motivated to continue helping others. This real life teaching tool worked both ways and led me to realize the importance of sending my own thank you notes.”

I remember writing thank you notes as a child after every birthday, Christmas, and special occasion.

Truth be told, I did them because I was required to by my parents. It was a struggle to fill those small notes with the right words that somehow conveyed my gratitude without sounding scripted. I truly felt the appreciation for people’s kindness, yet it was an awkward task as a child and teen to translate my feeling into the written word.

As an adult who has grown into the comfort of expressing gratitude with words, it is now a pleasure to write, type, text, or voice my appreciation. I do it often.

“Dear Mom and Dad, thanks so much for holding me responsible for sending thank you notes for every darn gift I ever received. I didn’t know it at the time, but that practice created a beautiful mindset and lifetime habit of translating my feelings of gratitude into action. I never thought of the impact a thank you note had on another person when I was a kid. I get it now.”

Research in positive psychology, brain science, and mindbody medicine have demonstrated that practicing gratitude has the potential to lead to greater happiness and health.

Cultivating gratitude as a mindset may increase levels of self-esteem, optimism, and empathy, as well as bolster your immune system, decrease stress, and improve sleep. As expected, feeling gratitude and taking the action to express your appreciation has the potential to improve relationships.

When you take the action, such as writing a thank you note, you are bringing the inner feeling of gratitude into form.

Not all thank you notes have to be delivered.

 

When you are engaged in a healing process after someone hurt you, you may come to a time when your gratitude and compassion inform your understanding.

The thank you note becomes a ritual of release and forgiveness as the self empowering action of healing emerges.

Write from the heart, read it aloud, and then rip it up to let the energy flow out from your newfound understanding into the world.

This ritual empowers you to transcend challenging times and define how you choose to be present in your life.

Ripples of healing happen in the world even when you’re not directly communicating your feelings or new understanding.

Imagine a world where you mindfully considered the gifts given by others, large and small, and took the time to share your heartfelt appreciation for the giver and the impact on your life.

Exciting discoveries in neuroscience reveal that your brain responds to offering and receiving appreciation. You are actually wired to “catch” the feeling of gratitude.

When someone shares why they’re grateful for you, it inspires you to step into that higher version of yourself. And pay it forward. Very quickly the ripple effect of gratitude is felt in your body, mind, energy, and your relationships. It becomes second nature to share your appreciation with strangers and pause to let those you work, play, and live with know why you are grateful for them.

Should you text, call, write a thank you note, or send a gift of gratitude?

That’s totally up to you. Yet, I’ll make a suggestion. Do your own research. How does it feel to quickly fire off a text of thanks. Or receive one. How does that compare with taking the time to write and mail a handwritten note. Or receive one. Is there any added benefit by adding an in person call, a hug, or bringing a small gift? Or receiving any of the above.

Gratitude enhances wellbeing. It changes how you relate to the world from the inside out.

And thus, it changes the world from the outside in. Thanks for that. I’m really excited to live in a world with a human family who easily expresses appreciation and goes out of their way to let others know why they matter.

Design your own gratitude experiment.

And someday in the future, drop me a line to let me know how it’s going.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Positive psychology researcher Martin Seligman explored 5 different gratitude practices. Writing and delivering a detailed Gratitude Letter had the greatest positive impact on happiness, measured one month later, of the 5 practices. Participants who received the greatest benefit delivered and read the letter aloud versus those who merely mailed it. Yet, 6 months after delivering the Gratitude Letter, participants’ happiness levels dropped back to where they were prior their gratitude visit. It’s time to put pen to paper, forgo the stamp and show up in person. Repeat often.

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Locked Out: Challenge or Invitation?

I needed to make a few new keys for Soul Sanctuary.

Three keys to be precise. I needed them this week, so I cancelled my pedicure to fit in a quick trip to Home Depot. The key lady was helpful and challenging. She asked me if I wanted to know something about sunflowers since I picked a key with that design.

“Yes. Tell me.”

I proceeded to receive a barrage of questions “Do you know why ….” to which my answer was always “no.” The interesting information being delivered was interspersed by comments about how stupid and lazy people are because they don’t do research on their own.

I breathed deeply as the questioning and commentary became intense.

“No, tell me. No, teach me.” I was a bit battered, but also a wee bit interested even while I was dodging verbal shrapnel. Among other things, I learned the best place to plant a garden and to not to plant vegetables until the soil is 55 degrees. Do you need a “soil thermometer?” Nope. Just check the ocean temperature which is within 1 to 2 degrees of soil temperature. Fascinating. (Don’t take my word for it. I learned it’s best to do your own research.)

I left with 3 beautiful keys, a few facts, and a need to breathe deeply.

When I got to work the next day, none of my keys worked. I put that errand aside as I was running a retreat out of town. Returning on Sunday night, I picked up the dog, returned to Soul Sanctuary to unpack my retreat materials and headed home for a late dinner. Pulling into the garage, I realized I needed those keys and only had 40 minutes until Home Depot closed for the evening.

Tired and hungry, I headed out into the dark night.

I was helped promptly and in silence. It was a peaceful, easy venture into this massive store. I left with three new keys, feeling all was well and in good order.

Monday morning arrived and none of the keys worked.

I headed to the local wise man – Eddie – who has taken care of every maintenance issue for Soul Sanctuary for the past 10 years. “Don’t go to Home Depot, go to the local Moorestown hardware store!” He gave me directions, but I couldn’t picture the location. Someone else told me of another hardware store which was convenient and known to me. Off I went to that which was familiar.

I chose 3 different designs, paid more money, and returned to Soul Sanctuary to find the keys didn’t work. Not a one.

At this point I figured out that this had something to do with me. I was locked out of Soul Sanctuary. Just as it was opening for others. Just as I was stepping onto a new path in my personal journey. Hmmm. I started Treasure Mapping backwards to notice the clues.

First key: I was shown to listen carefully, be a know nothing, and be teachable.

Second key: I left the comfort of home to go out in the dark night even when hungry and tired.

Third key: I sought wise counsel, but ignored it in favor of seeking a familiar place over the unknown.

I went back to Eddie. Determined to listen. I had to search for him as he had moved locations. He shook his head and gave me the same directions. That unfamiliar hardware store was easy to find and surprisingly interesting. When explaining what happened, this kind man suggested taking one key to make sure it worked.

Nothing fancy this time, just a basic $2 key.

It didn’t work. Confirmation that this was definitely about the Mystery of my new unfolding path.

 

I searched for Eddie as he was on the move again. More seek and find.

He was surprised and went to get the office duplicate keys. “Come on,” he said, “let’s solve this mystery.” (Told you he was a wise man. He knew something was going on.) The new key didn’t work. His office keys worked. My key worked.

“Let me see all the keys.”

The new key didn’t match the office key. “It’s a different key! It doesn’t match up.” Eddie exclaimed. My key matched the new key which didn’t work. My key matched the office key which did work. Eddie shook his head. “This is a mystery, but these things happen to you and Soul Sanctuary.” And Eddie the Wise Man handed over the two office keys that worked. “Take these.”

Fourth key: Mystery happens. Be alert and open to what beckons along the Path without needing to solve or understand everything that happens.

Fifth key: When a Wise Man offers help, accept it.

When life offers a challenge, mild or grand, you are at choice. You may view the situation at the level of the mundane world or to recognize an unfolding of some intelligent guidance pointing to something you can not yet see. And written in a language that is difficult to translate. Offering guidance in various forms to point you to the next step.

As you navigate challenges in the material world, remember to seek the deeper invitation, which is often delivered via code, hidden keys, and unfamiliar maps.

If you’re interested in developing the skill of Treasure Mapping for clues, please join me on Saturday April 23rd.

You’ll playfully discover Soul Sanctuary to be a wise oracle which partners with your intuitive nature to offer guidance for your life. Link and details in the blue box below.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Many cognitive scientists argue that intuitive and analytic thinking shouldn’t be viewed as opposites. Studies indicate that decision-making often works best when blending both strategies. Whether you rely on analysis of data or trust your gut to make a decision depends on a variety of factors, such as the simplicity or the complexity of the problem and your past experiences with similar situations. Economics Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman theorizes that intuitive thinking is faster than a rational approach but more prone to error.

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The Stuff Challenge

I went silent at the onset of 2022.

Staying home, I entered a 2 week silent retreat. Sure, I shared a handful of words with my husband and dog. But only a few niceties and indicators to let them know all was well and good.

Somewhere into the second week, I realized that if I were on a “real retreat,” I’d have the opportunity to offer Seva (sacred service). So I asked the question, “how might I offer service during this retreat?

The answer was swift: “Tend to your home.”

In that moment, I realized I was so focused upon my day to day life outside the home, I had neglected this beautiful space in which I and my family spend much of our lives together. I wondered where to begin. Reaching into my bathroom closet for something, I saw the disarray in my many bins originally meant to organize all of our stuff. And so it began.

It took two days to sort through everything hidden in plain sight.

A realization dawned as I safely tossed 5 year old prescriptions, 15 bottles of nail polish, a zillion odd buttons, dried up makeup, and so many half used products. An entire trash bag cleared out so much space. 

I also found unopened products. Unaware I had purchased doubles due my disorganization.

Lovely body creams, new makeup, a travel iron (I rarely iron at home), make up bags, Q tips, swim goggles, extra hair dryers, and so much more. I realized my neighbors at SisterHood would love to have these items. That prompted me to look under my sink and my daughter’s sink to see if there was anything extra.

I found unopened stocking stuffers from this year and last. That gave me pause.

In these tiny places, I found so much waste and needless accumulation. I shut the door on that beautifully organized, totally abundant bathroom closet and sat for a bit. Examining my habits of shopping, collecting, disregarding, repurchasing, disorganization, and general overconsumption.

What needs were being met? How mindful was I about what I purchased? How much trash was I creating?

I found many things, including a disrespect for the ease in which I have the privilege of living. And a dawning awareness that I had so much extra which I could share. This was a very practical awareness. Not a lofty appreciation for my abundance nor a general desire to help my human family. My realization was grittier than that.

I was staring into my inner shadow and the horror of mindlessly accumulating so much stuff for one tiny family.

It was a lovely, sobering awareness.

Sometimes a little bitchslap from your inner exploration packs a big wallop. I took my time diving into what this was showing my in all the ways I live, work, and play in this world. Seeing ripples of impact that I never considered and would not have conceived of in my own limited view.

One thing became abundantly clear. I had more closets.

I flowed through my days of silent meditation, mindful eating, gazing at the natural world, reading my wisdom texts, and engaging in Seva.

Room by room, closet by cabinet, I discovered a world of stuff.

Kitchen cabinets held unopened treasures and more items than we could use. Closets revealed North Face fleeces, dress coats, business attire, shoes, and purses that were in lovely condition and were seeking new life on some other body. China, crystal, jewelry, home decor, children’s dishes, unopened gifts, school supplies, picture frames, holiday decorations. The list went on.

Along the way, the horror turned to wonder as the packing became an act of love.

 

As I packed each item, my silence sometimes gave way to song as I chanted my gratitude.

That I lived such a life of plenty and that these items would create warmth, beauty, and practical ease in their lives. I sorted according to the programs offered by SisterHood: prison to community, return to work, new homeowners, children’s programs, GED program, mentoring youth, the Boutique, and more.

It took 2 SUVs packed to the gills to transport everything. After 20 years of sending carloads and truckloads of donated stuff to SisterHood, we still had this much extra.

The visual led to a commitment. We couldn’t continue to accumulate stuff.

This decision led my husband and I to a serious examination of how we are living and what we are contributing. Positively and negatively. It’s a work in progress and covers everything from how we spend money, where we purchase, clarifying needs vs. wants, creating more sustainable habits, identifying what we keep or share, and how to invest our time, money, energy into that which is meaningful and supports life in all areas of the planet.

On Sunday, I’m going silent again for a week.

A bit modified this time as I’ll work 3 days and keep a few personal appointments. Other than that, I’ll be diving deeply and quietly within. Wondering what shadow and light will reveal itself this time. Eager to discover what else wants to be deconstructed. Clearing my own self structure of old ideas about who I am and what I need.

I’m not wondering too much about my Seva project for the week. I feel the basement calling me. So many closets to explore.

The Stuff Challenge is simple.

I invite you to take a look at your “stuff.” And not just the material kind. Dive deep into your being and see what you’ve outgrown and are ready to give away. Making room for new transformation. Cleaning your closets is an extension of this inner work. On the outer level, as you clear your material stuff (trash, share, upcycle), you make more space.

So you may decide consciously how you’d like to live and contribute to this beautiful world.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

We’re filling our landfills at an alarming rate. With so much stuff that could be recycled, reused, shared, or composted. The US is only exporting a third of what we did in 2015 since China no longer buys our recyclable waste like plastics. As the largest global producer of plastic, we only recycle about 9.8% of the materials (reports vary). And nearly one third of the world’s food supply is wasted each year. You CAN become part of the solution. Like the folks in Llanarth, Wales who gathered 100,000 dirty diapers to be cleaned, shredded and mixed into asphalt. Reminding us that not only does “shit happen,” but it can make roads instead of landfills. Now that’s a “Reason to Be Cheerful.”

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Unsubscribe Me Please

It started out with a recognition that my mind was crowded.

The result of a busy schedule, too much screen time, and an inbox that seemed to fill as soon as I emptied it. All of this after years of committing to space for myself and a consistent weeding out a lot of what was unnecessary.

It was part of my delusion that I was successfully living this intent.

Perhaps it was the day I realized I was checking email a few times a day. Just to stay on top of it. And to get the little oxytocin hit of pleasure when I deleted those impersonal emails, even the inspirational ones, that I never got around to reading. I wondered at the activity of deleting just to feel in control of my inbox.

I began to understand this was my mind’s way of feeling successful and in charge.

Successful at deleting emails that I wasn’t reading. That’s really quite funny.

A tired brain, an inner call for spaciousness, and the lure of silence led me to a decision. In preparation for my personal silent retreat, I’d unsubscribe from most email lists as an experiment. Just for a month or two. To see the impact of creating more space in my inbox. I didn’t think it was a big deal.

I was the Mistress of Unsubscribe as soon as I ordered an item or downloaded a free resource.

I believed I didn’t allow data to get “pushed” to me. Rather I “pulled” it when I wanted to know something. Same thing with my phone. I have no notifications, no sounds, and most often, no ringer. I’m in charge of choosing when to look at my phone, rather than responding to every email, text, or call. So, it should be no big deal to release the 10 to 12 emails that flowed to me.

I expected to feel free as I began this process.

It started out easily enough. A few stores where I had accounts. My bank letting me know when statements were ready to download. PSE&G informing me of my upcoming auto pay. A blog I hadn’t read in a long time.

Delete. Delete. Delete. Mini oxytocin hits.

Feeling good, I decided to uplevel my experiment. I’d let go of all emails with the exception of my professional organization and perhaps two sources of inspiration.

I didn’t expect the anxiety that creeped in as my mind got involved.

What if I needed that information? What if I hurt someone’s feelings? What if I missed something? What about that blog that had some great research or good news from around the world?

What ifs kept coming. So did the emails.

My estimate of 10 to 12 emails was way off. For someone who “wasn’t on email lists,” I was amazed when I unsubscribed from 25, then 30 lists. I hesitated when it came to my favorite organizations, people I admired, important environmental activist groups.

So, I let more go. My church. My favorite organizations. My colleagues.

I sent a few notes explaining my decision. Letting them know I’d be back after my experiment. I realized this was in part to soothe the subtle anxiety that others may think I didn’t value their work or words. That wasn’t true, I valued so much of what others have to offer. I also value my serenity. And then I had another revelation.

All that information was available online and I knew how to use Google.

I had to laugh. I could visit these websites anytime I chose. With that, all my tension released.

My inbox emptied.

 

Spaciousness in my communications. Ease in finding and responding to my work and personal emails.

A quieting of any need to check email throughout the day. It was no longer a delusional game of control. My attention was free to wander through my silence, fully engage the one I was speaking with, or enjoy the tasks that arose each moment.

Free of the subtle tension about missing something, my mind introduced a new game.

I felt a bit disappointed when I checked my email and there was nothing there. Now that was interesting. I discovered layers in that disappointment. No mini oxytocin hit or feeling of being in charge of my little universe. A sense of disconnect from information, people, and gaining wisdom from my teachers. Checking into this more deeply, I realized none of it was true.

Instead I was free to engage the world in a much more present and personal manner.

And then I inadvertently unsubscribed from 2 emails I actually did read. I noticed, but didn’t feel anxious, disappointed, or concerned. I’ll take the hint and keep on unsubscribing until only friends, family, clients, and colleagues fill my inbox.

A quieter inbox invited a natural stillness. My mind is no longer rebelling.

It’s just resting more easily.  Kinda like spending a lazy afternoon in a hammock swinging between two palm trees on the beach. The oxytocin nourishes my brain and being more consistently this way.

Less mindless addiction and more swaying in the breeze.


Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

HeartMath Institute has a wealth of research into the power of heart coherence. A measurable electromagnetic field surrounds each person, generated by the heart, brain, and other systems. HeartMath’s findings show that the heart’s electromagnetic field is approximately 5000x stronger than brain’s electromagnetic field. The heart’s electrical field has 40 – 60x more amplitude than brain’s electrical field. HeartMath has measured the heart’s pulsating influence up to 10 feet outside of the body. The brain’s electromagnetic field? Measured to extend a few inches outside of the head. Believe in the power of your heart.  

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What’s your Primary Stress Response?

A survey by the American Psychological Association found that the ideal level of stress is “below whatever level of stress is being experienced.” In other words, people experienced too much stress in their lives. I bet you didn’t need a professional to tell you that.

Yet, I wonder if you are taking stress for granted.

The “Stress Mismatch Theory” suggests that the body’s Stress Response System isn’t working for current humans. Arguing that it hasn’t evolved to meet the demands of the fast paced, complicated world in which you live.

Because fighting or fleeing is not typically appropriate for dealing with those modern day pirates and tigers found in traffic jams, pressure at work, a loss of the internet, or parenting challenges. It’s easy to believe this theory, especially on a particularly demanding day. 



Yet critics argue that this view limits understanding of the body’s intelligent, flexible stress response to only “Fight or Flight.”

Thus ignoring the “Tend and Befriend” and “Challenge” responses.

Each response produces different physiological changes which influence your thoughts, feelings, and actions. And lead to different outcomes. Understanding this variation gives you the power to observe your own response to stress and consciously make changes in your capacity to navigate life.

Remember this. When you are facing an actual tiger or pirate, your Stress Response of “Fight or Flight” is your best response.

You don’t need to calmly plan out your next step or consider the pirate’s feelings. You need to survive. And the powerful physiological response within your coordinated brain-body-energy system will make that happen.

But, let me ask you a question. How many actual pirates or tigers have you faced this week?

In your current reality, the multitude of stressors faced typically are not life threatening. When there is frequent activation of your Stress Response System, you experience the impact of lingering stress chemicals (eg cortisol, adrenaline), as well as incoherent patterns created in your brain’s neural structure and your heart rhythm.

Without intervention, it’s far too easy for your Stress Response System to become overloaded and resort to a limited repertoire of reactions. 



Most adults lose their emotional flexibility due to the accumulation of unprocessed effects of stress. Referred to as the “Stress Habit,” this rigidity creates additional stress which inhibits the higher order cognitive functions such as concentration, decision making, planning, and perspective taking. Making life that much harder.

You don’t have to live that way. 



Your amazing body system is primed to be flexible and adaptive. The brain-body connection allows for new learning and takes it’s instruction from the heart. Your beautiful heart is an intelligent system that communicates powerfully within your complex mind-body-energy system. 


You can refer to the heart as an organ, a brain, energy, or the seat of intuition.

 

A coherent heart rhythm organizes the mind-body-energy system into optimal functioning.

You not only become calmer, as you expand your perspective, you have access to skills, strategies, and wisdom gained along your life.

Research has shown that an integrated heart influences an integrated brain. 



This has many benefits, including improvements in well being, immune function, compassion, and resilience. Brain integration increases your capacity for learning when new linkages form across brain regions (neuroplasticity).

Coherent heart rhythms support the brain’s ability for creativity, novel problem-solving, and regulation of emotion, attention, thought, and behavior. 


If you want to intelligently navigate the challenges you’ll inevitably face in life, coherence is a strong ally.

On the other hand, an incoherent heart rhythm inhibits higher order cognitive function, leaving you less able to take a step back and consider events calmly and with perspective, or access your strategies.

Research reveals that positive and negative emotions create distinct changes in heart rhythm. 



This makes sense, doesn’t it? When you’re calm or grateful, you feel organized, open, and loving. When you’re frightened or angry, you’re rattled in your body, thinking, and speech. Combining the power of positive emotions, calming breath patterns, and the heart’s intelligence will help shift how you respond to stress. At any age. 


What can you do today to create heart coherence and increase flexibility in response to stress?

1. Acknowledge life is stressful and give yourself some space. 



More than likely, the demands and pace of your days adds to life stress. You’re at choice to slow down and create some space in your busy day. Let something go until another day. Give up being in charge of the world (and your small world.). Build in Mindful Minutes to breathe and look around as you walk to your car or climb the stairs in your home.

2. HeartBreathing: 3 Minute Practice.

HeartBreathing is a core component of Heart Assisted Therapy (an Energy Psychology method created by John Diepold, Phd). 



Take one minute to cross your palms on your heart and breathe slow and deep. Switch your palms, HeartBreathe and focus on what you’re grateful for in this moment. One more switch of the palms and the final minute of breathing. Focus on sending love to someone or someplace on the planet. Check in with yourself. What does it feel like to be in your body now? You are the scientist and your body system is the experiment. [Just don’t do while driving.]

3. Learn the basics about stress, heart coherence, and simple Energy Psychology techniques.


I’m teaching a 3 week series at Soul Sanctuary on Energy Psychology Essentials. These techniques are easy to learn and apply in your daily life. They clear out stress on all levels: energetic, physiological, emotional, and mental. As well as engage the parasympathetic nervous system which is the body’s natural relaxation and healing ally. (You can also check out the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology’s website).

4. The Self Soothe Strategy


I designed The Self Soothe Strategy PlayBook to offer easily digestible information about mindset, stress, heart coherence, and Energy Psychology. With practices that are immediately applicable. The accompanying downloadable recording is well worth the 19 minute investment to drop into coherence and begin the deep restoration of your mind-body-energy system. It is free and available on my home page (scroll down to access). 

It’s important to recognize the benefit to others.

You are naturally broadcasting your heart rhythm as you move through the day.

Thus, you are influencing the environment around you with centered calm or scattered anxiety. You know what it feels like to walk into an oasis of relaxation and good will vs. a pressured meeting with criticism and competition. This gives you a hint of what is happening within the physiology (heart, brain, body, energy) of those in the room.

Stress, then, is not only an individual issue. It must be recognized as a systems issue.



You are a change agent. Not only for yourself but for those sitting near you. At the dinner table, in the office, on the train, and in the food store. Let that sink in. And take a look at HeartMath’s research findings in the HeartWarming News below. Your heart coherence, or incoherence, makes a difference for those around you.

Allowing you to bring peace to the world, one HeartBreath at a time.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

HeartMath Institute has a wealth of research into the power of heart coherence. A measurable electromagnetic field surrounds each person, generated by the heart, brain, and other systems. HeartMath’s findings show that the heart’s electromagnetic field is approximately 5000x stronger than brain’s electromagnetic field. The heart’s electrical field has 40 – 60x more amplitude than brain’s electrical field. HeartMath has measured the heart’s pulsating influence up to 10 feet outside of the body. The brain’s electromagnetic field? Measured to extend a few inches outside of the head. Believe in the power of your heart.  

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Sssssssh! Unplugging in Process

It’s a New Year. Time for resolutions and resolve. Hopes and dreams.

Around the world, people are choosing their resolutions. Yet, you know how that goes. You begin strong and full of vim and vigor. Then, like many, you lose your focus and momentum. Until Summer when you find your journal and that entry filled with resolutions and hope.

Research from the University of Bristol suggests that 88% of New Year’s resolutions fail with a large amount simply forgotten along the way.

And yet, a New Year offers a New Threshold. A glimpse into your potential. A recommitment to live a life more aligned with meaning, and pleasure, and purpose.

There is good energy behind this intent. I applaud and encourage you to create a way of being that is deeply meaningful, enjoyable, and purposeful. Use the New Year energy. And the new moon energy. And any positive practice and action which supports your intent.

I’m a big fan of Tiny Actions.

What might you do today to take a small step toward these aspirations? That’s just one question but you can use it everyday. Tiny actions over time changes the world. To be specific, your world. And when your world changes, then mine claims that potential as well. I thank you for that. I can use all the Tiny Action momentum you have to offer.

Along the way, I hope you listen to the voice of your Soul more than the clamor of society.

I’ve discovered that this clamor, streaming in 24/7 from the world, has taken up residence in my mind and rented space in my body. Like a guest invited for dinner who is still here a year later. I don’t recall inviting the world to live in me, yet, despite my best intentions, here it is.

I find it harder to listen to my Soul with all this noise.

I'm unplugging. Getting silent. Going within.

 

I’ve never done a silent retreat. I’m not even that good of a meditator.

I like to stream the wisdom of the Angels, the Sacred Feminine, or the Great Wisdom. This is my comfort zone which opens me to the Divine in ways that make me whole.

I love to be on retreat and learn from genius teachers, ponder a bit on my own, and gather with like minded souls for depth discussion. Preferably in a warm climate full of sunshine and scattered hammocks. But that’s not what is unfolding for me at the start of a hopeful New Year. 

Instead, I’ll sit with my own nature. In silence. 

In preparation, I’ve finished my work and cleared my schedule. I’ll be putting away my phone and computer. Wondering who I’ll be without work – such a strong part of my identity. Choosing to step away from television, leaving the house, talking to anyone (perhaps my dog on occasion), and limiting access to reading material. 

I have a blank journal, two books from a wise man, and one short audio course to guide my Path. And silence.

In anticipation of returning to the world, I unsubscribed from all my emails. All of them. That in itself was a bit disconcerting. What if I needed that information? What if I insulted my friend or colleague by signing off? What if I missed something? One thing that surprised me as I let go was how much thought I had about it. I expected the relief from clearing my clutter, but not the mild anxiety as I let go and let go.

And so it begins.

People are excited for me. I’m grateful for that. I’m not excited. I’ve got lots of trepidation. As if I’m heading off to climb Everest rather than sit in my room for over a week. My goodness. That clamor in my mind has so much to say. I wonder what happens when I’ve nothing else to distract me from its noise. I wonder what I’ll discover as I listen more deeply in the stillness than I do in my movement.

I received some lovely advice as I prepared to unplug. Be patient. Be curious. Be tremendously kind to yourself. Offers of prayers, love, and support. And a precious mantra “I have everything I need.”

And you do as well. I hope you discover a way to connect so deeply with your Soul in this coming year. I wish that for me as well. This year, may we dive deeply into the wonder of existence only to find that we’ve always resided there.

Quietly splendid.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Your brain likes to meditate. Silent contemplation, or simply closing your eyes and breathing, activates neural pathways that support calm. These pathways underlie beneficial traits such as feeling present, grateful, and steady. With meditation you can deliberately stimulate that circuitry and bring such experience into awareness. Activating calm, steadfastness, and contentment within your body actually converts those experiences into lasting change in neural structure and function. Explore psychologist Rick Hanson’s books Neurodharma and Buddha’s Brain to understand neuroplasticity and the benefits of meditation.

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World Peace Meditation

You want peace. I want peace. We all want peace.

So, how do you achieve a sustainable peace within yourself, your family and work places, your communities and world? There have been plenty of individuals and communities around the world who have modeled a committed and effective way to live this peace. For example, the Quakers focus upon peaceful reconciliation and nonviolent confrontation of evil as central tenants of their practice.

Mahatma Ghandi reminded us that “There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.”

And he modeled this with his every moment. Uniting a divided country, earning the title “Great Soul” (Mahatma), and blessing the man who shot him even as he collapsed. He inspired Martin Luther King, Jr. whose courageous modeling of peace and nonviolent protest changed our country.

Jesus was a peaceful presence and reminded us that “Blessed are the peace makers for they shall inherit the earth.”

At this time in history, the Earth and all her inhabitants are in need of peace makers. I’m taking the first couple weeks in January to drop within during an extended silent retreat. Quieting the noise of my inner and outer world. Seeking to soothe my nervous system, slow my pace, and hear the voice of my Soul.

I imagine my Soul will have a thing or two to teach me about “peace is the way.”

If you want Peace in the World, you must first create Peace Within your Self.

 
Meditation and contemplative practices have long been promoted by all wisdom traditions as a way into the peace that surpasses everything.

That peace that is back behind all things and all frenetic movement. Just waiting to reveal its very nature as your own. Meditation is a strong practice for many religions, yogis, and now the scientific community with its acceptance of mind-body practices and mindfulness techniques.

Research has shown that groups of experienced meditators can lower crime rates, reduce ER visits and psychiatric crises, decrease accidental deaths, and decrease complaints against police.

There are many studies of large groups of experienced TM meditators creating statistically significant effects (beyond chance) like this. My favorite is the Washington DC project where they found violent crime reduced by 23%. Here’s an article published by the World Peace Group that may inspire you.

I’d invite you to join the annual World Peace Meditation on Friday, December 31st at 7am, EST. 

This tradition was started many years ago by John Randolph Price who invited people around the globe to meditate on peace for one hour – synced with noon, Greenwich Mean Time. I’ve been participating for years and always enjoy the personal and communal experience of this deeply peaceful intention.

The Center for Conscious Living in Moorestown, NJ is hosting a ZOOM World Peace Meditation. 

Sign in, mute your microphone, and drop within to add your beautiful energy and intent to this world so in need of peace.

I’ll be with you.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Your brain likes to meditate. Silent contemplation, or simply closing your eyes and breathing, activates neural pathways that support calm. These pathways underlie beneficial traits such as feeling present, grateful, and steady. With meditation you can deliberately stimulate that circuitry and bring such experience into awareness. Activating calm, steadfastness, and contentment within your body actually converts those experiences into lasting change in neural structure and function. Explore psychologist Rick Hanson’s books Neurodharma and Buddha’s Brain to understand neuroplasticity and the benefits of meditation.

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12 Days of Gratitude

I used to read and sing the 12 Days of Christmas to my daughter as part of our holiday tradition.

I haven’t heard that song on the radio this year. That’s surprising. I guess all stations are too busy playing “Last Christmas I Gave you My Heart” by Wham! Without fail, every time I’m in the car, that song comes on. Twice if I’m going any distance. Okay, enough bah humbug and trash talking Wham!

Deep in meditation the other night, I saw a list write itself in light. It was entitled “12 Days of Gratitude.”

The jingle bells, wrapping paper, and flying reindeer faded away in that moment. As I watched this list, I felt it deeply. As if the light was writing through every distraction to remind my very cells what was most important.

So warm was my heart, I’ve decided to make my 12 Days of Gratitude a new holiday tradition.


I’m sending out my list like a big Thank You Note to you who read this. And to all who never will see these words, I hope they feel the warmth in my heart.

1. The beautiful wisdom of all things Divine and my Soul which never fails to guide me, when I remember to listen and when I’ve forgotten. Showing me that Life holds more than I can now know. Inviting me always to venture deeper into the imaginal crucible of creation.

2. My little family, crazy dog included, for so many years of love, support, and traveling through life’s ups and downs together. May we continue to grow in a way that supports our individual and collective happiness and purpose in life.

3. My bigger family. To those who birthed and raised me, my heart overflows with love and gratitude. For all who’ve been here and gone, live near and far, and are related by blood or love, I’m better for your presence.

4. My friends who create a community of love, support, wisdom, laughter, and shared adventures. Those who were, are now, and are yet to arrive. I’m blessed to be accepted for who I am and inspired to grow into what they see in me.

5. Soul Sanctuary and this beautiful community who has contributed to the sacredness of this space. Inspiring us all to learn more, offer more, and reveal more of our essential nature. And for the many spiritual communities who nourish me in this work.

6. The Mystery. This mythical, magical Divine space back behind the world I know through my small perception. As It beckons and I stumble along this Path, I have an inkling that there is so much more. And I am here, available to where this Path will lead me.

7. My many teachers. Spiritual teachers. Indigenous Wisdom teachers. Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine teachers. Etheric Angelic and Feminine teachers. I’ve learned so much and hope to impart some of the knowledge these wise beings have generously offered me.

8. Pachamama, the natural world, and especially the forests. The reconnection, beauty, delight, and inspiration I receive when in nature makes me wonder why I don’t spend the majority of my time quietly communing with this great teacher – healer. May I attend to Her wellbeing for the rest of my days.

9. The ease in which I live in this abundant, convenient life. Ever aware that I was born in a place on the planet that afforded me the opportunity to be safe, fed, housed, educated, and nurtured. To have the freedom to move around the world while I live my aspirations and support others to do the same in a way that is deeply meaningful.

10. My shared opportunities to give to and receive from Love Orphanage family in Haiti, SisterHood in Burlington City, NJ, and many other communities. So much good flowing from you and generous souls like you to these worthy neighbors and human family members. Reminding me of the importance of love and generosity in all directions.

11. My own meandering, adventure of a life path. For the wisdom that has guided me well through the peaks and valleys, joys and sorrows, shadow and light. May I remember that this life is precious and recommit daily to be worthy of such a gift.

12. For what is to come. Walking into the unknown with as much awareness on the vast cosmic potential that I can muster in this holy moment of now. And now. And now.

May your 12 Days of Gratitude list write itself in you and through you anytime of the year.

So the generosity of a full, grateful hearts overflow into this world so worthy of attention.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Writing a gratitude letter to someone has valuable benefits. Many college psychology students are given this assignment when studying the impact of gratitude. But you don’t need a college degree to understand the benefits. Reflection allows you to explore times in life you were aided by another. It could be a big thing or a tiny action, personal or viewed from afar. Feeling gratitude is good for your overall wellbeing. Same for those in receivership. Communicating about your gratitude inspires you (and them) to reflect and act from a place that serves others and the world. You aren’t doing it alone. So grab a pen and send that letter.(Yup, the old fashioned kind with a stamp.)

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Sucker for Santa and No Need for Presents


I’m a sucker for Santa.  

Always have been. Always will be. I was that kid at the top of the stairs calling to my parents, “Can we come down now? Now? NOW?” while they took their sweet time making coffee and arranging a healthy Christmas breakfast of homemade chocolate chip cookies.  

I can still access that visceral thrill of rushing down the steps to find the unexpected under the tree. It was a magical time. 

In the midst of holiday planning recently, my daughter laughingly announced “I remember when you told me there was no Santa.” 

Wait? What?! There’s no Santa?  

So full is my enjoyment of this magical flying, red suited, white bearded dude that I am still shocked each time I hear that statement.

“It was in Kohl’s parking lot.”

You’ve got to be kidding me. I have absolutely no memory of that exchange. She filled in some details but it was clear I had definitely blocked out that moment.

At this age, she found it funny, but I’m sure I felt the poignancy of the disappearing magic at the time.



I did recall the year before while putting her to bed when she asked, “Mom, tell me the truth, are you Santa?” I responded like any parent who was infatuated with the magical wonder of innocence and also wanted to tell the truth to their kid. I smiled and asked her,

“Do you really want me to answer that question?”

“Nope.” Sweet dreams. Crisis averted. Apparently the following year I just answered the damn question when asked.

“Yup. I’m Santa and magic is real.”

We still wait at the top of the stairs for my husband to slowly, slowly, slowly put out the coffee and cookies.

The excitement is there, but to tell you the truth, a bit of the wonder has receded.

This year, perhaps more than any time before, I remembered again something important.

I don't want presents.  I want Presence.

What is most important to me can’t be found in a material thing.

I don’t want stuff. I want meaningful interaction. With myself. With the Divine Presence. With my family and friends. I want deep conversations, rich experiences, relaxing with loved ones, and belly laughs.

These things don’t fit in a box, nor do they need a big red bow.

When I am present to the magic of my moments and the people in front of me, there is no sense of longing. I don’t need to shop for anything. In such moments, everything is delivered. Delight included.

I haven’t mailed my list to Santa at the North Pole yet. I guess I can save a stamp. 

I’m choosing to cherish Presence in little and big ways this year. I’m not only consciously inviting more of these experiences into my holiday, I want to offer so much Presence to others. As if my big red bag was filled with meaningful conversations, laughter, enjoyable holiday rituals, plenty of quiet time, and lots and lots of light. 

I’m still a sucker for Santa. And I believe the magic is real.

It just isn’t confined to being under the tree. For this I’m grateful. I didn’t know how to wrap a belly laugh anyway. But, I sure know how to share one. I’m looking forward to bringing delight to those around me.

May the holidays rest within your heart so fully this year that your beautiful Presence shines on strangers and friends alike. Lighting the way to joy in simple encounters and deeply shared moments.

And may you receive the same beauty from others so that Love wraps around you. Leaving you feeling shiny, new, and really, really delighted.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

“Recreational companionship” gives a boost to those on both the giving and receiving end. This phrase, coined by Willard F Harley Jr, PhD, combines two very important human needs: having fun and having someone to share it with. If you like rock climbing and your bestie enjoys knitting, you’re probably searching for a middle ground. Explore this concept with your family, friends, and colleagues. Find those activities which others also find intriguing, fun, or worth a try. Doing something interesting together can boost your sense of belonging, active the feel good chemicals, and create some lovely memories (and funny stories!). Communication, creativity, and a sense of adventure go a long way. Enjoy