Category: Blog-Psychology

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The Trouble with Ruminating

Have you got a mind that likes to mull over things? 

You know that mind. It likes to chew on the problem and replay conversations. It activates the critical voice so you may think on all the ways you, them, or the situation isn’t so great. It goes on and on and on. Ad nauseam. 

This rumination launches you into a state of mind that’s really unhelpful.

Now you’re feeling crappy about yourself or less than enthusiastic about the situation you face. You slide easily down that slippery slope and judge others, feel frustrated, or drop into a more hopeless view of the future. It’s rare that your rumination leads you into a state of open curiosity or exhilarating joy as you face a challenging situation. More likely you’ll be drawing into that half glass empty mindset.

Rumination invites you to become more like Piglet or Eeyore than Tigger or Christopher Robin.

If you’re not a Winnie the Pooh aficionado, I’ll translate for you. The constant worrying of the mind leads you into anxiety or depression more than enthusiasm or calm wisdom. Think on that for a brief moment. Which approach to the complexity of living would you rather choose? [And if you missed the archetypal wisdom and deep solutions to living that Winnie the Pooh offers, you might want to dive back in with a curious mind.]

So your mind ruminates. And wanders into troubling places. Blinding you to higher solutions.

You’re not alone. It’s a human condition. Quite persistent and tricky. That’s why you may miss it, this ruminating trickster you call “thinking.” It seems the thing to do as you mull things over, vent to your friends, and analyze until you’re blue in the face (and in your mood).

So what’s a human ruminator to do to get out of this mess?

"Weed faster"

I love the analogy of the mind as a garden.

I’m a great mind gardener – weeding out the unhelpful junk and nourishing the seeds of beauty. I’m not so good at hands in the dirt gardening, although I’m happy to choose the plants. So someone with more talent and a love of gardening can plant them for me. 

Imagine your mind as a gateway into the creative soil of life.

That “stuff” back behind form which emerges into the material world as you think it and act it into being. You are gifted with fertile soil, rich with nutrients, and free of obstructions. So beautiful thoughts, words, deeds, and creations may be seeded and nurtured into blossoms. Lovely creations spilling out into the world as a delightful garden runs amok. Bringing forth a Tigger kind of joy and the Christoper Robin type of appreciation.

Take a look at your life. Are you living within such a beautiful garden?

Of course that’s a trick question. Deeply embedded within this mundane world is a beauty beyond imagining if you have eyes to see and a heart to guide your way. Yet, most humans are lost within the less than conscious habit of ruminating upon their current life. That’s not a criticism or reason for despair. Just a simple statement of what often happens within you. And me. And everyone.

Most mind gardens are filled with boulders, rocks, pebbles, and weeds galore.

It’s a daunting process to clear that soil even for the more advanced mental gardener. Yet, you can begin with a simple practice.

Notice the weed and pull it. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

Catching yourself mid-rumination is a strong invitation to stop, pull the weed, and seek out a blossom. When faced with a challenging situation, notice your personal thought about it. And watch for a bit. 

Most likely, your mind offers a lot of sentences strung together. One weed after another. Who thought weeds could be so captivating? Addictive even. Watch and listen to your thoughts, your voicing these thoughts, and listening to other’s thoughts spoken aloud.

Seems the human family is addicted to weeds.

Awareness leads to Choice leads to Change.

That’s a wise teaching I got from Christopher Robin in the form of my Dad. He taught this to the CEOs he guided and to me as a young college student. I never forgot it. 

Once you’ve witnessed enough of the mind’s rumination, you’re ready to make a choice. What kind of garden am I cultivating?

As soon as you notice that “weed” of a thought, pull it. And refocus on a “blossom.” Any blossom you choose.

It’s a simple practice that’s harder than it sounds. And well worth the effort to plant a beautiful garden for yourself and others. Remember that practice leads to mastery which leaves you with clarity, wisdom, and enthusiasm for the benefits of weeding. 

You may even toss out a few pebbles while you’re at it. 

Sometimes the boulders and deeply rooted weeds (generational and karmic trauma) require a bit more work. Especially the energetic interventions since these patterns are often embedded deeply within your field and unconscious. There are lots of techniques to help you clear your soil. I know a bunch and am happy to help you if that serves.

A lovely woman recently asked me what to do with the negative thoughts running through her mind. I guess you can imagine my response. 

“Weed faster.”

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Want to enhance your weeding practice?  Spend some moments HeartBreathing and centering within your cohesive heartspace. [Check out my free Self Soothe Strategy if this is a new concept for you. It’s on my home page.] When you’ve settled into a calm state, it’s easier to be a witness to the thoughts roaming through your mind garden. You can just watch them and label them a weed or blossom. Play with it a bit. Imagine pulling the weeds and smelling the blossoms. Offer a bouquet of beautiful blossoms to someone close to you. Watch your weed pile grown. It’s a simple imaginative process that enhances your practice. AND it counts as “weeding time.” The mind is a powerful garden. Treat it as such.

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Courage at Sea. A Tiny Drama.

When I was invited to join my husband for his business trip to Hawaii, I got busy planning.

We could visit some of our favorite West Coast people, pay our respects at the Pearl Harbor Memorial, explore the natural beauty of the island, and go find us some wild dolphins to play with. While all of these plans were lovely, it was the bucket list wild dolphin swim that made my heart beat faster.

Truth be told, I had visions of dolphins swimming in a circle around me in warm Caribbean water.

Maybe popping in for a little nudge or kiss on the cheek. So when I read the fine print regulations requiring humans to keep their distance from marine life, my fantasy deflated a tiny bit. Yet, my heart swelled with the wisdom of allowing dolphins their space.

I’ve learned second hand through my Marine Scientist offspring how close human interactions and boats don’t bode well for marine mammals.

So, I was cool with the distance rule. Trusting every whale, dolphin, turtle, and surprise marine guest would find their way to our mutual encounter. Arriving in Oahu, I heard snippets of news about the huge waves on the North Shore that were disrupting the international surfing competition. While fascinating, it had nothing to do with me given that I’d never go near a big wave, let alone balance on a surfboard.

My healthy respect (fear) of this vast ocean jazzed my nervous system just watching tv coverage of tiny humans standing on tiny boards on tremendously huge mountains of water.

Breathing deeply, I remembered that I booked us a sweet frolic with the dolphins on the East side of the island, far from the wild North. However, I forgot Oahu was an island, not a large continent. Turns out high winds and waves in one area actually impact other areas. Weather. Go figure. Given my propensity for sea sickness, I prepared well with my pre-adventure dose of Bonine and a night of dreaming about mild waves and dolphin kisses.

That dream crashed when the captain called to cancel our journey due to, get this, high waves.

If the boat couldn’t safely make it out of the harbor and the waves were too high for snorkeling, the trip was cancelled. Okay, bummer, but safety first. Especially ‘cause I’m not a water baby and rough seas are not my jam. Problem was I couldn’t reschedule because other Bonine laced tourists were gonna swim with my dolphins. Flexibly shifting plans, I booked another naturalist tour on our last full day.

Trusting we’d have time for some splashing in the dolphin pool before returning to see Hamilton in Honolulu.

Racing toward the open sea offered a new perspective of beautiful mountains, undeveloped valleys, beaches and cliffs. This was the magnificent Hawaii I had longed for and it was thrilling to witness. My Bonine filled system protected me from feeling sea sick, so I felt free, alive, and enthusiastic. I called out to the dolphins with my grateful heart, letting them know that Kathy Milano and a few friends had come to play.

And here came the pod of spotted dolphins, joyfully answering that call.

Mothers and calves, singles and couples, they swam with us through this vast fluid playground. I’d like to say we were surrounded by 50 dolphins, but I know things get exaggerated in the wonder of the moment. So, most likely, there were 45. No shit. The largest pod I’ve ever had the privilege of zooming around with.

They weren’t paying attention to that 50 yard distance rule and I wasn’t complaining.

Our tiny group of tourists and marine biologist guides were one big body of delight. Even that really sea sick dude who was wearing my acupressure bands was grinning like a maniac.

It seemed like forever that we all played, marveled, and witnessed a few hot shot leaping dolphins.

The captain stopped the boat, and in silent wonder, we surveyed the pod who stayed with us. It was a moving adventure. There was nothing on my mind and plenty of gratitude in my body.

The biologist had an announcement.

“If you want to swim with these dolphins, now is your chance.”

I was about to jump up and shout “Oh Yeah!” like a crazy wild dolphin freak, but she continued her spiel.

“There are two things you need to know. First, we are in a thousand feet of water.” No worries there, ‘cause I had no plans to touch the bottom.

“Second,” she said in a really solemn voice, “in this deep water there is always the danger of sharks.”

Dun dun. Dunn dunn. Dunnnn duuuun. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome that mythical beast of a party pooper: Jaws.

My whole body flooded with cortisol. I immediately flashed back to 1975 and the Jersey shore with friends. We scared ourselves silly with that movie and I’ve been a chicken shit in the ocean ever since. It’s normally not a problem since I’m not a water baby and rarely go in the ocean. Unless I’m in the Caribbean.

You could’ve heard a pin drop amidst that pod of frolicking dolphins.

Not one person moved a muscle. So, I apparently wasn’t alone. I looked at the other gung ho snorkelers and that 6 foot dude was shaking his head no. My stomach sank as if some part of me had made a clear decision that there was no way I was swimming with sharks that day. My dream was mid crash when her solemn voice broke in with a lilt, “But, if it’s on your bucket list, now is your chance.”

I be a brave, brave girl. I stood up and in a teeny tiny voice asked three questions.

“How long before you spot those tourist eating sharks? How long do you think we have to make it back to the boat?” and “Will you come in with me?” With a few directions about how not to flail about in the water, move slowly toward the boat if I heard the captain call “Jaws Approaching!” and confirmation that I’d have a chaperone, I turned to get my mask and snorkel.

Well, look who else was brave. My husband was nodding and ready to go even though he hated to snorkel.

Only two (non)seafaring adventurers prepared for entry. Here’s the thing with getting in the water with 45 spotted dolphins who decided to follow the distance rule while I battled my terror of Jaws. This mythic beast and my active imagination of my demise put a damper on my experience. Can’t lie about that.

I was so busy monitoring the ocean, mastering my dead lady float, breathing like Darth Vader, and listening for a warning, that I almost forgot to check out my dream dates.

I’m good at managing stress and I do be brave, so I spent as much time as I could redirecting my focus to the dozens of small dolphins swimming by us. It was magical with a tiny dose of fear. The bummer about fear dampening down my brain’s frontal lobe function, thus diminishing my higher order critical thinking and problem solving, was that I missed two simple facts.

Jaws was a movie. And I had a one in 5 million chance of being bitten by a shark.

I wish that biologist had used her encouraging, delighted voice while throwing pixie dust and adding these fun facts to her announcement. Still, I swam with lots of wild dolphins and made it out alive. We both did. I learned a lot about bucket lists, flexible dreaming, old fears with big jaws, and that whales spend a lot of time underwater between sightings.

I ended up taking a small nap during Hamilton.

Nothing dramatic, just resetting my system so I could delight in my next, very safe landlocked Hawaiian adventure.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Marine Mammals are swimming in way too much plastic, all of which is placed there by humans. Ouch. That hurts your dolphin loving heart. The good news is that many organizations are committed to improving the health of the ocean by removing plastic, interrupting plastic pollution before it arrives, and raising awareness. A quick swim in Google will reveal eco-friendly gifts or ethical organizations devoted to improving life for our marine friends. You can donate, use less plastic, pick up trash (it flows downstream). volunteer, and educate yourself about the negative human impact on the ocean. And the creative solutions addressing it all. Your tiny actions can make huge waves toward safer marine habitats. All without getting wet. 

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Broken Hearts and Unlikely Friends

The world of sorrow has a tendency to rush into your awareness.

Bombarding your precious heart with news of violence, injustice, scarcity, and fearful stories about the “other” or the stability of “your” future. Shaking your sense of safety and robbing you of peace.

It’s not your fault if you shake, shudder, and fall down.

The media is designed to weaken your foundational awareness that you are lovable and capable. That it is safe to listen to your own wise voice, even if you have to search for it. The world holds so much noise, all the time, that it has you listening outward instead of inward.

Allowing a tiny breeze of news to knock over your redwood nature.

So your heart shrinks a few sizes as you hunker into the shadowy thoughts about how you aren’t enough or there isn’t enough time, money, kindness, or goodness. Or your ferocious heart breaks open as anger rages through your body and grief cries rivers down your face. Because people hurt each other so cruelly and unjustly.

As if they’ve forgotten they are part of the same family even through they look different.

Or live differently. Shit. It’s enough to make you want to head back to bed or stick your head in a fantasy world. But, here’s the thing with toppled redwoods. They make space for the light to shine in and a new breeze to whisper of some other story.

Just when you’re ready to despair about the state of the world and drown your intelligence on Instagram, you spot a reel with a puppy riding on a rooster’s back.

Calmly regal as if he is the regent of the peace parade. Allowing a belly laugh so loud that tears fall out of your eyes and water your stingy heart. You easily imagine how the world would be in a lot better shape if that puppy rooster duo would make the rounds of every war zone, nursing home, inner city, and traffic jam.

Well, why wouldn’t the wisdom of a joyful heart and beauty of unlikely friends cloak itself in every medium?

The world of wonder has a tendency to rush into your awareness.

Seek and you shall find. Everything is available for discovery. Yet, remember this. Don’t spend too much time seeking those posts of wisdom or laugh out loud reels ‘cause the din of the world’s idea of news or entertainment can drown out what is most important.

Your inner voice. Whispering an invitation to shut it all down.

To go within and restore your bruised, broken heart.

Allowing your body to rest and your mind to reorient to your own priorities for living. Not those offered by a well meaning or nefarious world of influence and influencers. Shifting your focus away from your own mind stories that drown you in despair or discomfort to the small, shining treasures of the moment. It is here that you remember something essential.

You, like the world, are filled with good intentions, wonder, and a medicinal dose of kindness.

Recognizing this allows the heart to open and the lungs to breathe. Inviting you to reflect upon those inner values and visions which guide your actions in the outer world. Ah, yes. Here lies your own truth, sturdy in the assault of any fake news or sudden storm.

This is the path inward to the wise heart which knows when to open and when to close.

This inner guide, sturdy as a redwood, seeded and nurtured by your source, knows when to retreat, repair, and regenerate. And when to open, share loving kindness, and sturdy peace no matter what the world is offering.

There are two approaches to this natural opening and closing of the heart. One Wise. One Reckless.

The surprising thing about the heart is that, like the puppy and rooster, it gets along with this disturbing world of wonders. Within you lies the intelligence to witness the balance and goodness in all things bright and dark. The peaceful, sturdy heart witnesses without judgment and waits for the inner whisper which guides inspired action.

There is a time to pop on the rooster’s back and head out for a look see. A time to topple and rest, receiving help as it arrives. And a time to act with an open, compassionate heart, clear in the privilege of being a part of this human dance. Messy that it may be.

I’m a big fan of the sturdy redwood version of your heart system.

I know there are many ways in to that great peace which influences your mind, body, energy, and response to your inner and outer worlds. My absolute favorite way to soothe my heart open involves the practices from Heart Assisted Therapy.

If you haven’t downloaded my Self Soothe Strategy Playbook and Guided Meditation, I wonder why.

That’s available with some other goodies on my Free Resources page.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Here’s a simple heart opening practice. Whenever you feel a contraction of your heart, mood, or thinking, take a breath. And another. And another. Take 3 breaths. If possible, pause while you do this. If you’re driving, you can breathe deeply. If you are in a meeting, or running one, you can pause and breathe. Invite those around you to do the same. You’re not trying to change anything. You are breathing consciously 3 times. Then look around and spot 3 things that represent beauty, appreciation, and creativity. You can do this as you present, drive, and discuss any topic. If your face is in a screen, take a brief break. Finish with 3 breaths and with each one, name your discovery. Beauty. Appreciation. Creativity. Practice this for calming the body-mind and opening the heart. 

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Girl, Stop Complaining!

I came home from a super long day hungry and jet lagged, ready to drop my bags and dig into dinner.

There was only one problem. The kitchen was empty, as was the fridge. Having recently travelled, I only purchased a few things when we returned home and they were long gone. Scanning the freezer and cupboard for something edible, I unenthusiastically settled for pasta puttanesca.

Only to learn I had no artichoke hearts.

I apparently entered a downward slide as I complained about how my husband cooked the capellini, bitched about the runny sauce, and commented on a few other things that weren’t to my liking.

“What’s gotten into you? You’ve done nothing but complain since you came in.”

Ouch. So true. I was complaining up a storm. That observation was enough to take the wind out of those sails. First up, acknowledge and apologize for my behavior. Second, take a mini time out and change into comfy clothes. Third, play a game and listen to music while we ate.

Harmony restored, I realized I’d been complaining more than usual all day.

A slow recovery from a cold and launching into a long vacation with multiple time zones had apparently taken a bit more out of me than I realized. Full of wonderful and mediocre experiences, I had very little downtime to relax or process my journeys before diving back into work, errands, and schedule.

Mystery solved. Yet, I didn’t want that complaining habit to sneak back in next time I was tired, hungry, and over scheduled.

I tracked back over my grumpy day and realized I had been using strategies to offset my complaining. Each was beneficial in the moment, but I missed the need to increase my vigilance about how I was feeling. Like many people, my tendency to complain increases when I am uncomfortable or life has not met my expectations (as if it should).

These 3 Strategies, consciously applied, help me quit my bitchin’ and grow my gratitude.

Engaging The Beauty Way

I overslept that morning, making me late for an early appointment. Rushing to pack my lunch, I knew I was compromising my hair stylist by being late as her first customer. It didn’t feel great. Driving through a drizzle on a grey, chilly New Jersey day, I looked at the dreary woods and my mood dipped again. Yet, I wasn’t willing to be as miserable as the weather appeared, so I launched my Beauty Way practice.

The Beauty Way is both a Path and a Practice in the indigenous energy medicine of the Andes in Peru.

Like many earth based traditions, there is a focus upon creating beauty and harmony with every thought, word, and deed. To see the harmonizing energy that beauty reveals in others and your environment. And to bring beauty to every encounter. I was still driving in the drizzle on my street when I began speaking out loud to anchor my attention into this intent of Beauty.

“May I see the beauty of the rain nourishing the Earth, filling the waters, and feeding the creatures.

May I witness the intelligence of nature as she rests during the Winter season, nourishing her roots and seeds, in preparation for the reemergence of green life in the Spring. May I dwell in gratitude for the ease of driving in my beautiful car, upon these well maintained roads, through this town, passing others who are busy in the action of living. May I see the beauty within every person I meet today as I witness their special gifts, needs, and circumstances. May my presence be a blessing in any way that serves the greater good. May I be reminded throughout this day that harmony is the underlying principle of life and that I can join that harmony anytime I choose.”

The Beauty Way guided me into an appreciative customer who was only 4 minutes late.

I’d like to say it lasted all day, but I forgot the “practice” of the Beauty Way when I reached for my purse. Enter strategy #2.

Shifting Crappy Complaints into Glowing Gratitude

Parking the car, I discovered my water had spilled out from my purse onto my front seat. I bet you can imagine my response, and it wasn’t beautiful. So much for my lovely presence improving the greater good.

Since I was already primed to avoid complaining, I quickly switched strategies.

Again, I spoke aloud so my mind would stay on track as I launched into gratitude. I honestly spewed out my gratitude that my cup was only half filled. And that it was hanging out of my purse so the water landed on my front seat, only soaking the two papers sitting there. My computer was protected (angels singing here) as the case was water resistant. I threw my (very important) papers on the floor with appreciation for those rubber mats. And my husband who put them there.

With a deep breath, a grateful heart, I launched myself into the salon filled with “beauty makers” and settled in to a chair to be waited upon.

That worked until my gal asked how my vacation to Hawaii was. Oh Lordy. Paradise was a bit dicey, so how to respond? My inner tendency was to name what was disappointing or what went wrong. I used a bit of humor to slide over that part. And then launched my next anti-complaint strategy.

Stringing Pearls

During seven days in (very busy, crazy crowded) Waikiki, I experienced so many enjoyable moments. I shifted through the aspects of the trip that were unpleasant, challenging, and disappointing. Diving for pearls, I spoke of the lovely weather and changing landscape as we drove around the island. The courage of surfers in massive waves and the beauty of the mountains seen from a boat. Witnessing dolphins, whales, and turtles in the ocean with a sense of wonder. The friendship and laughter with my husband’s work mates. The generosity of his company and celebration of their success. The somber visit to Pearl Harbor and gratitude we live in peace.

It was a long necklace filled with tiny and big moments.

When you seek the pearl, or beautiful moments, of any experience, you have the opportunity to revisit the good. And realize how good it is. This strategy overrides a cognitive function that often diminishes the positive. This negativity bias is a cognitive bias that results in the adverse experiences having a more significant impact on your psychological state than the positive events you experience. Even when the positive outweighs the negative, the yuck factor has a way of taking center stage.

Since you learn more easily from negative information than positive, the negativity bias serves as a survival strategy.

Inviting you to remember where all the tigers and pirates are so you can stay away from them next time. Trouble is, the negative experience is rarely a threat to survival. Mostly, as in this case, it is a challenge or disappointment that is easily managed.

All said and done, my day of complaining came to an end. It took 3 strategies and lots of refocusing to guide me into gratitude for the beauty of my pearl necklace.

It also helped me refocus on how I choose to be in the world, how to return to balance when I’m off kilter, and how to give people who tilt lots of kindness and space.

Been there, done that. And 1-2-3, I know how to get out of that complaining rut.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Seniors are notorious for complaining. Seniors in college about keeping up with coursework and finding work. Retired seniors complain about illness, loneliness, and being put out to pasture. New initiatives are now building senior living on or near college campuses. Offering the opportunity for retired folk to mentor, tutor, and cheer students on. Encouraging the students to share technological skills, engage in meaningful conversations, and share a class. It’s an innovative idea that isn’t cheap, nor common, but it’s a beginning to invigorate intergenerational resources (and tone down that habit of complaining.) Read more here.

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Love. Appreciation. Wonder.

Love

This is the energy back behind all form. You. Your family and friends. Loved ones who sing with the Angels. Santa. And every gift, holiday light, and tension you experience. It’s your nature. 

Let your Love glow.   

Love freely even when with people or in situations that make you crazy. We’re all crazy. Love the crazy. Whatever you’re doing, sprinkle it with love. If it’s your nature, it’s a natural impulse. Seek it and share it. 

Appreciation

My heart broke open this morning. Appreciating the fullness of life I was experiencing. The sweetness and the profound sorrow. The connections and the desire to reconnect. The hustle bustle and the stillness. It’s all in there. Life amazes me and I dissolve in appreciation, as long as I’m moving slowly enough to notice.

Pay attention. Appreciation wants to express through you.

It’s your nature. Be generous with yourself throughout the holiday. Appreciate where you’re at and show up as the real you. Doesn’t matter if your cookies taste good, you’re hungover, or just too damn cheery for most people in the room.

You be you.

Let your appreciation for others spill out into every interaction.

 

They really need this simple act of being noticed and thanked.
 

It’s a basic human need. Something we can all relate to. Plus, it just feels good. Kinda like drinking warm cocoa.I bet it isn’t too hard to find tiny and big ways you appreciate another person. Or a situation. Or even a really big problem.  



Appreciation invites freedom to the holiday table. 



And freedom is a much better dinner guest than tension or judgement.   



Wonder.



As a question. I wonder what marvelous thing or event will appear at our holiday celebration? 

As a feeling. It’s often a whole body experience with a sense that life has delivered something to your door that was way beyond your expectation. It could be momentary or sustained wonder. Either way, it feels great. Every cell agrees.



The magic of Santa. The new baby at the holiday table. The unexpected opening of hearts. 



Wonder at the stories in all sacred traditions. Of a light that guided the way to joy, peace, and sweet happiness with one another. On this Winter Solstice, I invite you to remember the Light within all beings and all of the natural world.



Seek and ye shall find.   



What you seek matters. For all of us.



I’m wishing you joy, peace, and love as you celebrate the sacred moments within this Season of Light. 



Thanks for being a part of this lovely community whether it’s receiving this Blog or showing up at Soul Sanctuary. I’m glad you’re around. You make my life richer with your Presence.



Happy holidays.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Always be on the lookout for Wonder. It’s a game changer. Wonder is a complex emotion best investigated by direct experience. It may be defined as a heightened state of emotion and consciousness. Prompted by something that is rare, unexpected, and beautiful. It holds elements of surprise, joy, curiosity, and contemplation. It drops you into an expanded state by surprise and delights you with the shift in perception of your surroundings and life itself. Settling into the moment, cultivating stillness, and calling forth love and appreciation may leave you Wonder Prone. 


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Sitting in the Mall. Ho Ho Ho No.

I was back at the Apple store. In the mall. During holiday shopping season.  

For someone who doesn’t shop much nor go to the mall during holiday season, here I was (again) at the Apple store. Second round of checking out why only one of my Air Pods worked. My original pair was fading and only the left pod worked. So I purchased a new pair only to discover that the right pod didn’t connect. 

A cheerful Apple Elf set me up with an appointment with a Genius who would resolve my issue. 

Any time I can work with a Genius, I’m in. Although I balked when told I’d have to wait over an hour for the next available smarty pants. Truth be told, I panicked a bit. What was I going to do in a mall for over an hour with all of these shoppers? Realizing the absurdity of my response, I accepted the gift of an appointment and set off to complete my one errand. I quickly remembered what I learned in my college marketing class.

Macy’s is filled with bright, shiny objects. All of which are arranged to call your name.

“Look at me! Pick me up! Take me home!” I found it fascinating how my mind was seeking something to buy, even as I ran the gauntlet of perfume bearing ladies wanting to spray me. After all, an hour to kill in the mall was an invitation to browse. Yet, I didn’t need anything and I didn’t fancy the lure of buying something for a quick oxytocin hit.

If browsing was out, perhaps I could get some extra steps in by walking the mall.

I knew that was a thing, mall walking. Unsurprisingly I had a full body shudder and a big fat no to that suggestion. Starbucks beckoned with the sound of blending and shaking, seemingly in rhythm with the holiday music. Another no. So, I stood still and waited to discover how I’d spend my hour. 

A gentle voice from within suggested a preposterous idea. 

“Why not sit on that couch over there?” In the midst of strolling shoppers, a small oasis of artistically positioned couches beckoned. With a seat that was not only free and calling my name, but facing the Apple store.

And then, I remembered.

This Season is Sacred

 

I sat down. Smiled at my neighbors who didn’t notice ’cause they were on their phones.



I breathed deeply as I tuned into the loving vibration that underlies all of life. Sacred in every moment and every movement.

Once connected, I radiated love and appreciation. 

I mean I littered the shit out of that busy mall. Spewing light, joy, and smiles in every direction.


Once I felt the momentum had a life of its own, I checked out my neighbors.I shared a smile with my couch mate, a slouching teen in a hoodie, as we laughed at a serious toddler stalled in the midst of the moving crowd. It was entertaining and refreshing to notice how a parent let a kid be curious and people slowed down for some sweet, humorous interactions.

With more time on my hands, I shared my holiday party photos with some “love you” texts.

Here I was in the mall, on a couch, absorbed in my phone, grinning like a maniac. I had this lovely warm feeling inside. Kinda like how the Grinch felt after he encountered that little genius, Cindy Lou Who.



“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more.”



My time on the couch was complete. I took my LightBody into the cheery Apple store and met my Genius. Turns out the right pod was kaput. As she went off to get my replacement, it struck me.



My left pod, representing the Feminine, was active. Inviting me to become still, be receptive, and nourish myself directly from the Source of all things Sacred.



My right pod, representing the Masculine, suggested I tune out the outer world with its bright, shiny lure. So I could turn within to explore what was happening beneath the surface. Apparently, it took my failing Air Pods, two trips to the mall, an hour wait, and an empty couch to help me sit still and soak in the Sacred.



I hope you hear that inner call to let the glitter of the Season be delightful without obscuring the obvious.



Life is Sacred. All the time. Enjoy all the beauty, meaningful connections, and love you can radiate this holiday. Have fun giving and receiving your presents, stuffing your face, and laughing with strangers. When the going gets tough as loneliness or family stress surfaces, drop into the Light that always radiates.

Its nourishing Presence knows that YOU are already shiny and bright.


Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

There’s nothing wrong with shopping in the mall. I did my own research on that couch and watched happy people laden down with bags. Radiating happiness and laughter. Lots of shiny and bright couples and families. I also noticed some stressed out ladies (head down, walking fast). I bet they have “a list” and aren’t enjoying being the only elf in the family. And the expected crying kids and frustrated parents. That’s a given in any mall. Just remember this. Buying stuff that costs more than you can afford to please your sense of obligation or boost your self perception isn’t the greatest gift you can give yourself. 

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Let’s Do Some Good

 

Everyday I hear stories of pain. From the small empathic misses to the gross violation of human preciousness.

Everyday I seek stories of inspiration. From the tiny action of a kind sentence to a life committed to doing good.

I understand deeply that the world we live in is filled with wonder and horror. Small moments of contentment and big experiences of despair. It’s all part of life and that won’t change. Despite efforts to control the uncontrollable, you continue to ride that rollercoaster of highs and lows. I imagine life will keep on offering you everything as long as you’re breathing. So, what do you or I do about that?

I’m practicing showing up to whatever is showing up to me. As fully and completely as I can.

If an infuriating news story, personal disappointment, or tragic occurrence shows up in my face, then it’s also living in my energy field, my body, and my history. I see this as an invitation to clean it up inside myself. To process my grief, anger, sorrow, disappointment, or any other contracting emotion I may experience. These are clues, personally directed to show me the places in me that are still holding on to old energy, resentments, beliefs, and wounds. Enough all ready.

I’m ready to let it all go just like Elsa in Frozen. 

How to do that? With any tool, strategy, technique, or made up ceremony that holds the core intention to process this old stuff (energy, emotion, belief, hurt) out of your system. If your toolbox isn’t filled with techniques, mine is. And I’m happy to help you let it all go.

For starters, check out my free Self Soothe Strategy to learn the power of Energy Psychology and Heart Assisted Therapy.

I cry easily. It's predictable. If I'm inspired by a story, I'm quick to commence boo hooing.

 

I hope to cry at least once a day. Hopefully more.



When my intent is to seek those who inspire me, I’m typically rewarded with a plethora of moving moments. Yesterday I wished I had150 years left on this planet ’cause I was just that inspired to join the most amazing people, projects, and goodness that was oozing out of everybody I met or witnessed via the media. 



Humans are such benevolent, creative creatures and they fill me with wonder.



I witnessed really good parenting, a young person’s kind heart even in the midst of a despairing time, an entire crowd of people singing in public with a homeless man, a genius who is cleaning plastic out of rivers, and a man feeding the hungry with dignity (and fresh produce).



Every time I’m moved, I recognize that desire to do good which lives within me. Beating as strongly as my own heart. 



As I enter this month of December and the many Sacred Celebrations and Giving Traditions, I wonder how to stay grounded within this desire to do good. I’m not looking to set the world on fire with grand gestures. More like sharing Tiny Actions of Goodness everywhere I travel. I wonder if you’d want to join me? When you become conscious in your intent to Do Some Good and to Seek the Good, it’s amazing what unfolds.



Goodness litters your path. 



Sometimes you are the one bestowing it upon others and the world, often without even noticing. Other times, you catch the benevolence of another’s tiny to big words or actions. Another benefit of the Tiny Goodness is the simplicity with which a word, smile, action, or quiet gift is dispensed. Often without the recipient being aware that it is you who are littering in their moment. 



Stealth Beneficence has a way of flying under the radar of the egoic mind.



That’s a good thing. So, you don’t get all full of your good self or secretly look to see how others are praising your holy name. This season, let’s leave people to praise THE Holy Name. Whatever is held true in their hearts.



Leaving us free to Do Some Good. Quietly with glee. 


Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

33 million people are food insecure in the United States. That statistic makes me cry and they aren’t happy tears. It does motivate me to donate quality food to sources that pass out the food with dignity to those who will benefit. Creative new offerings like refrigerators stocked with fresh produce, microloans to allow families to supplement food purchases, and quality food delivery in economically challenged neighborhoods are helping. Shifting the norm of offering stale bread and dented cans of peas and peaches to those in need of nourishment. Food is not a luxury. It is medicine for the body: brain, gut, and energy. What action might you take that makes a tiny tummy feel better and a person feel respected?

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You CAN Take a Break or a Vacation!

Yesterday was a beautiful day in New Jersey. So lovely that I couldn’t work inside.

With a few precious hours of needing only my notes, I sat in the shade on my back deck and “worked.” As the creativity and sacred energy poured through me onto paper, I thought how much fun I was having. It didn’t seem like work at all. Far different than sitting in my office typing away, even though I enjoy mostly everything about the creation process.

I had to take a break, a breather of sorts, in order to watch the clouds race, the wind and trees dance, and my little jaguar dog patrol the perimeter.

The delight heightened as my breath deepened. I didn’t need an expert to tell me the benefits of taking a break in nature. I felt the relaxation seek the tiny tight muscles and invite them to soften. In the warmth of the sun, the slight breeze sought those pesky thoughts so they could be blown away.

If working outside and taking a breather felt so good, I imagined what days on end of relaxing in the natural world might do for me.

The research is pretty consistent. Whether you’re in nature, having a stay-cation, or exploring a new place on the planet, taking a vacation is beneficial to your overall wellbeing. Improvements in mental health, physical health, improvements in family/friend relationships, increased motivation, decrease potential for burn out, and a lovely boost in your happiness meter are a few of the findings.

So, what’s holding you back?

When you look at all the usual hesitations such as having too much work, too little money, or too much muchness in the family household schedules, you see why people crash the vacation dream before it begins.

Wise people understand that the cost may be too high not to take a vacation.

 

There is one catch. Happiness only increases when the vacation is truly relaxing.

You gotta plan this well to reap the benefits. First things first: no work. Oooops. I may have to rethink my upcoming trip to the mountains. My plan was to relax, immerse in nature, and catch up on my coursework. The idea of no work at all, even the extracurricular kind, feels a bit challenging. I’m going to have to let that plan go.

If you’re heading somewhere fun with lots to do, build in time to hang out, take naps, linger over meals, and get a good night sleep.

This is important for your return so that your boost in happiness and wellbeing continue to linger along with the good memories. I’ve been on whirlwind vacations to other countries where I haven’t wanted to miss a thing. Building in long lunches and late afternoon hang outs on the balcony balanced the exciting stress of discovery in new locations.

Set up your reentry plan before you head out on vacation.

Plan your travel so you aren’t exhausted. Once back to the office, give yourself ample time to check email and messages. Create a light schedule on return so you get into the swing of things. All the strategies that you know about are truly wise as they not only help your return, but they help you stretch the benefits of taking a vacation. Research suggests that not only are you happier, but you are more productive before and after vacation when you follow these parameters.

And while you’re at it, why not build some downtime into your day?

After my silent retreat in January (which was delicious), I created a free hour in the middle of each work day. Its made a world of difference. I’m working on getting outside as much as possible during the summer days of warmth and light. This is medicine for my Soul. I’m happy to work an hour after dinner just to create that open space in my day.

You find what works for you.

If you think life is too busy for you to take a vacation or a breather, you may want to think again.

Research reveals that 30% of men who don’t take vacation have a higher risk for heart attack. For women, this creeps up to 50% and also increases the risk of depression. That’s enough of that bad news. Especially as you have the ability to change those odds for yourself.

On that note, I’m off to take a walk.

Since I value my wellbeing and recognize that no one can do this for me, I’m stepping out.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

There are a few simple ways to combat global warming. First, become educated. A simple Google search and 10 minutes will give you the perfect idea for you. Walk, bike, carpool, or use public transportation. The more often you leave your vehicle at home, or drive an electric vehicle, the greater your contribution. Limit waste heading for landfills. You can share, refurbish or donate goods. Compost or limit waste. Use detergent sheets instead of plastic jugs. Don’t be fooled: plastic recycling is ending up in landfills at an alarming rate. All these small changes lead to large changes. My easy favorites? Plant trees (obviously), cut back on Amazon convenience orders, and radically limit waste across the household. Love your Mama. Your great grandchildren depend on that love.

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Heart Wide Open in a World Gone Mad

I’ve sat with outrage, despair, wonder, and confusion this week.

So many people, including myself, have felt the shifting of a foundation of goodness, respect, equity, safety, and hope with the recent shootings and supreme court decisions about gun control and Roe vs. Wade.

It’s been helpful to talk. To express freely whatever position is held.

I am grateful for those who witness me. And eager to enter these conversations to witness others and learn what breaks their hearts, fires up their desire to act, and leads competent people to feel so helpless. To explore the questions that bubble up. To allow rage, tears, and the desire to dive under the covers to be honored.

So many tragedies are flooding our shared world and affecting the ecosystem in which the human family lives.

I recognized something essential this week.

I couldn’t keep quiet. I didn’t want to process this on my own. I had that in common with many, many people. Seeking balance within, I felt the call to hear others and witness their pain and thinking. So I reached out to my daughter, to my friends, and opened to my clients.

I learned I didn’t have any answers. And recognized I was in no position to offer any.

I researched the status of women at the time the US Constitution was written. While not surprising, it made my head and heart hurt. I though about how far we’ve come and wondered what direction we were headed.

It’s my birthday today. I’m 63.

I was in 8th grade when Title IX was enacted. I never had any question that I could go to college as a female. Nor did my daughter. I was 13 when Roe vs. Wade was passed. Too busy navigating my early teen insecurities to consider that anyone would restrict my decisions about my body or health. Now, I look to the young women I know who face restrictions that were never a part of my adult life.  

Lacking solutions today, I want to keep my heart wide open, no matter what. That much I know.

Yet, something more emerged over the past days. A strong desire to listen to someone who was wise and awake. To hear a different prospective than the human mind’s railing about what side was right and who was not only wrong, but evil.

Life has a way of answering my questions if I let them be.

How to keep your heart open in hell.

 

A fitting title for a creative talk from a wise, awake man. Reading poetry from other wise, awake men. 

I received succor in that. Wise men, in tune with their feminine wisdom, providing a higher understanding of how to be in a world that sucks so much and holds so much beauty. 

An understanding that helped me explore the questions asked by those around me. Exploring how to live in the world and keep your heart open. A way to be spiritually focused without losing touch with your humanity. Guidance for action that was balanced, coming from a perspective that there was harmony to the implicate and explicate order of the universe. And our experience within it. 

I discovered the wisdom of Ram Dass after he passed. 

I’ve learned so much from the documentaries about his life and the talks I have watched. A richness packed into a few minutes or hours that left me more willing to live in this beautiful, horrible world with a heart that stays open.

Plus, I like how he talks like a calm, happy hippie. Words like “far out, cool, and groovy” bring me back to my high school days.

He has taught me about courage, how to sit with pain and grief, experience hope within despair, and to face death consciously. He has shown me what a heart wide open looks like in a person who is clearly human. So much more to discover I’m sure. 

Today, I think it’s best you hear from some Wise, awake dudes. 

Better than from my tiny mind that is swirling under the influence of a world rocked by madness. Buffeted about by the winds of grief, outrage, wonder, and trust. Today, I find myself at a loss for words and a strong, strong desire to listen. 

My heart wants to stay open. So that’s my position about gun control, abortion, war, ecological destruction, personal tragedy, miracles, and grace. 

A wide open heart. No matter what side of any argument you find yourself on. You’ll find the link to Ram Dass’ talk in the HeartWarming News below.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Ram Dass’ talk led me to a creative, cool resource: the After Skool channel on youtube. I found some of my favorite teachers there. Listening to their voices while the concepts were illustrated artfully. It’s a visual delight. The intent of this channel is to empower individuals to shift their inner world with artistic presentations of profound thinkers. The idea that the world changes when your internal world changes is not new. It IS empowering and shared by mystics, physicists, and medicine men and women. Here’s the link for How to Keep your Heart Open in Hell by Ram Dass. Next up for me? Allan Watts. He probably says groovy too.

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Don’t Help Me. Please.

I was driving home with my daughter when we noticed a large snapping turtle crossing the roadway. 

It was a tiny back street lined with a small pond on one side and the forest on the other.  As we drove by, he settled down just a foot into the road. Hanging out there as if it were a rest stop.  Right in the path of the cars cutting through our neighborhood at rush hour – blowing through the stop sign in order to cut a moment from their commute.

“Not happening!” I said as I pulled the car over.  

“We are moving that turtle before he gets crushed,” I declared.  I bounded from the car as my daughter muttered “Oh, here we go.”  I carried my umbrella as a prodding agent which was totally unhelpful as it popped open immediately, rendering it useless.  (More eye rolls from you know who. I might have even added a few myself as I looked quite ridiculous).  

I found another totally inadequate stick which left us just staring at a magnificent, prehistoric looking turtle wondering what to do next.  

We knew enough not to go near the front of him.  They call them snapping turtles for a reason.  While my daughter longed to pick him up and carry him, I had visions of her dropping him in the moment of a freakout.  Nope.  Meanwhile, he was resting as if he had all the time in the world and wasn’t facing imminent death (okay … I exaggerate). 

A car pulled up and an older man asked if we were okay. 

Explaining our predicament, he enthusiastically jumped out of his SUV with a golf umbrella as if he were going to single handedly rescue all of us.  We were in business. He tapped him gently and the giant turtle stirred and tipped to one side. I knew if we could gently tap his other side, he would start to rise up and walk.  Which he did.

Wish I kept my mouth shut.

 

Our rescuer got so excited he went around to take a photo for his grandkids.

And down went the turtle. 

Dropping down at the sight of a looming threat …. a 6 foot gentle giant with a camera. Things worsened quickly when the giant decided to tap the turtle more strongly on the back of his shell with his foot.  My kid and I exchanged a look. 

Now we were party to traumatizing this magnificent creature instead of saving him. 

With that final insult, “Snappy” promptly lumbered up onto the grass in the direction of the pond and hunkered down.  He looked our way as if daring us to come near him.  Fearing that our foot tapping savior could not curb his enthusiasm, we declared our effort a success.  I mentioned I had to run out to the store in a bit and would check to make sure he hadn’t ventured back into harm’s way again. This gave us all permission to end our rescue mission.

Mind you, not one car had careened around that corner during our dramatic interlude. 

“Well that went well.” stated you know who.  A bit later I headed out to the store and was alert as I fully stopped at the corner stop sign.  Scanning the grass to the right, I noticed the area was totally free of that huge turtle.  The reason?

He was lumbering across the street toward the woods. 

As turned the corner, I watched as he settled down into his protective position – shell to the ground – right in the middle of oncoming traffic in the other direction.  Wiser now, I slowly rolled past him as if he wasn’t there.  Hoping I wouldn’t see him crushed on my return trip, I had a revelation.

He had probably commuted that route hundreds of times without incident. 

After all he was a huge turtle, not some tiny little thing out on his first independent stroll.  He had to have some skill to have made it this far in a residential neighborhood.  Perhaps he wasn’t so helpless just because he was a turtle who lived near humans and their roads.  Now who was rolling her eyes? 

I got to wondering about all the times my intent to be helpful may have actually diverted someone from their intended path. 

It isn’t the first time I’ve stopped my car to turn around a turtle.  Let’s just say I have a history of such behavior.  In the future, however, I may tune in first to my inner wisdom and have a chat with the turtle or whatever creature it may be (human included).  Rather than immediately jump in as helper, perhaps I will see if it serves to help or will only slow the progress of the intended journey. 

I didn’t see Snappy on the way home, but that didn’t surprise me. 

He had already taught me what I needed to know. I was grateful and wiser as a result of our encounter. I figured he had lumbered off to teach some other well meaning, silly human. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When to help and when to sit back as witness?  With so much suffering in the world, you feel called to improve the lives of others. Hard to know what helps and what doesn’t. The book, Toxic Charity, sheds insight into the disempowering effects of well meaning aid to others. Creating sustainable change which respects and empowers not only the person or community, but the gains achieved through struggle, is an art form. Exploring the personal reasons for helping as well as deep listening to a community’s needs goes a long way to discern if, when, and how to offer your service. Empowering growth and self sufficiency.