Category: Blog-Psychology

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Applause Please!


The New Year is upon you. Right on the tail of your full belly, busy schedule, and (hopefully) positive feelings about your world.

Before you dive back into your regular work and life schedule, how about you take a breath and consider the year you’ve been living? There’s time enough for New Year’s resolutions, goals, or choosing a “word of the year” after the ball drops at midnight on January 1, 2024. Perhaps you can spare an hour over the next few days to take stock of where you’ve been.

My favorite practice is Seeking the Hidden Gems of 2023. You’ll float back over the past year to uncover all the ways you’ve grown into a wiser human being.

No matter what area of life you look at, you’re seeking the small to large wins. No need to dwell on all things undone or resolutions left by the way side. This is a celebratory practice looking backwards. And it’s not just reserved for the big gains, although I’m sure you’ll find some of those. Remember that it is deeply personal and all relative. What’s a win to you may be nothing to another.

In this practice, there is no other to consider. After all, it’s your life you’re living.

You’ll want to float about in many categories of life. Some examples may include hobbies, friendships, all things health, dreams, care offered others or the planet, financial harmony, creative pursuits, favorite contributions (work, volunteer, private prayers), spending time alone, play, enhancing family wellbeing, spiritual practice, and any other aspect of YOUR wellbeing.

When your mind goes to a critical assessment of what wasn’t accomplished, where you failed, or what is missing, take a breath and remind yourself that Part Two of the practice, Aspirational Dreaming in 2024, doesn’t happen until the New Year.

I expect you to be surprised and delighted by all the Hidden Gems you'll uncover. 


When you consider all of the Tiny Actions, simple pleasures, and many small to large wins, perhaps you’ll discover a more capable version of yourself.

One who is deeply human in all of your vulnerabilities, desires, beauty, and gifts. One who is more interconnected with others than you may have realized. One who has been receiving as well as giving, and most likely sharing times of happiness, meaning, and contribution with others (animals and nature included!).

It’s often the things you take for granted that, when written on your list, add up to reveal you are quite something and have lived a fuller life than you’ve realized.

Of course, you’ll want to include the challenges you’ve faced. When you do, instead of focusing upon how hard, sad, or overwhelmingly devastating these times were, seek the tiny if not great things you learned about yourself, others, and life.

When I’ve faced the most challenging times in my life, I’ve looked for how Love infiltrates every encounter.

I could write a book on how Love moves in these moments. Through others, through me, through the physical space, and through all emotions that ebb and flow. It amazes me and leaves me open, willing, and ready to be with Life as hard as it is showing up in those moments. When I forget to seek Love, I’m stressed and dismayed. It’s amazing how easily you drop into fear and stress while leaving love and wonder off to one side, isn’t it? Yet that is the way of it for most humans, even with the best of intentions.

The cool thing about Seeking Hidden Gems is that you may want to revisit the practice throughout the year.

A monthly or quarterly review is not just for the financially savvy human. Recognizing how you’re growing into your wisdom, generous spirit, and capacity to enjoy Life requires awareness. Without stopping to smell the proverbial rose, you miss what’s often right under your nose.

Here’s the How To. It’s simple.

Give yourself the gift of a quiet space, at least an hour or so, and a blank notebook. You can nourish this practice any way that makes sense to you. Some folks love to create a ceremony by opening sacred space, lighting a candle, enjoying soothing instrumental music, and whatever is personally meaningful. I’m a big fan of the unlined journal, colored pens, and doodling my findings. I find this type of “journal” invites the seeding of new growth and nourishment of dreams I can’t yet articulate.

Choose your 6 – 10 categories for review. Be creative and find those areas of life that are truly meaningful to you.

And don’t leave out the hard ones! They often yield the most surprising fruit. The idea of “float back” is to let your mind gently travel over the year. It’s typically not in a linear fashion. More like a meandering through memories. Some insights are bright and obvious. Others have a more subtle glow and may have to be sought with a bit more relaxed diligence.

A few simple questions may prompt your meandering treasure hunt.

What was good about that time or situation? How did I grow into a stronger, more compassionate, and competent person? Where did play, creativity, laughter, and fun show up in the year? What tiny gains added up or seeded something I can keep on nourishing in 2024? What did I really love, enjoy, or benefit from last year? What motivated me to be kind, generous, and loving? Am I any wiser? What did I offer others? What did I bring out into the world?

When you’ve meandered a bit, written down some notes, and examined all your categories, take a look at any areas where the gems are sparse.

Now it’s time to go smaller. If you’re like most people, you may be looking for those bigger gems that sparkle for all to see. Find the tiny movements you made. Getting out of bed on hard days. Helping a stranger. Donating a dollar to a food bank at the grocery store. Eating a few green beans. Exploring a new activity or place.

Finding a bunch of “micro movements” toward wellbeing and wisdom is essential in every category.

Spoiler alert: if you take the time to WholeHeartedly Seek your Hidden Gems, you may discover a wise, loving, and creative person living within your skin. Seems worth the meander. Don’t forget this is a celebratory practice, so give yourself a round of applause and maybe a few pats on the back along the way.

Check out the HeartWarming News below. You’ll want to seek other’s good fortune as well as your own. Win win!

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

You CAN catch happiness. Studies have shown that stress is catching, such as how witnessing others in pain can activate the pain network in your brain. (Hint: turn off the evening news and read your news selectively). New studies on “positive empathy” reveals that your brain will also resonate with positive emotions. Witnessing other’s good fortune can activate the reward system in your brain. Hip hip hooray for you and me! Positive empathy experiences are good for your peace of mind, relationships, happiness, and self satisfaction. Lots of not so hidden gems there!

 

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Simple Experiments for the Dark Time

It’s dark and getting colder in North America and much of the world.

Inviting you to slow down, light your candles, warm your hands by the fire, and enjoy your time indoors. It’s hard to miss the obvious invitation to slow down, go inside, nourish what is meaningful, and rejuvenate your mind, body, and soul.

Yet, modern life has clearly disrupted your tendency to sync up with the seasonal wisdom.

It’s a social thing, this modern life. Artificial lights, smart phones, instant messaging, the world wide web, and scrolling on social media keep you connected all day, every day. Schedules, tasks, automobiles, and your people scattered about the world. It’s different than living in ancient times in a village where the seasonal wisdom reigned supreme.

Just because the wonders of modern life encourage you to “run, run, Rudolph” doesn’t mean you have to keep up the pace.

Imagine having the audacity to launch a social experiment in the midst of the hustle and bustle of all this holiday hoopla.

Settle in your home. Light a candle or fire. Soft music. Quiet conversation. Silence. No TV or books. 


“Everyday?!?! How long?” screams the mind.

“What about shopping after work? I have gifts to wrap, meals to prepare, guests to host, travel plans to make!” The mind is going a bit crazy with this simple experiment. That’s to be expected.

You define the parameters of your experiment. 5 minutes or 5 hours. Alone or with others.

You may enjoy the lusciousness of non doing as you relax in the dim light listening to your favorite music or people. The body remembers the ancient times and will slowly settle in. Make sure you throw in some silence as you sit in the dark with the lights of the tree, menorah, or fire. The more you practice this during the winter season, the more memory awakens.

Ancient wisdom embodied in the modern world.

Moving back into the world of hustle, you’ll bring a slower rhythm out into the world. Returning to nourish in the quiet of your home. Allowing yourself to discover your own way of realigning with the wise movement of the natural world.

Every moment is sacred and filled with potential joy, wonder, and the warmth of love.

However you celebrate the Light of the Season, enjoy it. I wish you great peace and less stress. I hope you breathe deeply and carve out a single minute for yourself to enjoy your surroundings. Again and again. Every day.

1 minute of nourished wonder. Repeat. Repeat.

That’s another simple experiment. Don’t tell your mind. It will only freak out.

I hope you show up wherever you are to these invitations. So you may savor the light within and around you.

I hope you gather your friends and family around you so they may experience the peace within you and bask in your light.

I’m off now to bask within the Salon at Soul Sanctuary. Just for an entire minute. I’ll be thinking of you.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Northern Norwegians have figured out how to live joyfully in the dark days of winter. Imagine living in a place where the sun doesn’t rise (or only briefly peaks out on the horizon) from the middle of November through the end of January. It becomes part of the culture to nestle into the warmth of the hearth, love of family and friends, comfort food and activities. All the while, going about the daily actions of living, playing, and working. Rather than hibernating, you’ll find these Norwegians slipping into warm clothes while turning on their headlamps to light the way. Joyful dark days.

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4 Tips for Reducing Holiday Tension

The Thanksgiving Holiday is upon us in the United States.

Bringing families and friends together to share a meal with gratitude for the abundance of love, food, community, and pleasure. Unless tensions arise for any number of reasons. Perhaps you stress when hosting, families don’t get along, you are dealing with grief or loneliness, someone drinks too much, politics get dicey, or any number of ways your leftover childhood issues come uninvited to dinner.

Here’s four suggestions to lower your tension this turkey day.

1. Be Yourself

That might sound obvious, but it’s hard for people to be comfortable in their own skin when there is any kind of tension present. Family gatherings may be the one place you actually drop into yourself and feel at home. I’m happy for you. I’m also aware that a large number of people feel anxious in anticipation of all those inlaws and outlaws gathering in one place.

What if you decided ahead of time to show up as who you feel yourself to be?

If you’re used to wearing a mask or using strategies to protect yourself, why not let at least one of them drop off? If that sounds terrifying, try it out for a few minutes with the most benign person at dinner. Most people don’t notice you’re all masked up like its Halloween, so they won’t notice if you let just one layer loose.

As long as you feel safe enough, it’s an interesting game to play. After all, it’s up to you to step into your own skin, comfy or not, so perhaps you give yourself permission this year to begin.

2. Acknowledge your personal, family and or friend situation.

You all may be at peace, enthusiastic about your lives, and happy to stuff your face together. Or you may be in a terrible fight, hate being in a crowd, are deep in grief, or worried about that relative who has gone off the rails. Whether it is temporary or long standing, let it be that.

Wishing life was different or getting angry at others for being who they are, where they are, and how they’re behaving is gonna give you indigestion.

Deciding ahead of time to make peace with your situation or come to a temporary truce within yourself may allow you to take the edge off. With that mindset shift, you might actually find some beauty hidden in the day.

3. Remember to wear pants.

This is for anyone feeling the stress of hosting and trying to make a meal tasty and special for everyone. Worrying about how clean the house is, whether the turkey will be moist, or if you have enough matching place settings is beside the point. You’re hosting. Everyone else is grateful they are not.

It doesn’t need to be perfect and you don’t have to worry about everyone’s wellbeing. Don’t fry your brain over entertaining. Even if your guests are grumpy and silently judging your spread, they’re still eating your meal.

So, forget worrying about what other people think.

Keep it simple and do your best. Above all, remember to wear pants. 


Or a skirt. Seriously, as long as you remember the basics like getting dressed and putting some food on the table, the day will be a success. Spray some lemon spray by the front door so guests think your house is clean and enjoy your day.

4. Focus on the worthy.

It’s Thanksgiving and the hint is in the name. Spend some time contemplating what’s really important in life. What are you grateful for? Even if life isn’t quite working out as you’d like, spend the day saying thank you – aloud and silently – for all you have been given, created, and are in the process of dreaming.

Be generous with your gratitude.

Play a game where you let everyone know your appreciation. One at a time. Thank them for who they are, what they’ve given you, or, if all else fails, for passing the gravy. Be generous – give that thanks away freely.

And don’t forget to pass some loving gratitude to yourself.

For showing up however you have on this day of Giving Thanks. And for all the ways you make the world sparkle a bit brighter because you exist.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Want to be a Human Book? Explore the Human Library Project where you can volunteer your time and “story” in order to educate others. It began in Copenhagen in 2000 with an intent to break down stereotypes and stigma. Gathering volunteers to share stories of what it was like to grow up gay, placed in child protective services, being psychic, surviving a suicide attempt, being deaf and depressed, living as an immigrant, and more. You’re helped to “unjudge someone” when you sit for 30 minutes listening to a life story. 80 countries and going strong.

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I’m Thinking in an Irish Accent

It began quietly enough. Making my protein shake one morning, I noticed my thoughts had an accent.

That was certainly different, so it got my attention. I tuned in to listen to the inner mental dialogue I normally ignore as drivel. To be sure, it was still drivel, but all the more entertaining with different lingo and a new take on profanity. Although the dialogue was silly nonsense, it had some entertaining visuals.

That’s how my husband found me in my kitchen. Cracking myself up and mumbling about some shite nonsense.

I blame it on the Derry Girls. All 5 of them, boy included.

I’m not particularly Irish myself. Despite my very Irish surnames on both sides of my family. I blame that distancing from my heritage on my Mother and those felt shamrocks she pinned to my knee socks on St. Patrick’s day. Dressed head to toe in green, I’m not sure why I needed to adorn myself further. I think it was an Irish thing.

It wasn’t until 7th grade that I finally figured out that since they were attached by safety pins, those damn shamrocks could be easily unattached as soon as I was out of sight of my house. I was a bit slow in those days.

If only I hung out with the Derry girls, I’d have quickly tossed those shamrocks as I engaged in any manner of shenanigans.

It wasn’t until season 3 of this Netflix series that I realized I was watching a Seinfeld like show, albeit in a little town in Ireland. A cast of “characters” (adults included), plenty of ridiculousness, no one learning from the lessons they encountered, clever story lines, and the occasional poignancy depicted within friendships, insecurities, and the Troubles. 


Reflecting upon how easily this Derry girl thinking had infiltrated my psyche, I realized how influenced you and I truly are.

Beyond the influence of society via film, stories, media, institutional training, and cultural lore, there is family. The stories you’ve lived with your family of origin and the stories you’ve carried.

Some may be obvious, yet most are subtle, buried deep within your physicality, energetics, and psyche.

You are living the stories of your ancestors whether you notice them or not. 


You can explore this via genetics, epigenetics, ancestral energetic influence, and inherited family trauma patterns.

I see these all the time in my work with Energy Medicine and the Andean Energy Medicine (Peru). Long gone ancestors have offered their unresolved issues down through the generations through many pathways.

Perhaps hoping one day a great great grandchild will work things out for the family.

Later that same day, I was engaged in a relatively mindless task and I wandered into a pictorial daydream. I was in my parents’ bedroom at the time my Mom was bed bound in hospice. I thought poignantly that my parents would’ve enjoyed the Derry Girls given their heritage and well oiled funny bones.

Next thing I know Mom and I were cracking up, tears running down our faces, about that Mother Mary statue episode. 



That’s how my husband found me. Making a sign for a yard sale and laughing my ass off … in an Irish accent. While finding me like this isn’t a surprise, he wondered what it was this time that had me going on. I realized in the telling that I had entered a new level of connection with my Mom. We were both reminiscing about the episode we had “seen” and which, as usually happens, it became even funnier with the retelling.

After my gratitude and laughter subsided, I realized the time of year.

Here it was coming on Halloween (with many fond costume memories), all Saint’s Day (a time of honoring our family passed), the Day of the Dead (a time to honor the ancestors), and my Mom’s birthday. All happening the week after my yard sale where I was finally cleaning out things I “carried” home after cleaning out my family home a few years ago.

Ahhhh. I almost missed it. This clue to explore more of the subtle, pervasive influence that my family (recent and ancient) has had, and is having, on my current life.

I added some photos to my ancestor’s altar in my guest room. Including my husband’s family. Spend some moments in gratitude for our lineages who have given us so many gifts. Including the hidden kind that source our strength and fuel our stuck patterns. I’m grateful for the entertaining way this invitation came my way. And the new connections that arose as a result of engaging my inner Irish.

As I begin my excavation of these past familial influences, I’ll use the tools I already have developed. 

Integrating the capacity to dialogue with aspects of the self and relatives long gone with the shamanic practices of tracking and journeying. Tuning into the mental, emotional, physical, and energetic patterns being played out in my daily life. All of this leading to the energetic clearing of those energy patterns which aren’t mine to carry. Honoring those who came before me, doing the best they could, while making the space for me to walk forward, doing the best I can. Cleaning things up for myself and for future generations.

If I may help you “clean up” your lineage and the energy you carry, please let me know. 



There are so many avenues to do this work. Andean Energy Medicine. Heart Assisted Therapy. The Emotion and Body Code. AngelicEnergetics™. I use them all and likely will continue for as long as I’m breathing.

And if you’re watching Derry Girls, I suggest using subtitles. Unless you’re full blown Irish.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Many organizations are focused upon intergenerational healing and the importance of attending to 7 generations in both directions. Every culture in this war torn world of those who conquer has experienced attempted annihilation of peoples, cultural beliefs, religious practices, and traditions. Denying people their place, voice, and worth as equals in the human family. Healing of The Seven Generations is a Canadian organization focused upon healing the trauma of the impact of residential schools on the First Peoples and their descendants. One story. Replayed around the world throughout time. Whatever your ancestral story, let’s heal this within ourselves and the world.

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Celestial Librarians Await You

I was driving on the highway when I received the name for an integrated Angelic Healing method: AngelicEnergetics™.

That’s often the way of it, this celestial communication. While I love those larger than life stories of meeting a fully winged Angel in the hallway while traipsing to the bathroom in the middle of the night, those kinda things never happened to me.

In fact, I pretty much dismissed a few years of lovely appearances, helpful suggestions, and mind blowing instruction about the secrets of the Universe because they didn’t meet my idea of how Angels et al should show up.

Somewhere along the years, my rational brain took a nap and I caught up with all those interactions. That’s the beauty of a celestial rendezvous. Even when you’re late to the party, you’re invited to reminisce about all those times you saw, heard, felt, or were spontaneously guided to the perfect moment, information, or opportunity.

I could write a book about my celestial encounters, but that’s not so interesting to me.

I’d rather explore with you how to expand YOUR contact with those cosmic conversationalists. It lights me up when you access a new way of connecting to your own intuitive genius and begin the nonlinear path of walking hand in hand with the Angels. And then play around with how to share your unique intuitive style with others so they may enter their own Angelic connection.

Once you’re in the conversation, the libraries of the heavens open for you.



That’s why I’m not so interested in one book. Not when every conversation opens a new story, a new technique, and a new way to offer this knowledge to others. I guess I’m more of a Celestial Librarian than an author of personal encounters with the Divine (by any name and form).

Makes me wonder if you’ve got your library card and if you want to explore what’s waiting for you with AngelicEnergetics™?

It was the Angels’ idea to integrate Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine techniques with Angelic energy healing. 


That was right up my alley as I’m aware of the efficient power of very simple Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine techniques.

They clarify your energy field, organize your capacity to receive and process information, and restructure the energy body to hold more light. It made great sense to me to add these techniques to the Angelic connection, communication, and energy healing. Great sense. 



Plus the Archangels and the Seven Rays of Divine Light are generous, brilliant teachers.

For the past fifteen years, they’ve been mentoring me in new ways to work with light, color frequency, light chambers (matrices of light), and planetary lightwork. These Angelic partners are quite considerate as all techniques and direct teaching take into consideration how you “work” as an intuitive being and where you are on your own developmental learning curve. As you gain more experience with AngelicEnergetics™, you recognize how to adapt the techniques to work with groups, individuals, places, or cosmic situations.

The Angels of the Rays have been recently teaching me how to “dose the light” to complement other traditional and holistic interventions.

That was unexpected and came in handy when working on my dog after his skunk encounter. They’ve also had me update the Practitioner and Advanced Practitioner Manuals. There’s more to come in that regard, but I need to play with others a bit before they’ll release more techniques. Are you in? If so, you’ll meet them soon enough and develop a new, even deeper relationship than you have right now.

I’m inviting you to explore AngelicEnergetics™ for your own benefit.

If you want to take it further and share it with others informally or professionally, that’s great. I’ll support both options and share what I’ve learned to launch you onto your own direct learning path. However, I want to be really clear about something. If you explore AngelicEnergetics™, you’ll be reaping the benefits and supporting your personal expansion at all levels of your being.

As a natural outcome, you’ll heal, shift, and grow energetically, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. All in accordance with your Soul’s guidance.

I use AngelicEnergetics™ every week for myself, in my work, with nature, in the world, and throughout the cosmos. It’s just a natural way of being and always empowers my intent to be a beneficial presence as I become a better human. I’d love to share what I’ve learned with you so you may expand your way of being a joyful, beneficial presence in the world.

Whether you know nothing about energy healing or Angels, or you’re a wise professional serving the world, AngelicEnergetics™ is calling you.

Dip your toe in the energy with the AngelicEnergetics™ Group Healing ZOOM events. Dive deeper with a 1 or 2 day in person training at Soul Sanctuary. The 1 day EveryOne AngelicEnergetics™ training empowers your personal work. If you want to share it with others for fun or professionally, you need to attend the 2 day (plus) Practitioner training. All details are available here or check out my Workshop page.

How do you know if this modality is right for you? Ask the Angels. And if you want a second opinion, feel free to reach out to me for a chat.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Turns out that more people believe in Angels and heaven than in the devil and hell. Although things that science can’t explain and the power of prayer beat out both heaven and the Angels. Bet that’s getting a good laugh rippling across the proverbial heavens. So says a recent AP-NORC poll of 1680 adults in the US. That devil is still beating out ghosts, karma, and yoga as a spiritual practice. I wonder what the yogis say about that? They probably just take a deep breath and let it go with a harmonious “Ooooooommmmmmmm.”

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Help! My Siblings are Fighting!

All around the world, my human family is having a really hard time. 

In the midst of conflict, it’s easy to forget that we the people share something so common and so very precious. We’re all living, breathing human beings. Sharing our lives on this planet which is so rich in resources and also so at risk of deterioration. 

This amnesia is so pervasive that it leaves brothers fighting against brothers. Mothers against mothers. Siblings against siblings. 

It’s enough to make a grown human weep. And many are weeping all over the world. Those in the line of fire, witnessing the destructive nature of humanity, and mourning the loss of people, creatures, landscapes, and ideals such as peace, harmony, and respect. When the world wide news seeps so easily into your home and your psyche, you can’t help but shake a bit. 

I’ve been listening to a lot of people shaking these past weeks. In fear, outrage, and deep sorrow.

A pervading sense of helplessness comes from being so unsettled by what is happening in the world(s) around us. Fear, outrage, and sorrow activate the stress response system. Repeatedly. Flooding your body with cortisol or adrenaline. And linking to all those stored memories of feeling unsafe, unsettled, and unsupported. 

It’s not only the dropping of bombs and horror of witnessing the loss of life, limbs, and neighborhoods as wars rage in the Middle East and Ukraine. 

It’s the relentless awareness of the prevalence of war zones which infiltrate all levels of humanity and spaces on the planet. Domestic violence. Cartel wars. Political infighting. Civil unrest. Human trafficking. Species extinction. Gang violence. Fiscal inequity. Environmental destruction. Sexual abuse. Crimes against people of color, gender fluidity, immigrants, and those unfortunate to live in impoverished neighborhoods. Religious condemnation. Dictators and terror. 

Us vs them. Us vs them. Us vs them.

What’s it gonna take to stop a world gone mad due to the shared insanity of humanity?

And before you say “it’s not me, it’s them making all the trouble,” consider how you just plopped right in the middle of “us vs them.”

Here’s 5 considerations when the world around you is at war and you’re suffering. 


#1. Don’t join the fight. 

It’s a challenge not to take sides. Especially when you feel one side is so right and the other side is so wrong. No one said this step was going to be easy. Rather than jumping into the fray with your fists, your opinion, and your heightened stress producing chemistry, take a pause and a few deep breaths. 

#2.  Soothe your system.

When you are in a fight or flight/flee/freeze response, you’re no good to anyone. Least of all yourself. Whether you are in extreme distress or chronically worried, it’s important to have the skill and practices to regulate your own physiology. Lots of ways to to this, but the hint was in #1. Take a pause and breathe. When you “calm yourself,” as my Grandma used to say, you regulate your physiology and gain access to the wisdom of your higher order thinking and caring heart.

[Get my freebie, The Self Soothe Strategy, or read my Breathe Like a Dolphin blog for some valuable practices.]

#3. Consider your sibling’s position.

In indigenous and wisdom traditions around the world, humanity is viewed as one family sharing the precious resources in one ecosystem. The “us vs them” gives way to the kinship view where all are related. So, once you are soothed and before you jump into action, consider your kin. That “other” individual, group, or country. What is their framework of the world and how may this “fighting” be viewed as protecting what is most valuable or necessary to them?

You step into the other’s world as you ponder and research this question. To increase understanding, perhaps access some compassion, and seek some common ground. After all, “those people” are also mothers, fathers, children, aunties, uncles, siblings, and cousins. Calm and considering, you now open to a new opportunity for peace, caring, and assistance. 

#4.  Ask the question, “What is mine to do?”

Whether you’re in the center of the storm, inflamed by the news, or deeply bothered by one of the countless disturbing situations in the world, ask this question. You may or may not get an immediate answer. This is not a problem to solve or an invitation for your mind figure out the correct answer. It is more of a request to the great intelligence that guides the moon cycles or inhabits all of the natural world. Let the answer come to you. It may surprise you and even seem unrelated, but take heed and follow up with calm, heart centered action. 

#5. Take action guided by a wise, compassionate heart. 

When you don’t feel so wise or compassionate, remember that somebody somewhere has some sage advice. It may come to you in a role model, a random interaction, a book or story, or through your own wise heart. When it’s time to do something, whatever that something is, bring the higher qualities of respect, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, and love into your offering.

Even the tiniest of action, when guided by love, sends a ripple out into the world. 

There are many ways to respond to the unrelenting sorrows of a human race at war with itself. Considering how you contribute to all the ways this world calls for your attention isn’t a one time action. More like a way of being. 

Peacemaking within. Lovemaking within. Harmony making within. 

We all live in our own world of perception which is interconnected with all worlds of perception. So your viewpoint matters and so do your tiny actions. When you realize deep in your bones that the world changes around you as you make adjustments to the world within you, something happens. 

You move away from throwing fuel on the fire of “us vs them” and enter the world of one family. Some of whom you love deeply and some who disturb the hell out of you. You aspire to become a safe space of harmony for others to rest within. You practice living respectfully, compassionately, and lovingly to yourself and others near and far. Imperfectly executing this desire.

All the while humming the Beatles tune “Come together right now over me.” 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

I’ve got some good news for you! There’s a lot of creative, collaborative, innovative solutions happening around the world. So much that I can’t squeeze it into this little pink box. Let me suggest something. If you’re gonna watch or read the news, read across the ‘far, left, middle, right, far’ to get an idea of different perspectives. Check out how other countries see things. Widen your perspective. Then mine the web for good news. I don’t subscribe to anything so that I seek news rather than have it pushed to me. With one exception. Reasons to be Cheerful slides into my inbox and motivates me to make a difference any way I can. I figure that beats me hanging out with ‘us who are bitchin’ about them.’

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Pet Love. The Great Equalizer.

It was a gorgeous, bright morning as I sat in the peaceful stillness of my kitchen.

I settled in near the window to watch the well orchestrated routine of the birds flying into the tree. Chattering as they hopped down the branches until it was their turn at the bird feeder. I never witnessed any bullying by the woodpeckers with their long, hard beaks. The doves or cardinals never bumped the tiny pine siskin or goldfinch out of the pecking order.

This merry band of birds, generously cooperative, even let that busy tailed squirrel have his turn.

The morning’s quiet was shattered by a ferocious bark as not everyone was thrilled with that squirrel entering their domain. In another well practiced routine, I opened the sliding door so Milo could police the yard and chase that furry bandit into the neighbor’s trees. As that blur of black and white flew down the steps, I turned my attention to the trees dancing in the wind.

A shrill yelp of pain followed by rapid squeals of pain had me running around the side of the house.

Where I found my dog standing on three legs with eyes wide with panic. Scooping up the shaking fur ball, I carried him in the house. With a history of straining a muscle after a speed burst, I wondered if he’d work it out with a little rest and energy work. After some soothing and a little Body Code energy work, he still stood on 3 legs.

I offered to take the first shift at the local animal hospital’s emergency room and drove off with quiet whimpers from the back seat.

I carried that wounded warrior to the front desk where I worked to keep my stress to a manageable level. I went through an interminable number of questions and a very thorough confirmation of everything in his virtual chart.

I tried to keep my tone pleasant even as the whimpers grew louder and my thirty pound creature grew heavier.

Just when I felt my arm was going to give out, I was told to take a seat. I found a corner bench where I could keep Milo on the seat next to me. Curious by nature and a big fan of the animal hospital, he was already struggling to stand and whine as he saw staff and other animals.

I spent the next two hours draped over this gentle creature to keep him still.

Given that there was plenty of action and a need to remain calm, we spent a lot of time talking. Well, to be accurate, I spent a lot of time talking quietly to my little black and white companion. His responses were more subtle by way of eye contact, ear movement to indicate he heard me, and head turning to identify the next topic of conversation.

I had a lot of time to join Milo in observing our surroundings.

At first, I took on his role of protector of our domain. Hoping no one sat too close as he’d squirm to investigate. Soon, though, I joined him in the stillness of watching who was showing up and what was happening beyond our small bubble. That perspective changed my experience.

We quietly witnessed the arrival of dogs on leases, carried in arms, and rolled in on stretchers.

The cats went by in carriers to sit in their designated waiting area. We were joined by a poodle in a diaper, a bunny in a soft carry case, a bearded dragon in a towel, and a really annoying chihuahua who made Milo and I jerk in tandem with every shrill bark.

Once the animals were catalogued and discussed, we moved onto observing their humans.

Other than the man with the dragon in the towel who was happily chatting with the blue haired mama and her two kids about their own dragon adventures, the rest of the adults sat quietly.

I watched a woman reading a book while waiting for news, only to realize she never turned a page in the whole hour. The young woman with swollen eyes and blotchy skin buried her face from time to time into that diapered poodle for a short cry.

“Milo, I think they need our help,” I whispered. Again, my small healing magi and I changed the game.

Whispering softly, we coordinated our prayers of light for the wellbeing of those creatures and their people in that room of stress and sorrow. A large black fierce breed of a dog arrived on a stretcher with a matching fierce man speaking harshly to staff. Soothing tones wrapped his sentiments as they rolled that man’s best friend off to the surgeon. For the next hour, that fierce man, undone by the danger facing his dog, stood or paced in front of that door. As if gazing down the hallway would hasten good news and peace of mind.

At times, when a dog rolled by, Milo would look at me. “I know, I don’t think he’s coming out. Let’s send him home in peace.”

It was a long few hours, sitting amidst worry and grief. All the while leaning over a small dog who patiently waited his turn, much like those beautiful birds outside our window. We celebrated when the diapered poodle reappeared even though we witnessed the woman’s quiet sobs, knowing they’d only have a wee bit more time to share their special love bond. Relieved by my husband who covered the next few hours of waiting, I recognized something of importance.

That waiting room of wretched stress, whispered prayers, and soothing staff was filled with one thing.

Humans who loved their pets. And pets who loved their humans.

Loving pets seemed to me to be the great equalizer, allowing me to see the sameness of all of us humans, regardless of how we presented. I wouldn’t have wanted to meet that man and his fierce black dog on the street, but I’m sure glad I met them in the emergency room. While I was sorry that Milo broke his little foot and relieved he had no pain, I was grateful for those hours remembering the value of every human life.

I’ve had time to let that lesson sink in deeply in this summer of slowness.

When I carry Milo up and down stairs and watch him stroll ever so gently down the street with his peg leg, I am reminded that life holds suffering. No one is immune. While the reason isn’t always obvious, everyone deserves understanding, compassion, and some soothing words in times of tension.

I’ll remember that the next time some fierce human barks at me in frustration.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

College campuses are allowing dogs on campus during exam week and as emotional support animals. Dogs, like many pets, have been found to reduce stress and anxiety. One study invited participants to engage in public speaking followed by performing difficult calculations with unfriendly observers watching them. Yuck. They were randomly assigned to bring a friend, an unfamiliar dog, or go it alone. Results found that while all participants had higher heart rates and cortisol levels, those paired with a dog had lower levels than the other groups. Having Fido around before, during, and after stressful events is a good idea!

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Let’s Hold Hands When We’re Old

I was leaving Panera one day, hotfooting it back to work with soup in hand, when I witnessed the sweetest thing.

After holding the door for his wife, a man reached over to take her hand. Very slowly, this ancient couple meandered down the sidewalk. Talking and walking as if they had all the time in the world and no one they’d rather spend it with.

Catching myself gawking, I gathered my delighted smile and sauntered to my car.

Making a note to myself to invite my husband to hold hands when we’re old got me to thinking. Perhaps we should start practicing in earnest now, strolling about with no particular place to go, as if our future wellbeing depended on it. Because it does.

Come to think of it, I wondered why I wasn’t holding hands with more people.

I reflected on when and why I stop reaching for the hands of my parents, daughter, and friends. It’s such a sweet practice that society relegates to romantic relationships, parents with young kids, or support for the elderly. While I won’t reach for my big kid’s hand these days, I could tuck my arm in hers. Enjoying the closeness and attending to our conversation more closely.

Here’s the thing about social interaction and touch. It’s essential if you want to live long and prosper.

Just ask the centenarians who live on the Italian island of Sardinia.

Not only do they report having the highest percentage of people who live to 100 or beyond, but more couples make it to the finish line together in Sardinia than elsewhere in the world.

I hear they are paying people to come live in that mountainous island. Imagine that. Paying you to get daily exercise, eat a big lunch of fresh food, followed by a nap. Family in Sardinia is the priority and they’ve nailed the work – life balance. No long work hours or using achievement as a benchmark of worth for those longevity magnets. A few days a week, they don’t even head back to work after that nap. Leaving more time to chat with their neighbors.

Researchers have studied influences on longevity, such as genetic markers, diet, health practices, social connection, and environment.

You might enjoy watching the series Chasing Life on CNN with Sanjay Gupta, MD. In the episode on Sardinia, I was heartened by those spry brothers who met at the coffee shop and the number of ancient couples still hanging out together. Those folks walked everywhere up and down hills, waving to the neighbors sitting in the windows and popping in to shop for an item or have a chat.

Seems that all this socializing is good for you.

Research has revealed that having a 1 – 3 intimate relationships is good for your health. It’s also beneficial to have in 3 – 5 mini contacts with other humans every single day. These casual encounters might include waving to the post man, talking to the neighbor, petting their dog, visiting colleagues at the water cooler, or screen time with your cousins in California. Scrolling social media or hitting the like button doesn’t count, and actually may hurt when it’s excessive, incites envy, or replaces good old face to face contact.

Cultivating intimate relationships and taking a moment to chat with the check out clerk may increase happiness, longevity, good health, and a sense of meaning.

It’s a good idea to eat well, exercise regularly, take naps when you’re pooped, and balance work and play. It might even be a good idea to learn Italian and go live a pleasurable, slow, and long life in Sardinia. If that’s too big of a leap, start walking around your town or neighborhood.

That lovely couple reminded me that human touch adds a bonus to social engagement.

Like sprinkles on your cupcake, touch may be easily added to your focus on social connection, health behavior, mindset, and life style.

You know that touch is a strong component of healthy development in humans, animals, and marine mammals. Yet, appropriate and gentle touching of one another seems to drop off as you age. Not for those lucky enough to have cuddly partners, kids and grandkids, puppies and kittens. All that hugging and holding keeps those feel good chemicals flowing and encourages social connection in a meaningful way.

If you’re living alone, and perhaps working remotely, you can consciously and creatively examine how you may cultivate more intimate friendships and casual social interactions.

It’s really important to consider what’s most comfortable for you regarding the power of appropriate touch. Not everybody enjoys the touchy feely approach. That’s cool. Your best way of connecting considers what makes sense for you. Remember to regularly give your hands or feet a good massage, cuddle with your pet, and connect with others in a way that feels safe to you and them.

If you want to hold hands when you’re old, now is a good time to start practicing your particular way of leaning in and strengthening your social connections.

I’m off to perform my own experiment with lots of hand holding, arm linking, hugging, and leaning in shoulder to shoulder with friends and family. I’ll toss in some good eye contact, deep listening, and expressed enthusiasm for being together. This approach might seem a bit much with random strangers, so I’ll just add in a few more handshakes and smiles as I seek my 3 – 5 social interactions per day.

And I fully I expect that one day, perhaps when we’re a hundred and two, that some young thing outside Panera will be gawking at me holding hands with my fella.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Your mindset about aging is really important. Researchers invited elderly folks to a lecture where they shared a few facts about aging. It wasn’t a scary tale or a fairy tale type of presentation. Just some well known facts about what happens to the body and mind when you head into your senior years. They measured the gait, stride, and speed of these lovely people as they entered and exited the lecture. You guessed it. People walked more slowly and cautiously as they exited the room. Yikes! I imagine we’re adding a decade just listening to all those commercials hawking pharmaceuticals and predicting demise from illness. It’s a wonder we make it off the couch and up the stairs each evening. I wonder what those Sardinian brothers would say about that nonsense?

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Baggage Overload

“I’m packed!”

Amazed that I had gathered everything for my upcoming journey to Peru, and fit it all in my suitcase a full day before my flight. Usually, I’m finishing up at in the wee hours of the morning, so this was cause for celebration. There was one thing left to do.

I called my husband to lift my suitcase and guesstimate the weight.

It’s an old ritual, this guessing game that often leaves a fizzle of anxiety in my belly. Every trip we mean to find that luggage scale that’s hidden in the house somewhere. An idea quickly forgotten in the enjoyment of whatever journey embarked upon. Only to be remembered the evening before, or often in my case, the morning of that next flight with the looming specter of a weight limit for my bag.

Right on cue, after hefting my luggage in the air, he exclaims, “This has gotta be close if not over 50 pounds.”

I’m not sure why I set myself up for this. I’m a great packer and can fit everything into any suitcase. It’s just that I like to have a variety of clothes so I can choose to be comfortable in any kind of weather or activity.

This time, however, I also had a list a mile long of recommended items to ensure a safe journey.

During this 12 day trip, I’d stay in 5 hotels, take multiples planes, buses, and taxis. I’d hike mountains, tour cities, chant in open courtyards, do early morning yoga, and attend (stinky) fire ceremonies. I’d also be far from medical care and needed to be prepared for weather changes, altitude sickness, biting bugs, blisters, strong sun rays, and dehydration.

No wonder I packed a lot of shit. I was intent on being prepared for anything.

That’s not to mention that I was carrying a bunch of rocks in my backpack. No, I wasn’t rucking. That’s a new fad that I have no interest in exploring. Yet, here I was heading off to climb to 12,500 feet with a backpack of rocks, raincoat, fleece, water, snacks, suntan lotion, and bug spray. I don’t mean to make light of those rocks as they are a gift to me and those I serve.

As a medicine woman in the Andean tradition, I carry my mesa with me.

A mesa, or altar, is used in healing and ceremony. Filled with medicine stones that have been transformed through my initiations and used in healing sessions, shamanic journeys, and ceremony. I climbed each mountain to enter a sacred site and engage in ceremony. Activating my mesa and my own body to higher frequencies so that I might better serve humanity and Pachamama, this great planet we inhabit. While heavy, I was grateful to have my mesa as traveling companion and wise guide.

Arriving at Philly’s airport, mostly at peace with my packing choices, I was dropped at the curb to embark upon this journey of my soul.

Truth be told, I had some trouble hefting my bag on that scale. I closed my eyes in a little prayer to the angels of the airport. “Did you plan this?” Startled I opened my eyes to a serious agent pointing to the number on the scale with a long red manicured nail.

50.0

Holy weightless wonder! I nailed it! After taking a photo to send my husband, I felt a little heaviness lift from my heart (and belly). I hadn’t realized I was carrying that bit of anxiety. A flash of a memory from my honeymoon to Italy reminded me of our two suitcases splayed open in front of a long line of annoyed travelers as I transferred shoes from that over the limit bag to the almost at the limit bag.

Oh.

Seems I have a history of carrying too much baggage, seen and unseen. All of it dancing with my stress chemicals.


“Time to let that habit go,” I thought, as I hefted that heavy backpack onto a body that was already resisting the weight.

Before I even arrived in Peru, hints of what I was to learn, release, and transform on this epic journey were arising. Alright then, game on.

Apparently I had some bigger lessons to learn about carrying too much baggage.

I received a disruptive lesson in the Miami airport. A giant awareness in Lima. And a rough start in Cusco. By the time I landed in the Sacred Valley, surrounded by the majesty of the Andean mountains, my lessons became more palatable. I still carried too much every day within my psyche, body, energy field, and backpack. I became adept at recognizing this collection of things I no longer needed to carry, curated by a lifetime of conditioning. And how many of them weren’t even mine to begin with.

I shed that weight with the help of ceremony, medicine teachings and teachers, the natural world, my archetypal companions, and lovely new friends.

I’m traveling more lightly now by intent and with Life’s help as it continues to remove much of what I felt was necessary. I learned that those medicine stones are worth their weight in gold and I’m happy to carry them anywhere. And that journeying throughout time to clear old baggage is a worthwhile endeavor.

Mostly, I discovered, that it is a privilege to live here and now. Knowing I’ve got everything I need within.

I could search for that luggage scale in advance of my next trip. But I won’t. Why mess with the majesty of the mystery and those future lessons just waiting to shake me awake?

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

If you’re carrying a lot of stress, you’re not alone. Robert Epstein, stress researcher, found that the average person’s ability to manage stress is remarkably low. Living in a world of stressed out adults takes its toll on you as it’s hard not to get triggered by someone’s stressed out behavior unless you’re cool as a cucumber. More importantly, it’s been found that a parent’s ability to manage their own stress is the second most powerful predictor of the wellbeing of their children. Yikes. Lots of ways to let that stress go and plenty of motivation. Instead of being a stress magnet, be a conduit of calm. Yup, that’s a thing. I have declared it so.

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SisterHood is Heading Back to School


As a kid, I had mixed feelings about heading back to school. 

I loved the freedom of summer days running around the neighborhood, sleeping under the stars, and vacationing at the beach or mountains. I didn’t need any research to convince me of the power of free time to play with friends, enjoy family, and explore the natural world. Those days of warmth, extended light, and freedom from structure restored the body, brain, and spirit.

Kids glow during the summer and not just from a touch of sun.

Too bad we mature, civilized adults didn’t build in an equivalent of an extended seasonal vacation into our work life. In the US, unless you have the financial means and permission from work to take frequent vacations or staycations, you’re grinding through 50 weeks a year at work. This definitely dampens the health and wellbeing of every body, mind, and spirit. But, I digress.

I wasn’t so keen on summer ending even if there were some perks about returning to school. 

Aside from seeing friends and enjoying school, I was always enticed by back to school shopping. I loved the trip to the stationary store with my mom and returning home to organize my notebooks, pencils, and backpack. I realize now that my delight wasn’t just about the “stuff” I carried, rather it was more about what it represented. 

A brand new notebook offered me the promise of building upon old knowledge to reveal doorways into something greater. 

I still love my school supplies and I’m still pursuing my “higher education.” If I could transport my shelves of colorful binders and notebooks along with my computer to a tropical island, I’d have enough course material to keep me busy for 6 months. As I create and consume, I welcome the pleasure of organizing all of this wisdom in colorful binders and matching notebooks. 

I’m not taking these gifts of school supplies, love of learning, and positive experiences in education lightly. 

As a school psychologist and therapist who worked decades in the nonprofit world, I’m well aware that not every child has access to the financial, family, or school support that foster growth. That’s why I’ve been running back to school supply drives for the past 30 years.

Donating school supplies may seem like a token action, allowing the giver to feel good, but making a questionable difference to the tremendous learning difficulties, poverty, or family challenges some kids face.

I know better. I’ve learned of the value of a new notebook or backpack from kids and teens who feel shame, worry, and discomfort when they don’t measure up to their peers. And, unfortunately, when they’ve been shamed by teachers for not being “prepared” with the required supplies.

School supplies matter to these kids. And they bring relief to overstressed parents.

All school supplies donated to Sisterhood serve impoverished families in Burlington City, NJ.

By now you know the drill. Drop off your school supplies at Soul Sanctuary. If it’s easier to let me do the shopping, I’m happy to do that.

Venmo me at Kathleen-Milano-2 or send via Pay Pal @kathymilanophd. Please indicate it is for Sisterhood. Be assured that every cent goes to them. 

Drop off at Soul Sanctuary or donate by August 23rd please.

You can drop off in the lobby or outside if door is locked (I’ll grab it) on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays 9 – 5pm. I’ll deliver everything on the 24th so the kids and teens can pick out what they need. 

You choose whatever you want to give. Donations will fill in the rest.

It’s great to have backpacks (5 Below), 3 subject notebooks, binders, and notebooks. If you’re shopping for the young ones, please buy the smaller packs of markers (12, 24) or crayons (24, 48) for individual use.

Thanks for your ongoing support of SisterHood in Burlington City. Year after year you show up.

I know the good work that Rev Hilda Covington and her volunteers offer the neighborhood. And I know first hand the appreciation of these kids, teens, and parents.  All donations are given anonymously in order to support Sisterhood’s mission and respect the families they serve. 

So, I’ll say thanks to all of you from all of them. Now, let’s get these kids ready to learn.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Dolphins, those #2 on the intelligent creature list, sure know the value of play! With all the stress of deadlines, to do lists, and multitasking of life, humans sometimes forget the value of playing a game with their friends. Scientists off the coast of Kauai and Maui have filmed dolphins and whales playing together. A dolphin swims onto the nose of a whale who then raises themselves slowly out of the water so the dolphin may “slide” down its back. Consciously breathing, playing with friends, and frolicking in the waters of life. Seems like we humans just got schooled.