Category: Blog-Psychology

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The Gratitude Game

November brings the expected splash of gratitude suggestions across all media sources.

Portrayed as a happy gathering around a table of plenty, Thanksgiving can be a poignant mix of appreciation, comfort, annoyance, and pain. It serves as a doorway into the holiday gathering season, inviting unresolved issues with self, family, and friends to surface.

Every holiday gathering offers a swirling cornucopia of potential for comfort and stress.

It’s important to remember that you’re sitting around the table with other human beings. Everyone bringing their perspective on life, unhealed hurts, expectations, joys, and current needs. Some put on a cheerful face while others may spew the negativity that’s eating them.

Whatever your Thanksgiving gathering or alone time looks like, why not approach it differently this year?

The Gratitude Game is a playful invitation to your inner experience.

Inspired by research which suggests gratitude is good for you if you use it effectively, this game has a few guidelines but no rules. You’re both the game master and the beneficiary so you choose how and when you play.

You’re exploring what brings you a sense of wellbeing, increased connection, and true appreciation for the good in your life.

It works better if you enter the game with an intention to increase your happiness and gratitude.

Less is more.

Studies have found that those writing only once or twice a week in a gratitude journal experienced more happiness than those writing daily. This helps interrupt the tendency to adapt to positive events quickly and succumb to a fleeting, rote sense of appreciation.

So no need to go wild with gratitude on Thanksgiving. Make room for listening, laughing, and loving.

Choose 3 reasons you appreciate someone at the table.

Best to start with people than the delicious stuffing. It’s more impactful and also may soften that old irritation you’ve brought to dinner. Whether you begin with your favorite aunt or sibling who tortured you is up to you. How did this person help you grow those positive qualities you like about yourself? Ask what you appreciate about this person and relax so the answer might arrive (and perhaps surprise you).

Take your time and savor your appreciation.

If you’re surprised by a memory or awareness, even better. Engage the positive and let it grow for a few moments. How does it feel in your body? Gratitude often gives you a warm inner feeling as a smile arrives, announcing those feel good chemicals moving through your body.

No one arrives where they are in their lives without others.

Considering the gifts you were given by those with you, as well as those who are absent, invites you to think about where you’d be without this support. Imagine if you weren’t afforded a home, food, encouraging and challenging relationships, education, or the freedom to gather in thanksgiving. Reflection upon potential absence may enhance a deeper, authentic appreciation for all you take for granted.

The Gratitude Game is a personal, internal experience.

It serves to orient you to what’s good in your life as it supports wellbeing in your body, emotions, and mind. Feel free to share some of your insights with others so they may catch warmth.

Want a twist on the gratitude journal practice?

Try mailing a handwritten note of appreciation each week. Strengthening connection while enhancing well being.

That’s a win win.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Feeling depressed about your life or the state of the world? Research has shown that a single thoughtful act of gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and a 35% reduction in symptoms of depression. Those effects disappear in 3 – 6 months so you’ve got to renew the effects with grateful action. That’s pretty specific, but you get the point. Consciously making thoughtful acts of appreciation lead to more happiness, less depression. Imagine if everyone in the world played this game. It begins with you.

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Seeking Elves for SisterHood Gift Drive

My basement is already filling with toys and gifts for the SisterHood families.

This is the TWENTY THIRD year of the SisterHood Holiday Gift Drive and I realize that it now has a momentum of it’s own.

23 years of making a huge difference in the lives of parents, children, and teens in Burlington township. Typically, 450 kids and teens are on the list and we’ve served anywhere from 250 to all 450 during these years. I don’t have to tell you that impact. Suffice it to say that the stories I’ve heard have shown me an incredible ROI (return on investment) from every hour and each dollar. So much good has been done over the years.

This year brings new elves and maintains foundational values. Here’s the quick update followed by practical ways you may contribute.

Designing the first Holiday Gift Drive, my husband and I talked a lot about how we were gonna do this. As my daughter grew up, she chimed in with her child and then teen perspective. So did many of the volunteers at SisterHood (because I asked) and elves at Soul Sanctuary. It’s why our foundational values continue to guide this drive.

It’s hard to be a parent in lower income bracket. That’s just a fact of life in the SisterHood community.

You have to meet the basic needs of housing, food, medical care, and education for your family. Many SisterHood families work hard but can’t make ends meet. They benefit from SisterHood’s food, clothing, community support and education programs. As much as they try, they just can’t provide a Christmas morning even close to many peers at school or nearby neighborhoods.

I’ve worked with lower income communities for over 40 years and I’ve consistently heard that not having enough gets translated into not being enough.

These stories hurt my heart. Especially ’cause it isn’t true. Parents and children living in lower income brackets are as valuable as any parent and child in any income bracket. I wonder, do you agree with this foundational belief?

Respect is essential. This gift drive respects parents, children, and the SisterHood organization.

Three things to consider. First, poor kids shouldn’t get crappy gifts.

I’ve seen the donations SisterHood receives and it’s disappointing that so many used, dollar store, or cheap toys are donated. It’s better to donate a $3 new ball than McDonald’s happy meal toys. (yup, lots of those). Nothing is wasted, we put them on the Stocking Gift table for parents to choose.

We collect new, sturdy, educational, and socially current toys and gifts.

Kids recognize their worth when they receive new toys and gifts. And can hold this worth when showing or talking about their gifts with peers at school. Yes, we live in a materialistic world. We respect that and understand a kid’s value is not reflected in the gifts they receive.

However, I’ve heard countless stories of how school age kids and peers mistake a nice vs crappy gift with their value as a human. And if we do it through the mechanism of ‘name brand’ toys, so be it. It’s a tiny contribution, but it matters.

Respecting kids is a tiny ripple in a desire to change this experience.

Second, we respect parents by offering them a quality collection of toys and gifts for their children.

They choose what to do with these gifts. Are they from the parents or the jolly fat man? Their choice. We don’t have a breakfast with Santa or gifts given from SisterHood as we believe that diminishes the parents’ desire to care for their children. And the benefit to children when they see their parents take care of them. There is no judgment upon whether they are a great or mediocre parent. They deserve respect and the ability to give their kids a Christmas morning experience.

Third, we respect the SisterHood organization which cares for Burlington County families facing challenge.

The SisterHood organization is made up solely of volunteers. Founded by a small group of African American woman led by Rev Hilda Covington, they aimed to raise potential in the marginalized neighborhoods. Targeting all kinds of needs, they called themselves Sisters in the Hood. I can’t even keep up with all of the programs that serve all manner of need in the neighborhoods.

I’ve built relationships with these volunteers over the years and am constantly inspired by their big hearts, innovative minds, and committed action.

I respect and trust the SisterHood volunteers to coordinate the entire Holiday Gift Drive, beyond our contribution.

I’m not present during the distribution of family gift bags. We believe it’s best to have familiar, trustworthy people who already are in relationship with the parents and grandparents. While many know of my family and our large contributing community, the experience is a neighborhood experience. As it should be. The parents express plenty of gratitude and we give SisterHood the gift of receiving it all.

However you contribute to the wellbeing of your neighbors, I respect you.

This isn’t a hard sell to donate. Rather, I invite you to consider making a difference in any direction you choose. If it is coming to SisterHood, I’ll give you some lovely options to make Christmas magic for these families.

The SisterHood Holiday depends upon a Whole Gang of Elves. Want to meet some?

Meet my favorite Barnes and Noble Moorestown Managers, Drew and Scott.

They enthusiastically agreed to make SisterHood the recipient of the B&N Annual Book Drive. It has already begun and is easy peasy. Go to the B&N Moorestown Store and find the SisterHood book selections at the check out counter. You buy them, leave them there, and I’ll be over to pick them up closer to Christmas. SisterHood volunteers will set up their “book store” so parents may pick out the perfect NEW books for their kids and teens.

Here’s something I was delighted to learn. Drew and Scott both believe that this annual book drive is the most important B&N activity of the year.

Wow. Respect, guys. Getting books in the hands of kids and teens matters. Let’s support the empowering action of reading, learning, exploring different worlds, and imagining new ideas.

Meet Tarik and Berra, sibling elves who have taken on the book drive and more.

Thanks to long time elf, Esther, I met a beautiful family this past week at Barnes and Noble. Esther and her fourth grade charge are leading up the book drive. Flyers, school and community involvement, and picking the book selections. It was an entertaining and enlightening experience for me to witness how a child could lead.

I also heard a lot of jokes. Here’s one: what is the highest place in a school? (read it all to find the answer).

His sister, Berra, is heading up a high school project providing Mystery Boxes for teens.

Imagine opening a box full of goodies, all interesting and fun for a teenager. I could not of thought of this myself and to brainstorm with her on this was exhilarating. Choosing books for the teen population and chatting about our favorite authors made the day even better. I am so curious to see what her finished project will look like. For now, it’s a mystery (get it?).

After 23 years, the momentum of generosity has a path of its own.

Jody has already dropped off a carload as she does every year. June offered her annual monetary donation, and Kristina’s family is ready to shop for a family. The Joyful Gathering Spiritual Community in Voorhees is sending a check for food just in time for Thanksgiving. And Members of the Center for Conscious Living in Moorestown are gearing up to drop off or donate. All before I started my asking.

Given all that assistance, I’m left with one task. invite Toy and Teen Gift Elves to join the fun. Are you one?

Here’s a simple list of how you can contribute to the SisterHood Holiday Gift Drive.

1. Donate a quality, new toy or teen gift. Drop off at Soul Sanctuary BY FRIDAY DECEMBER 13TH.

Early drop off date this year as it takes a lot of time to organize the Family Bags.

2. Donate moohlah and I’ll shop for you. I’ll spend every penny you donate on the kids and will choose the most needed gifts (promise).

Pay Pal @kathymilanophd. Venmo: Kathleen-Milano-2 (note – NOT Kathy. I’m formal on Venmo). Put a note that it is for SisterHood. Please also text or email me so I know to look for your donation.

3. Become an Elf who gathers gifts and toys from family, friends, and colleagues.

That is a big need. Please see if it yours to fill.

4. Head to Moorestown Barnes and Noble and ask for the SisterHood Book Shelf.

Buy it and leave it. Double win as you also support this special place. In the days of Amazon, a big book store is a luxury. Let’s help keep it viable.

Any questions, don’t hesitate to email me. As always, my gratitude exceeds my asking. Just know you make a difference. Wherever you choose to ripple generosity this holiday, I send you thanks. This is a time where the generous giving from a place of love and trust in the abundance we share will benefit all of us.

Here’s the answer to the perfect Book Drive joke.

What’s the highest place in a school? The library! ‘Cause it’s full of stories. lol. Gotta love that kid.

There’s more than one teen making ripples in December. Annie Law is expanding her holiday offering with a harp concert at Soul Sanctuary on December 1st.

Join Mary and Annie Law for a free concert, original art sale, and a free group energy healing. It’s an all day fiesta with food, friends, art, music, and good vibes. Come shop for one of a kind high vibrational art. And be sure to give some love to Annie who is baking cookies and offering her heaven sent music. Just for you.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Feeling depressed about your life or the state of the world? Research has shown that a single thoughtful act of gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and a 35% reduction in symptoms of depression. Those effects disappear in 3 – 6 months so you’ve got to renew the effects with grateful action. That’s pretty specific, but you get the point. Consciously making thoughtful acts of appreciation lead to more happiness, less depression. Imagine if everyone in the world played this game. It begins with you.

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Wisdom in the Dark

It’s uncomfortable feeling the darkness within the belly, leaking into the day.

The waking to news that frightens, angers, and confuses you. This world gone astray. There is a longing to seek the light to chase the darkness. As if sunshine might polish circumstances into something more palatable. Shaping the story into something you can live within.

Don’t be so quick to chase the dark away.

There is wisdom within the depths of your body’s response. The power of anger, leaking of tears, flutter in the belly. Wisdom that whispers “Something is out of whack.” Knocking you off balance, unsettling your peace.

Opening the door for the mind to spin its tales. Strengthening your position, whatever it may be.

Activating a fearful future landscape that devastates your current wellbeing. Despair leading to withdrawal in order to protect. Agitation readying for a fight against that which you can not bear. Confusion as to why your fellow humans think so differently than you.

All stories are false. All stories are true. It’s how you live your stories that matters.

What if the sorrow, fear, anger, or disillusionment arrived to invite you into a deep, honest exchange? To welcome you within your stories about how the world should be. So, you may meet the storyteller within you and begin a dialogue.

Sitting within the early morning darkness, candle burning, a cup of tea, a cozy blanket. Perhaps a journal.

Here, you begin the dive within to find that which creates this sorrow that tugs at every aspect of your being. It doesn’t take much to enter the conversation for sorrow has a voice and it spills over with the heartbreak that has been contained within the body and masked by the stories.

You listen as sorrow speaks its anguish that the humans of the world have lost their way.

It begins with evidence garnered from one day of darkness, yet soon spreads to evidence of harm in all directions around the globe, throughout history, upon the planet. Including the harm done to self with judgement, dismissal of voice, and alienation of worthiness. The sorrow cries, allowing despair, disappointment, disillusionment to join the conversation. Emptying, the conversation slows as the body quiets, calmer now as the sorrow has been given its path of movement.

The sun rises, bathing the body in light. As it always does after the dark.

Allowing the eyes to see the beneficial presence of humans. Seeking in the light of day all that is helpful, generous, creative, and beautiful. This luminosity reveals what may not be noticed in the dark. Yet, it serves not as a source to eradicate discomfort. Nor shape deeply felt fear into something unimportant. The brilliance of day also reveals all that you judge, back away from, and condone as wrong.

Don’t be so quick to choose the light.

It is the turning away from that which is hidden in the dark that leads to misunderstanding and actions that harm.

Your wisdom calls you to the conversation with yourself before it sends you to share deeply with others.

What is your hope, determination, anxiety, or numbness wanting to share? Every experience has a voice and something wise to offer you.

Nature, which is your essence, models inclusion of every movement. Day gives way to night which returns itself to day. Seasons, amiss as they are, give way after allowing each to offer wisdom to those with eyes to see, ears to hear, and a body to sense. The moon dances through cycles of bright and dark, modeling the beauty and potential in each phase.

Wisdom is unpredictable and subtly changes the rhythm of the conversation.

Intelligent perception begins within the wholeness of what you’re experiencing. Inviting an inner dialogue where you discover that the stories you tell are true for you, until they are discovered to be false. Where you find yourself basking in the warm beauty revealed by despair and the breaking of the heart. Not only a place of suffering nor a refuge from pain, you journey within your darkness to discover the brightest felt sense of life. 

Here, you discover that both sorrow and joy matter. 

A lightness of being is possible within hard times and heaviness arrives even when circumstances are bright. These experiences arrive to be noticed, to offer something you may learn from and then choose to keep or discard. Moving in the rhythm of life, regardless of whether circumstances are to your liking or not, you recognize there is wisdom in insecurity and discomfort. 

There is no urgent need to deep dive into a dark that terrifies or to fly too close to the sun. 

Begin gently and with great kindness. Honor the wisdom that is being felt throughout your being, uncomfortable as it may be.

Don’t back too far away from yourself in order to mask that which feels disabling. There is potential in every movement of life, even though in times of discord it is difficult to see. Resist the urge to run helter skelter toward the light and proclaim it as the only power of good. 

The greatest potential for life lies within the wisdom of your being. 

Join with this rather than following the personal and societal stories of mind. When you can welcome uncertainty and discomfort as wise teachers, you welcome another rhythm. That which quietly hums a tune of harmony flowing within the dark and light of human existence. 

Listen carefully to the wisdom that whispers within you.

Steady and true, it leads you toward that perfect perception and inspired action which cultivates the love, respect, and generous care for every living being.

And if you haven’t downloaded The Self Soothe Strategy, now is a good time. It helps. A lot. Scroll down and get started. We need your calm.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When you despair about the harshness that humans display toward one another and the planet, take pause. In a crisis, look for the helpers, as Mr. Rogers’ mother sagely advised. The world is filled with hearts that are warm, minds that innovate, and communities that work together for the greater good of all life. Today, there is room for more benevolent and useful action. Even with a heart that is heavy, I wonder what you may offer to improve life on this planet. You are needed and it uplifts the soul to become part of a movement so generous, so loving, and so joyful that your despair lifts. And the planet lightens up. One person at a time.

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Talk to Each Other So No One Is Alone in the Dark

It was a day of exquisite Fall beauty, poignant pain, and inspiring hope. 

We stood among 600 people gathered at a local park for the 9th annual Out of the Darkness Walk. Many groups carrying photos of lovely humans or wearing t-shirts honoring those they lost to suicide. As people milled about, there were many smiles as people connected and volunteers happily welcoming walkers. 

Palpable support and shared sorrow made serious minds and broken hearts lighter.

After checking in, we wandered through the bead garden. Colorful carnival bead necklaces hanging next to signs indicated their meaning. Different colors representing who you’ve lost: parent, friend, spouse, child. Beads to show support for those struggling with depression and rainbow beads to recognize the high risk of suicide for the LGBTQ+ community.  

Choosing the beads was sobering. A visual montage of pain and loss.

I’m not going to share the high rate of depression or suicide in the United States. You can educate yourself if you choose. The fact that there is an American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and 11 Out of the Darkness Walks in New Jersey alone speaks loudly enough. 

“There’s a lot of pain here,” I said to my husband. “Let’s focus on hope and healing.”

With that we turned to see a radiant young woman laughing with her family. We stood, basking in the sight of her vibrancy. When she turned to see us, we were swept up in hugs, laughter, and memory. A friend of my daughter’s, she went through a dark time as a teen. With love, support, and therapy, she not only made it through, she wanted to give something back.

At the tender age of 16, she organized the first Out of the Darkness Walk at this park. 

As we caught up, her Dad shared how the first walk had 50 people, mostly family and friends. Each year, awareness spread and the group walking grew to a few hundred. Now in the 9th year, he proudly shared that she arranged it all and her family were just the set up crew. Parental pride and love radiated. Unspoken was the dim memory of fear and pain every family member and friend goes through when things go dark for someone they love.

This 9th year welcomed a surge in the numbers of walkers.

I’d like to share that really good marketing led to the high attendance, but it’s a sadder story. When a young one chooses this way out of their pain, it touches the community. There were a lot of colorful t-shirts for that precious one.

And $68,000 raised for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to support education, outreach, advocacy, and resources for those struggling with depression and scary, dark thoughts.

When you struggle, it's a good idea to reach out for support. Inviting light into the darkness.

Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to reach for help, to find those receptive, or to receive support.

When you’re depressed, it gets even harder. If you aren’t surrounded by helping forces, reach out to the 24 hour crisis and suicide support hotline. Dialing 988 gets you there.

As the walk began, hundreds of people stood quietly waiting until it was time to step onto the path. It was a reverent silence broken only by enthusiastic barking as canine walkers greeted one another. Without any invitation, it seemed as if people turned inward to focus upon their reason for being there. The hush remained when passing a woman sitting on a bench, her friend in a matching t-shirt leaning in with a smile while holding the back of her heart.

Leaning in as a steady presence. No words needed.

My husband and I looked at one another and nodded as we both said the name of our friend who was struggling. We knew there was steady love, support, and professional help surrounding that precious one. Gratefully, we were free to walk and enjoy the beautiful day. The quiet gave way to soft conversation and laughter as people talked and groups intermingled. My husband began sharing memories of the years we spent playing at that park. He asked if I that’s where my mind was going as well.

“I’m having flashbacks.”

My memories were a bit different. As I walked, a slideshow rapidly processed 40 years of the devastating impact of depression, suicidal ideation, and loss of life. I watched every image. Remembering teens, young adults, and parents who felt such loss. So many emergency calls, hours at crisis screening, visits to the hospital, and safety plans enacted. Traditional and creative interventions to protect life. So many professionals, family, and friends who leaned in to support. And for those who were lost, images of funerals and anguish of those left behind. 

I walked in appreciation for every person who was able to move through their darkness. 

I felt overwhelming gratitude for the levels of support that arrived to wrap each one. I prayed with those souls who left, knowing they found their light. I marveled at the resilience of human beings to move through extraordinary challenge and rediscover a life worth living. I prayed for those colored t-shirts and sign carriers knowing that they weren’t alone. This brought hope as I know the power of healing when support and love wrap those hurting.

I felt a loosening of the pain in the group. It was lifting as everyone walked and talked together on this beautiful day.

We noticed a woman walking alone before us. Recognizing her as one of the volunteers, we decide to move up and walk with her. It didn’t make sense for anyone to walk alone, especially this day. We enjoyed an easy, inspiring conversation. Uplifting her, inspiring us. At the end of the walk, we thanked each other. It went without saying that we all felt lighter after our time together. 

We witnessed this beautiful young woman lead the closing ceremony, shared a hug, and headed home.

Recognizing it only takes one person, a teenager at that, to start a movement toward hope and the light. Grateful, inspired, and also aware that so many people are challenged by life.

It’s a human thing, not a mental health statistic.

What I know from 40 years of listening to people is that it makes a difference when someone leans toward you. Whether a stranger, a colleague, or a loving family member. It matters when you reach for each other. When things are hard, tell someone. If it’s not the right someone, because their response isn’t helpful, keep trying. 

Imagine a world where people were interested in one another. Where we mined for light within one another, not darkness.

There is power in positive conversation. When you shine a light on someone and seek to learn something about what brings them to life, that’s what happens. They come to life. Brightening before your eyes. So do you. Feel good chemicals firing all over the place.

There’s a mental health epidemic going on in this country, especially with the young folks.

This is a human problem, not one left to families and mental health professionals to solve. So, what are you doing about it? I’ll give you a hint. Seek what is interesting, life affirming, enjoyable, and hope giving to those around you. Perhaps you have to first seek it in yourself. Forget talking about the weather, whether your teens are doing their chores, or how work is going. Ask some beautiful questions about what people enjoy, share some stories about your favorite adventures, or seek an area of common interest. I imagine you’ll learn something new and interesting.

When you are interested in others and elevate your conversations, things lighten up naturally.

Imagine how many times a day you speak to someone. Adding a smile and a mini chat generates more light than a bland ‘how are you?’ that isn’t really looking for an answer. It might take some practice and a strong awareness, as we humans tend to slip into a self absorbed spaces while traveling through the day. Showing a little interest (not too much or it’s creepy) and kindness may have an impact you’ll never see. Especially as people are so good at putting a happy face on private pain.

There is plenty of good happening in the world. Go look for it and share it freely. You see that hope abounds in so many dark places.

All because normal people like you lean in, take an interest, and place a hand upon someone else’s heart. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

You aren’t alone even when you think you are. If your family, friends, or work colleagues aren’t available to help you for any reason, seek professional help. The crisis hotline can be reached by dialing 988. Every hospital emergency room is prepared to help when you feel suicidal. Mental health clinics are listed online. The Psychology Today website has a Find a Therapist page. If you need support, please seek it. You matter even when you don’t feel that way.

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Lessons from a Tadpole

As a child, I was fascinated by tadpoles. And I wasn’t alone.

Freely roaming the neighborhood during summer months, we kids would gather in my neighbor’s frog enclosure to search for new life. When tadpoles first appeared in the manmade pond, we peered into the murky water.

Like curious child scientists, we observed the natural evolutionary process of this ancient species.

Between neighborhood games of sheep and wolf, picking berries from the garden, and sleeping under the stars, we tracked the tadpoles’ progress. Spending quality time on our bellies became an integral part of our playtime.

We were delighted by the alchemical process when tiny legs appeared.

As small arms grew and tails shortened, we knew to check the surrounding banks to ensure gradual slopes of dirt and rocks for the froglets to make their way onto land.

Beyond observerIng, we became participants in creating an environment to support progress.

The froglets had to navigate their way out of water in order to live and breathe on land. The water, which sourced early development, became deadly if they were unable to make the transition.

This unfolding mystery trained us as naturalists and strengthened our connection to the rhythms of nature.

Our experiential learning required no adult supervision, textbooks, or standardized testing.

Just the presence of enthusiastic playmates with curious minds and a sense of wonder for a complex ecosystem resulting from millions of years of evolution.

Looking back upon my tadpole research, I recognize the valuable modeling of how to live in an ever changing world.

Complex personal, societal, and global challenges requires us, like the tadpole, to grow legs, learn to breathe through change, climb out of our comfort zone, and skillfully navigate new terrain. The combination of outer turmoil and inner evolutionary pulsing invites the potential to adapt skillfully. As adults, we rely upon learned experience, cognitive problem solving, and well honed defense mechanisms to move through adversity.

Yet, the inner curious child scientist suggests a different approach.

Letting go the mind, we might breathe deeply, drop into (onto) our belly, and reconnect with the rhythm of our essential nature. Relaxed and open, we’re free to gaze into the murky situation. Seeking subtle clues which offer a broader understanding of the potential for transformation. From this vantage point, we may recognize that we are swimming in the evolutionary stream of life.

What began millions of years ago is unfolding through us, inviting the next phase of becoming.

What was once perceived as a problem may be welcomed as a necessary phase of our own evolution. Broadening our vision, we recognize that so many others, seen and unseen, have prepared the environment for our growth and cleared the way for our move into new territory.

Welcoming support makes sense as no one travels alone on the journey of life.

Swim. Climb. Leap.

My love affair with tadpoles taught me how every phase of development has value. That it is important to look beneath the surface, engage a sense of childlike wonder, and enlist playmates to make life’s journey more enjoyable.

This story also appears in Natural Awakenings Magazine, South Jersey and Philadelphia additions.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Researchers suggest that early childhood years are fundamental in developing positive environmental attitudes and a commitment to caring for the Earth. With time playing in parks, forests, and playgrounds, children have the opportunity to reduce stress, engage in creative play, and explore the natural world. Research has found physical and psychological benefits including increased cooperation, verbal expression, and social comfort entering play with other.

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Applause Please!


The New Year is upon you. Right on the tail of your full belly, busy schedule, and (hopefully) positive feelings about your world.

Before you dive back into your regular work and life schedule, how about you take a breath and consider the year you’ve been living? There’s time enough for New Year’s resolutions, goals, or choosing a “word of the year” after the ball drops at midnight on January 1, 2024. Perhaps you can spare an hour over the next few days to take stock of where you’ve been.

My favorite practice is Seeking the Hidden Gems of 2023. You’ll float back over the past year to uncover all the ways you’ve grown into a wiser human being.

No matter what area of life you look at, you’re seeking the small to large wins. No need to dwell on all things undone or resolutions left by the way side. This is a celebratory practice looking backwards. And it’s not just reserved for the big gains, although I’m sure you’ll find some of those. Remember that it is deeply personal and all relative. What’s a win to you may be nothing to another.

In this practice, there is no other to consider. After all, it’s your life you’re living.

You’ll want to float about in many categories of life. Some examples may include hobbies, friendships, all things health, dreams, care offered others or the planet, financial harmony, creative pursuits, favorite contributions (work, volunteer, private prayers), spending time alone, play, enhancing family wellbeing, spiritual practice, and any other aspect of YOUR wellbeing.

When your mind goes to a critical assessment of what wasn’t accomplished, where you failed, or what is missing, take a breath and remind yourself that Part Two of the practice, Aspirational Dreaming in 2024, doesn’t happen until the New Year.

I expect you to be surprised and delighted by all the Hidden Gems you'll uncover. 


When you consider all of the Tiny Actions, simple pleasures, and many small to large wins, perhaps you’ll discover a more capable version of yourself.

One who is deeply human in all of your vulnerabilities, desires, beauty, and gifts. One who is more interconnected with others than you may have realized. One who has been receiving as well as giving, and most likely sharing times of happiness, meaning, and contribution with others (animals and nature included!).

It’s often the things you take for granted that, when written on your list, add up to reveal you are quite something and have lived a fuller life than you’ve realized.

Of course, you’ll want to include the challenges you’ve faced. When you do, instead of focusing upon how hard, sad, or overwhelmingly devastating these times were, seek the tiny if not great things you learned about yourself, others, and life.

When I’ve faced the most challenging times in my life, I’ve looked for how Love infiltrates every encounter.

I could write a book on how Love moves in these moments. Through others, through me, through the physical space, and through all emotions that ebb and flow. It amazes me and leaves me open, willing, and ready to be with Life as hard as it is showing up in those moments. When I forget to seek Love, I’m stressed and dismayed. It’s amazing how easily you drop into fear and stress while leaving love and wonder off to one side, isn’t it? Yet that is the way of it for most humans, even with the best of intentions.

The cool thing about Seeking Hidden Gems is that you may want to revisit the practice throughout the year.

A monthly or quarterly review is not just for the financially savvy human. Recognizing how you’re growing into your wisdom, generous spirit, and capacity to enjoy Life requires awareness. Without stopping to smell the proverbial rose, you miss what’s often right under your nose.

Here’s the How To. It’s simple.

Give yourself the gift of a quiet space, at least an hour or so, and a blank notebook. You can nourish this practice any way that makes sense to you. Some folks love to create a ceremony by opening sacred space, lighting a candle, enjoying soothing instrumental music, and whatever is personally meaningful. I’m a big fan of the unlined journal, colored pens, and doodling my findings. I find this type of “journal” invites the seeding of new growth and nourishment of dreams I can’t yet articulate.

Choose your 6 – 10 categories for review. Be creative and find those areas of life that are truly meaningful to you.

And don’t leave out the hard ones! They often yield the most surprising fruit. The idea of “float back” is to let your mind gently travel over the year. It’s typically not in a linear fashion. More like a meandering through memories. Some insights are bright and obvious. Others have a more subtle glow and may have to be sought with a bit more relaxed diligence.

A few simple questions may prompt your meandering treasure hunt.

What was good about that time or situation? How did I grow into a stronger, more compassionate, and competent person? Where did play, creativity, laughter, and fun show up in the year? What tiny gains added up or seeded something I can keep on nourishing in 2024? What did I really love, enjoy, or benefit from last year? What motivated me to be kind, generous, and loving? Am I any wiser? What did I offer others? What did I bring out into the world?

When you’ve meandered a bit, written down some notes, and examined all your categories, take a look at any areas where the gems are sparse.

Now it’s time to go smaller. If you’re like most people, you may be looking for those bigger gems that sparkle for all to see. Find the tiny movements you made. Getting out of bed on hard days. Helping a stranger. Donating a dollar to a food bank at the grocery store. Eating a few green beans. Exploring a new activity or place.

Finding a bunch of “micro movements” toward wellbeing and wisdom is essential in every category.

Spoiler alert: if you take the time to WholeHeartedly Seek your Hidden Gems, you may discover a wise, loving, and creative person living within your skin. Seems worth the meander. Don’t forget this is a celebratory practice, so give yourself a round of applause and maybe a few pats on the back along the way.

Check out the HeartWarming News below. You’ll want to seek other’s good fortune as well as your own. Win win!

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

You CAN catch happiness. Studies have shown that stress is catching, such as how witnessing others in pain can activate the pain network in your brain. (Hint: turn off the evening news and read your news selectively). New studies on “positive empathy” reveals that your brain will also resonate with positive emotions. Witnessing other’s good fortune can activate the reward system in your brain. Hip hip hooray for you and me! Positive empathy experiences are good for your peace of mind, relationships, happiness, and self satisfaction. Lots of not so hidden gems there!

 

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Simple Experiments for the Dark Time

It’s dark and getting colder in North America and much of the world.

Inviting you to slow down, light your candles, warm your hands by the fire, and enjoy your time indoors. It’s hard to miss the obvious invitation to slow down, go inside, nourish what is meaningful, and rejuvenate your mind, body, and soul.

Yet, modern life has clearly disrupted your tendency to sync up with the seasonal wisdom.

It’s a social thing, this modern life. Artificial lights, smart phones, instant messaging, the world wide web, and scrolling on social media keep you connected all day, every day. Schedules, tasks, automobiles, and your people scattered about the world. It’s different than living in ancient times in a village where the seasonal wisdom reigned supreme.

Just because the wonders of modern life encourage you to “run, run, Rudolph” doesn’t mean you have to keep up the pace.

Imagine having the audacity to launch a social experiment in the midst of the hustle and bustle of all this holiday hoopla.

Settle in your home. Light a candle or fire. Soft music. Quiet conversation. Silence. No TV or books. 


“Everyday?!?! How long?” screams the mind.

“What about shopping after work? I have gifts to wrap, meals to prepare, guests to host, travel plans to make!” The mind is going a bit crazy with this simple experiment. That’s to be expected.

You define the parameters of your experiment. 5 minutes or 5 hours. Alone or with others.

You may enjoy the lusciousness of non doing as you relax in the dim light listening to your favorite music or people. The body remembers the ancient times and will slowly settle in. Make sure you throw in some silence as you sit in the dark with the lights of the tree, menorah, or fire. The more you practice this during the winter season, the more memory awakens.

Ancient wisdom embodied in the modern world.

Moving back into the world of hustle, you’ll bring a slower rhythm out into the world. Returning to nourish in the quiet of your home. Allowing yourself to discover your own way of realigning with the wise movement of the natural world.

Every moment is sacred and filled with potential joy, wonder, and the warmth of love.

However you celebrate the Light of the Season, enjoy it. I wish you great peace and less stress. I hope you breathe deeply and carve out a single minute for yourself to enjoy your surroundings. Again and again. Every day.

1 minute of nourished wonder. Repeat. Repeat.

That’s another simple experiment. Don’t tell your mind. It will only freak out.

I hope you show up wherever you are to these invitations. So you may savor the light within and around you.

I hope you gather your friends and family around you so they may experience the peace within you and bask in your light.

I’m off now to bask within the Salon at Soul Sanctuary. Just for an entire minute. I’ll be thinking of you.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Northern Norwegians have figured out how to live joyfully in the dark days of winter. Imagine living in a place where the sun doesn’t rise (or only briefly peaks out on the horizon) from the middle of November through the end of January. It becomes part of the culture to nestle into the warmth of the hearth, love of family and friends, comfort food and activities. All the while, going about the daily actions of living, playing, and working. Rather than hibernating, you’ll find these Norwegians slipping into warm clothes while turning on their headlamps to light the way. Joyful dark days.

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4 Tips for Reducing Holiday Tension

The Thanksgiving Holiday is upon us in the United States.

Bringing families and friends together to share a meal with gratitude for the abundance of love, food, community, and pleasure. Unless tensions arise for any number of reasons. Perhaps you stress when hosting, families don’t get along, you are dealing with grief or loneliness, someone drinks too much, politics get dicey, or any number of ways your leftover childhood issues come uninvited to dinner.

Here’s four suggestions to lower your tension this turkey day.

1. Be Yourself

That might sound obvious, but it’s hard for people to be comfortable in their own skin when there is any kind of tension present. Family gatherings may be the one place you actually drop into yourself and feel at home. I’m happy for you. I’m also aware that a large number of people feel anxious in anticipation of all those inlaws and outlaws gathering in one place.

What if you decided ahead of time to show up as who you feel yourself to be?

If you’re used to wearing a mask or using strategies to protect yourself, why not let at least one of them drop off? If that sounds terrifying, try it out for a few minutes with the most benign person at dinner. Most people don’t notice you’re all masked up like its Halloween, so they won’t notice if you let just one layer loose.

As long as you feel safe enough, it’s an interesting game to play. After all, it’s up to you to step into your own skin, comfy or not, so perhaps you give yourself permission this year to begin.

2. Acknowledge your personal, family and or friend situation.

You all may be at peace, enthusiastic about your lives, and happy to stuff your face together. Or you may be in a terrible fight, hate being in a crowd, are deep in grief, or worried about that relative who has gone off the rails. Whether it is temporary or long standing, let it be that.

Wishing life was different or getting angry at others for being who they are, where they are, and how they’re behaving is gonna give you indigestion.

Deciding ahead of time to make peace with your situation or come to a temporary truce within yourself may allow you to take the edge off. With that mindset shift, you might actually find some beauty hidden in the day.

3. Remember to wear pants.

This is for anyone feeling the stress of hosting and trying to make a meal tasty and special for everyone. Worrying about how clean the house is, whether the turkey will be moist, or if you have enough matching place settings is beside the point. You’re hosting. Everyone else is grateful they are not.

It doesn’t need to be perfect and you don’t have to worry about everyone’s wellbeing. Don’t fry your brain over entertaining. Even if your guests are grumpy and silently judging your spread, they’re still eating your meal.

So, forget worrying about what other people think.

Keep it simple and do your best. Above all, remember to wear pants. 


Or a skirt. Seriously, as long as you remember the basics like getting dressed and putting some food on the table, the day will be a success. Spray some lemon spray by the front door so guests think your house is clean and enjoy your day.

4. Focus on the worthy.

It’s Thanksgiving and the hint is in the name. Spend some time contemplating what’s really important in life. What are you grateful for? Even if life isn’t quite working out as you’d like, spend the day saying thank you – aloud and silently – for all you have been given, created, and are in the process of dreaming.

Be generous with your gratitude.

Play a game where you let everyone know your appreciation. One at a time. Thank them for who they are, what they’ve given you, or, if all else fails, for passing the gravy. Be generous – give that thanks away freely.

And don’t forget to pass some loving gratitude to yourself.

For showing up however you have on this day of Giving Thanks. And for all the ways you make the world sparkle a bit brighter because you exist.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Want to be a Human Book? Explore the Human Library Project where you can volunteer your time and “story” in order to educate others. It began in Copenhagen in 2000 with an intent to break down stereotypes and stigma. Gathering volunteers to share stories of what it was like to grow up gay, placed in child protective services, being psychic, surviving a suicide attempt, being deaf and depressed, living as an immigrant, and more. You’re helped to “unjudge someone” when you sit for 30 minutes listening to a life story. 80 countries and going strong.

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I’m Thinking in an Irish Accent

It began quietly enough. Making my protein shake one morning, I noticed my thoughts had an accent.

That was certainly different, so it got my attention. I tuned in to listen to the inner mental dialogue I normally ignore as drivel. To be sure, it was still drivel, but all the more entertaining with different lingo and a new take on profanity. Although the dialogue was silly nonsense, it had some entertaining visuals.

That’s how my husband found me in my kitchen. Cracking myself up and mumbling about some shite nonsense.

I blame it on the Derry Girls. All 5 of them, boy included.

I’m not particularly Irish myself. Despite my very Irish surnames on both sides of my family. I blame that distancing from my heritage on my Mother and those felt shamrocks she pinned to my knee socks on St. Patrick’s day. Dressed head to toe in green, I’m not sure why I needed to adorn myself further. I think it was an Irish thing.

It wasn’t until 7th grade that I finally figured out that since they were attached by safety pins, those damn shamrocks could be easily unattached as soon as I was out of sight of my house. I was a bit slow in those days.

If only I hung out with the Derry girls, I’d have quickly tossed those shamrocks as I engaged in any manner of shenanigans.

It wasn’t until season 3 of this Netflix series that I realized I was watching a Seinfeld like show, albeit in a little town in Ireland. A cast of “characters” (adults included), plenty of ridiculousness, no one learning from the lessons they encountered, clever story lines, and the occasional poignancy depicted within friendships, insecurities, and the Troubles. 


Reflecting upon how easily this Derry girl thinking had infiltrated my psyche, I realized how influenced you and I truly are.

Beyond the influence of society via film, stories, media, institutional training, and cultural lore, there is family. The stories you’ve lived with your family of origin and the stories you’ve carried.

Some may be obvious, yet most are subtle, buried deep within your physicality, energetics, and psyche.

You are living the stories of your ancestors whether you notice them or not. 


You can explore this via genetics, epigenetics, ancestral energetic influence, and inherited family trauma patterns.

I see these all the time in my work with Energy Medicine and the Andean Energy Medicine (Peru). Long gone ancestors have offered their unresolved issues down through the generations through many pathways.

Perhaps hoping one day a great great grandchild will work things out for the family.

Later that same day, I was engaged in a relatively mindless task and I wandered into a pictorial daydream. I was in my parents’ bedroom at the time my Mom was bed bound in hospice. I thought poignantly that my parents would’ve enjoyed the Derry Girls given their heritage and well oiled funny bones.

Next thing I know Mom and I were cracking up, tears running down our faces, about that Mother Mary statue episode. 



That’s how my husband found me. Making a sign for a yard sale and laughing my ass off … in an Irish accent. While finding me like this isn’t a surprise, he wondered what it was this time that had me going on. I realized in the telling that I had entered a new level of connection with my Mom. We were both reminiscing about the episode we had “seen” and which, as usually happens, it became even funnier with the retelling.

After my gratitude and laughter subsided, I realized the time of year.

Here it was coming on Halloween (with many fond costume memories), all Saint’s Day (a time of honoring our family passed), the Day of the Dead (a time to honor the ancestors), and my Mom’s birthday. All happening the week after my yard sale where I was finally cleaning out things I “carried” home after cleaning out my family home a few years ago.

Ahhhh. I almost missed it. This clue to explore more of the subtle, pervasive influence that my family (recent and ancient) has had, and is having, on my current life.

I added some photos to my ancestor’s altar in my guest room. Including my husband’s family. Spend some moments in gratitude for our lineages who have given us so many gifts. Including the hidden kind that source our strength and fuel our stuck patterns. I’m grateful for the entertaining way this invitation came my way. And the new connections that arose as a result of engaging my inner Irish.

As I begin my excavation of these past familial influences, I’ll use the tools I already have developed. 

Integrating the capacity to dialogue with aspects of the self and relatives long gone with the shamanic practices of tracking and journeying. Tuning into the mental, emotional, physical, and energetic patterns being played out in my daily life. All of this leading to the energetic clearing of those energy patterns which aren’t mine to carry. Honoring those who came before me, doing the best they could, while making the space for me to walk forward, doing the best I can. Cleaning things up for myself and for future generations.

If I may help you “clean up” your lineage and the energy you carry, please let me know. 



There are so many avenues to do this work. Andean Energy Medicine. Heart Assisted Therapy. The Emotion and Body Code. AngelicEnergetics™. I use them all and likely will continue for as long as I’m breathing.

And if you’re watching Derry Girls, I suggest using subtitles. Unless you’re full blown Irish.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Many organizations are focused upon intergenerational healing and the importance of attending to 7 generations in both directions. Every culture in this war torn world of those who conquer has experienced attempted annihilation of peoples, cultural beliefs, religious practices, and traditions. Denying people their place, voice, and worth as equals in the human family. Healing of The Seven Generations is a Canadian organization focused upon healing the trauma of the impact of residential schools on the First Peoples and their descendants. One story. Replayed around the world throughout time. Whatever your ancestral story, let’s heal this within ourselves and the world.

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Celestial Librarians Await You

I was driving on the highway when I received the name for an integrated Angelic Healing method: AngelicEnergetics™.

That’s often the way of it, this celestial communication. While I love those larger than life stories of meeting a fully winged Angel in the hallway while traipsing to the bathroom in the middle of the night, those kinda things never happened to me.

In fact, I pretty much dismissed a few years of lovely appearances, helpful suggestions, and mind blowing instruction about the secrets of the Universe because they didn’t meet my idea of how Angels et al should show up.

Somewhere along the years, my rational brain took a nap and I caught up with all those interactions. That’s the beauty of a celestial rendezvous. Even when you’re late to the party, you’re invited to reminisce about all those times you saw, heard, felt, or were spontaneously guided to the perfect moment, information, or opportunity.

I could write a book about my celestial encounters, but that’s not so interesting to me.

I’d rather explore with you how to expand YOUR contact with those cosmic conversationalists. It lights me up when you access a new way of connecting to your own intuitive genius and begin the nonlinear path of walking hand in hand with the Angels. And then play around with how to share your unique intuitive style with others so they may enter their own Angelic connection.

Once you’re in the conversation, the libraries of the heavens open for you.



That’s why I’m not so interested in one book. Not when every conversation opens a new story, a new technique, and a new way to offer this knowledge to others. I guess I’m more of a Celestial Librarian than an author of personal encounters with the Divine (by any name and form).

Makes me wonder if you’ve got your library card and if you want to explore what’s waiting for you with AngelicEnergetics™?

It was the Angels’ idea to integrate Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine techniques with Angelic energy healing. 


That was right up my alley as I’m aware of the efficient power of very simple Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine techniques.

They clarify your energy field, organize your capacity to receive and process information, and restructure the energy body to hold more light. It made great sense to me to add these techniques to the Angelic connection, communication, and energy healing. Great sense. 



Plus the Archangels and the Seven Rays of Divine Light are generous, brilliant teachers.

For the past fifteen years, they’ve been mentoring me in new ways to work with light, color frequency, light chambers (matrices of light), and planetary lightwork. These Angelic partners are quite considerate as all techniques and direct teaching take into consideration how you “work” as an intuitive being and where you are on your own developmental learning curve. As you gain more experience with AngelicEnergetics™, you recognize how to adapt the techniques to work with groups, individuals, places, or cosmic situations.

The Angels of the Rays have been recently teaching me how to “dose the light” to complement other traditional and holistic interventions.

That was unexpected and came in handy when working on my dog after his skunk encounter. They’ve also had me update the Practitioner and Advanced Practitioner Manuals. There’s more to come in that regard, but I need to play with others a bit before they’ll release more techniques. Are you in? If so, you’ll meet them soon enough and develop a new, even deeper relationship than you have right now.

I’m inviting you to explore AngelicEnergetics™ for your own benefit.

If you want to take it further and share it with others informally or professionally, that’s great. I’ll support both options and share what I’ve learned to launch you onto your own direct learning path. However, I want to be really clear about something. If you explore AngelicEnergetics™, you’ll be reaping the benefits and supporting your personal expansion at all levels of your being.

As a natural outcome, you’ll heal, shift, and grow energetically, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. All in accordance with your Soul’s guidance.

I use AngelicEnergetics™ every week for myself, in my work, with nature, in the world, and throughout the cosmos. It’s just a natural way of being and always empowers my intent to be a beneficial presence as I become a better human. I’d love to share what I’ve learned with you so you may expand your way of being a joyful, beneficial presence in the world.

Whether you know nothing about energy healing or Angels, or you’re a wise professional serving the world, AngelicEnergetics™ is calling you.

Dip your toe in the energy with the AngelicEnergetics™ Group Healing ZOOM events. Dive deeper with a 1 or 2 day in person training at Soul Sanctuary. The 1 day EveryOne AngelicEnergetics™ training empowers your personal work. If you want to share it with others for fun or professionally, you need to attend the 2 day (plus) Practitioner training. All details are available here or check out my Workshop page.

How do you know if this modality is right for you? Ask the Angels. And if you want a second opinion, feel free to reach out to me for a chat.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Turns out that more people believe in Angels and heaven than in the devil and hell. Although things that science can’t explain and the power of prayer beat out both heaven and the Angels. Bet that’s getting a good laugh rippling across the proverbial heavens. So says a recent AP-NORC poll of 1680 adults in the US. That devil is still beating out ghosts, karma, and yoga as a spiritual practice. I wonder what the yogis say about that? They probably just take a deep breath and let it go with a harmonious “Ooooooommmmmmmm.”