I went silent at the onset of 2022.

Staying home, I entered a 2 week silent retreat. Sure, I shared a handful of words with my husband and dog. But only a few niceties and indicators to let them know all was well and good.

Somewhere into the second week, I realized that if I were on a “real retreat,” I’d have the opportunity to offer Seva (sacred service). So I asked the question, “how might I offer service during this retreat?

The answer was swift: “Tend to your home.”

In that moment, I realized I was so focused upon my day to day life outside the home, I had neglected this beautiful space in which I and my family spend much of our lives together. I wondered where to begin. Reaching into my bathroom closet for something, I saw the disarray in my many bins originally meant to organize all of our stuff. And so it began.

It took two days to sort through everything hidden in plain sight.

A realization dawned as I safely tossed 5 year old prescriptions, 15 bottles of nail polish, a zillion odd buttons, dried up makeup, and so many half used products. An entire trash bag cleared out so much space. 

I also found unopened products. Unaware I had purchased doubles due my disorganization.

Lovely body creams, new makeup, a travel iron (I rarely iron at home), make up bags, Q tips, swim goggles, extra hair dryers, and so much more. I realized my neighbors at SisterHood would love to have these items. That prompted me to look under my sink and my daughter’s sink to see if there was anything extra.

I found unopened stocking stuffers from this year and last. That gave me pause.

In these tiny places, I found so much waste and needless accumulation. I shut the door on that beautifully organized, totally abundant bathroom closet and sat for a bit. Examining my habits of shopping, collecting, disregarding, repurchasing, disorganization, and general overconsumption.

What needs were being met? How mindful was I about what I purchased? How much trash was I creating?

I found many things, including a disrespect for the ease in which I have the privilege of living. And a dawning awareness that I had so much extra which I could share. This was a very practical awareness. Not a lofty appreciation for my abundance nor a general desire to help my human family. My realization was grittier than that.

I was staring into my inner shadow and the horror of mindlessly accumulating so much stuff for one tiny family.

It was a lovely, sobering awareness.

Sometimes a little bitchslap from your inner exploration packs a big wallop. I took my time diving into what this was showing my in all the ways I live, work, and play in this world. Seeing ripples of impact that I never considered and would not have conceived of in my own limited view.

One thing became abundantly clear. I had more closets.

I flowed through my days of silent meditation, mindful eating, gazing at the natural world, reading my wisdom texts, and engaging in Seva.

Room by room, closet by cabinet, I discovered a world of stuff.

Kitchen cabinets held unopened treasures and more items than we could use. Closets revealed North Face fleeces, dress coats, business attire, shoes, and purses that were in lovely condition and were seeking new life on some other body. China, crystal, jewelry, home decor, children’s dishes, unopened gifts, school supplies, picture frames, holiday decorations. The list went on.