I think it’s a good time to practice the Goldilocks principle.
I first heard about this proposition when I was taking a shower in a hostel at a Pennsylvania state park. In that chilly group bathroom, I was busy questioning my sanity at the onset of a retreat with White Eagle Medicine Woman.
It didn’t start out all warm and fuzzy. The first night our cars got stuck in the mud. Hence a massive tow truck extravaganza was added to the schedule. Followed by a night freezing in my bunk bed (one of 12 in a room). I woke to check for spiders as the rustic hostel seemed to be held together by webs.
I prefer retreats at a comfy hotel with a luxurious view and not a spider in sight.
Getting ready for the day, I firmly instructed my petulant mind to look for the good. Just then, my internal pep talk was interrupted by a clear, calm voice.
“Be Goldilocks. Not too big. Not too small. Be just right.”
All my resistance seemed to flow down the drain. I got it. Just show up as myself without my stories. I could do that. And it made all the difference. I didn’t have to make anything fantastic or awful. It was just as it was, leaving me free to experience a retreat that was filled with new situations, people, insights, and transformative potential.
When I tend to get lost in storytelling (or absorbing stories from the world at large), I often here this inner whisper. “Be Goldilocks.”
Now if you don’t know the fairy tale of Goldilocks and the 3 bears, this principle won’t make much sense. For those who forgot or never knew Goldilocks, a girl wandered into the home of a mama bear, papa bear, and kid bear. She explored their chairs (too big, too small, just right) and their porridge (too hot, too cold, just right) until she discovered her “just right” bed and took a nap. [And then they ate her.] Just kidding.
Now you’re all caught up and ready to use the Goldilocks Principle for yourself.
So why is now a good time? Because you are living in a world with people who are either running around with their hair on fire, going full ostrich, or caring well for themselves and others.
Too big. Too small. Just right.
Your quality of life and the impact you are having on the world (near and far) depends on which story line you are living.
I’m aiming for “just right,” although I find myself acting out a hair on fire or ostrich scenario from time to time. I think that is natural, just not very helpful. (Well, a little ostrich may be really helpful, but more on that below.)
Your quality of life and the impact you are having on the world (near and far) depends on which story line you are living.
Still, I’m getting a little overwhelmed by well intentioned emails, online offerings, and a host of other social media gatherings.
I appreciate the effort, the heartfelt caring, and the ingenuity I’m witnessing. Truly I do. And I’m still a little overwhelmed. Perhaps because I have a lot going on as I move my practice to telepsych video sessions, forage for toilet paper, care for family, and shift my gym workouts to nature walks and ZOOM yoga.
However, upon reflection, I don’t think that’s the culprit.
Up until now, I’ve mastered the “pull not push” approach to data and technology.
I must make a conscious choice to look at my phone, email, or social media in order to pull or fetch information. I have no notifications, no special text alerts, and no buzzing at all on my phone. I avoid group texting whenever possible. Other than those times I actually turn on my ringer, my phone can’t reach me unless I look at it. Same with my computer and no way am I getting an Apple Watch (even though I’m definitely an Apple person).
All because I’ve chosen to be “just right” in relation to the socially connected world we live within.
I’m not knocking anyone else’s choice about technology. You be you. I totally respect that. I just don’t want to be caught in the midst of someone else’s decision to read me a story unless I ask for it.
Problem is, everywhere I turn, I’m hearing these stories. It’s not so easy to just fetch data when I choose. Not if I want to be in touch with other humans, let alone really step into their world. Their world is now the one world. And the one world has a big ass pandemic story broadcasting loudly over most every other story.
Recognizing that this was the source of my overwhelm, I made a conscious choice.
I’m going a little ostrich. Laying my tiny little head down in the sand. And it’s helping me be me.
Showing up in a sturdy, just right, happy to be here fashion. So I can be here with you no matter what fairy tale, scary tale, or reality show you are living in the moment. My decision to live the Goldilocks Principle is really good for my sanity. And if I’m sane, then it benefits you when I show up present, ready to engage, and happy to be with you.
When my brain, body, heart, and soul are happy to be here with you, I remember how to be just right. To be me, just as I am. To be with this moment, just as it is.
I’m grateful for that muddy, spider infested, freezing hostel. I might not have been read into this version of Goldilocks if I hadn’t been so uncomfortable. (Nor opened to the transformation I experienced in that powerful retreat).
By extension, then, I’m grateful for these challenging times where the only thing we seem to talk about is the virus and it’s effect on us.
And that is as it should be. Still, I wonder what story line you living most of the time these days.
If you are a hair on fire type, then soothe your system frequently. No one ever made good choices from that space. Especially since too much stress takes your frontal lobe off line. And that is where all your “file cabinets” are – stock full of how to make decisions, creatively solve problems, and remember every time you rose to the occasion (or crawled over the finish line). Point is, you need these higher cognitive functions to manage these times well.
If you are too avoidant, especially if you feel you can’t cope well, choose your ostrich moments wisely. Don’t forget to lift your little head up from time to time to eat a good meal, call a friend, go outside, or forage for tp. [See previous blogs Breathe Through It and Is your Response to the Coronavirus going Viral? I Hope Mine Is for techniques and perspective shifts.]
I think you, along with all of us, are gonna discover how “just right” you can be as part of one human family living this surreal story together.
That’s a discovery worth seeking with your whole heart and soul. How you will rise to care for yourself with so much kindness and support that you become the wind beneath your own wings. Then you can fly around helping others discover their own creativity, competence, and potential. More flying. More helpful contribution.
Less scary tales where bears eat a little blond curly headed girl just cause she foraged for porridge and needed a nap.
At the risk of telling you what you already know, turn off the tv. Stop re-reading the same old emails and insta posts. Quit having the same conversation with everyone you talk to. Now, I’m not suggesting you be rude, dismissive, or unhelpful. I am suggesting you get conscious about how you are relating to this virus …. in your mind, your conversations, your data consumption, your approach to managing changes, etc.
This week I plan to start a few things ….
Like an epic game of Monopoly. And setting up the Milano basement gym so I can blast my workout play list (and lure others into working out with me). I’m gonna clean off my art table so my daughter has her own creative space. And I’m masterminding a really cool surprise that has to remain a surprise, but it is exciting to me (enticing those feel good chemicals to course through my body).
I’m putting away the phone, computer, and all things virus. ‘Cause playing, laughing, creating, and virtually hanging out with people is a sure fire way to soothe stress and boredom.
The world needs more Goldilocks and fewer bears.
Peace be with you and with all. No exceptions.
HeartWarming
News
The Goldilocks principle is associated with the children’s story “The Three Bears.” The concept of “just the right amount” is easily understood and may be referred to in common, everyday situations. Turns out it is also named and applied to a wide range of disciplines. Including medicine, biology, developmental psychology, marketing, astronomy, economics, and engineering. Apparently Goldilocks was onto something big.