My fingers typed a different title. Uncharted Terror-tory.
Interesting. True for some. But not helpful. So, I deleted that inspired blip and chose to begin anew. I’ve spent the past month listening deeply. To parents with kids heading back to school. From preschool to graduate school, these parents were wrestling with making difficult decisions for the wellbeing of their children.
Faced with the uncertainty of knowing what the plan would be.
If the school could carry it out, and how it would affect their kids, themselves, and their community. Dealing with their own anxiety, frustration, fear. All the while supporting their children and wondering how to give them some degree of choice.
Every time a decision was reached, something would change.
I’ve been listening a lot this past month to teachers, school administrators, college staff, and private school faculty. It’s been quite a mixed bag of anger, frustration, fear, resentment, blame, positivity, creativity, and professionalism.
It’s basically a shit show in New Jersey.
Every district making decisions. Confusion reigns within schools and throughout the communities. Tempers flare. Fears are heightened. Divisions between teachers, administrators, unions, and parents widen. Anger seeps out over the great divide between those with means and those without. Unchartered terror-tory seemed to be the culprit behind it all.
As I see it, everyone is doing the best they can.
There just is no easy answer. And no single playbook. The best laid plans going astray when real kids walked through the school doors. Kids texting parents on the first day. So undone by the distance, the masks, the rules, and the changes. Teachers anxiously trying to teach those in front of them and those on the monitors. While remaining safely distanced and maintaining order. Families at home fiddling with technology. Virtual kids heading out the front door after “early dismissal.” Parents admitting they have to leave their tweens and teens home alone so they can go to work.
Parents scrambling to create work stations for all the kids and themselves.
I’ve been listening. To working parents who are angry, frightened, overwhelmed, and falling behind at work. As tempers flare between partners and between parents and kids. To patient parents who know they aren’t teachers, but are seeking to do the best they can. To parents and teachers who know special needs kids need special teaching. And to everyone experiencing brain and eye fatigue from so much screen time.
As I listened to all the hardships and heightened emotions, I wondered what everyone would learn this year.
Not the academic kind of learning. I wondered if we little and big humans would become more creative, kinder, curious, stronger, and resilient. I think we can. But we adults would have to make some big changes. Right now. Starting with ourselves, no matter what our role is in the education system. Teacher. Parent. Student. Neighbor. Adminstrator. Grandparent. Volunteer. Board Member. All of us together.
Not just math, science, and history. Let’s model how to be creative, enthusiastic, adaptive, and positive. This is an unprecedented opportunity for adults to model how to meet great challenges in life with grace, understanding, and a best effort to carry out imperfect solutions. To take a deep breath, listen closely to the needs and ideas of others, make mistakes, and try again. It’s a time to stay light – on our feet, in our minds, and mostly, in our hearts. Praise, support, encouragement, and understanding. The kids needs these qualities. And so do the adults.
Let’s lay down all complaints and judgements.
All of them. 95% of what I’ve listened to, across the board, during this past month have been expression of anger, frustration, complaint, blame, and frustration. I get it. I truly do. But, here we are in the midst of a COVID driven world. What are we teaching our kids? Let’s get positive. Solution focused. Genuinely willing to help. No matter what. There’s always a higher solution. Let’s seek that.
Let’s look for strengths and resources.
Human beings have a great capacity for intelligent problem solving, creative learning, playful engagement, and respectful relating. I wonder what ideas the kids, teens, and college students have about how to best learn. And could the adults, teachers, and parents actively seek ideas from their young charges? And each other. Not only about how to succeed in this strange new educational landscape. Seeking out what’s needed in terms of emotional, relational, and academic support. In all directions. This is about being real, not super human. Some days you’re offering strength and resources. Some days you’re on the receiving end. Both have enormous value for the wellbeing of our human tribe.
Let’s practice radical compassion. With a great dose of love.
For ourselves, our kids, school officials and teachers, parents, and every damn person who is struggling. Face it. We’re all struggling. Sharing with colleagues, other parents, and peers how we are feeling, what we’re doing to care for ourselves, and how we get/don’t get help is empowering. Looking out for adults who lost their jobs or kids whose parents work. This connects us with one another, generates new ideas, activates the desire to care for others, and leaves us feeling less alone or helpless.
Let’s stay open and curious to how it’s all gonna play out.
Maybe schools stay hybrid. Maybe they go all virtual. Maybe we all get to hang out face to face again. Since we truly do not know the future, let’s stay curious. This invites flexibility, adaptability, and humility. No one has the answers. This leaves us vulnerable. Dependent even. Kind of like children. Maybe we’ll appreciate what it’s like to be a vulnerable, dependent kid/teen/young adult again. And be kinder, more willing to listen and understand.
Let’s help one another.
There’s no shortage of need these days. The kids, the parents, the schools, the elderly, the jobless, the frightened, the lonely. The list goes on. We’re in it together. And you’ve got more to offer than you can even imagine. Who needs your strength, resilience, creativity, compassion, and love?
Just ask the question. I imagine the answer won’t be far along.
Peace be with you and with all. No exceptions.
Want to help a student succeed? Focus on what’s most essential: positive emotions. Research has found positive emotions, such as gratitude, love, amusement, and wonder, enhance cognitive flexibility. This boosts the ability to deal with change and be curious about new things. Flexibility, positive emotions, and openness to what’s new are important in the COVID school environment. Helping students seek out positive emotions can enhance emotional well being. And students with higher levels of emotional wellbeing tend to have higher levels of academic achievement and are more engaged in the learning process.
Learn the one essential skill that allows you to face any challenge with confidence, sturdiness, and inner calm.
More than a technique. It’s a game changer.
In September, I’m returning to the Temples of Humankind in Damanhur, Italy. It feels like an understatement to claim that this is a place of power, mystery, and majesty. Yet, I’ve found this to be true for myself and those I’ve met who’ve traveled within the extraordinary to the Temples and the community of Damanhur.
One cool Spring morning, I stepped on the treadmill at the gym looking forward to walking a few miles. Recovering from an injury, I had to walk at a moderate pace so I had brought my copy of What Is Enlightenment? magazine to explore. I always found something to inspire me within this publication focused upon consciousness, culture, and cosmos.
Stress is a natural experience in life. It’s often viewed as a doorway to disruption of wellbeing, peace of mind, and a clear navigational path in a challenging situation.
I’m a bit of a news hound these days. As one who hasn’t watched a newscast in years, I’m surprising myself. Ordinarily, I wait for the news to come to me. And it does. When something is important for me to know or respond to, I hear about it. Kind friends, clients, my husband, or a random stranger share a soundbite which cues me to look into a situation further. I’ve been very comfortable with this level of engagement for years now.
In the midst of our country’s woes, I’ve got Lucinda Williams singing in my head.
“You can’t rule me
you wanna go and tell me what’s good for me
you wanna tell me what I’m payin’ for
Well, the game is fixed, it’s plain to see
I ain’t playin’ no more”
I drove through a hail storm today. It began gently, offering a musical accompaniment to my journey. Intensifying, the hail noisily demanded my attention.
