Month: November 2024

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The Gratitude Game

November brings the expected splash of gratitude suggestions across all media sources.

Portrayed as a happy gathering around a table of plenty, Thanksgiving can be a poignant mix of appreciation, comfort, annoyance, and pain. It serves as a doorway into the holiday gathering season, inviting unresolved issues with self, family, and friends to surface.

Every holiday gathering offers a swirling cornucopia of potential for comfort and stress.

It’s important to remember that you’re sitting around the table with other human beings. Everyone bringing their perspective on life, unhealed hurts, expectations, joys, and current needs. Some put on a cheerful face while others may spew the negativity that’s eating them.

Whatever your Thanksgiving gathering or alone time looks like, why not approach it differently this year?

The Gratitude Game is a playful invitation to your inner experience.

Inspired by research which suggests gratitude is good for you if you use it effectively, this game has a few guidelines but no rules. You’re both the game master and the beneficiary so you choose how and when you play.

You’re exploring what brings you a sense of wellbeing, increased connection, and true appreciation for the good in your life.

It works better if you enter the game with an intention to increase your happiness and gratitude.

Less is more.

Studies have found that those writing only once or twice a week in a gratitude journal experienced more happiness than those writing daily. This helps interrupt the tendency to adapt to positive events quickly and succumb to a fleeting, rote sense of appreciation.

So no need to go wild with gratitude on Thanksgiving. Make room for listening, laughing, and loving.

Choose 3 reasons you appreciate someone at the table.

Best to start with people than the delicious stuffing. It’s more impactful and also may soften that old irritation you’ve brought to dinner. Whether you begin with your favorite aunt or sibling who tortured you is up to you. How did this person help you grow those positive qualities you like about yourself? Ask what you appreciate about this person and relax so the answer might arrive (and perhaps surprise you).

Take your time and savor your appreciation.

If you’re surprised by a memory or awareness, even better. Engage the positive and let it grow for a few moments. How does it feel in your body? Gratitude often gives you a warm inner feeling as a smile arrives, announcing those feel good chemicals moving through your body.

No one arrives where they are in their lives without others.

Considering the gifts you were given by those with you, as well as those who are absent, invites you to think about where you’d be without this support. Imagine if you weren’t afforded a home, food, encouraging and challenging relationships, education, or the freedom to gather in thanksgiving. Reflection upon potential absence may enhance a deeper, authentic appreciation for all you take for granted.

The Gratitude Game is a personal, internal experience.

It serves to orient you to what’s good in your life as it supports wellbeing in your body, emotions, and mind. Feel free to share some of your insights with others so they may catch warmth.

Want a twist on the gratitude journal practice?

Try mailing a handwritten note of appreciation each week. Strengthening connection while enhancing well being.

That’s a win win.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Feeling depressed about your life or the state of the world? Research has shown that a single thoughtful act of gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and a 35% reduction in symptoms of depression. Those effects disappear in 3 – 6 months so you’ve got to renew the effects with grateful action. That’s pretty specific, but you get the point. Consciously making thoughtful acts of appreciation lead to more happiness, less depression. Imagine if everyone in the world played this game. It begins with you.

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Seeking Elves for SisterHood Gift Drive

My basement is already filling with toys and gifts for the SisterHood families.

This is the TWENTY THIRD year of the SisterHood Holiday Gift Drive and I realize that it now has a momentum of it’s own.

23 years of making a huge difference in the lives of parents, children, and teens in Burlington township. Typically, 450 kids and teens are on the list and we’ve served anywhere from 250 to all 450 during these years. I don’t have to tell you that impact. Suffice it to say that the stories I’ve heard have shown me an incredible ROI (return on investment) from every hour and each dollar. So much good has been done over the years.

This year brings new elves and maintains foundational values. Here’s the quick update followed by practical ways you may contribute.

Designing the first Holiday Gift Drive, my husband and I talked a lot about how we were gonna do this. As my daughter grew up, she chimed in with her child and then teen perspective. So did many of the volunteers at SisterHood (because I asked) and elves at Soul Sanctuary. It’s why our foundational values continue to guide this drive.

It’s hard to be a parent in lower income bracket. That’s just a fact of life in the SisterHood community.

You have to meet the basic needs of housing, food, medical care, and education for your family. Many SisterHood families work hard but can’t make ends meet. They benefit from SisterHood’s food, clothing, community support and education programs. As much as they try, they just can’t provide a Christmas morning even close to many peers at school or nearby neighborhoods.

I’ve worked with lower income communities for over 40 years and I’ve consistently heard that not having enough gets translated into not being enough.

These stories hurt my heart. Especially ’cause it isn’t true. Parents and children living in lower income brackets are as valuable as any parent and child in any income bracket. I wonder, do you agree with this foundational belief?

Respect is essential. This gift drive respects parents, children, and the SisterHood organization.

Three things to consider. First, poor kids shouldn’t get crappy gifts.

I’ve seen the donations SisterHood receives and it’s disappointing that so many used, dollar store, or cheap toys are donated. It’s better to donate a $3 new ball than McDonald’s happy meal toys. (yup, lots of those). Nothing is wasted, we put them on the Stocking Gift table for parents to choose.

We collect new, sturdy, educational, and socially current toys and gifts.

Kids recognize their worth when they receive new toys and gifts. And can hold this worth when showing or talking about their gifts with peers at school. Yes, we live in a materialistic world. We respect that and understand a kid’s value is not reflected in the gifts they receive.

However, I’ve heard countless stories of how school age kids and peers mistake a nice vs crappy gift with their value as a human. And if we do it through the mechanism of ‘name brand’ toys, so be it. It’s a tiny contribution, but it matters.

Respecting kids is a tiny ripple in a desire to change this experience.

Second, we respect parents by offering them a quality collection of toys and gifts for their children.

They choose what to do with these gifts. Are they from the parents or the jolly fat man? Their choice. We don’t have a breakfast with Santa or gifts given from SisterHood as we believe that diminishes the parents’ desire to care for their children. And the benefit to children when they see their parents take care of them. There is no judgment upon whether they are a great or mediocre parent. They deserve respect and the ability to give their kids a Christmas morning experience.

Third, we respect the SisterHood organization which cares for Burlington County families facing challenge.

The SisterHood organization is made up solely of volunteers. Founded by a small group of African American woman led by Rev Hilda Covington, they aimed to raise potential in the marginalized neighborhoods. Targeting all kinds of needs, they called themselves Sisters in the Hood. I can’t even keep up with all of the programs that serve all manner of need in the neighborhoods.

I’ve built relationships with these volunteers over the years and am constantly inspired by their big hearts, innovative minds, and committed action.

I respect and trust the SisterHood volunteers to coordinate the entire Holiday Gift Drive, beyond our contribution.

I’m not present during the distribution of family gift bags. We believe it’s best to have familiar, trustworthy people who already are in relationship with the parents and grandparents. While many know of my family and our large contributing community, the experience is a neighborhood experience. As it should be. The parents express plenty of gratitude and we give SisterHood the gift of receiving it all.

However you contribute to the wellbeing of your neighbors, I respect you.

This isn’t a hard sell to donate. Rather, I invite you to consider making a difference in any direction you choose. If it is coming to SisterHood, I’ll give you some lovely options to make Christmas magic for these families.

The SisterHood Holiday depends upon a Whole Gang of Elves. Want to meet some?

Meet my favorite Barnes and Noble Moorestown Managers, Drew and Scott.

They enthusiastically agreed to make SisterHood the recipient of the B&N Annual Book Drive. It has already begun and is easy peasy. Go to the B&N Moorestown Store and find the SisterHood book selections at the check out counter. You buy them, leave them there, and I’ll be over to pick them up closer to Christmas. SisterHood volunteers will set up their “book store” so parents may pick out the perfect NEW books for their kids and teens.

Here’s something I was delighted to learn. Drew and Scott both believe that this annual book drive is the most important B&N activity of the year.

Wow. Respect, guys. Getting books in the hands of kids and teens matters. Let’s support the empowering action of reading, learning, exploring different worlds, and imagining new ideas.

Meet Tarik and Berra, sibling elves who have taken on the book drive and more.

Thanks to long time elf, Esther, I met a beautiful family this past week at Barnes and Noble. Esther and her fourth grade charge are leading up the book drive. Flyers, school and community involvement, and picking the book selections. It was an entertaining and enlightening experience for me to witness how a child could lead.

I also heard a lot of jokes. Here’s one: what is the highest place in a school? (read it all to find the answer).

His sister, Berra, is heading up a high school project providing Mystery Boxes for teens.

Imagine opening a box full of goodies, all interesting and fun for a teenager. I could not of thought of this myself and to brainstorm with her on this was exhilarating. Choosing books for the teen population and chatting about our favorite authors made the day even better. I am so curious to see what her finished project will look like. For now, it’s a mystery (get it?).

After 23 years, the momentum of generosity has a path of its own.

Jody has already dropped off a carload as she does every year. June offered her annual monetary donation, and Kristina’s family is ready to shop for a family. The Joyful Gathering Spiritual Community in Voorhees is sending a check for food just in time for Thanksgiving. And Members of the Center for Conscious Living in Moorestown are gearing up to drop off or donate. All before I started my asking.

Given all that assistance, I’m left with one task. invite Toy and Teen Gift Elves to join the fun. Are you one?

Here’s a simple list of how you can contribute to the SisterHood Holiday Gift Drive.

1. Donate a quality, new toy or teen gift. Drop off at Soul Sanctuary BY FRIDAY DECEMBER 13TH.

Early drop off date this year as it takes a lot of time to organize the Family Bags.

2. Donate moohlah and I’ll shop for you. I’ll spend every penny you donate on the kids and will choose the most needed gifts (promise).

Pay Pal @kathymilanophd. Venmo: Kathleen-Milano-2 (note – NOT Kathy. I’m formal on Venmo). Put a note that it is for SisterHood. Please also text or email me so I know to look for your donation.

3. Become an Elf who gathers gifts and toys from family, friends, and colleagues.

That is a big need. Please see if it yours to fill.

4. Head to Moorestown Barnes and Noble and ask for the SisterHood Book Shelf.

Buy it and leave it. Double win as you also support this special place. In the days of Amazon, a big book store is a luxury. Let’s help keep it viable.

Any questions, don’t hesitate to email me. As always, my gratitude exceeds my asking. Just know you make a difference. Wherever you choose to ripple generosity this holiday, I send you thanks. This is a time where the generous giving from a place of love and trust in the abundance we share will benefit all of us.

Here’s the answer to the perfect Book Drive joke.

What’s the highest place in a school? The library! ‘Cause it’s full of stories. lol. Gotta love that kid.

There’s more than one teen making ripples in December. Annie Law is expanding her holiday offering with a harp concert at Soul Sanctuary on December 1st.

Join Mary and Annie Law for a free concert, original art sale, and a free group energy healing. It’s an all day fiesta with food, friends, art, music, and good vibes. Come shop for one of a kind high vibrational art. And be sure to give some love to Annie who is baking cookies and offering her heaven sent music. Just for you.

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

Feeling depressed about your life or the state of the world? Research has shown that a single thoughtful act of gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and a 35% reduction in symptoms of depression. Those effects disappear in 3 – 6 months so you’ve got to renew the effects with grateful action. That’s pretty specific, but you get the point. Consciously making thoughtful acts of appreciation lead to more happiness, less depression. Imagine if everyone in the world played this game. It begins with you.

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Wisdom in the Dark

It’s uncomfortable feeling the darkness within the belly, leaking into the day.

The waking to news that frightens, angers, and confuses you. This world gone astray. There is a longing to seek the light to chase the darkness. As if sunshine might polish circumstances into something more palatable. Shaping the story into something you can live within.

Don’t be so quick to chase the dark away.

There is wisdom within the depths of your body’s response. The power of anger, leaking of tears, flutter in the belly. Wisdom that whispers “Something is out of whack.” Knocking you off balance, unsettling your peace.

Opening the door for the mind to spin its tales. Strengthening your position, whatever it may be.

Activating a fearful future landscape that devastates your current wellbeing. Despair leading to withdrawal in order to protect. Agitation readying for a fight against that which you can not bear. Confusion as to why your fellow humans think so differently than you.

All stories are false. All stories are true. It’s how you live your stories that matters.

What if the sorrow, fear, anger, or disillusionment arrived to invite you into a deep, honest exchange? To welcome you within your stories about how the world should be. So, you may meet the storyteller within you and begin a dialogue.

Sitting within the early morning darkness, candle burning, a cup of tea, a cozy blanket. Perhaps a journal.

Here, you begin the dive within to find that which creates this sorrow that tugs at every aspect of your being. It doesn’t take much to enter the conversation for sorrow has a voice and it spills over with the heartbreak that has been contained within the body and masked by the stories.

You listen as sorrow speaks its anguish that the humans of the world have lost their way.

It begins with evidence garnered from one day of darkness, yet soon spreads to evidence of harm in all directions around the globe, throughout history, upon the planet. Including the harm done to self with judgement, dismissal of voice, and alienation of worthiness. The sorrow cries, allowing despair, disappointment, disillusionment to join the conversation. Emptying, the conversation slows as the body quiets, calmer now as the sorrow has been given its path of movement.

The sun rises, bathing the body in light. As it always does after the dark.

Allowing the eyes to see the beneficial presence of humans. Seeking in the light of day all that is helpful, generous, creative, and beautiful. This luminosity reveals what may not be noticed in the dark. Yet, it serves not as a source to eradicate discomfort. Nor shape deeply felt fear into something unimportant. The brilliance of day also reveals all that you judge, back away from, and condone as wrong.

Don’t be so quick to choose the light.

It is the turning away from that which is hidden in the dark that leads to misunderstanding and actions that harm.

Your wisdom calls you to the conversation with yourself before it sends you to share deeply with others.

What is your hope, determination, anxiety, or numbness wanting to share? Every experience has a voice and something wise to offer you.

Nature, which is your essence, models inclusion of every movement. Day gives way to night which returns itself to day. Seasons, amiss as they are, give way after allowing each to offer wisdom to those with eyes to see, ears to hear, and a body to sense. The moon dances through cycles of bright and dark, modeling the beauty and potential in each phase.

Wisdom is unpredictable and subtly changes the rhythm of the conversation.

Intelligent perception begins within the wholeness of what you’re experiencing. Inviting an inner dialogue where you discover that the stories you tell are true for you, until they are discovered to be false. Where you find yourself basking in the warm beauty revealed by despair and the breaking of the heart. Not only a place of suffering nor a refuge from pain, you journey within your darkness to discover the brightest felt sense of life. 

Here, you discover that both sorrow and joy matter. 

A lightness of being is possible within hard times and heaviness arrives even when circumstances are bright. These experiences arrive to be noticed, to offer something you may learn from and then choose to keep or discard. Moving in the rhythm of life, regardless of whether circumstances are to your liking or not, you recognize there is wisdom in insecurity and discomfort. 

There is no urgent need to deep dive into a dark that terrifies or to fly too close to the sun. 

Begin gently and with great kindness. Honor the wisdom that is being felt throughout your being, uncomfortable as it may be.

Don’t back too far away from yourself in order to mask that which feels disabling. There is potential in every movement of life, even though in times of discord it is difficult to see. Resist the urge to run helter skelter toward the light and proclaim it as the only power of good. 

The greatest potential for life lies within the wisdom of your being. 

Join with this rather than following the personal and societal stories of mind. When you can welcome uncertainty and discomfort as wise teachers, you welcome another rhythm. That which quietly hums a tune of harmony flowing within the dark and light of human existence. 

Listen carefully to the wisdom that whispers within you.

Steady and true, it leads you toward that perfect perception and inspired action which cultivates the love, respect, and generous care for every living being.

And if you haven’t downloaded The Self Soothe Strategy, now is a good time. It helps. A lot. Scroll down and get started. We need your calm.

 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions. 

HeartWarming

 News

When you despair about the harshness that humans display toward one another and the planet, take pause. In a crisis, look for the helpers, as Mr. Rogers’ mother sagely advised. The world is filled with hearts that are warm, minds that innovate, and communities that work together for the greater good of all life. Today, there is room for more benevolent and useful action. Even with a heart that is heavy, I wonder what you may offer to improve life on this planet. You are needed and it uplifts the soul to become part of a movement so generous, so loving, and so joyful that your despair lifts. And the planet lightens up. One person at a time.