Talk to Each Other So No One Is Alone in the Dark
It was a day of exquisite Fall beauty, poignant pain, and inspiring hope.
We stood among 600 people gathered at a local park for the 9th annual Out of the Darkness Walk. Many groups carrying photos of lovely humans or wearing t-shirts honoring those they lost to suicide. As people milled about, there were many smiles as people connected and volunteers happily welcoming walkers.
Palpable support and shared sorrow made serious minds and broken hearts lighter.
After checking in, we wandered through the bead garden. Colorful carnival bead necklaces hanging next to signs indicated their meaning. Different colors representing who you’ve lost: parent, friend, spouse, child. Beads to show support for those struggling with depression and rainbow beads to recognize the high risk of suicide for the LGBTQ+ community.
Choosing the beads was sobering. A visual montage of pain and loss.
I’m not going to share the high rate of depression or suicide in the United States. You can educate yourself if you choose. The fact that there is an American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and 11 Out of the Darkness Walks in New Jersey alone speaks loudly enough.
“There’s a lot of pain here,” I said to my husband. “Let’s focus on hope and healing.”
With that we turned to see a radiant young woman laughing with her family. We stood, basking in the sight of her vibrancy. When she turned to see us, we were swept up in hugs, laughter, and memory. A friend of my daughter’s, she went through a dark time as a teen. With love, support, and therapy, she not only made it through, she wanted to give something back.
At the tender age of 16, she organized the first Out of the Darkness Walk at this park.
As we caught up, her Dad shared how the first walk had 50 people, mostly family and friends. Each year, awareness spread and the group walking grew to a few hundred. Now in the 9th year, he proudly shared that she arranged it all and her family were just the set up crew. Parental pride and love radiated. Unspoken was the dim memory of fear and pain every family member and friend goes through when things go dark for someone they love.
This 9th year welcomed a surge in the numbers of walkers.
I’d like to share that really good marketing led to the high attendance, but it’s a sadder story. When a young one chooses this way out of their pain, it touches the community. There were a lot of colorful t-shirts for that precious one.
And $68,000 raised for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to support education, outreach, advocacy, and resources for those struggling with depression and scary, dark thoughts.
When you struggle, it's a good idea to reach out for support. Inviting light into the darkness.
Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to reach for help, to find those receptive, or to receive support.
When you’re depressed, it gets even harder. If you aren’t surrounded by helping forces, reach out to the 24 hour crisis and suicide support hotline. Dialing 988 gets you there.
As the walk began, hundreds of people stood quietly waiting until it was time to step onto the path. It was a reverent silence broken only by enthusiastic barking as canine walkers greeted one another. Without any invitation, it seemed as if people turned inward to focus upon their reason for being there. The hush remained when passing a woman sitting on a bench, her friend in a matching t-shirt leaning in with a smile while holding the back of her heart.
Leaning in as a steady presence. No words needed.
My husband and I looked at one another and nodded as we both said the name of our friend who was struggling. We knew there was steady love, support, and professional help surrounding that precious one. Gratefully, we were free to walk and enjoy the beautiful day. The quiet gave way to soft conversation and laughter as people talked and groups intermingled. My husband began sharing memories of the years we spent playing at that park. He asked if I that’s where my mind was going as well.
“I’m having flashbacks.”
My memories were a bit different. As I walked, a slideshow rapidly processed 40 years of the devastating impact of depression, suicidal ideation, and loss of life. I watched every image. Remembering teens, young adults, and parents who felt such loss. So many emergency calls, hours at crisis screening, visits to the hospital, and safety plans enacted. Traditional and creative interventions to protect life. So many professionals, family, and friends who leaned in to support. And for those who were lost, images of funerals and anguish of those left behind.
I walked in appreciation for every person who was able to move through their darkness.
I felt overwhelming gratitude for the levels of support that arrived to wrap each one. I prayed with those souls who left, knowing they found their light. I marveled at the resilience of human beings to move through extraordinary challenge and rediscover a life worth living. I prayed for those colored t-shirts and sign carriers knowing that they weren’t alone. This brought hope as I know the power of healing when support and love wrap those hurting.
I felt a loosening of the pain in the group. It was lifting as everyone walked and talked together on this beautiful day.
We noticed a woman walking alone before us. Recognizing her as one of the volunteers, we decide to move up and walk with her. It didn’t make sense for anyone to walk alone, especially this day. We enjoyed an easy, inspiring conversation. Uplifting her, inspiring us. At the end of the walk, we thanked each other. It went without saying that we all felt lighter after our time together.
We witnessed this beautiful young woman lead the closing ceremony, shared a hug, and headed home.
Recognizing it only takes one person, a teenager at that, to start a movement toward hope and the light. Grateful, inspired, and also aware that so many people are challenged by life.
It’s a human thing, not a mental health statistic.
What I know from 40 years of listening to people is that it makes a difference when someone leans toward you. Whether a stranger, a colleague, or a loving family member. It matters when you reach for each other. When things are hard, tell someone. If it’s not the right someone, because their response isn’t helpful, keep trying.
Imagine a world where people were interested in one another. Where we mined for light within one another, not darkness.
There is power in positive conversation. When you shine a light on someone and seek to learn something about what brings them to life, that’s what happens. They come to life. Brightening before your eyes. So do you. Feel good chemicals firing all over the place.
There’s a mental health epidemic going on in this country, especially with the young folks.
This is a human problem, not one left to families and mental health professionals to solve. So, what are you doing about it? I’ll give you a hint. Seek what is interesting, life affirming, enjoyable, and hope giving to those around you. Perhaps you have to first seek it in yourself. Forget talking about the weather, whether your teens are doing their chores, or how work is going. Ask some beautiful questions about what people enjoy, share some stories about your favorite adventures, or seek an area of common interest. I imagine you’ll learn something new and interesting.
When you are interested in others and elevate your conversations, things lighten up naturally.
Imagine how many times a day you speak to someone. Adding a smile and a mini chat generates more light than a bland ‘how are you?’ that isn’t really looking for an answer. It might take some practice and a strong awareness, as we humans tend to slip into a self absorbed spaces while traveling through the day. Showing a little interest (not too much or it’s creepy) and kindness may have an impact you’ll never see. Especially as people are so good at putting a happy face on private pain.
There is plenty of good happening in the world. Go look for it and share it freely. You see that hope abounds in so many dark places.
All because normal people like you lean in, take an interest, and place a hand upon someone else’s heart.
Peace be with you and with all. No exceptions.
HeartWarming
News
You aren’t alone even when you think you are. If your family, friends, or work colleagues aren’t available to help you for any reason, seek professional help. The crisis hotline can be reached by dialing 988. Every hospital emergency room is prepared to help when you feel suicidal. Mental health clinics are listed online. The Psychology Today website has a Find a Therapist page. If you need support, please seek it. You matter even when you don’t feel that way.
