The Thanksgiving Holiday is upon us in the United States.

Bringing families and friends together to share a meal with gratitude for the abundance of love, food, community, and pleasure. Unless tensions arise for any number of reasons. Perhaps you stress when hosting, families don’t get along, you are dealing with grief or loneliness, someone drinks too much, politics get dicey, or any number of ways your leftover childhood issues come uninvited to dinner.

Here’s four suggestions to lower your tension this turkey day.

1. Be Yourself

That might sound obvious, but it’s hard for people to be comfortable in their own skin when there is any kind of tension present. Family gatherings may be the one place you actually drop into yourself and feel at home. I’m happy for you. I’m also aware that a large number of people feel anxious in anticipation of all those inlaws and outlaws gathering in one place.

What if you decided ahead of time to show up as who you feel yourself to be?

If you’re used to wearing a mask or using strategies to protect yourself, why not let at least one of them drop off? If that sounds terrifying, try it out for a few minutes with the most benign person at dinner. Most people don’t notice you’re all masked up like its Halloween, so they won’t notice if you let just one layer loose.

As long as you feel safe enough, it’s an interesting game to play. After all, it’s up to you to step into your own skin, comfy or not, so perhaps you give yourself permission this year to begin.

2. Acknowledge your personal, family and or friend situation.

You all may be at peace, enthusiastic about your lives, and happy to stuff your face together. Or you may be in a terrible fight, hate being in a crowd, are deep in grief, or worried about that relative who has gone off the rails. Whether it is temporary or long standing, let it be that.

Wishing life was different or getting angry at others for being who they are, where they are, and how they’re behaving is gonna give you indigestion.

Deciding ahead of time to make peace with your situation or come to a temporary truce within yourself may allow you to take the edge off. With that mindset shift, you might actually find some beauty hidden in the day.

3. Remember to wear pants.

This is for anyone feeling the stress of hosting and trying to make a meal tasty and special for everyone. Worrying about how clean the house is, whether the turkey will be moist, or if you have enough matching place settings is beside the point. You’re hosting. Everyone else is grateful they are not.

It doesn’t need to be perfect and you don’t have to worry about everyone’s wellbeing. Don’t fry your brain over entertaining. Even if your guests are grumpy and silently judging your spread, they’re still eating your meal.

So, forget worrying about what other people think.