Bumping into Walls
I spent a week bumping into walls.
Actually I was a’bumpin’ for 11 days to tell the truth. Trying to fix a glitch that I myself had inadvertently created many years ago. Coming back to throw a wrench in what I see as my very important plan. I started out in my typical fashion.
Small tantrum. Own my mistake. Move on to solve it.
Except this time, I couldn’t. It seemed beyond me. And the 8 people I spoke to who (kindly) sent me on a wild goose chase. And the 4 hours of being on hold with constant advertisements broadcasting how helpful they were. Every conversation ended the same way. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”
So, I laid it down. Turned it over. Willing to let it be unsolved.
I wanted to be teachable. To explore what it was like to be within this wild goose chase. To be present as doors close even though this might have ramifications for me in the future. I wanted to trust the unfolding of the situation as part of Life’s perfection. I surrendered. I dropped in. I trusted.
Until 2 days passed and my tension built.
I’m used to solving the challenging circumstances of my life. I’m persistent in taking action. I seek creative solutions. I’m good at asking for help. I’m pleasant to service providers who reveal to me yet another frustrating dead end. All these ways are how I usually plod through or creatively skip around a challenge.
Day 10 and nothing working. So, I laid it down.
And, yes, for those inquiring minds who wondered if I checked in with my soul’s guidance, my Angels and guides, the many celestial resources to guide me. Yup. Nada. Well, not exactly nada. After a 2 1/2 hours of chasing my tail last week, I actually put my head in my hands as I sat at my desk.
In this position of giving it up once again, I heard my own voice quietly ask a series of questions.
The end result of that lovely conversation was that yes, I was perfectly safe and cared for in the moment. And, yes, the only problem that I could find was my own (crazy) thinking and my own (rigid) habit of trying to solve something that wasn’t within my control. (Note to self, adopt this position more often as it helps balance the energy and blood flow in the brain and frontal lobe.)
I wanted to be teachable. To explore what it was like to be within this wild goose chase.
So I gave up and took a meandering drive with my daughter.
We’ve been doing this a lot. Taking new roads. Getting lost. Finding familiar landmarks. Telling stories. Relating through music, silence, and conversations. It’s been lovely and free of tension. Nothing to solve.
We ventured upon something out of the ordinary.
I spotted a colorful hot air balloon flattened out on the ground. We pulled over and watched the process of blowing up the balloon. It was thrilling. I told her a story of chasing the hot air balloon as my parents soared over our neighborhood. And the balloon gradually lifted.
I saw the benefit of hot air.
The balloon righted itself and the basket floated a bit off the ground. A mini lift. Turns out they were out for a photo shoot. As the flame lit the air, the colors brightened against the darkening background. Even without liftoff, it was magical.
I woke up the next day with another idea.
Ready to try it and accept the outcome. Regardless of which way this thing went, I was done. So I let go of my hot air and dropped into magic of my moment.
Turns out I got lift off.
I’m left with a doorway to the next step. Whether I face a wild goose chase, a closed door, or an open path, I’m in for the ride. Albeit without so much of my own hot air (aka mental tension).
I’m left with a sense of deep gratitude for all who helped me over these 11 days.
So much kindness even when they closed the door. I think we’re in a time where kindness is a hot commodity. Especially as we bump into walls and wander blindly through this time of unknowing. I hope you experience plenty of kindness everywhere you turn. Most especially, I hope you are unfailingly kind to yourself in all of your moments of peace, worldly upsets, and self-created craziness.
Peace be with you and with all. No exceptions.
HeartWarming
News
Your moods shape your world because they determine whether you think obstacles are surmountable. Or not. Robert Thayer, a sociologist, recategorizes moods (good, bad, meh) into combinations of two states of arousal: tension and energy. Calm energy (high energy, low tension) are the best moods. While Tense Tiredness (low energy, high tension) match up with your worst kind of moods. Increasing awareness of your tension-energy combination may help get you out of a rut or help you maintain your pleasantness. Thayer’s research also found that a 10 minute walk was the best way to improve your mood.
