I think it’s a good time to practice the Goldilocks principle.

I first heard about this proposition when I was taking a shower in a hostel at a Pennsylvania state park. In that chilly group bathroom, I was busy questioning my sanity at the onset of a retreat with White Eagle Medicine Woman.

It didn’t start out all warm and fuzzy.  The first night our cars got stuck in the mud.  Hence a massive tow truck extravaganza was added to the schedule.  Followed by a night freezing in my bunk bed (one of 12 in a room).  I woke to check for spiders as the rustic hostel seemed to be held together by webs.

I prefer retreats at a comfy hotel with a luxurious view and not a spider in sight.  

Getting ready for the day, I firmly instructed my petulant mind to look for the good. Just then, my internal pep talk was interrupted by a clear, calm voice.

“Be Goldilocks. Not too big.  Not too small.  Be just right.”

All my resistance seemed to flow down the drain.  I got it.  Just show up as myself without my stories.  I could do that.  And it made all the difference.  I didn’t have to make anything fantastic or awful.  It was just as it was, leaving me free to experience a retreat that was filled with new situations, people, insights, and transformative potential.

When I tend to get lost in storytelling (or absorbing stories from the world at large), I often here this inner whisper.  “Be Goldilocks.” 

Now if you don’t know the fairy tale of Goldilocks and the 3 bears, this principle won’t make much sense.  For those who forgot or never knew Goldilocks, a girl wandered into the home of a mama bear, papa bear, and kid bear.  She explored their chairs (too big, too small, just right) and their porridge (too hot, too cold, just right) until she discovered her “just right” bed and took a nap. [And then they ate her.]  Just kidding.

Now you’re all caught up and ready to use the Goldilocks Principle for yourself.

So why is now a good time? Because you are living in a world with people who are either running around with their hair on fire, going full ostrich, or caring well for themselves and others.

Too big.  Too small.  Just right.

Your quality of life and the impact you are having on the world (near and far) depends on which story line you are living.    

I’m aiming for “just right,” although I find myself acting out a hair on fire or ostrich scenario from time to time. I think that is natural, just not very helpful.  (Well, a little ostrich may be really helpful, but more on that below.)

How are you doing with the news of the spreading COVID-19 virus?  

Have you checked?  Really checked within yourself to see what is happening in your mind, emotions, body, communications, and behavior?

It’s important to realize that your propensity to deal with stressful events is wired within your beliefs, behavior, and general response style. 

If you are a fearful person, you’re likely to experience greater fear now.  If you are an angry person, you may get riled up about the way the media, government, or your neighbor are handling the outbreak.  If you are a calm person, your response will include sturdiness and the intent to return to a calm center. If you’re avoidant, you may have gone full ostrich by now.

If you’re not looking within yourself, you are missing something vital to your wellbeing.  

“Who am I in relation to this current situation?”  This helpful question, offered by the spiritual teacher Thomas Huebl, points you within yourself.  Within your own style of responding.  It encourages you to own your response at all levels of your experience.

This self-assessment offers you valuable information and a map to a calmer, sturdier way of being. 

Imagine if you checked in with yourself and found you were anxious.  Afraid of where the outbreak would appear next. Nervous about going out.  Worried about your family and friends.  Preoccupied with watching the news and talking about what occurred today.  Spreading the updates about who was impacted and how. 

This response is totally understandable and even social encouraged at this time.  Yet, is it helpful?

Sure, it can be a bit helpful if it has you practicing good hygiene, avoiding crowded places, and eating well.  And it can be a lot harmful if you are preoccupied with this fearful news and speculation while flooding your body with cortisol and other stress hormones.  Not taking action to change this response – or getting help from others to guide you – will leave you in an anxious loop, wreaking havoc on your body-mind (and your immune system).

[Check out last week’s blog, Breathing Through It, to understand the debilitating effects of persistent stress and how to intervene.]

We live in an interconnected, interdependent world.

This has always been the case, but it is now experienced differently with the benefit of airplanes, international business, the internet, and social media. Everything affects everything.  Even if you don’t notice it.   

Everyone has a contribution to make here.  What’s yours?  

Eavesdropping on your own conversations is a powerful way to gather intel on how you are reacting to events.  How often does the topic of the virus come up in conversations and what is the flavor of that dialogue? Don’t miss your internal chatter as that is where the scary stories unfold rather quickly. 

With this knowledge, you can map a plan to navigate your internal response to external events.

You know the basic hygiene.  You know the state of your own health.  

I’m wiping down everything at Soul Sanctuary a lot.  It has never been cleaner.  (Plus I’m working some Light and Energy magic ’cause that clears the fear and negativity.)

I’m washing my hands in hot water and singing Happy Birthday twice as recommended. I’m gonna learn the words to the Macarena soon cause it’ll be more fun and I can wiggle my hips as I wash. 

And I’m supporting those who need to stay away from crowds and make wise choices due to health concerns.  All while encouraging them not to repeat the oft told story of how old folks or sick folks are really at risk.  Your stories have power.  Choose them well and encourage others to do the same.

Turn off the news. Fear and stress are contagious.

Television is hypnotic. Leaving you more susceptible to the type of information that flows to you. The media knows this. 

Ask yourself: Are news stations broadcasting calming, empowering strategies to care well for yourself and your neighbor? Or are they promoting fear, drama, and doom?  Why call this a deadly virus when 98% of people recover?  It scares you, hooks you, and keeps you watching.  

There’s a lot going on in the world.    

By that I mean your personal world and the global world we all share.  Fires. Viruses. Refugee Crisis. Political Mayhem. 

Plus lots of personal stressors. Current and historical.  Including the good kind.  

If we’re taking an honest look about (and within), we may recognize this has always been the case.  Tragedy.  Celebration. Break downs. New Explorations. Scary news. Heartwarming stories. Badness. Goodness. 

Life holds everything. It always will. 

Depending upon how you were raised and what you experienced, times of challenge may be experienced in different ways. 

If you walked on eggshells as a kid, you may be susceptible to walking on them now.

Unless you’ve retrained your system.  If you were helped to manage ups and downs with empowering strategies, positive mindset, and sturdy role models, you’ll likely experience more resilience.  Especially if you’ve taught yourself over time to flow more easily with everyday challenges or big scary world events. 

Everyone has the potential to “soothe their system” in the face of challenge. 

I view this as an essential skill on the path to sturdiness. 

Feeling steady within your being is a definite benefit regardless of whether you are facing a minor disruption to your wellbeing or feel you can’t hold your head above water one more moment. 

So how do you soothe your system?

Simple.  No matter what you are facing, you breathe through it.  The “it” in every case is the challenging experience (or group of triggering experiences) that you are facing when your anxiety, temper, heart rate, helplessness, or story telling escalates.

Breathing through it is a simple and effective technique. 

In fact, it’s so simple that a lot of folks dismiss it in favor of allowing the mind to run willy nilly, dragging the body along for the ride.  I hope you aren’t one of those people. 

Let’s break it down. 

Your stress response system was designed to keep you alive and procreating.  Since you are part of the human race, it looks like that goal is being accomplished.

When faced with a threat, this system uses a multistep process to send forth the first responder hormones adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol.  You know the drill – you have a surge of energy and greater focus so that you can run away or fight the threat. 

Trouble is, most of these tigers and pirates live in our minds – replaying like age old dramas or remakes of age old dramas. 

When a car cuts you off on the highway, the fast flowing adrenaline helps you react swiftly.  And the body allows the stress hormones to process through your system.  You feel the recovery as your heartbeat and breath pattern return to normal and the heat in your body subsides. 

Whew!  Dodged a disaster and off you go, singing show tunes. 

Unless of course, you keep replaying the scene and your upset over in your mind.  In that case, the stress hormones keep pumping and you keep being disturbed. (Who’s the pirate now?)

It is rare that you face an actual threat.  Most stress arrives by way of your fixation on the tigers and pirates who show up as deadlines, bosses, disappointing people, illness, financial stress, and replays of the past hurts of your life.

And when there is worrying and rumination, your body continually releases cortisol. 

This is all too common in the hectic, connected world you live in. Unfortunately, cortisol as a habit can suppress the immune system, increase sugar and blood pressure, contribute to weight gain, disrupt sleep, produce acne, and generally disrupt a felt sense of sturdy wellbeing.

Too much worrying and stressing, without the presence of actual tigers and pirates, keeps you walking on eggshells. 

Here’s the good news.  You have the power to change that. 

Even if your stress response system is hyper alert after years of vigilance (due perhaps to real threat if abuse of any kind was present in your environment).  Understanding the protective intent of a system which has become habitually overactive allows you to release judgement and just breathe.